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My blogging took a backseat to papercrafting yesterday. I know there are a lot of people who just don't "get" this thing I have with paper, plain or polkadot. But it's more than that to me. It's something that goes much deeper- back to kindergarten and first grade, when I remember being so proud of getting S+ and Os for grades in things such as cutting and basic art. It has to do with an inner characteristic that exists and gets jazzed up inside me when holiday times come around, or any other idea that comes to mind that can be recreated in reality. For me the fun started when I realized I could pull out a bunny from my great big book of clipart and do something with the silouette. One thing led to another and before I knew it I had an arrangement of bunny cards ready to pop in the mail to say "Happy Easter/Springtime" to some of my family and various friends.It makes me happy to make stuff- especially when that stuff includes Heidi Swapp photo corners and 3-D embellishments like the cottonball tail on these bunnies. Can't you just feel the love in these simple little cards?! You should, because Bella sat up with me gluing and cutting and "helping" until 11:30 pm. She's my budding obsessive crafter/artist, which of course, I will only continue to encourage her to pursue.My point here today, besides mentioning how much I love mail, is that we all have something in life that we enjoy doing. As much as I am good at math, I'd go crazy sitting at a desk doing accounting all day long. Yet I know people who love that line of work. Others people love to compete- and they fuel themselves by preparing for sporting events. I get worn out just thinking of what actually goes into running a marathon!One of the fun things for me to see through this blog is the diversity we all posess. Every person in this world has something to offer. Spring is the season of new beginnings and fresh starts. I encourage you to do something in your own life that taps into the thing that you "shine" at. That thing that gets your heart pumped just thinking about it. You know what it is in your life. Maybe you do it everyday- if you're lucky it's your job and you get paid doing what you love. Consider yourself blessed. If it's not your job and you haven't enjoyed your special talent or gift in life for awhile, I challenge you to carve out time in your schedule to do something that makes you happy- just because. It may be really simple- like my bunny cards- but it will do good for your heart and soul. And doing good things for my heart and soul always creates some sort of positive ripple effect in my life. Some of you will be getting some mail soon. I hope you enjoy the ripple.
Okay. There was a glitch in the system. Now it's back to normal, but at one point there were two of the same posts here. The second post wouldn't allow comments. Thanks to those of you for contacting me and sharing your thoughts by regular email instead!Here's an update to my previous post just hours ago.To keep my reality in check, Bella was in true form this morning. She did the whole run with her arms open for a hug this morning, but then things took a major turn from sweetness. She normally does very well in the bathroom by herself, but this morning as I helped her two sisters get changed and dressed, Bella took it upon herself to take her jammies off and then she proceeded to dangle the pants in the toilet.I stepped around the corner of the door to check on her and this is what I saw. She looked up at me and said, "Um." I said, "Um....what are you doing?" (See Chip? Most moms would be freaking out yelling at this point. No. Not me. I just said, Um....what are you doing. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she had a really good reason to be sticking her pants in the toilet. Turns out she didn't- but the point is I could have lost it. Really. It would have been justified at 9:45 am. I just happen to have a high tolerance for obscure behavior and a bit of patience to boot.)Bella just stood there. Then she said, "I'm cleaning my jammies." I said, "We don't clean our jammies in the toilet- ever, okay?" She hands the last dry corner of one pantleg to me and said, "Okay." Then I wanted to make sure that her 3-year old "Okay." meant, "Yes, Mommy. I totally get it. I will never stick my pants or any other clothes in the toilet again. Okay." So I tested her. "Bella, where will you never dangle any of your clothes again", I asked. "Um. I don't know", she answered. "In the toilet?" I suggested. "Oh...in the toilet." she replied. Once more, just because I wasn't so thrilled with the amount of coaxing I had had to do in the previous test, I tried again. "Bella, is the toilet a place where you are ever gonna put your clothes inside? Think for a second about this. Do you think Mommy wants you to put clothes into the toilet?" "No, Mommy. It's not a great idea to put jammies in the toilet. You can clean 'em in the wash." I smiled. "Thanks Bella. You're so smart. Now Mommy is going to do some laundry. Is that a good idea?" She jumped up and down twice while saying, "Yeah!"I'm so glad I can blog about the joys of parenting. Oh yeah. I love it all. Especially when you realize that your kid has just learned a valuable life lesson and it's not even noon yet. Love that!
Being a mom, as all of you moms already know, is life's biggest juggling act. It is my standing disclaimer here at Nitty.Gritty. that I am not an expert or sometimes even qualified in this arena of parenting, I simply have a lot of kids- which means I am experienced and have a few good tips. On the good days I can come here and brag to the world in picture and in word. On the bad days I am doing everything within my power not to chop my own head off and give up. Of course it's a disgusting thought- and I would never come close to doing something like that for real (I'm much too cool of a mom for THAT!), but life gets harried around here at times. Even striking a yoga pose and humming a monotone note with my eyes shut while breathing through my nose wouldn't bring things back to normal at times. Yet there's something about kids that makes you want to try. To try to be great- even in the day to day.So today I am giving Bella her rightful blogspace- as Brock had his pancake post and Ava and Wyndham had their recent spotlights as well. I've got friends and family who check here for pictures and updates- so I'm being "fair and balanced" as a mom. [Incidentally, if you like fair and balanced journalism, you can check out www.foxnews.com for more of that subject.]I couldn't help but pull out a photo of Teagan at the same time I give you Isabella- so that you can see the striking resemblance they share for yourself. It still stops me in my tracks on occasion, when I find Bella with a certain look or mannerism that was so "Teagan" at that same age. While Bella will never fill her big sister's shoes, I do look at her at times as my sort of "bonus kid", in that Chip and I were not even remotely thinking of more kids in our life when we found out we were pregnant with Bella. I did pray long and hard for another girl once I found out I was going to have another baby...but believe me, I never expected to get one with so many shared features to Teagan. Bella has been a big reason I'm the person I am today- post tragedy- with happiness and joy in life. She has been one of the reasons I've wanted to breathe again and experience the goodness life still affords to me.Although keeping up with her energy and enthusiasm for even the little things in life can be exhausting (like her not going to bed until roughly 10:30 - 11:30 most nights),I can't help but love everything about her. I love the way she comes running to me in the morning with her arms open wide to give me a tight hug. I love the glint in her eye; the way she smiles mischieveously when she's planning her next adventure. I love that when she's being scolded she says through her tears, "I want to be a nice girl". She has a big heart. She has the energy to match and it makes my job enormous and full everyday. Bella, along with the rest of the gang in my house, is the reason I strive to be my best. I don't deserve all I've been given. But I recognize the gifts in my life. And I a realize my good fortune of being a part of theirs everyday.
I basically stole the title of this post from Jack Nicholson's line to Helen Hunt in the movie, "As Good as it Gets". But, you know, it's so true. For the rest of my life I don't think I can ever tell too much about Wyndham that I will tire of her story. How does a person get sick of talking about a miracle?! From age 3 weeks, Wyndham has had to fight for her life- literally at times. She's small in stature, but she makes up for it in perseverance and heart. I snapped these pictures over the weekend. They make me smile; I think they should make you smile- even if you aren't her mother.You see, a year ago at this time Wyndham was only crawling on her hands and knees to get around. She could stand steady, only if she were leaning against a wall. She had just learned to climb up the stairs, but she couldn't go down the stairs. She was rarely letting us know if she had preferences of any kind. For example, if she were hungry, even though she knew some basic signs, she wouldn't let us know she wanted something to eat. She wouldn't fuss or cry or throw a fit. She would simply wait for us to bring it up or wait until mealtime.These pictures give you a small glimpse of just how far she has come. She is in a wonderful rehab program and has therapy three times a week. (occupational, physical and speech therapy) All the hours she logs there are obviously paying off. Wyndham is walking independently, she is signing much more often, and in one picture, she even got her own little cup from the cupboard and poured herself a drink from the spout on the refrigerator. I was so proud of her! I wonder just how proud she is inside herself. I know she understands that she has certain limitations in life. What she'll never know is how much she inspires me every single day. Some people will never witness a miracle in their life. I get to live with one everyday. And sometimes it's nice to share my good fortune with people like you.
Good thing I love weddings, because basically from now until October I will be going to at least one wedding reception each weekend, and sometimes two! I work at a golf club which is host to these receptions and so I show up, help with last minute setting up, coordinate with the caterer and musicians, as well as tend bar. It is a fun job for me because I get to see how each bride has such different taste in decorations, formalwear and the cakes can be an event in themselves. So, if you find me slacking on the ol' Nitty.Gritty. blog on Friday and Saturday nights- most likely it's because I'm off watching the bridal party dancing up a storm or trying to keep the groomsmen from having too much fun! If you love looking at wedding stuff as much as I do you can click over to www.emilystreet.com for some couture veils; I also love thumbing through Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine for great design ideas- I look at how I can turn "wedding stuff" into "other stuff"...like party favors for a kids birthday or how I can talk my hubby into dressing in 60's or 70's vintage clothing along with me and the kids on location for a funky family photo. See the retro layout in the current Weddings issue for the effect I'm going for. And of course, if we ever do the "flashback family shoot" I will post photos here first! Now, I'm off to get ready for a wedding reception. How lucky am I?!
Money. Dinero. Moolah. Cash. Pounds. Francs... No matter what you call it, this stuff is a big part of the lives of most people in the world- particularly Americans. Why you would take my advice concerning money, I don't know. Maybe because I look a little bit like Suze Orman. I will say upfront that I am not trained in financial advising. I have strong opinions on money and how it should be handled- but I am not a professional in any way, shape or form as far as dollars are concerned. So what you read here should be taken as my opinion and regarded (or disregarded) as such.I'm not sure if it's the fact that taxes are due soon, or what, but I've decided to post some of my personal Nitty.Gritty. thoughts on money here for you to read. First of all, I want to say that I truly believe that much of the way we feel about money in life comes from the way we were raised in it. My childhood experiences with cash- earning it, saving it, spending it, donating it- all of that influenced me deeply as to how I view it today. I was brought up with very conservative, traditional views of money. I opened a CD account and had a savings account by the time I was in third grade. I remember being so proud of the fact that I had my name printed on deposit slips with the logo from ZAPP bank. I did a lot of babysitting in my neighborhood and I earned quite a bit of money through junior high and high school. (I found waiting tables to be much more profitable than babysitting!)After putting 10% in the offering on Sundays at church, most of the rest of my earnings I put into savings. I loved to watch my account grow. I got my first credit card when I was in 10th or 11th grade- I rarely used it, but my dad thought it would be good for me to establish a credit rating. I would buy gas for the car, or charge a few necessities when I was at Target, and then each month I paid off my full balance. Having a credit card was a pretty simple thing in my life. I don't even think I realized it could get me into trouble. I understood that I should only buy things in life that I could pay for in the end. I never thought to buy something "big" just to have it, or to pay for it over a series of months. If I really wanted a big item, I saved enough money for it and then purchased it, or decided if I really wanted to use some of the money in my savings account to buy it outright. That is how I did it for years.Then reality hit as I had to take out a student loan as a senior in college. My money innocence came to a screeching halt as I learned what interest was...and not the kind I had been used to earning on those CDs I had put away as a kid. Life just sort of kept happening, and next there was an engagment, paying for wedding/honeymoon expense. Then came a monthly townhome payment, and car expenses and insurance. I had to sort of undo the concepts I had lived with for so long and accept the fact that sometimes you can't quite pay off a full credit card bill. I grew to understand what "worry" had to do with money. Most often I brought it upon myself, and most often it was needless worry. The kind that I let affect my moods somedays, or that I tossed and turned about before falling asleep at night- only to find that each month it somehow worked out alright, and I would feel bad that I had even wasted time and spent energy worrying about this money thing.So this is what has been on my mind off and on in recent days. The tragedy of my life has certainly affected almost everypart of my life- and I realized it even affected my attitudes and beliefs about money. I realize that I rarely "worry" about money anymore. Or at least not in the way I had before my life changed so dramatically. I've thought it about it alot. I don't think anybody has ever died directly because of money. They may have died because someone wanted their money, or that they owed a big gambling debt, or a host of other things- but that all happened as a result of the choices they made (or someone else made) concerning money.I think I've learned that money is only as important as we allow it to be in our lives. I think that too many times people focus on money as the issue or matter at hand- when in reality there is a driving force behind that issue; usually it is not money-related at all.I'm not here to solve money issues, or to tell you how to spend or save your cash. I simply am spilling my personal thoughts on this subject and maybe I will come back to this topic again sometime. I am happy to say that money doesn't control my life or {most of} the choices I make. It is a part of my life, but it doesn't affect how much sleep I do or do not get at night. It doesn't make me better than you, or less of a person to you. I hope I make good decisions with my money that enhance my life and make me a better person. Whether it means saving it, spending it, or giving it to other people or organizations that really need it. I think this world needs a money reality-check. The cool thing is that we can each start by looking at money in our own lives. Don't ask me to solve the problem of our nation's national debt! I don't claim to have the answer- just a little insight into what's important in this life. And for me it's not always money! You are more than welcome to agree or disagree with me on this topic. It's my Nitty.Gritty. dollar day today. That's all for now.
Last night I was glued to the television until 1:00am- totally out of character for me to do so. I found myself mesmerized by a series of shows on TLC about pediatric specialists reconstructing faces and skulls of kids born with abnormalties or other various facial traumas and growth.Having been through my own medical experiences I find these particular shows very engaging. In part, it makes me realize there are other people and families out there going through more than I. It also jolts me back in the reality of my own life- which sometimes doesn't look so glamorous in the day to day living on the inside of it.This series of shows, "Born Without a Face" and "FaceMakers" showed me just how blessed I am with the condition of my kids- including Wyndham. It is inspiring to me to watch another set of parents living out what I have claimed to be true in my own life. That being- we don't always get to choose what comes our way, good or bad, but we have the choice to make the best of any situation. It is amazing to see the strength and the courage that people have when faced with the most difficult situations thrown at them. I'm not the only one who has walked a bumpy road in life and found ways to smile along the path. Click to read about Juliana's story or to see the
picture of this little girl. She is a living reminder that joy can come in the midst of brokeness and challenge. I will think of her when I start thinking I have it so rough. Kind of makes one realize just how lucky and easy we have it in life...and too often we take it for granted. I hope you appreciate your life a little bit more today.
I have struggled to get Ava to smile for me when I snap pictures of her for about the past year now. She turns her head away, closes her eyes, or just plain won't smile. Smart as I am, I am happy to say that I finally figured her out. At least as far as pictures go. I'm still trying to understand her recent fascination with dumping Lucky Charms out of the box and crushing them all over- usually on my bed. But, this picture thing is a non-issue now. Yep. After a year of fighting her for a smile I found that I simply have to take the picture when she is doing something she shouldn't be doing. Like jumping on the couch- or thinking of dumping the cereal. Then this little chi-chi is all smiles! Now I just need to work on my photography skills and we'll be golden!
I didn't intend for this to be the follow-up post to my thoughts on Oprah yesterday, it just happened this morning so here it is for you today. In case it ever happens that I get dragged onto a show like "Dr. Phil", I will have proof in pictures, that my children didn't have an awful childhood.I am hoping that my mothering will actually produce happy, well-adjusted, contributing members of society, but one never knows for sure. So, today when I mixed up pancake batter for breakfast I found myself AND all four kids in such a great mood that I not only made the enhanced pancake recipe off the side of the Bisquick box- I also poured the batter out into letters and shapes too. For you die-hard scrappers- you are probably smiling, like I was earlier, when I made the pancake collage and imagined the newest CK Pancake Batter Font. Like the Heidi Swapp Kitchen-Aid, it has not yet hit the market...but I've sure got the ideas flowing around here lately! Wait til I get home from my weekend Scrap Event!Back to my thoughts on pancakes...You never know if your kids are really getting all that you do for them and how much you would sacrifice in your life for the sake of their happiness and well-being. I was the person who never, EVER wanted kids- I think deep down I knew just how much was involved with raising great ones- and in my early twenties I decided I was not among the chosen who should take on such responsibilty. You should applaud me for being so young- and yet so in tune with my inner self and my abilities!Flash forward 10/15 years and here I am asking my kids if they want their pancake letters "serif or sans serif". [I told you I was obsessed with fonts! It's just a part of me...it's a minor thing in the big picture of parenting- so just let it go for now.] I was thinking back to the memories I have of my mom making 'initial pancakes' for breakfast. It was something she did to make being a kid fun at that moment...and now I realize she did it because she cared about us having a great life. It takes maybe an extra minute or two in the overall scheme of breakfast. But in the overall memories of childhood it actually means so much more. I realized today, as I poured out the pancake batter in the shape of a star that I was so blessed with my family and all the things that made up my childhood experiences. I don't think I've been appreciative enough for how simple and yet, wonderful it really was. I had two parents who loved each other and my siblings so much. I can't think of a single time in which they fought or argued in front of us. They gave us rules and discipline and boundaries- and at the same time they gave us love and rewards and freedom. I can only hope that as much as my kids enjoyed their pancakes at breakfast, that they will someday grow up to appreciate that it was more than just my love of letters and shapes. It was more than just my desire for them to have a good time at breakfast. It is my longing for them to recognize their value, worth and potential. And my dream for them to be able to live that out however they choose to do so. Yes, that's a picture of my son, Brock, enjoying his "B" pancake and strawberries...and playing GameBoy Advance too. And no, it's not even 10 am yet. I guess that's how balance looks in my home at breakfast at this point in my life. That's my Nitty.Gritty. thoughts on pancakes.
Here's hoping that this link works to send you over to the Oprah archives-
so you don't have to go searching for it yourself. Oh yeah...been with blogger about 6 months now and am just getting the hang of adding links into my posts. Watch out for me now!
----Four years ago the furniture in my living room got rearranged so that Chip and I could sit down for a two hour interview with a producer from the Oprah Show. I had emailed a short note in response to the question posed on the Oprah website asking, "Have you forgiven a horrible crime?" I had no idea we would be taping video the next day...and then be whisked off to Chicago to share our story in studio with Oprah and her audience the next day. It all happened so fast. I do remember how gracious and courteous everyone of her staff were to me and my family. I remember how warm and genuine Oprah felt when we met her onstage for the first time. She seemed so sincere in what she had to say to us...it didn't "feel" like just a tv show.I've watched our show "Incredible Stories of Forgiveness" several times since it originally aired in April 2002. I, of course, wish I could tape a do-over show now, four years later, having grown and experienced and lived- with joy again- because I think it would be a whole new story. I look so sad and serious- it doesn't even really look like me when I watch that tape.I guess that it's a true testament that what we said about forgiveness and our ability to look forward to the rest of our lives was actually true in our hearts as well. I think there were people who doubted what Chip and I were saying back then. They didn't understand how we could truly forgive someone who claimed the life of Teagan. They didn't think that we would actually live out what we were claiming in our lives.But here we are, four years later, and the fact that we were able to forgive and move on has been the singlemost important factor in finding purpose and joy and renewal in life. We believe, without a doubt, that we will see Teagan again in Heaven someday. We know that it wasn't fair that she was killed so young, and in the way she died. Yet, we found that forgiveness allowed us to start the healing process that our hearts so desprately needed after our tragedy. We found we weren't so consumed with anger about what happened. Sure, there are times when we look back and say we wish things hadn't happened the way they did. We were very happy and blessed with our lives back then. We have struggled and yelled and cried and hated our reality at times...but in those moments we've learned new things. We've learned that you can turn your pain into something positive. We've learned that if you are willing to believe, in the midst of hurt, good things can happen- they will. We've learned that life has it's dark moments- but they only last as long as you keep hanging on to them. When I look back at all that has happened, I see that we've had choices all along the way- some of them have not been very easy choices to make. In each instance, when we've chosen the path of love or hope or simply looked ahead, instead of looking back, we've experienced growth, contentment and goodness. It's still amazing to me that we have that kind of power within ourselves- that we can in essence "create our own destiny." Chip and I had no idea we were "writing" a story that would one day be told to a global audience. We had no idea that simply saying you forgive someone, and then actually living the reality of those words could impact our own lives and countless others.I am grateful, as I reflect on that opportunity that somehow came our way, through Oprah and her staff. It was a whirlwind doing the inhome video, shooting various places around our town, flying to Chicago and then being on stage with Oprah the next day. It happened so fast- and it was a wonderful experience. Especially now as I reflect upon it, years later, and see just how far we've come!{If you'd like to see some highlights and a video clip of our show, go to Oprah.com and do a search using the words, Incredible Stories of Forgiveness} And I still remember being able to eat breakfast the morning we were headed to the studio to tape with Oprah. I had Vanilla Bean French Toast...it was warm and delicious! I can't believe that in itself didn't have me smiling on camera more- but I guess my emotions took over. You can bet I'd have some smiles if I were on Oprah today! That's my Nitty.Gritty. trip down memory lane for this Monday. Have a sweet one.
If you haven't seen God lately or heard from Him, it's probably not because He's not there. Most likely it's because you haven't been looking or listening. It still blows my mind everytime I think about how much God cares about little ol' me. That thought alone makes my toughest moments in life bearable. I couldn't walk through this life without Him!
Staying grounded in my life means that I have to connect with God and keep focused on what truly matters in my life. If you were to count the number of times that I whisper a prayer throughout my day, you would think that I was trying to earn my sainthood status. It's no secret here that I live my life in light of Heaven. I live knowing that there is an endpoint- that God created me for a purpose, that God wants my heart and my worship- which on any given day or at any moment- looks like different things. For me it doesn't just happen Sunday morning in church. In fact, sometimes during my week I worship more in my heart rinsing dishes as I load them into my dishwasher, than I do in my heart on Sunday morning.Last night, after washing three little girls' hair, I plugged my keyboard into the outlet in front of the bathroom door, and worshipped God while they finished splashing in the tub for 20 minutes. The more they splashed, the louder I sang. They laughed and played and I imagined what it will be like to glimpse Heaven for the first time.If you haven't imagined what Heaven will be like- I invite you to think about it at some point this weekend. Maybe some spring flowers are starting to pop out of the ground in your yard. Or maybe your life is so full of chaos and stress that you can't handle one more thing on your plate. I invite you to turn your focus to God for a few minutes and see life from a different vantage point. It's amazing to me how looking at life from God's point of view, can put my life back into place.It puts a little spark into my day- even in the middle of wet bath towels and drippy kids. God will meet you anywhere. I think sometimes He even enjoys bathtime and doing the dishes with us. We just don't think to enjoy His presence here as often as we should. I wonder where He's gonna meet me in my day today?! Goodness knows I can use Him... that's what keeps me grounded.
I must have a little bit of Scrap Etc Event on my mind, so bear with me. Actually some of you die-hard scrappers will probably be ready to head to heidiswapp.com to place your order for this item- I know what you people are like. If it's funky and new- you just gotta have it!Hold on for a minute. This is just another design idea I made up in Photoshop this morning. If I had more time I would have done the mixer in a cool, custom pattern, but after yesterday's post I realize I have more important tasks at hand. I am totally digging the idea of designer kitchenaid mixers- even beyond the 240 colors that already exist. I can totally picture a turquoise/orange/green paisley print mixer on my counter. Or a brown and pink polka dot one. How fun would that be to make big batches of buttercream in?!!! And of course I would dig a matching Nitty.Gritty. mixer to go with my tumbler. That would take the cake.In thinking about and learning some of what is involved with this scrap event I am attending next month I find I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. In a good way, I guess, but still a bit uncertain about what to expect. I love paper and embellishments and design stuff and even different kinds of adhesive... but I'm not really a scrap person at heart. I've only made 2 actual paper layouts in my life. I've done some digital scrapping and I've made plenty of handmade cards- but this event is going to be intense. Here's a good analogy to convey what I am feeling. I have logged a lot of hours in hospitals and ER visits the past few years, and I am fairly comfortable in hospital settings considering how many trips I've taken there. I know generally what to expect when I step through the doors of a medical facility. However, you won't find me performing surgery or even taking vitals. I'm usually more of an onlooker. That's how I feel about this event.I can tell you that I'm excited about it. I know I'm going to have a great time. I just have this weird feeling other people will wonder what I'm doing there. I'm scared that I may get kicked out of class for not staying on task or finishing a project.Speaking of project, someone commented that I look like Heidi Swapp- which I take as a major compliment~ so I think I might just make a t-shirt that reads "No. I'm not heidi swapp." =)To all of you non-scrappers, maybe one day you'll understand all this designer-fun I'm having!!!
I have had several nice emails that alude to the fact that I am some supermom that has it altogether. Today I am writing, first, to dispell any myths that you are believing to be true about me in regards to this matter, and secondly, to tell you where I am coming from and what drives me to do what I do. I hope you take this the way I intend it to come off- not as boasting....I am totally NOT boasting about myself. I simply want to share a little bit of how my life "works".I am a busy mom of 4 kids at home, ages 7, 5, 3 1/2, and just turned 2. My 5 year old has developmental delays and special needs. So, that in itself, if you are at all familiar with child-rearing is a daily challenge and definitely a full-time job.I have a great support system in my husband and nanny/friend at home. Chip and Rachael help me out in so many things- they carry a lot of the work load that comes from a busy home and schedule; I couldn't do what I do without them. I appreciate all the extra things they do, the little things- like dropping Brock off at school each morning or emptying the dishwasher at night- these things allow me to have my morning quiet time and blog time too. After the death of my daughter, Teagan, I struggled with so many things as you can imagine, and one of the biggest things was that what had mattered in my life prior to our accident, suddenly lost all meaning. Things like vacuuming the floor, or making the bed. Really earth-shattering details, I know. I happened to have been raised by parents who took pride in our home and how we cared for our things and ourselves. Not in an obsessive or glamorous way, but we tried to keep our place neat- we didn't jump on furniture or let the dishes pile up in the sink, or have junk all over inside our cars. I was really torn after our incident- how the idea of homekeeping and self-care suddenly lost it's purpose. I struggled with finding some sort of balance between my grief and heartache, and the fact that life still had to go on.I don't remember exactly what it was that realigned my focus; it was probably a combination of time, attitude, and my hubby pushing me to accept the reality of my life.I realized at some point then, that there were things in my life that seemed meaningless, but they still had to be done. I decided one morning to look at my life as a job- meaning mothering and keeping house and all the routine that goes into that. I realized how much I missed Teagan and that nothing in my life was more important than being a mom and wife. I realized that God had given me my family and that in reality I was being who He wanted me to be. I felt like I was "working" for Him. I think it helped to refocus my priorities in life. I decided I was going to get up each morning and be the best person I could be that day, whether it meant making beds, meals and folding laundry, or giving a statment in court before the local judged handed down the sentence to the woman who killed Teagan. I thought about it this way- if I were working outside my home (which I do as an event coordinator at weddings), I would probably go to work and do my best each day. I would want to impress my boss and coworkers and feel good about what I was doing. I would probably try to earn bonuses or get meet goals...all in the best interest of myself and the people I would be working for. I translated these thoughts into what I was doing at home. Afterall, don't I love my husband and kids 100 times more than coworkers? Of course! So why not try to do my best for them each day?! This is the attitude I live with each day. But it's important for you to know that I do not always have a perfectly clean home, or 100% happy kids {or hubby!}, or a giddy attitude about dust bunnies and piles of dirty laundry. What I have is satsifaction that I am doing my best and that it does matter, to God and to my family, how well I manage myself and our home. Somedays I would win "Employee of the Year award", and somedays I think I should resign from my position- I'm underqualified.I do know that God gives me strength to do what needs to get done, He gives me the choice to do the work with a cheery attitude (or not), and He loves me even when I fail at my attempts to be a great wife and mom. I'll admit I still need to work on consistency- somedays I say, "There is more to life than crumbs, so let's just enjoy the moment"...and another day I'm about to go nuts if one more thing gets thrown on the floor. I'm a woman, I have hormones and good and bad days and all that stuff- so it's bound to happen.The good thing is that each day is a new opportunity for me to do it all again~ this time even better! Now, I best go get my bathroom cleaned up and I think I'll start a load of laundry too!
In case the suspense is killing you, I thought I'd be nice and tell you all that I have received several emails to my new inbox and so three of you lucky people will be getting some real-life Nitty.Gritty. mail. I have to go back to yahoo and check out those names- but in the meantime, if you still feel the need to send me email, you can still send your address, because you never know when I might send you something for no reason at all. Actually it would be because I just really like mail- plus some weeks I am short on good deeds...and sending random Nitty.Gritty. mail would be the ticket for me in that department.That paragraph was supposed to be the [short] part of this post. Here is the [sweet] part. If you have toddlers you probably have had issues with foods they like or dislike. If they are anything like my kids- they love stuff with sugar in it. I am pleased to tell you that I came across something that contains NO SUGAR...and my kids will eat it. Get this! Their Hello Kitty Toothpaste has a note on the back side which says, "Contains no sugar." I am so glad to know this- first, that I haven't been scrubbing sugar into their teeth every night at bedtime. That is a load off of my mind. And second, I know my kids are developing good eating habits- I mean this stuff has no sugar and they'll eat it! By the way, don't worry and email me the hotline to poison control...these kids don't eat it every night, and when they do it is a pea-sized amount. Their health is not in jeopardy from brushing. As long as I'm on the topic of kids' eating habits- do you think we could start something- like banding together and as a group getting companies to create tasty and fun kids foods? I'm thinking in particular of Pop-Tarts. There are like a million flavors out there... and though they tout themselves as a breakfast item- these things barely, if at all, qualify for breakfast food. Don't get me wrong, I probably have at least two varieties in my cupboard right now, but among the hundred different flavors- about 3 of them are breakfast and/or healthy. Have you seen the latest? Like Strawberry Milkshake, Cookie Dough, or that new 'Retro Wild-Blue Smurfberry' one. (Okay, I admit, I made that last one up.) I guess where I'm going with this is how come they can't make a tasty stripey Broccoli/Cauliflower Pop tart? Or even a simple Peanut butter and jelly kind? I bet the moms would dig this stuff...and we wouldn't feel so bad about forcing our kids to eat their veggies.Maybe there are some Kellogg CEO's who read blogs. They'd be smart to enter keyword 'Pop-Tart' and read through the post here.I'm about through with this "quick" post now... and I have a weird craving for a Smurfy Pop-Tart! Gotta run!
It has come to my attention this past week that I have not been receiving all of my emails for some unknown reason. I feel badly about this and am wondering how many of you out there think that I am some sort of stuck-up snob who can't return a well-intended note. Honestly. I'm really not normally a jerk on purpose- except to the telemarketers that call me right at 5:08pm and my 4 kids are running circles around me practically gnawing my legs off because they just realized at 5:00pm sharp that they are famished. You know- it's probably been at least 22-26 minutes since they ate or dumped the last snack that I fed them on the floor- so they're really, truly hungry by 5:08!Moreover, most of you know that I have a weird obsession with mail. I love getting it, sending it, decorating packages with big colorful return labels, waiting for it, reading it, rereading it...in short, I just like mail. It may be an obsession- but it's one that I have well under control- I am not even on any medication for it or anything. It's perfectly normal and healthy.So, to feed this small obsession and to hopefully curb the problem of not getting certain emails, I created a new email account for myself today. I am excited to post my address here... and I hope that you are as excited to see it for yourself. In fact, I've decided that the first 3 people to send me email at my NEW EMAIL ADDRESS will get a personal, handwritten piece of Nitty.Gritty mail in their real mailbox. (Just make sure you include a home address for me to mail it to you.) How's that for excitement?! I don't know who should be more excited about this- you or me?! I now present to you my newest email address: nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.comPlease note...the first three people to email me (not to leave a comment) will get Nitty.Gritty mail. I love and still accept comments too. But you already knew that! Now hurry up so that nobody else beats you in this little Nitty game. Go!Oh yeah, one more thing to note. Of course I still have my other email account- chip2jody@hotmail.com. I intend to keep that open and active and I'll still check it about 6 times a day, as usual. You now have two choices when you really want to send me a note, and I now have two places to read online mail. Boy, first Scrap Etc. event and now TWO mailboxes. I wonder what great thing will happen next?!
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness! I think you should know that I love my husband's boss, because he is the real reason I just got registered and booked my flight to attend this event next month! Chip is headed to Ireland this fall, with his boss- to golf and enjoy the breathtaking countrysides. I wish them well...but more importantly, I get to attend this Scrap Event- just because they are going on their trip. Lucky, lucky me! I'm not going to Ireland- but I feel like the luckiest one here...and besides, my plane ride will be much shorter than theirs.So, if you are remotely aware of anything inside this ever-growing scrap-industry, you will recognize some of the faces from this promo and should be excited for all these women, because next month they will get to meet me! How cool is that?! They are about to get a real-life dose of Nitty. Gritty. me. I bet they can hardly wait. As for me...well, let's just say this.I've waited on John Walsh (America's Most Wanted) and Cindy Crawford (Mother and Supermodel), I've had my appearance with Oprah, and now THIS.What's next for me? I should check with my agent. Actually I just got confirmation that I will be rooming with 'Knitnpurlgirl' at the event. So, for the next few weeks I don't care how many times I'm caught singing the Gidget theme song or sweeping Lucky Charms off the bed...I know in my mind things are okay with my world.I'm going to Scrap Etc Event. Yea for me!
Wow! I made it...this is the official 100th post to Nitty.Gritty. I guess I've had more than to say and show you and entertain you all with than I realized several months ago when I started this whole thing. I don't exactly know what I intended this blog to be about or to do for me personally- but it's been great! Really. Your comments make me laugh, or think or click or your blogs and learn about your lives. It's fun and interesting too.I don't know what it is that makes so many of you keep coming back here. I mean, I talk about stuff like my kids and the stuff they do, like Ava yesterday. She dumped out two bowls of cereal all over my bedroom- no kidding- the bed, the floor, under the dresser...and then walked around stepping on the "crunchies". I was throwing laundry in the wash and trying to make zucchini bread. I thought she was munching breakfast in front of the 'Backyardigans'...nope. When hubby stopped home for a minute [unexpectedly] he sees me (mind you, I was sporting a hankie in my hair and looking a little disheaveled at this point) and says, "Hi Beautiful! What's up?" I smiled back and said, "You said 'Beautiful' a bit sarcastically, and if you really want to know what's up, I just grounded Ava from Lucky Charms until she's at least 8 years old."I've written and posted pictures from my real life and you still keep coming back here. I told some people earlier this week that we really have become a 'reality-tv obsessed' culture. And blogging, to me, is sort of like that. I think this works because not everyone is interested in the latest Hollywood celebrity breakup, or what kind of drama is playing out in the NBA or even what the media is doing to twist the truth about politics in our nation's capitol. Don't get me wrong... I stay informed; I know what's going on in the world- but it's refreshing to just hang out among other "normal" people and watch their lives unfold and read nonfiction about life.So, I hope for the next 100 posts to give you more of what you've already found here.Nitty.Gritty.Unedited, unscripted, and occasionally interesting and thought-provoking too. And don't worry, I'm not really grounding Ava from Lucky Charms for the next 6 years of her life. Maybe the next 6 weeks- after all, I believe that the punishment should fit the crime! Have a happy, 100th-post inspired Friday.
I guess this saying is very true in so many respects. What goes around, comes around. Even fashion styles- which I think is funny- how twenty or thirty years later the things we poked fun of in our parents' closests are the clothes and accessories we pay big dollars to get our hands on. Sometimes we don't even spend big dollars- but we wear the stuff anyway. I am not looking forward to the day that ZUBAZ (is that how you even spell the name of those ridiculous printed pants!!!) or banana hair clips come back into fashion- even though I never wore either of them. They just aren't cute or flattering on anyone!! Just like pink stretchy pants. I'm sorry I had to be the one to say this, but if you own a pair of PINK STRETCHY PANTS- please, step away from your computer slowly, head to your closet or armoire, get those babies out and then RUN with them straight to your closest garbage and do yourself the biggest favor you can today and throw those pants in there...then take a deep breath and tell yourself you will get through this. I'm here for you if you feel you need support. Leave me a comment- or privately email me. I applaud you for taking this leap into your new world- one without pink stretchy pants.Okay, I will down step down off of my fashion soap box- as if I had any right to be up there in the first place! Someday when I write that book of mine and I go on tour and I'm sitting on the set of the Today Show with the fashionable Katie Couric or Matt Lauer, they will probably have gotten their hands on some photos of me as a adolescent or young adult and they will post them behind me as we discuss my book. You will watch in disbelief that the pictures you see are really me. It's true. I look nothing like myself as a kid, teen or even young married, harried wife and mother. Thank goodness. Aging is being good to me in my thirties so far. I hope I stay lucky in that respect. Not that I think I look so great!- but at least I'm growing into myself and I'm definitely "improved" since so many fashion-mistakes along the way.This post has gotten off-track from what I initially had in mind when I sat down to write it. I didn't intend to write about fashion at all. It just poured out of my heart and soul. What I wanted to touch on is how our actions affect everybody around us...and sometimes they ripple out and affect people we don't intend, or even plan on affecting. Like what I do here. I write for me. But I realize that my words aren't just hitting me- but many of you come across them and they hit you too. I wish the world were full of people wanting their words and actions to hit others in the best way possible- everyday, all the time. Unfortunately that doesn't happen- some people even try to do and say hurtful things. I don't get that- but it's a part of life and the world we live in. And I myself am not immune to hurtful words. Sometimes I lie to telemarketeers that call me at all hour of the day. Sometimes I tell them they have the wrong number when they really don't. Sometimes I tell them that I can't talk because one of my kids is vomiting in the other room- this is usually a true statement- but I think I intend it to be hurtful to my listener- they usually cut the call very quickly after that.Today I am going to try to think before I speak. I am going to be thoughtful about my actions. I am going to try to express goodness...and if the old saying is true, goodness will come back to me. Now, if you still have a pair of pink stretchy pants lying around, I encourage you in the nicest way possible, to go throw them out. You'll thank me later. =)
The title, "one shot" probably means many different things to each person who reads this. From tequila to medicine to guns to a chance... you see? We're all coming from different walks of life. Even two words can bring a myriad of thoughts- none of them right or wrong. It's just sometimes I think we get hung up in our own little worlds, and we walk along going about our business in life within the tiny scope of our own perspective.I've talked here about how things aren't always what they seem. That sometimes our own experiences or values or lack-thereof can influence what we see and what we choose to believe in this life. Simply by looking at someone or something rarely tells the whole story. That's what's on my mind today.For some reason I was reflecting on life and the fact that we all only get one shot at it. Most of us have no idea how long that shot is or how many twists and turns will take place within it- but we are given one lifetime. I know it comes up alot, but I can't help but think about the fact that we all are facing death- it's a part of my life after having my own brush with it and staring it in the face when Teagan died. Death is very real to me and a big part of things that have shaped me the past few years. And the truth is that we will all die someday.I live not fearing death or wondering how it will happen to me (actually I do think about that quite a bit...so far I haven't picked the way I'd like to go...still working on that), but realizing that life is a very special thing that I think too often I [still] take for granted. I can get caught up in daily routines and the busyness that we all face in our schedules. I think sometimes I like to step back in my mind and ask myself, "Is this what you want to do with your single opportunity? Are you really living life to its fullest?" Some days I truly think that I am. I also understand that life has ups and downs and even holding patterns. But I know that even in the "dry spells" we can learn and grow and enhance our understanding and a lot of other things.I guess you stumbled upon my inside thoughts today. The ones that don't really tell you anything new or exciting- but they are just out there for you to consider in your own life. I ulitmately hope that my "one shot" will leave a good impression on all the people that happen to "brush up against me" in my walk through life- whether they be close friends, family or just people that come and go. I would like to feel that within my little world, my one shot served a purpose, and that when it's all said and done I will realize that as I sit and look back from a place in Heaven- whenever that time comes. Have a thoughtful day.
Having some background in design and computer know-how can be a good thing at times. like when you want a blog business card... I simply sit down at my computer and whip one up myself. Now, when I stand in line at the grocery store and see a harried mother behind me, or when I go and get a refill on my Starbuck's coffee beans- I can hand out my own card. I know. It's kind of goofy. But, I figure if dooce.com can get 200+ comments for writing about "personal body issues", then maybe there are a lot of people who want some "real life" stuff to read about. Today happens to be a slow day for me. I guess I've hit the "blog-wall" as far as new material goes. So, shoot me some suggestions in my comments, or tell me what your favorite episode was from the Brady Bunch or anything interesting you can think of.I actually had an uneventful trip to the grocery store today. I've also got that Rachel Ray Raspberry Tart baked up and cooling on my kitchen counter. I'm telling you- scroll down until you find this recipe and do yourself a favor- print it out and make this dessert!In the meantime, if you bump into me just ask me for one of my cards. I'll be happy to give you one! That's all for this Monday. See ya!
If you've been following this blog for any length of time you just knew you'd see a picture of Teagan here today. It's her birthday, and she's in Heaven and we're down here...not my ideal way to celebrate a birthday, but someday we will all be up there with her and I can't wait!Teagan loved a good party...balloons, presents, cake, family and friends. However, she had a thing about growing up. When she turned four, she said to me over and over, "I just want to be four forever." I didn't understand why she would say this. I would try to talk her out of it. I'd tell her she was wrong and that it really was so great to grow up and do big people things. I told her how beautiful she was going to look , especially dressed like a princess in her wedding gown someday.Teagan stood firm no matter what I said, and simply said, "I just want to be four forever." She had two separate birthday parties when she turned four. Twice she got to blow out the candles on her cake. I know in my heart when she closed her eyes and made a wish that she wished "to be four forever". She was killed in July that summer. One of the first things that I thought of when the doctors told me she was gone was, "She got her wish...she gets to be four forever." Maybe that's why I am able to celebrate her birthdays with happiness. I don't know- but it still gives me an occasional chill when I hear her voice saying those words in my head. I know that Heaven is where we all hope to be someday- and she's already there- so I live with an inner sense of peace everyday.We have lots of big purple balloons at our house today {thank you, Rachael & Emily!!} and the girls definitely know something is going on- but they probably just think it's their crazy momma doing crazy things again. They had their swimsuits and sunglasses on by breakfast and it's been a fairly happy place to be today-a far cry to how we were all feeling this time last week! [If you remember, Wyndham spent the afternoon in the ER on IVs.] Brock was an excited kid when he got a purple lightsaber from Teagan on HER birthday. What a great big sister she is- all the way from Heaven. I even got the coolest pair of purple Victoria Secret loungepants. It's amazing to me how when I set out to find or create joy- that it actually works and comes back to me more than I could have expected.I hope that you find this to be true in your own life. There is joy and goodness and peace all around. No matter the day, no matter your circumstance- these things are out there, and they are available to everyone of us. Today I've received love, peace, joy and goodness- all in memory of my little girl who had more joy, love and goodness in the 4 short years she had on this earth, than some people have in their whole lifetime. She even got her wish. "Happy birthday, Teagan" from a Mom who keeps getting more joy and love and goodness out of life than I ever deserved. The sun has beamed down on me all day- You and all your angel friends must be smiling and having the party of your life. Thanks for never leaving my heart and soul!
Today's post is being brought to you by the letter, W, and by the number 12. Remember watching Sesame Street (for some of you it was as a kid...for some of you it was a mere 20 minutes ago) and having this at the end of each show? Well, the "W" here stands for Wow...and the number 12 stands for the number of comments I was just starting to get used to seeing around here.I say wow, because I've gotten a lot of emails and comments of support in the last couple of days- some from total strangers. I don't mean that you're "strange"; I'm simply implying that we've never met or been formally introduced. So, to every one of you, "Thank you". I appreciate that you feel such empathy for me. I find it somewhat surprising that after all these years my story still has a way of touching people in such a meaningful way. I think a lot of that has to do with who Teagan was to me in my life.If you had spent any time with her at all you would know exactly what I am talking about. I looked back today at an email I had sent out to my family and friends 4 years ago as the first birthday of Teagan's approached in which we would be celebrating it without her. In this email I listed several things that reminded me of Teagan or specific things that she loved, that I hoped other people would do to honor Teagan's memory. They were things like, buy some purple balloons and let your kids send them up to Heaven to Teagan, rent and watch the movie 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'...it was the first one Teagan saw in the theatre and she loved it so much she stood up and clapped at the end of it (she was only 3!), buy and listen to the 'The Playground' CD by Tony Bennet or Kenny Loggin's 'More Songs from Pooh Corner'...Teagan loved to sing and dance to these. Those were just some of the ideas off my list.When I look back and see how I was coping with my loss at that time, I am somewhat amazed myself that I was able to process and react to my situation as I did. I've had so many life experiences since then- I've watched other people around me deal with grief and hurt and pain in life. We all do it differently, and I'm not sure that everyone can relate to how I've been able to come to this point in my life.I will tell you that St. Patrick's Day makes me think of my Grandma. She is and has been one of the biggest influences in my life, thus far. She claims to be 100% Irish- and we had big Irish dinners every year at her house for years when I grew up. I heard she was pulling off this same meal again this year- including Irish soda bread and potatoes with cabbage that you pour melted butter over. Mmmm. I'm getting hungry just strolling down memory lane!Back to my story... if you met my Grandma Shirley you would be immediately drawn to her. She has a wonderful sense of humor, a zest for life, and a story of her own. The version she has told to groups of women and churches over the years is too long to share here- so I'll just highlight the main points.She was left in a hospital by a teenage mother in South Dakota. After 3 months, she was adopted by her parents in Minnesota where she has lived her whole life. There was an explosion and fire in her home which burned her husband and killed her 6 year old son in the 1950's. Her husband was a guinea pig for 2 years of burn treatments at the University of MN hospital- as he had received third-degree burns over much of his body. Three weeks after getting out of the hospital (where he had been for 2 YEARS) my Grandma was driving the family to a birthday party for the afternoon and the car had carbon monoxide poisoning- which put everyone inside of the car to sleep. She hit a guardrail and the car crashed- the impact killed my grandpa and then my grandma spent 7 months in the hospital with broken knees and injuries. I am not making any of this up- I promise you!Some years later she married and that husband was the grandpa I grew up with and loved with all my heart. He died in 1988 of cancer...my grandma has been alone since then. But despite the hardships of her life (and remember, I just wrote the condensed version), she was my "funny Grandma". You know how Grandmas are all different?! Well she was the one who always had a silly prank to pull, or a funny story to tell, or a sarcastic way of looking at the "bad stuff in life". I think of all the times I heard these stories, or watched her live out the bad stuff of her life. I guess I didn't know it at the time, but I was tucking all that away to use later (which is now) in my own life.I had the chance to spend some time with her in Minnesota a few months ago. She has health issues- but she still talks and reminisces and shares her life very candidly. She has given me much encouragment through my trials the past few years- and has constantly prayed for me and offered support. I thought a lot about what it was in her that I will remember most when she is gone. I came up with this statement- which I shared with her during our last visit. I told her, "Grandma, you have had a life of hardships and tragedy... and what I admire most about you is how you walked through this life. You made the suffering look easy." She was humbled by that- but I told her it was so true. I know she has a strong faith in God and He was the One who helped her along her journey. I have felt the same comfort and peace that He gives in my own life. But, I think it was her example to me that life will throw you some curve balls, and you can let it bring you down or use it to grow and learn.This St. Patrick's day and night before Teagan's birthday, I hope that I can be my grandma to someone else in their life. I know some of you think I am some sort of superhero (right? at least one or two of you out there, right?....just say so in your comments to me), but I'm really just a person responding to the life I've been given and it just so happens I grew up with one of the greatest role models ever. And then I was given Teagan- and I sometimes think she was truly an angel sent to me by God to redirect my life- and to teach me more than I could ever have imagined.There you have it. My longest post yet. I just hope that I can be a small source of inspiration- however you might need it in your life. I don't wish my life on any of you- but I do hope that you can learn from it. And I hope someday to be the Grandma who has mattered in someone else's life.
My blogging took a backseat to papercrafting yesterday. I know there are a lot of people who just don't "get" this thing I have with paper, plain or polkadot. But it's more than that to me. It's something that goes much deeper- back to kindergarten and first grade, when I remember being so proud of getting S+ and Os for grades in things such as cutting and basic art. It has to do with an inner characteristic that exists and gets jazzed up inside me when holiday times come around, or any other idea that comes to mind that can be recreated in reality. 
