The power of pause-

One of the most powerful and moving moments during our trip to Oklahoma last week happened when everything stopped. The Folds of Honor Foundation headquarters sits just next door to the Patriot Golf Club building/pro shop and it is a beautiful structure complete with a bell tower at its peak.

The meaning of the name Folds of Honor comes from the thirteen folds in the flag- each representing something such as allegiance and honor and other worthy characteristics. The flag is always folded and given to the families of a fallen soldier. It is a powerful symbol and I am sure becomes quite a treasure for those grieving their loss to cling to.

At The Patriot Golf Club, while it is a spectacular golf course and wonderful place to enjoy the company of family and friends or business partners, our friend and club founder, Dan Rooney wanted it to be even more than just a nice place. His real purpose in creating such a place is for those fallen and disabled to be remembered and for the freedoms they fought for to be enjoyed by all. But the remembering part is of utmost importance. So, at precisely 1300 hours (1:00 pm) each day, the bell at the top of the foundation headquarters begins to toll and reaches to all corners of the course and its facilities. Dan asks that wherever you are; whatever you're doing, that at that moment you stop and pause and silently pause to pay respect for the ultimate sacrifice that so many people have made for our great nation. The bell then tolls 13 times- symbolizing the thirteen folds of the flag.

Chip and I were at the course on a couple of occasions when the bell began to toll. It was amazing and powerful for us to witness everyone and everything around us suddenly come to a halt-caps removed, heads bowed and people stood silently- for a long, solemn moment. I can hardly think of a time in my 'regular life' during the day in which everything suddenly comes to a halt and quiet fills the space for a full moment. So for me, to experience such an event with hundreds of people and activity swilring around me made quite an impact.

It seems such a powerful thing- and yet is a simple, quiet pause. Do you know how long a minute seems when there is no sound except the occasional bong of a bell? It feels much longer than a minute. And yet to think that thousands of lives have been given and we rarely take a moment to pause and remember and to be grateful for such sacrifice seems so unfair. The moment that the bell tolls at 1300 hour definitely gave me much to think about and made me so much more aware of what it truly means to be a patriot and give your all.

I was so inspired and moved by the impact I felt from a moment of quiet that I am now seeking to 'work' at least a moment of quiet into my life each day. And not just solely to think about sacrifice and freedom, but also because I realize how my soul is stirred by solace and quiet. As a busy mom of lots of little kids, quiet is hardly available to me and I realized just how much I truly appreciate it. Even for just a moment out of my day.

I write this all as a note to myself- I don't want to forget the power of pause. And if you are so inclined, I invite you to take a moment out of your own day and experience the same thing. I don't know what effect it will have on you, but in the busyness of our lives, it is something that is becoming more and more rare and hard to 'find'. I think it's something we all need a bit more of- quiet, reflective, powerful moments. Our souls were made for at least a small taste of that each day.

Celebrating Easter.

We colored our eggs yesterday, while Crew kept watch in his latest spot- the exersaucer. We were up, hunted eggs, ate chocolate, showered, dressed and arrived at church early enough to even have coffee and donuts. But, in all the excitement, I didn't manage to get a family picture. So, once home, I did snap one of me and Crew. And another of me and homemade Nutmeg Cheesecake whipped up by my hubby- who is doing really well on his fitness/nutritional plan. I'm proud of his will-power, even if mine fell prey to his dessert. It was worth every calorie.

Especially since it's the first food that has tasted good to me in over a week. I've still been fighting congestion/coughing, but I think as of today, I am much closer to feeling back to my normal self. Whatever that may be.

In celebrating Easter, I have to share a link to some thoughts on Christ and His resurrection. It is the very fact that He conquered death and gives each of us the eternal hope of Heaven that literally has seen our family through so much. Without the reality of His triumph over death, we would live with sorrow and pain. Instead, Christ assures us that death is only a temporary separation from God and one day those of us who trust in Him will live forever.

It is reason to celebrate, not just today, but each and everyday. He IS risen and lives! What a wonderful truth and Hope we have because of His great love and sacrifice! Amen!

Majesty (Here I Am)
Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man [one]
Covered by the blood of the Lamb
Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of Your Majesty
Here I am humbled by the love that You give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm Your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Written by Martin Smith and Stuart Garrard© 2004 Curious? Music

I was touched by the lyrics and music of this worship song in church today. I thought that maybe just by reading through the words someone else might be touched here as well. Or click this link to listen to it 'live'. God is constantly amazing me with His grace, mercy and love. I find the more I realize that and soak in that reality, the more I wamt to share it with others.
If God isn't the desire of your heart, my prayer is that He will become the longing in your soul and that you will seek Him and find He satisfies!

She was a miracle to behold...

Angie Smith wrote a letter to her baby Audrey, who was born on and went to Heaven on April 7th.
In case you wonder whether God is Real...
If you wonder whether or not there is such a thing as Peace on Earth...
If you've ever asked yourself "What good can come from suffering?"...
If it's been too long since you have 'felt' or witnessed a miracle in this life, then this post is for you.

My "baby"

My baby Ava turns four years old tomorrow. She is so excited and anxious to celebrate her birthday. I can't believe that she is getting to be so 'grown up' already. In my mind she is still the baby around here, and somedays she still takes advantage of her birth order to get what she wants, or simply to entertain the rest of her family. Bella loves when she uses her 'baby-talk voice'. I have to admit, it is cute in the right context. =)
It's just another milestone for me that hits deeply when I realize how young and small she seems- yet how when Teagan {as our oldest child} seemed so 'old' the year she turned four. I remember thinking she was practically a little lady. I would probably be in tears thinking about and comparing and contrasting Ava and Teagan if it weren't for the fact that there will be yet another Ferlaak baby to start the process all over again. I know Ava is going to seem very grown up in a matter of months. Time is funny. Age, I guess, is just a number. I'm happy for Ava to be turning four and that she is so happy makes me happy too.
I have to share a few more thoughts on my previous challenge post today too. Thanks to those of you who have expressed interest in joining me in sending support to Dickens and the children of Uganda. You can paypal your donation/gift to me at chip2jody@hotmail.com. I will send Roxanne a combined gift around the first of next month. I just know it will mean so much to her and the people she is reaching out to in Africa.
I was thinking about how my life is so vastly different than the lives of the people in that country. Most of us in America have it so comfortable and easy compared to so many parts of the rest of the world. I was thinking too, of Oprah's Big Give, and how she keeps wanting people to see that 'little gives' add up to 'big gives' when people come together for a common cause. It's so true. I may not be the wealthiest person in my neighborhood- likely you and the rest of the readers here are not either. Still, we have so much compared to so many. Even if our budgets seem to be stretching thin and the gas prices keep going up and so forth, there are still lots of little ways that we can 'cut back' and give 'big' to others.
My mind goes first to personal ways that I can 'sacrifice' in order to give more to others. It could be something as small as skipping the weekly cup of Starbuck's many of us enjoy- that would mean a donation of about $15.00 that could be sent to Africa or some other charity or needy person in our lives. Another way many of us can 'give big' is to skip one meal out at a restaurant with our families. Staying in and making eggs and sausage and toast, or whipping up some pasta and sauce could mean anywhere from $25-75 dollars- easily. That's how much our tab can run at Red Robin or Red Lobster. And what does it really 'cost' us? Or what about skipping that new pair of jeans and just wearing the ones you have awhile longer. See? Giving doesn't always mean digging deeper into one's pocket, but can mean simple going without something that we don't necessarily need in order to give to others. Or maybe we can clean a closet or sell some items on eBay that no longer are being used in our homes. There are ways to give without actually having to scrounge up money. I think that was what I liked about Oprah's first episode of her show. The people who actually did the 'best job' weren't those who drummed up the biggest monetary donations, but rather it was those who found people that were willing to come together and combine their passions and 'gifts' and resources to make life-changing differences to people with real needs.

Looking at giving as a way of cutting back something in my life rather than having to give beyond what I already give makes it seem 'doable' and really challenges the way I want to live and raise my family. I hope that my kids will learn that sometimes skipping a 'luxury' in life for a few moments and instead using that time/money to give to a worthy cause really makes a difference and can matter for a long time in the life of those in real need. Other times it can be something as easy as making a double batch of dinner and sharing it with someone in need. Charity, I believe, sometimes demands creativity. =)
One of my pastor's used to put it this way, "Maybe there are ways in our lives that we can LOWER our standards of living in order that we can RAISE our standards of giving". It's not an easy thing to make personal sacrifices, but it can be so good for one's heart and soul.
That's my challenge to those of you who want to make a difference in the lives of people you 'connect' with in this world, or even to those you will never meet.
I am trying to 'put on thinking' that allows my heart and mind to take my eyes off of 'me' from time to time and to see the world as a more compassionate person. I am not going for the 'humanitarian-of-the-year' award. But I certainly can use a challenge at times to reach out and give back. I have been very blessed and sometimes the best thing we can do with blessings in our lives is to bless others. It goes without saying that the world is a better place when people live less selfishly. I think many of us in America can use a challenge in giving- from the top down.

Music and warm cookies.

I have had several inquiries about the first song on my playlist here at my blog. It's titled "Amazing Grace (My chains are gone)" and it's by music artist Chris Tomlin. You can see a video of the song by following the link here.
I have loved it since the first time I heard it. The music and melody just speak to my heart each and everytime it plays. I have been brought to tears by this song more than once. And if you know me well at all, you know I'm not typically a 'crier'.
Today when I loaded the girls into the van to go pick Brock up from school, I grabbed a couple of fresh baked chocolate chip/m&m cookies and wrapped them in a napkin so that he would have warm cookies for the short ride home, rather than having to wait until we got inside the house. It was a small gesture, but one that was met with much gratitude and surprise. It garnered a "You're the best mom ever...I love you!" and to me that's what grace is to me.
It is something so undeserved, so thoughtful and incredible and unspeakable at times...but something that demands our attention and thought. God has poured out His grace through His son Jesus by sending him to earth as a baby in human form. That baby grew and was crucified, although blameless and without sin. He became sin for us that we might have a way to be justified to God. It was God's plan for redemption of all since Adam and Eve sinned. That is the message of grace. That we were loved and are loved, not because of anything we have done, but because of what Christ has done for us.
The more I grow in my relationship with Christ, the more amazing this grace is to me. For years I felt like following God was about things I could and couldn't do. It was though life were broken into categories for me- one list was the 'bad stuff' and another was a list of things that were okay. And of course, I went through that phase where there was nothing more exciting than wanting to 'push the boundaries' of those lists and really challenge myself to see how close I could get to something on the 'bad list' without actually 'breaking a rule'.
But as I've grown in my understanding of who God is and His desires for my life and recognizing what it truly means to be redeemed and 'set free', I no longer see life as good and bad, but rather I seek to do things that will draw me closer to God and allow me to become more of who He has created and wants me to be.
It is that freedom in which I live and find peace and Joy each day. My 'chains' are gone as I no longer feel as though I am choosing good over bad, and really most 'bad things' in this world no longer appeal to me. I don't say this to sound like a snob or a goody-two shoes, but I say it humbly and as one who truly understands that I do not deserve grace and mercy. I deserve death and punishment, and because of what Christ did for me, I now live with the hope of Heaven and with a peace that my sins are forgiven.
I live knowing I am loved- even though I am a sinner. It makes me want to do good. All the time. It makes me want to tell others that this gift of 'freedom from life's bondage' and redemption is available to whoever wants it in their life. I have been shown love and mercy and now I live my life hoping that will spill forth from me too.
It's like those cookies.
I didn't have to make them, but I love my kids and sometimes I do things to 'bless them'- not because of anything they've done to deserve such treats, but simply because I love them. My hope is that someone who needs love- whether through my words or actions or simply through some other way that God can use me- His broken tool- will be touched and find His grace. It's amazing and free. And it's better than any this world has to offer. I thank God everyday for reaching down and 'rescuing' me.

When reality hits...

I bake carrot cake.

At least that's how it went today. I was tired again. Wyndham had one hour of therapy and then cried hard this afternoon and took a nap. Bella started running a fever. Plus we're in the middle of a big snowstorm- 10-12 inches of white stuff expected by tomorrow morning. {Does this paragraph sound like a broken record or what?!}
To top it off, as I was emptying the dishwasher- after just throwing in my second load of laundry before lunch, it hit me. We're basically going to be 'The Brady Bunch' in a matter of months. Minus Alice the housekeeper and Tiger the dog.
It was like a lightbulb moment for me...with a twinge! I know. They say to blame the hormones at this point in the whole process, but still, at some point the mind sort of starts to catch up with the body and there is no denying. That's what happened today.
Not that it's bad. It just means my mind has some grasping and redefining to do. Soon. I know I can't do it all, and sometimes I think that is my biggest struggle. I have this mental list of things I feel I need to do, to live up to, to give my hubby and kids, to give to God, to give to others, and even a few things I demand of myself. To know that some of my own expectations may have to be modified or even 'let go of' for awhile takes some mental getting used to.
So, as all these thoughts started going through my head today, I decided I just wanted to bake a homemade carrot cake. I wanted to eat it warm. With a glass of cold milk.
A few minutes ago, that's exactly what we did. I feel much better now. Wyndham even had a few bites and seems a bit happier too. Bella's Tylenol kicked in for now...and if the snow keeps falling, we just may have a snow day tomorrow.
The perfect day to reflect and watch Brady Bunch reruns- should that happen. You can bet I'll have another piece of cake too. Yep. Reality hit...and still things turned out okay.

My 'claim' for 2008.

Last year I chose to not make resolutions, but instead I focused on the phrase 'living my life as a sacrifice' and I studied in it terms of how God wants me to live my life each day. I really dug into the definition of sacrifice and I intentionally looked for ways I could 'offer myself' to my family, to neighbors, to people I've connected with online and to people who just happened to cross paths with me in my day-to-day life.
I found that most often when I 'chose to sacrifice myself' that blessings seemed to come back to me in abundance out of that sacrifice. Whether it was time or money or responding to a comment or email, more often than not I ended up feeling as though I hadn't really sacrificed anything, because the blessing more than made up for what I had given. It didn't happen just once...but several times. From feeling over-committed to projects and programs to my family and the demands that young children and a husband can place on me, I really feel like I constantly 'got more than I gave'. It doesn't make sense, but I am beginning to see that that is how Christ works- that is what He has called His followers to do. He promised to bless those who seek Him and give themselves up for Him, and yet I too often have held back and 'spared myself' hassles only to now realize I missed out on blessings that come from giving myself away. When Jesus came to earth, He came humbly and to serve and save 'the lost'. He came to give of Himself and to heal so that others might have a restored relationship with God. He didn't come to prove who He was- He didn't have to- He is God. In seeing His servant heart and the way He consistently put others before Himself- the way He often went out of His way to lend a hand, to touch the oppressed, to lift up the broken-hearted- this model of living is really challenging me in my own life.
Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to 'give myself- my whole self' to God and to be who HE wants me to be. It has been a struggle in my heart and life- to do what He wants me to do, and yet to not give in to the demands and desires of the world. I know I fall short. I know I fail every single day. But still, I love that God grants us love and forgiveness and that His mercies are new every morning. I use to feel overwhelmed with the 'demands of following Christ'. I knew I would never be perfect or good enough. Now I am learning that God doesn't want perfection. He wants me to be obedient and humble and to be reminded that His way is best- even when it seems more than I can bear.

This year I am going to seek Him with all my heart, as I have in years' past. I hope to grow and build on the things I have learned and be encouraged with new insights and challenges. I have chosen to claim the verses penned by David in Psalms 27. David was a man after God's own heart. He had a passion and a desire to 'know God' intimately. Yet he was far from perfect. He failed time and again...and yet God used him and his words just seem relevant for me and where I'm at in my spiritual journey in my own life today.
Below are the verses- (I've added my own thoughts and paraphrases in italics) so full of confidence and hope and promise. I don't know what you need in life or where you are in your spiritual journey, but I hope in my sharing this some of you may be challenged and encouraged that God is with you. God is Real and He wants to do amazing things in your life too. I know that my heart and life need examining and refining often- not just at the start of a new year. I thank God that He gives us all new beginnings; fresh starts; clean slates and the ability to make lasting change in our lives.
Happy New Year. I hope that 2008 is a year in which you grow and experience blessings from within- from your heart- because that is where God touches us most...and we in turn can touch others from the overflow of our hearts.
Psalm 27
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army (or cancer, or financial burdens or grief or broken relationships or any number of things that life hurls at us!) besiege me,
my heart will not fear; though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
4 One thing I ask of the LORD (it's okay to ask God for blessings and goodness and mercy), this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy (even in my trials and times of suffering, I can find joy and in doing so, that sacrifice becomes an offering of my heart to God); I will sing and make music to the LORD.
7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. (Even if my closest loved ones let me down, God will be with me.)
11 Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.
13 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (Even if I have to wait until I get to Heaven...God will give blessing and fulfill His promises to me!)
14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Oh, how I need this reminder...every single day. He is worth waiting for and enduring ALL things.)

Remembering 9/11

I took these pictures as I waited to catch the train out of Chicago's Union Station back in July. It was a beautiful sunny day and hot and sticky inside the hall. I didn't even mind the heat and humidty though and really just sat on a bench reflecting on freedom and what that means and how often I take it for granted. Today, especially, I remember. My heart is in prayer for those who continue to ache from the grief of that day, for those whose loved ones are away and serving our country to protect our freedom and seeking Peace, and for those whose memories we cherish and remember in a special way today.

Doing your part...

Some of you may remember that photo of me and Capt. Dan Rooney from earlier this year when he was recognized at the Mentor West Michigan Sports Awards banquet. His work and passion for the Fallen Heroes Foundation is worthy and inspiring.
This Saturday, Septemeber 1st, is officially declared Patriot Day, and Dan's efforts in dreaming up and following through with his passion and heart for those have given the ultimate sacrifice in service to this country what has brought this day into reality.
There have been several articles and various media attention given to such a worthy cause, this one from Golf Digest. Another commentary is here at GolfWeek and yet another link for more information on how to personally get involved is here, at Play Golf America.com.
CBS recently did a special presentation on this upcoming Patriot Day and it was featured during the PGA Championship. You can watch that piece by following this link.
For those who may not know my connection and association with Dan, it is through my husband, Chip. Chip is the General manager/Director of Golf at Grand Haven Golf Club of which Dan and his parents are owners. Dan works closely with Chip in regards to the Club operations and I have had the privilege over the past few years to get to know Dan and his whole family as friends. I have personally been challenged and been filled with pride at times for all that Dan seeks to do in life- personally, professionally and spiritually. He has an intensity and passion for so many things- and this foundation has been one that has come straight from his heart and turned into an amazing opportunity for so many to share their hearts and pride with the families who have lost loved ones in service.
I am happy to be a small part of Dan's efforts and I hope that some of you might take advantage of this upcoming opportunity to do something so small- get your local golf club involved, or personally give to the Fallen Heroes Foundation- as a small way to thank the families whose lives have been changed forever, and who have given so much.
Thank you Dan...thank you service families...thanks to those who have sacrificed their all. It is an honor to recognize and thank each of you today.