Kindness is a wonderful lesson to teach.

 

My boys aren't naturally kind. Not to me. Not to their dad. Not to their siblings. Sometimes not even to themselves. These guys look so cute and innocent. Some days they wake up all snuggly and sweet and within seconds their moods change and it is all down-hill from there. To be fair, my other kids aren't naturally kind all the time either, but they are several years older, wiser and mellower when it comes to being nice. Being kind to others is something we are all working on every day at my house. It is like a never-ending life lesson, that sadly, as we see and hear in the news, isn't necessarily taught or lived out in our world around us as often as it should and could be. On any given day we all have opportunities to be kind or to respond in kind ways. Even if we don't feel like it, or of we have to create those opportunities up all on our own.

These two little guys, Teague and Crew, are at that age {2 and 4} where they are still growing and learning and soaking in way more than we think they are at times. Today they got a lesson in kindness and hopefully it is just one of many that they see and soak in and hopefully put into practice all their own in the years to come.

This little lesson in kindness started back a couple of weeks ago when Chip and I took a quick walk one night. We waved to a neighbor out in his front yard and Chip nodded to him and offered a word of sympathy in the recent death of his wife. He walked over toward us and shared a thank-you to us for acknowledging his sorrow and recent unexpected grief. He went on to tell us how hard it was to live alone now, as the two of them had shared many years of marriage and had their daily routines down- which added to the obvious void in his 'new' daily life. I extended my condolences as well, and asked if he likes home-baked goods as I do lots of baking in the summer. He smiled and said, 'yes, my wife made a wonderful banana bread and she put pineapple in hers". That simple statement was immediately tucked into my notes in my head and at one of my trips to the grocery store last week I intentionally stopped by the canned pineapple aisle and picked one up knowing it might be just the tiny unexpected bit of kindness that our neighbor man might need in his time of grief.

We have walked and ridden bike by his home several more times in the past few days, and we have exchanged waves, but that has been it. With the anniversary of our own tragedy just days from now, my heart is always more heightened to the beauty of everyday, ordinary life...but with that reality of how precious these very days are. So with all of that in my heart and mind, I browsed Pinterest and looked up some of "the best banana-pineapple bread" recipes until I felt confident I had one that was a 'sure thing'. Next, I pulled out some very ripe bananas and that can of pineapple I had bought for just the right bread and I got to baking. Here is the recipe I used- minus the coconut since someone ate the rest of it in the bag I thought I still had left. It was delicious anyway.

I told the kids the story. I told them how our neighbor misses his wife every day. I told them how it is so easy to be kind, but sometimes you have to listen closely to find out ways you can show your kindness and that sometimes just doing something at all is still a nice thing to do. I told them how I had bought pineapple and tried a new recipe just because it would show how much we listened and cared that much more. They tried out the muffin version of the bread, and a couple of my kids declared it "the best bread ever".

Our next task was to deliver the bread to our neighbor. The kids were all so excited to be a part of "showing kindness". They nearly fought over who would get to carry the bread. In the end, I carried the bread and they rode bikes, trikes and scooters. =) We walked down to the end of the block- the bread was still warm. But unfortunately our neighbor wasn't home at the time. So we brought the bread back and wrapped it up and the kids went on 'look-out' a few times until they spotted his garage door up and they excitement started all over again. 'Mom, he's home now!"

They were so anxious to deliver the little loaf of bread. This time he answered the door and even gave hugs to us for being so thoughtful. I told him how I had to look up a recipe and that I was sure it wasn't even close to how good a bread his wife used to make, but that we had been inspired by her and were happy to try a new recipe. He had that look in his eyes that I know from my own experience. That look where outside you are beaming, but inside it is a ball of emotions because the tug at your heart from the memory and missing of your loved one is so strong. I was happy to be able to tug at that heartstring, because honestly, anyone who is a friend of grief knows how special it is to be reminded at any time in life just how special their loved one still is.

I am a lousy mom far too many times in life. I am not a teacher by nature. I am not all that patient; I am still learning lessons that I feel unqualified to pass on too! But, I can tell you that teaching a lesson in kindness is a win-win-win for everyone involved. I was blessed by being a blessing. Watching my kids get excited to share and be kind and thoughtful renewed my belief in the goodness of little hearts. They DO want to love and be loved and niceness isn't just something to do because it's politically correct. I was blessed in the return hug I was given out of a simple gesture of sharing a little loaf of bread. The neighbor man didn't even need to taste the bread and I could tell it had meant so much to him even so. He blessed my kids by his kind words of thanks. I hope we blessed the memory of his wife as we tried to replicate a favorite recipe.

But above all, I hope that the kindness we shared will be a lesson that my kids and I want to repeat over and over again. It is the kind of life lesson that just gets sweeter and better the more you do it. That is a lesson I hope we never forget.

Sometimes I think my biggest issue in life...

We are living in a beautiful rental home right now, awaiting the sale of our home in Michigan. We've been in this house just a few days shy of nine months now. Most of the people in our small town have been very warm and welcoming. But we have a young couple living next door to us. Our front step is probably 10 yards from their driveway. We have them come and go a hundred times or more. We have large, full-sized windows that wrap arund the side of our home that faces theirs. We spend a lot of time in this living room. It's hard to not notice when they come and go.
And yet, not once, in 9 months, have they said hello. Only 3 times have they responded to our waves. And when I say "our waves", I am talking about when the kids or I are sitting on the front step blowing bubbles or eating string cheese or any other snack outside. They look over, but quickly turn away. We have never imposed on their property. We have never been obnoxious- at least from my perspective. =)
I have tried to teach my kids to treat others with kindness and respect. I know from experience that you also cannot possibly know what another person is feeling or thinking. But I still believe in a good old-fashioned neighborly hello and a response to a friendly wave.
I tried on another occasion to bring a loaf of banana bread to this young couple. I know a few things about them. He is an electrician; he drives the company van. They are very particular. They keep their {white} cars washed and spotless. They edge their lawn a few times in the summer. The man rides an orange motorcycle most often on weekends. The woman rides a bicycle with a wicker basket in front. She often wears a colorful scarf. And/or sunglasses.
The thing is, they seem so 'normal' and so I just assume in our small community and in the family-type neighborhood in which we live that they would respond to friendly gestures. It feels "odd" to me that we have lived and seen them and know lots of little things about them- bu have never exchanged names or hellos. Or bread. =)
Yesterday I wrapped up a little loaf of pumpkin bread and attached a small tag to it and set it on my counter to bring to them when they got home. It just so happened that they didn't return until after dark. So my attempt at being a nice neighbor fell to the wayside.
Chip has told me to just "drop it". Get over the fact that they don't want any type of relationship with their neighbors and let them be. I feel bad that we live in a society where people no longer feel the need to be 'social'. Given the realm of "social media" and the way people connect all over the world, to me it is a sad testament that online relationships and virutal friendships can and have and are easily replacing "real life" relationships. I just think it's sort of a sad reality that people can be so aloof that they can't even wave.
I realize that maybe one of my big "issues" in life is that I sometimes 'care too much'. I get that I am a people person and I love that everyone has a story. I love that we can be "total opposites" and yet be best friends, or we can be so much alike that we laugh and point fingers at our own quirks. I have many. I am not always the best friend. Both online and in real life. But I do hope that I never become so shut out to people around me that I can't respond to their waves of hello. And in so doing, quite possibly miss out on a little home-baked goodness too.

Adjusting.

My parents left this morning to go back to their home in Minnesota. They were such a great help and support system for us this past week. We will miss them around here! Grandma Genie gave Ava her first major haircut and Ava loves it this short.

As for Wyndham, she is still doing well right now. Chip is doing most of her care and has a mattress he pulls out next to her bed so he can be near her at night. Things like brushing teeth and bathing are tricky and take longer than normal, but we're finding ways to modify such tasks and get them done. The kids are being very sensitive to Wyndham's needs and have been looking for ways to keep her entertained and happy. They dance for her and blow up balloons and turn on dvd's and just try to make the misery of being confined to bed or wheelchair less miserable.

Even Grandma found a way to involve Wyndham in making brownies. She brought the bowl and eggs and batter and spoon to Wyndham, and as you can see from these pictures, Wyndham wasn't shy about dipping her finger in the bowl to get a quick taste before the brownies went into the pan either. She is most happy when we help her to 'forget' about her casts. We still have a long road of recovery ahead of us {I say "us" because we ALL have had to make changes as a result of this surgery}, but so far we're adjusting about as well as we all could have expected. Keep saying those prayers for us and we'll keep baking brownies and try to dance as much as we can for Wyndham's happiness sake!

So far she's been a trooper!

My apologies for taking so long in posting an update. Besides entertaining my parents (actually the kids are doing a good job of that!), staying busy with a 6-week old baby, wrangling a two year old who just learned how to climb out of his crib this week, and keeping the other kiddos on track, I was able to spend time with Wyndham for just a bit as she got settled into her hospital room last night. Chip has been with her the entire stay and has given me updates and good reports. Thanks so much for your prayers!
We are happy to report that the surgery went well and so far the recovery has been going better than we had expected. Today Wyndham was able to keep down liquids and later ate soft foods for dinner. She has tolerated oral pain meds and has had minimal nausea. I have no doubt that the prayers said on her behalf are the reason she is doing so well at this phase in the whole process. Chip even took her to a little "party" down the hall from her room where the Michigan Whitecaps mascot and a couple of players were visiting patients at her Children's hospital. She even gave the mascot a high 5. I have to admit I was more than surprised to hear that from Chip.
We're hopeful that she will do well through the night tonight and we'll get an update from her surgeon when he does rounds in the morning. It's possible she could be home as early as tomorrow. We so appreciate your thoughts and prayers and truly believe that they are helping to speed the recovery process and also are keeping the stress levels of all of us to a minimum.
Hopefully I'll be posting about Wyndham's homecoming sooner than we thought!

Home again.

We're home with Wyndham from the hospital today. She is happy to be here but still needs a lot of rest and tlc. She has eaten a bit and had a nice warm bath and probably feels more like her usual self than she has in the past two weeks. Hopefully she won't have another need for a hospital stay until her double-foot realignment surgery. Which isn't until late September now. I think we all would be happy with 7 months of good health. And some sunshine too! Thanks so much for all your prayers and concern for Wyndham this week. She definitely needed it!

The invisible connections...

In sharing openly about our loss of Teagan and the sudden reality of trauma, grief, sorrow and heartache in our day-to-day lives our family has made connections in 'real life' and online that we never would have likely encountered had we not shared our story. This 'connection' is something that almost always invisible to the eye, but is powerful and felt so strongly by the heart. Now that it has been several years of sharing our story I am simply amazed at how many people do have this connection to us and we with them- a connection that I treasure and yet ache so deeply for all at the same time.

I recently heard it [death/heartache] described as an invisible knife that one carries in their heart forever. Those who also carry it within often sense it and can relate to others who share this same pain; those who can't 'see it' sometimes press up against it and make it worse (unknowingly many times) or are suddenly made aware of it, but at the same time they can't empathize in the same way because they do not know the depth of the ache and how it feels. I hurt when I learn of others who hurt. I ache on a whole new 'level' post-Teagan's death than I ever did prior to our tragedy. I have come to learn how my hugs and sympathies were so much more empty when life was going good for us, and now when I offer words of comfort or extend a hug, having experienced death and living without Teagan brings new meaning to my words and my hugs are more heartfelt with Teagan's spirit wrapped around them too. I don't know if this even 'makes sense' to anyone that reads it... or maybe it does. I'm still often at a loss of how to explain what my heart feels and then to put it into words is a task all it's own.

What I do know is that our family is not alone when it comes to heartache and loss. There are people everywhere who have stories and memories of loved ones that are etched on their hearts forever too. I know that our experiences and challenges are unique to each other's situations, but there is an invisible connection that ties us all together too.

I get several emails and facebook messages each week from some of you as readers, and also from friends and family who share stories of people that you know, or even you yourself are going through, as it relates to death, trauma, disability or other life challenges that are overwhelming and scary. I am constantly reminded and humbled that my life experiences can 'connect' with others and even encourage many too. I am always touched by the people behind these stories and my heart goes out to them in a very special way. I often find myself in prayer for those of you who are going through painful life (and death) circumstances and feel strongly that one of the purposes for my pain serves to be a comfort to others in theirs. I don't know that I will ever fully understand the purpose of pain and heartache this side of Heaven, but I do know that 'good' can come from it when we give it to God and allow Him to work in us and through us.

I guess all this is spilling over onto the pages of this blog for several reasons. Two of the most beautiful ones you see pictured above- the top photo is Kate and the second little girl is Ava. Their stories and photos were shared with me by friends of theirs and I find myself "instantly" connected- mostly because of my own bright-eyed, curly haired little girl that tugs at my heart to this day. There's something special about little girls, but even moreso when someone emails me and says, "follow this link to their story". I can't help but go and I encourage you to do the same.

Kate's story is one that is still unfolding. She is battling cancer and you can find ways to 'get involved' with her story- whether through prayers for her, by giving to her toy drive or even just being grateful on a new level for your own health and that of those around you.

Ava's story is one that even in her absence continues to touch people around the world through the way her family continues to share her photos and story. I have 'talked' with her mom, Sheye, via emails and I know she would be moved if you would take time to read Ava's story and in turn act accordingly as a result. It doesn't change the fact that they miss Ava, but the hope of never having another family feel the pain they do is one that drives them to share their hurt and invite others to be changed as a result.

There are so many more stories and people that I could highlight and invite you to enter in to their stories too. I hope that many of you are continuing to pray for Jaymun's family as their wounds and heartache are still so fresh and painful. I know they appreciate your care too! I oftentimes wonder why lives are cut so short and questions are left to be asked and pondered. I have yet to come to an understanding of why things happen the way they do, and yet if you have followed here for any length of time you hopefully can see that our family simply trusts God every step of the way- whether the answers are revealed to us or not. Trusting in Him is the very thing that sees us through and this 'invisible connection' to the One who holds the universe in place is the one that we turn to every single day.

To wrap up my thoughts today I want to share with you the short devotional that I read in my quiet time this morning. It's titled "Secure in God" and it comes from a little book called: One-Minute Promises of Comfort by Steve Miller.

The verse for this devotional is Joel 2:27 which simply says,

"I am the Lord your God".

When we are deeply unsettled and feeling unsure about our lot in life, the greatest comfort we have is that we can be sure about God.

Temptations may plague us, and doubts may assail us. Questions may haunt us, and fear may disturb us. We may even reach a point of questioning God's existence, or feel as though He is powerless to help us.

Yet no matter how are circumstances make us feel, there is nothing that can threaten the certainty of who God is and the security of our relationship with Him. To hear Him say, "I am the Lord your God" can give us a sense of restful calm and confidence even in the worst of earthly disasters.

God is God, and nothing can change that. He has committed Himself to caring for you. Doesn't that make you feel secure?

Heartache and Joy.

Their story has touched me since we first swapped emails a few years ago. I have invited you, my friends, to pray several times for Jaymun and his family. Today Jaymun is healed and in Heaven. But his family will need our prayers more than ever.
I invite you to pray and sign his guest book if you are so inclined. My heart aches for them and rejoices at the same time. They will see Jaymun again. But in the meantime, their journey is far from over. Thanks for caring. And praying. I know they appreciate it.

Maybe you need to hear this too...

I turned on the radio for about 30 seconds today and this is, in part, what I heard in that short amount of time...
"There is a Power in this world that's bigger than the circumstances you walk in."
It really struck me and spoke to me in a way that I needed to hear. It's easy to get wrapped up in our problems, isn't it?! How great it is to know that God didn't just create this world and then leave us all to fend for ourselves. He cares intimately about every one of us and offers us strength and patience and grace and abilities and whatever we need to go through our days. He cares about our great days and our not-so-great days.
He gives us new mornings and fresh starts and offers unconditional love no matter how many times we fall down or doubt or fail. He is good and promises to meet our every need. He even knows our needs before we do. He is faithful to those whose trust is in Him.
I needed to hear that again today.
I hope to encourage anyone else that needs to hear it too.
Nothing we face is too big or beyond the realm of God. He can do it. Our task is to trust fully in Him.
I often wonder how people go through their days without having God to lean on and carry them through. I don't know what I would do without His care.
I need it- every hour of every day!
Maybe you do too!

Thank you.

Thank you for your support and care for me and my family as we marked another birthday and celebrated despite Teagan being gone. I have to tell you that the days leading up to 'special days' are often harder than the actual days themselves.
There was laughter and fun in our home and out for dinner tonight. We were graced with beautiful bouquets of flowers from some thoughtful friends. Teagan was remembered and recalled with smiles and joy. She had a charm all her own that seems to still have a way of touching others.
I am always humbled to think that God sent her into our lives to live out her days- even as much as He knew it would be short. I find it amazing that in His mercy, He gave her to us and allowed her to change our hearts and lives forever. He is a good God and even in Teagan's absence and through the pain of losing her, I can and always will say that His ways can be trusted. He never fails.
I thank God for His comfort and strength to see us through these years without Teagan. I thank Him for the ways He has blessed us with so many good things as the days go on. If you don't know for sure that you are going to spend your eternity in Heaven... if you don't know God personally, I would invite you to seek Him and know the peace and assurance that I experience everyday. There is nothing like it. He gives peace that passes all understanding.
I can't even imagine what it is that Teagan experiences in Heaven each and everyday. One day I will find out though and we will make up for missed birthdays and praise God for all eternity. I hope you'll be there with us too. Thank you for your care for us until we get there.

I was a little girl in the 1970's.

I just couldn't pass up sharing these photos today and in so doing, hopefully encourage some of you to squeeze in a little handmade goodness into your home this Christmas. As this title suggests, I am a child of the 70's. What that means in my life is that I still own my Miss Beasley doll that I got when I was only 2. I still love to watch episodes of the Brady Bunch and I wish I could go for a drive in our powder blue Plymouth Chrysler that I so fondly recall sitting unbuckled in the front seat on the folded down "hump" where I could see out the front window and turn the metal dials back and forth searching for a certain radio channel.

It means I still love bold colors and patterns and I'd give anything for to spend an afternoon sitting next to our old record player and sing along with tunes from scratchy LP's. =)

What happens to me as I browse the internet (as I was doing this morning while sipping coffee with gingerbread creamer) is that sometimes I come across images and/or stories that take me right back to that wonderful decade in my life.

Today I decided this stuff was too good to pass up, so I am sharing Danielle Thompson's home with you via this link to her blog. I would pack only a few things to wear and leave everything I own to move into her home. I just love her eclectic style and her eye for color and funky/retro design. It's inspiring to me. She recently posted a lengthy tutorial to make the beautiful felt trees that you see here too. I think if I only get the chance to make one or two items for my home this Christmas that these trees would have to be it! They are adorable and doable in an afternoon. She also has some wonderful digital designs that are great for scrapbooking, gift-giving and for creating lots of special homemade goodies. You'll find links and information on all her designs on her blog too.

I have other people and places that inspire me- especially at Christmas time- but this is my top pick for today. Maybe next week I'll share another link or two.
In the meantime, if you have a special site or blog that inspires you- at Christmas or anytime, I'd love for you to link me up! Feel free to leave a web address in the comments and I'll hope to get around to each site.

Have a great weekend as you continue to prepare your heart and home for Christmas this year.

Edited to add:

My friend, Courtney, is holding a can drive on her blog until tomorrow morning. She's giving you the chance to help her efforts, if you just stop by her blog and leave a comment! Please take a minute of your time to contribute to this great cause- there are so many people who could use help this Christmas. This is a chance to help make a tiny difference without even moving from where you are right now. Thanks for helping...go here to leave your comment.

More thoughts on the game...

Here are more pictures of Crew. If you're related to him and live out-of-state, these are for you. Click on the top photo to enlarge it and see the little bubbles he made with his mouth as he slept. I love tiny baby bubbles and probably spent too much time watching him make them yesterday. But it was one of my "big plays" in the game we call life.

I was thinking more about the idea of making big plays and being ready for the snap in reference to my post yesterday and I have come to another conclusion. I felt more on top of things as I ran a couple of errands and got a quick haircut and picked the kids up from school and topped off the day by making tacos for dinner. It felt good to "get things done", but what I found out was when I left Crew and Ava with Chip for a couple of hours and came home to a baby sleeping with a pacifier in his mouth (he has only used it about 4 times and usually only for a few minutes at a stretch) and he was content and Ava was happily playing, and I noticed how much I missed just being home with them.

Just being home with them.

It's no small thing.

It's a "big play" in the game of life. It's the season of life for our family right now and I realized that my main focus and challenge is to be a good mom and wife and to soak up the moments that connect the hours of our days. Like the bubbles that Crew made as he slept...I could miss them or ignore them altogether and maybe I could have used that time to make Jell-o, but instead I soaked up time. Time that I will never get a chance to take back. Time that slips away all too quickly. Time that I will, sometime in the future, wish for as I look back on these {way too many} photos that I take.

Yes, there's something to be said about being on top of our game. But I think what's also so important is knowing what "position you are playing" and recognizing the importance of that, and then making the most of how it all matters in the scheme of things.

Today I made another "big play".

I took a nap. =)

Or should I say, Chip allowed me to sleep while Crew slept- through the dinner hour and even longer- and it felt so good. I can't thank him enough for stepping it up and letting me get that rest. Not only that, but he also made dinner for the family, and I awoke to the smell of brownies baking in the kitchen and I heard kids' happy voices. Now that's a big play! I think that's what I'm trying to say. Maybe making dinner and letting someone sleep doesn't seem like a big deal, but it made a big difference for me today and that's what life is about.

Showing people how much you care and giving of yourself and being in the moment so that it makes a difference in the lives of others around you. I have to admit, I love blogging and praying for many of you and sending emails to encourage others and laughing and crying as I "share life" with many of you- friends, family and 'strangers'. I may not get all the clutter picked up around our house each day, but I am glad when I take time to answer notes and stay in touch and care about what happens to you and those you love too. Thanks for letting me make plays in your lives and reminding me that this- this season of life- is so important to savor and just be in it as it unfolds. I strive to live with purpose and intention, and that, I believe, is what makes all the difference in "the game".

He's taken over...

Four weeks ago at this point in time I was having a discussion with Chip between contractions and replays of tee shots from the Ryder Cup, about whether or not I should get an epidural. [I did.] But more than that I had no idea how much I would be grateful to have Chip in my life. He has taken over so much of my 'duties' around the home and with our family this past month, that I feel a simple thank you wouldn't be enough.
So I am going public today and saying, Thank You, Chip for being an amazing husband, dad and tolerator of me for the past month and beyond. I really DO appreciate everything you do. Even though I am operating around 60% and so I forget to thank you 40% or more of the time. Please forgive me and just know that I love having you in my life- every minute of every day. Especially those moments that you let me lay on the couch with Crew sleeping in my arms and you head downstairs to throw the laundry into the dryer. Or when you pick up Wyndham from therapy and then grab some take-out for the kids for dinner so I can still keep laying on the couch. =)
You make my life better.
So do you, Crew.
And Ava and Bella and Wyndham and Brock.
And you too, Teagan, because of you I want to be the best for all your siblings.
The past four weeks have been transition and adjustment time for all of us.
I wouldn't want it any other way.
Love, Mom

Family-resemblences.

Several people have seen Crew in person and most people think he looks a lot like Isabella. I keep seeing a lot of Brock and Ava in him. The top photo here is Brock...what do you think? He does have Chip's coloring...but thankfully has my mellow personality. So far. =)
Thank you for all the prayers for our family as we grieve the death of Chip's grandpa. This loss comes just 2 months after Chip's uncle died so suddenly, so it makes this time even more sorrowful. We will miss their presence with the holidays just around the corner. Those are always the hardest times it seems. I also have to say I wish I had more photos of both these guys, and maybe now I can prove to Chip there is much truth in the statement, "there's no such thing as too many pictures".

Sending our love home.

Brock and Chip are headed to Minnesota to be with Chip's family at this time. My doctor "highly discouraged" a 10-hour roadtrip for me at this point in the pregnancy. I'm already showing signs of making progress and with the number of babies I've had, plus the fact that Ava was early just added to her recommendation for me and this baby.
Everything is going well at this point- no major concerns- which is always a good thing. I like "normal and routine", and hopefully I can heed some advice to take it easy as much as possible.
We would all like to be home with our family this weekend, but I know they all understand and if they can feel our love through Chip and Brock, well then that is the important thing.
Thanks for your prayers and wishes for comfort.

Understanding.

Many of you have emailed me and sent links and notes about your sorrow for the Chapman Family and the recent death of their little girl, Maria.
My heart has been aching for them and I can't stop thinking about them as today they embrace one another as they grieve her death and celebrate her life at her funeral.
I don't know their family personally, but have been touched by Steven's music for many, many years. Chip and I had one of his songs sung at our wedding, and we had a couple of his songs played at Teagan's memorial services. I wore out the first tape I got of his back in my high school college days, and somewhere I have video footage of me having fun 'dancing' to "The Great Adventure" while one of my sisters colored my hair. So it is just as much a shock and heartache to me as the rest of you, to hear about this tragic, accidental, sudden death.
And many of you asked me if it brings back memories of the death and loss of Teagan, and I have to tell you that it does.
Even after all these years, I still think about Teagan and miss her everyday.
What a situation like this does for me is makes me remember the details so clearly...the pain all over again...and my heart understands all too well, what the Chapmans must be feeling too. I hurt for them on so many levels, and find myself asking the questions they must be wondering.
Grief is something I didn't fully grasp until Teagan died and then my eyes were opened, not only to my hurt, but to the hurt of others and the depth that such agony reaches.
What I also know though, is that the Chapman family have a strong faith and understanding of who God is and I am praying that this will only strengthen and grow in the coming days, weeks and over the years. I find myself aching so much for their hurt, yet at the same time, I am 'years ahead of them' in the journey of grief, and I know a truth- that God IS faithful. He IS merciful. He DOES comfort and heal and bring joy out of suffering. But it's not an easy road, and so today, as I have been since Thursday morning, I lift them in prayer and ask God to pour out Himself into their hearts in lives and give them His Peace and Grace in full measure.
I understand that they will have waves of grief and questions and ongoing struggles as they begin to process and live life without Maria physically in it. It brings back memories of my own shock and horror- I just remember how surreal it was to read the stories in the newspapers and to see Teagan's name and picture posted with dates of the year of her life and death. My mind had a hard time wrapping around the fact that she was really gone- and how it all happened so quickly on a sunny, summer day without warning.
I know that there are those who will never fully understand, and that's okay. I actually think you're the lucky ones and as I said, I used to be in your shoes. But now that I'm among those who know grief firsthand, I feel as though it is almost a 'gift' to be tapped into and I take that role in my life seriously. I pray and hope that some of my experiences give others Hope- that God will somehow bring good out of this heartache, and that in His time, they will come to rest in His promises and they will see little Maria again.
Here are the links to the Steven Curtis Chapman song lyrics that we had at Teagan's services. I know that at such a time people often say "there are no words...". Thankfully we found comfort in these songs (as well as others and Scripture too) and my heart's prayer is that the Chapman family will find comfort too.
"With Hope"
"My Redeemer is Faithful and True"

Asking for your prayers. Again.

Many of you will probably remember this handsome little guy from some time ago when I was following his story closely and even invited some of you to send gifts/cards as he underwent a bone marrow transplant along with his perfect donor match, brother Devon. Some of you have continued to follow his growth and progress and I was deeply saddened after reading so many positive posts and seeing the grins from Jaymun in all of his pictures- to hear that he again is facing a long road of chemotherapy and new treatments.
His mother, Jennifer, emailed me, along with other family and friends, the difficult, hard news more than a week ago. I also was given permission to share this photo and link to their blog where I, along with Jennifer, invite you to be aggressive in your prayers and thoughts for Jaymun and his family as they begin another journey into scary and unknown territory. My heart and prayers are with them every step of the way.
I think of my own journey- the ups and the downs, and I am comforted to know that they have a faith in God and His sovereignty...but I know that it is still very difficult to trust God with something as scary as your youngest son going through cancer. I hope that you will think of Jaymun often and I know I will be praying feverently in hopes of seeing yet another miracle unfold in his life.
He is a charmer, a fighter and an inspiration to many. I know God loves him more than anyone could...and so I, along with his family, trust and pray today and in the coming days. Thank you for your care for the Kaat family.

The month of May

It's crazy to think my kids will be done with an entire school year at the end of this month. Despite the seemingly long and endless winter months, spring is here and suddenly there is much to do and the days are speeding by as summer approaches. I loved reading all your comments about what you love about nature. I love too, that God is SO evident in all of it- from the tiniest bud on a tree to the most ranging storms and calm afterwards. God is in beauty all around us.
The comment left by Cassie was the one that came up when I did the random number generator- so Cassie, email me your mailing address and I'll send you a butterfly card in the mail.
{ nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com }
May, though, also makes me think of the Coble family. They lost 3 of their children in a truck accident last year (on May 4th, I believe). I have prayed for them and thought of them so many times throughout the year. As a mother who has lost a child though, I know that this month will be very difficult for them and the memories and pain will be very real. I know they were also expecting triplets and have never heard an update on how that pregnancy has progressed, but I know too, that it must bring mixed and overwhelming emotions sometimes.
So, if you think of their family, I invite you to pray for them.
I know if it was me, I would appreciate all the love and support I could get- even from strangers.
May you have a blessed and wonderful spring, with many things to be thankful for each day.
Edited to include this link from one of my readers here...thank you.
What amazing timing too...no wonder they were on my heart. I send my best to Lori, Chris and their babies.

Recycling and notebooks.

This is a series of photos showing you first, the type of packaging I used to make a little scrap book and some detailed pictures showing how it is assembled. In 'scrap terms' this would be called a 'recycled notebook tutorial'. I made this by taking the plastic wrapper of a pack of fun stickers/embellishments and I cut it into thirds and taped the 'pages' together with gaffer tape. The edges are open- allowing me to slide patterned papers in them- which can have photos and journaling added to them or dates and stickers or labels or whatever I want this little book to hold. It's just blank and ready to be filled.

I made up a mini goodie bag of mix-matched scraps that would be fun to use on this book- from ribbon to buttons to tabs to fabric and even a handmade mushroom. I sent it to one of the 'winners' of the card for Lois drive that I posted a link to on my blog a few weeks ago. Lois is battling cancer and a good friend of mine asked for people all over the world to send cards to Lois. Those cards have lifted her spirits, encouraged her heart and helped Lois know that the burden of her cancer is being shared in a small way- by many.

Something as small as a handwritten card or verse or thought of comfort can mean the world to the person who is facing a great struggle. I am personally inviting all of you who read this post, to consider sending a card to the Smith family who just two days ago brought into this world their baby daughter Audrey, but only had about two hours of this life to spend with her, before she died and their life started a new path. One that now forever is etched on their hearts, and most certainly brings a mixture of Joy and sorrow. You can read their story at their blog, and you are invited there to send cards and messages to them at this address:

Angie and Todd Smith

PMB 210

8161 Hwy 100

Nashville, TN 37221

I remember the overwhelming number of cards and notes that Chip and I received for weeks after our tragedy when Teagan died. They meant so much. They still do. I know that the Smith's so appreciate your prayers too, and I have no doubt God is listening to every one of them said on their behalf. Thank you for praying...thank you for caring.

The more I scrap, the more I am beginning to see that it's not just words and pretty paper. There are connections made beyond all the 'stuff'- connections that touch the heart. I am grateful to be able to share a little bit of my life with so many, and humbled that others let me in on bits of their lives too. I have one last link to share with you- some beautiful, blank journals that I found online that inspire me. I love to journal. I love blank, recycled notebooks. It's like they are little treasures just waiting to be filed with thoughts and dreams and sorrows and wonders and everything in between.

715 posts...

This post is number 715. That's a lot of pictures and stories and ups and downs and thoughts and ramblings, wouldn't you agree? The truth is I never dreamed I would like blogging this much when I first created Nitty.Gritty. I had read blogs for about 5 months when I finally hit the button, 'create your own blog'. I really thought it was just going to be an easy way for me to share bits and pieces of my life and that of the rest of my family with my family and friends- near and far. Since our tragedy, I had been very good about sending emails and often times found myself 'needing' prayer support or encouragement for some new life challenge we were facing, or just had to share something exciting that had happened in our ongoing recoveries.
When the world of blog opened up before me, I had no idea what I was getting into, nor did I realize how many connections I would make or how many other people would feel compelled to share their stories with me.
It's been quite a ride, I must say. One that has really touched me in many ways. So this post today is kind of a compilation or update post on some of those stories that many of you have followed here in the past 715 posts.
First things, first.
I have been in the midst of a personal concern that has caused some stress in my life. I still am in that...but feel that God has given me peace to accept however it turns out. Still, if you feel led to do so, please pray for that peace and for the final results for me. Also, in regards to the issue of clutter. Thanks for some of your emails and tips on how I can address this. Part of it is just the added stress in my life sort of maginifies all the other 'stuff' that drags us down. I felt much better yesterday after tackling the closet/room that holds most of my girls' clothes. I emtpied out two bags of things they had outgrown and folded and hung up everything else that was out of place. That felt good and made me feel just that much more 'in control'. I think my advice for some of you at this same place I am in is to do ONE thing. Start small- whether it is a drawer or a closet or a single room, or even just cleaning everything off the front of the fridge.
A single clean space sort of gets the ball rolling and I really think it's all part of a larger mental game here. As spring bursts on the scene for many of us, we have this urgent sense to make things 'fresh' around our homes. I am happy to say that my one small step yesterday really made a big difference...and really it isn't that bad around my home. Nothing like the hoarders some of you wrote me that appeared on Oprah. I just feel like I needed a little jumpstart, and I wish you the best as you find ways to feel good about your homes and spaces too. Small steps are the key.
Secondly, many of you were moved and curious about the lives of our friends (the Cerak family of Gaylord, MI) who were told their daughter was killed along with others from Taylor University in a terrible van accident almost two years ago. Weeks later, they learned she had been misidentified as another student in the crash and actually was alive and recovering. They recently co-wrote a book with the parents of the family whose daughter had been killed and now will be sharing some of their thoughts on various tv programs. If you are interested in hearing some of that story and more of how they are doing now, you can see them on the Today Show (today- Thurs. 27th), tomorrow night on a Dateline 2-hour special, or on The Oprah Winfrey Show next Tuesday, April 1st.
I owe a few of you replies to the emails and donations you sent to me on behalf of Teagan's birthday when I invited you to be a part of the gift we are sending to our friend Roxanne Robbin who is serving some needy/special children in Uganda- many who are suffering from cancer and other serious diseases/injuries. We are touched by your generosity and have been in contact with Roxanne. She had sent us an update on Okello Dikens- whom I asked you to be in prayer for as his story had gripped my heart. He was given a fairly good report from his doctors just over a week ago, but this past Thursday he took a turn for the worse and is in a coma and having major complications- including vomiting blood and feeling pain. Roxanne spent all Easter weekend by his bedside and I know she would appreciate more prayers for little Dickens. Chip is planning a golf event to help raise even more money for the hospital and the needs of the children of Uganda. Roxanne said that she would make certain our money goes to meet very specific and simple needs of these children- many of whom don't even have a mattress or pillow/blanket as they lay in the hospital needing care. We have been receiving donations through our paypal account which is chip2jody@hotmail.com should you feel compelled to be a part of this gift as well. We truly appreciate your gifts and prayers and I will continue to bring news as Roxanne is able to share with us even though she is thousands of miles away.
My dear blog friend, Angie, and her whole family can use more of your prayers too. They are facing the birth and death of their daughter, Audrey Caroline, who has multiple concerns and is not expected to live as a result of her issues. I invite you to read their story and pray for God to be glorified even in this most trying time in their lives.
As for our own Wyndham, she is nearing the end of the process she has been through as we wean her off one anti-seizure med and onto another. It has taken weeks and we are almost 'there'. I have appreciated so much support and prayers for her too as she has gained strength and gotten her enery levels up again. She still has some catching up to do with the strength/muscle tone she lost, but she has made much progress and now we are just hoping that this single medication will control her seizures and help us live a 'normal' life again.
Yes, there are more stories and updates I could bring you, but I think that fills many of your hearts/minds. I thank you all for being a part of my blog...our lives. It has been a truly wonderful thing to not only be able to share parts of us and others with you...but to also hear your stories and to be supported and encouraged and inspired by you too.
I hope to continue to do this for many, many more posts. =)

One chin looks good on me...

{For lack of better title on this post...} I had good intentions to post a family picture here today. I was happy that my Mom could snap a few of us before we went to church yesterday. But, I had the camera on the wrong setting and they all came out very blurry. So, I played around with some 'self-portraits' yesterday afternoon and instead I have this picture of me to post for my Mom. =) Sorry. I have a feeling I will be glad to have this photo in a few months, as reference that I didn't have a double chin my whole pregnancy. At least not yet at 6 weeks. =)
My calendar is all painted and in my gallery here at SIStv if you want to click through all the pages. It was inspired by my talented artist friend, Sarah Bowen. You can see her awesome calendar here. As well as see that I have some techniques to learn with my watercolors- at least my calendar is finished! =)
I took Wyndham to one hour of her physical therapy session today. She is still so weak and tired, but we need to build her muscle strength up and see how much she can tolerate. Apparantly she cannot tolerate that much. She came home, pointed to her room and signed 'sleep'. I let her lay down for about 45 minutes and then got her up just long enough to eat a few bites of lunch. She was very disinterested...and wanted to go back to bed. She ended up taking a 3 1/2 hour nap.
When she woke she looked much better, and proceeded to eat 2 freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. That's about how things have been going for her for the past 4-5 days. She has little spurts of energy and eats alright every now and then. But she is definitely not up for her routine schedule or regular school days. We still appreciate your prayers for her recovery. And we are thrilled to see a few more smiles from her each day. I will make sure to catch some on my camera and update some pictures here soon.
Chip is supposed to be taking some pictures of Brock at lacrosse right now. He is just starting up again. I am happy that we can squeeze a few 'extra curricular' activities into our week. Even if we're not all operating at full-strength. We're getting there...and it feels good.