Wild and crazy...and tasty too.

 Oh my.

It has been quite a month in the life of Nitty.Gritty. It feels like more than a month, actually. I am not even sure how to do a recap in blogpost form. There could be several posts about what we just went through. And maybe there will be as I continue to process everything that has happened.

For now I will do a 'quick overview' and the good news for you is that it starts with cupcakes! =) Hooray for gourmet cupcakes in the middle of life's dramas, right?! The good part isn't even the cupcakes- as delicious and amazing as they were. And let me tell you, they were amazing! The good part is the people in our lives behind the cupcakes and behind us all the way as we lived out some of the most stress we have endured in a long while.

Without re-reading my previous post {and I rarely read my own blog posts}, I am not even entirely certain where I left off. There were so many twists and turns and ups and downs and the feeling that life was going to go one direction and the reality is that we ended up in a whole different direction. To be perfectly honest, I sort of feel like I don't know where I am right now, how I got here, or what I am supposed to be doing now. It has been a wild and restless whirlwind, and I think we are still trying to 'settle down' and just pause and catch our breath.

The good-bye cupcakes came about because we ended up packing all of our belongings from the home we were renting in Minnesota and we loaded two movig trucks, one trailer and two vans with everything, all 8 of us, and my parents tagged along as our big supporters and helpers, and we moved back to our house that has been for sale in Michigan since last Thanksgiving. So basically it goes like this:

Last Thanksgiving Chip got a job offer at a course in Minnesota and we found a home to rent there, put our house up for sale, packed everything and moved a week or so before Christmas. Flash forward one year, and here we found ourselves packing everything back up- including box after box that had never been unpacked- and moving it all right back to where we started. It sounds daunting and ridiculous and mind-boggling, I am sure. The truth is that it is all those things to us too. And more.

I frankly still don't know what to make of it. As a person who has such a reliance on God and trusting in His ways to help guide and direct the paths we take in life, this whole scenario just seems unbelievable. Part of me is trying to wrap my head around it all. It was a whirlwind year- full of changes, good things, bad things, stressful things, fun things, new friendships, new adventures and then a screeching halt and we're back to where we started. A part of me wonders how that could happen. Did we miss something? Did God not want us to move to Minnesota and we did so out of selfish motives and in the meantime have to learn some hard lessons only to have us move back because He didn't really want us there in the first place? Or did God truly lead us there and plug us in to a great church body, give us real and lasting friendships as a gift, and now close that door there just when things were starting to settle down and feel 'right' for our family there? And if so, to either of these big questions, my next question is why? Why would we go through such major drama and stresses. Can't we learn life lessons a different way...an easier way? Or maybe all that happened in our lives for not just us- but maybe they happened for someone else? Could that be? I don't know. I really, truly don't know what it was all for. I cannot see a point or purpose to it all. And in the midst of going through it, the emotions, the stress of not knowing where we were going to move even just two days before we moved...it was all almost too much for me. Like I said, I am still trying to process and unwrap it all. My heart and mind and body were literally overwhelmed at times, and I don't know that there will ever be a point to it all or answers that seem to make sense of what we went through this past month. It was exhausting. And then some.

I cried more, yelled more, hurt more people with my actiosns and words then I care to ever admit to anyone. My heart was broken and I was angry and I was confused and yes, truly overwhelmed with everything. At one point I had logged a mere 10 hours of sleep in four days. And the days we were living were long and all-consuming. Just trying to keep 6 kids fed, diapered and out of trouble in the midst of packing and not-knowing and then actually driving 14 hours and doing what had to be done was a nightmare that kept going from bad to worse. We emptied and cleaned {with the help of my amazing parents and some really down-to-earth friends!} the MN house- all 5000+ sq. feet of it, and then got in our caravan of moving trucks and drove 14 hours to our home back here in Michigan...with a flat tire along the way. We arrived with a trailer that wouldn't open, which held all our bedding and mattresses so we could just pull them out and crash at 2:15 in the morning- but that didn't even happen without much anxiety and effort. Then, a couple of hours later we learned that our hot water heater was broken and would need a part and not be fixed for at least 48 hours. Consider this. Ten people...having packed, cleaned, loaded, driven 14 hours, unpacked and now nobody can take a shower or feel refreshed. So we had to take turns showering at friends and neighbors homes. After all of that. But there's more. The refrigerator is broken too. So any of the food that we had managed to keep cold for the 14 hour trip now has nowhere to be kept cold. And the food that people so generously brought to us upon our arrival has no where to go. Except that the temperature outside has dropped and so we got to eat food out of coolers in our garage for 4+ days. In the middle of boxes and sleeplessness and so much stress and chaos that I cannot really put it into words, nor would you really want to grasp it that fully anyway.

That's how we began this "new chapter", which still feels like an old chapter to me, of our life here in Michigan. Chip ended up parting ways with his club in Minnesota, so we now are settling as best we can back into our home here, we're needing a job locally- if possible, and the kids are actually handling this whole situation quite well, because at least they are back with their friends, familiar teachers and neighbors as they adjust to this recent move. They seem to be happy even. So that is a silver-lining to this whole circumstance. We are happy that they are happy.

But to be honest, I am still hurting and feeling disillusioned about what we are doing here again. As we wait on a job to open up for Chip and sit here trusting God to provide for our needs, I honestly feel so worn out and convinced that I "did something wrong" or that my prayers about being said with the right motives or pure heart, so I am not sure what to think or expect next. I do know that even if we messed up, or we chose the wrong path in life, or simply found ourselves in the wrong place at the right time that God can honor where we are now. I am not trusting in me and my lack of understanding or my prayers that seem to fall on deaf ears- but instead I am finding myself more broken, humbled, surrendered and open to what God wants to do in and through us next. I know that even when I can't make sense out of life, that God is still 100% invested in us and He will see us through to whatever or wherever He has plans to use us. We can trust Him forever and always, simply because He is Lord of our lives.

And that thought is enough reminder to my heart to bring me peace- despite the things we have gone through and continue to go through.

Okay.

So back to those cupcakes!! I didn't forget about the cupakes!

I will blog more about them soon, but for now I will just say that we were blessed- even in the midst of all of our "drama" as I like to call it.

One of the big blessings is that for all the stress leading up to this whole move and re-settling, is that on this side of things life has gotten very 'mellow' for us the past two weeks. Moving back from where you just came from does have a few perks. The house itself was in more disrepair than we had expected in just a year's time. I never realized how run down an empty house can get that quickly! There was the broken water hearter and new fridge that we had to buy, showers and tubs and floors to scrub, and our yard will have to be re-seeded next spring. It is a disaster. But beyond the cosmetic stuff, it has been easy to transition the kids back to school; we know where to shop for groceries and how to get around locally. We basically know what to expect around here. With Chip home right now and not working, my life has been easier than it had been. We were so tired and worn out from our move, that we spent a few days settling in around here and Chip even painted our master bedroom and we cleaned and set up our spaces enough to be comfortable, but then we took a much-needed break. With almost all our family back in Minnesota we had a quiet, uneventful Thanksgiving here by ourselves. Chip took Brock, Bella and Crew out on a service project to deliver meals for several hours in the morning, and then the rest of the day it was just us and Chip making turkey and all the fixin's. We have slowly started to unpack our clothes into closets and I have gotten caught up on washing a lot of clothes, towels and bedding. We have a garage full of boxes to sort through, but we have had no urge to do that yet.

So I have been lucky to set up my cozy scrap space again and Chip has been great about letting me just sit in that space and make whatever I want to make. I have needed that time and space to just be. Those pictures of a scrap page and a mini book are peeks for the newest Cocoa Daisy kit being revealed later tonight. My scrap box from Cocoa Daisy was the first piece of mail we got at our house here in Michigan and I was so thrilled that I could settle in my scrap spot and create with it from the very start of being here. It was just what I had hoped for, and even more! The colors and the antler stamp just brought the happiness I was craving at that time. I feel lucky that in the midst of everything I was able to have time to play with paper and ink and have some fun- just for me. I feel very lucky to be on the Cocoa Daisy team and am looking forward to reconnecting with a bunch of my scrap friends here in Michigan again too. They are a fun bunch and maybe rekindling those friendships is one of the reasons God brought us back here. I'm not sure, but I am looking forward to finding out. =)

So that's the short version of the past month of our life. I know we have much more than we need or deserve and we are grateful for all that God has given to us. It has just been hard to say good-bye {even with tasty cupcakes!} to all we had come to love about the people and place God had given us in Minnesota. It's hard to know we will spend the holidays alone and so far from family and friends. We were so looking forward to being "home" this year! But God has His reasons, His timing and I know He has our best at heart. So the one thing I can do is keep trusting, being patient, and being totally open to what He is up to. I am sure that however this new chapter of our life plays itself out, it will be another interesting twist to the life path He continues to guide us on. I love that the path is beautiful enough to keep pointing us forward...and that it graced with cupcakes and pretty paper and stamps and happiness for our kids along the way too. In spite of it all, we are still living a lucky charmed life. I just have to look at it from the right point-of-view!

Another birthday!

I didn't mean to go nearly a month without posting, but here it is almost a full month later and I am just getting to my blog. I can tell you that we have had a busy month. I think I have gone out more times in the past month than I did in the previous two years- in part because we have great babysitters nearby {Thanks, Dad and Mom!} and also we are just trying to jump right in to life here in Minnesota and that means making new friends, trying new things and finding ways to get involved with various activities in the community. Chip's job is keeping him very busy and I think he likes it that way best. We have also gotten well-acquainted with people at a local church and it feels great to be making friends with others who share your same beliefs and seek to live out similar ideals in life. The weather has been better than usual for this time of year and that has made it fun for us to get outside, play at our nearby park and learn our way around the neighborhood a bit. We are still anxious to get our house in Michigan sold- although there have been very few prospects up til this point. It simply becomes one big issue for us to turn over to God and let Him work out the timing and details for us. It's easier said than done, but I don't think waiting and learning patience is the worst thing to have to experience in life. So we wait and hope and keep an eye out for a home that will suit the needs of our family when the time does come!

To top off our busy schedules, we celebrated another birthday yesterday... Ava turned 8! She is so excited about growing up and I think she wished she had turned 13 instead of Brock. But she will get there before we know it and so I am trying to tell her to enjoy being 8. To start her year off right I woke Brock, Bella and Ava up early and we went out for breakfast at Perkins yesterday before school started. Each Wednesday our local schools have a one-hour late start {as part of an ongoing teacher-education program, I believe} so we had that extra hour we missed from Daylight Savings time this weekend to use at breakfast. =) Ava was so happy that she jumped out of bed and announced it would be her best birthday ever!

We kept it mellow and of course had to round out the day with homemade buttercream cake and cupcakes- Ava chose mint-colored frosting with pink (strawberry) cake inside. On Saturday we will have another small party with some family here at our house. And then on Sunday we will mark another birthday. This time it will be in memory of Teagen~ who would have been turning 15 if she were still here on earth with us.

It's so amazing year after year how the emotions well inside me- there is a heaviness that brings an unexplainable feeling. Even though I know it's coming each year it just sort of "hits me"- from headaches to a bad attitude for "no reason" to a little bit of anger at the unfairness and reality that we are missing out on so much of her life. I find comfort in the fact that we have been able to make so many wonderful memories year after year- even though it's not always an easy choice to make. It is easier to wallow and feel sorry and bitter and just shut out the happiness of the world when one's heart is filled with sorrow. I am grateful that God sent Ava into our hearts and lives at this particular time of the year. She wasn't due until mid-April. But I think God knew that we would need a very special reason to party in the days leading up to missing Teagan on her birthday.

Celebrating Ava and making new, fun memories with all our children has been a gift I wouldn't have reached out for if offered to me in the darkest days of my grief. It makes me all the more thankful that God knew best and chose for us they way He did.

Ava has been a beautiful little girl, who has a zest for life and seeks happiness and fun and joy as often as she can. She loves to party and be loud and dance and have fun. Even at totally inappropriate times- like when it's already past bedtime. =) I think I can speak for myself and our whole family that she indeed brings excitement and adds happiness to our lives in ways that only she can. I am delighted to be her mom and to have been the one to hold her first and kiss her first and to be the one to still get to bring smiles to her face through mint-colored cupcakes and lots of other ways too.

We love you, Ava and are so happy that God sent you to our family at the perfect time. We hope you have many more years of parties and fun and joy this side of Heaven! Before you know it, you will be a teenager and I am sure your zest for life will keep us on our toes then too!

...and then he was 3!

A week ago {Sept. 19th} Crew turned 3! It seems like we were just setting up his nursery and getting all the tiny clothes washed and put away in anticipation for his arrival. The next thing I know he is signing "3" and helping to select the cake flavor(s) and then holding the mixer and licking the beaters when the batter is done.

The years really do go by in the blink of an eye- even though some of the days and nights feel like they will never end! Even with having 7 kids, I will never understand the phenomenom behind that truth. We fell in love with Crew and his tiny newborn baby scent back in 2008. He was perfect and warm and squeeky at just the right times. It seems like he grew out of that newborn/baby phase way too quickly and his bright little mind was bent on keeping pace with all his older siblings. There's a 4 1/2 year gap between him and the next in line, Ava, so he had a lot of ground to make up!

I won't sugarcoat it and lie to the world here on my blog. He was a tough cookie- and still is at times- especially when it comes to his strong will and his independent nature. He has wanted to do things his way and on his own since about the 1 year mark. It's only been in the last few months that he is easier to "tame" and also his verbal skills are finally starting to develop and that makes things a bit better for all of us. Knowing that "Bobbie" means he wants to watch SpongeBob helps more than one would think!

I am just so grateful that he is smart, funny, healthy, happy (at least at various times throughout the days) and ready to learn and try new things all the time. Even if it means I've wanted to tear my hair out once in awhile. We're in this together and for the long-haul. Thankfully we have a relationship that was based in love from the very beginning. And love will see us all through!

So, to wrap this up I am going to share some random things I love about Crew being 3:

I love that he can make his own toast. It sort of gives me a small heart attack because I'm not sure what he's up to sometimes, but it makes him proud. Some of my older kids could take cooking lessons from him. Seriously.

I love that he wears Superman jammies and when he wakes up in the morning a lot of times he comes running right to me with his arms wide open ready to give and get a hug. It's a great way to start the day!

I love that he laughs at quirky things. He loves slapstick humor already.

I can't help but love that he gets mad when we tell him he can't drive a car yet. I think he gets that from Ava. She was so upset one day at age 4 that I wouldn't turn over my keys to her that she cried the whole way home from picking up the big kids from school. =)

I love that Crew loves "grown up food" over fast food or junk food, for the most part. He eats cereal/granola for several meals and snacks each week. He especially loves fresh fruit and berries on top. And he insists on pouring the milk on himself, so I give him a little cup of milk that enables him to do it without my help. He won't eat chicken fingers or cheeseburgers, but he does like corn dogs. And toast. See above. =)

I love that he stills gets way too tired and than "crashes" at nap time if/when he takes one. He has a point in the day where he needs a nap so badly, but he fights it just as hard. On the days that he takes one I often get to lay down on his bed and help him calm into sleepmode. I know he's there when he starts twisting his fingers in his hair on the top of his head. Sometimes he even makes little knots.

I love that, even though it makes me feel like I live on a prairie and I'm married to Charles Ingalls, Crew calls me "ma". It's most adorable when he says, "Thanks, Ma!" for whatever it is I happened to get for him at the time.

I love that he makes smiley faces on the driveway with chalk. He loves art time with paints, markers, crayons and LOVES playdough. But he's not so typical in that he hates to get any of it on his hands or clothes. How lucky does that make me?! =)

Okay. One more. I love that he doesn't hold back. Whether it's good or bad, he's in 100%. Which is why I sometimes want to tear my hair out, but I also know that the world holds something amazing for him and he's going to go get it with all of his heart. It might get broken a time or two... but whatever his dream is, he is not going to settle for anything less. There is a lesson in that for all of us. Even if I am a biased mom of a charming 3-year old boy.

Happy birthday to my Crewie as we sometimes call him. I am so glad to be the one to watch you grow, to teach you new things, to see you try and try and try some more, and to share the frosting from the beaters too. My life is forever better because of you! Love, Ma xoxo

Happy Valentine's Day!

I can't help but share a little bit of love with everyone that stops by here today. Heather (#36 in the comments from the previous post) is the winner of mail from me. But because I am feeling extra nice- or just nostalgic about handwritten mail- I've decided to pick one more person to get some mail from me. So leave another comment telling me your favorite dessert and I'll choose another person from these comments to get some mail.
But everyone wins today because I am passing along one of my Buttercream recipes! Yay for Valentine's, cupcakes, and homemade frosting that tastes divine, right?! This recipe is one from out of a children's book that I have made a couple of times. It's fairly easy and it is so creamy, sweet and velvety. We all love it around here! It makes enough for one cake or 24 cupcakes. Unless you like your frosting super thick. Then it will likely only cover 12 cupcakes for you. =)
Buttercream Icing
Ingredients:
4 Eggs
2/3 cup of sugar
1 cup butter, room temp (I use unsalted butter.)
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Directions: Whisk together egg whites and sugar in a bowl. Place bowl in a double boiler on low heat. Whisk occasionally until sugar is dissolved and mixture is very warm- about 150 degrees F. Remove from double boiler and whip with mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form. Put mixer on lower speed and add butter in small pieces. Next, add vanilla and mix until smooth.
Tint icing as you like.
Enjoy!!
P.S. Heather email me your address and I'll send you some mail! {nitty.grittyjodyatyahoodotcom}

Nine is a big thing.

Today {and yesterday} our family celebrates Wyndham turning 9! She had a small party with a BIG cupcake cake at Red Robin yesterday and then games and fun at Chuck E. Cheese with our family and a few friends. She really seemed to like her cupcake- topped off with her favorite color flowers. It's a big deal for her to have a birthday and be able to enjoy her party too.

In years past several times she has been very sick or even just coming home from the hospital on her birthday and there's just something not-so-fun about IV's and tummy ache's that take away the thrill of the party. We're so happy that she is strong and healthy and happy this year to actually take it in and enjoy her special day.

As I stopped to think about what has gone in her nine years of life it is nothing short of amazing. Scary and heart-wrenching too many times, but inspiring and hopeful more than anything! Wyndham at 9, has lots of daily challenges and has only spoken a few words in her whole lifetime. She still wears pull-ups and can't run and jump like her friends can, however her heart is huge, her willingness to try to learn new things and never give up, and the sparkle in her eyes when she accomplishes the ordinary are a joy to witness.

I remember the nurses gasp as they placed her tiny body on the baby scale just minutes after she was born and announced, "Four pounds; six ounces"! My heart skipped a beat and for a moment I was afraid something might be really wrong. (She was born 12 days early- but wasn't preemie.) Moments later she was wiped cleaned, wrapped in a blanket and placed in my arms. She was perfect. Tiny, but perfect. She managed to maintain a normal body temperature {which is one of the big concerns for tiny babies} and we took her home a couple of days later and all was right in our little corner of the world. Teagan was as proud as any big sister could be! She was nearly four years old and took on the roll of helper and charmer to Wyndham. =) Brock was more or less indifferent to Wyndham's entrance into his life. He did ask to hold her from time to time, but seemed content that she slept a lot. Wyndham was born into a family who loved her and I recall feeling like the luckiest Mom of three kids ever.

Could we ever dream this far into her future and see how much she would endure? Not in a million years. Would I take her place and suffer for her if I could? In a heartbeat. I have dropped to my knees, shaking inside with tears pouring from my eyes begging God to spare her life and heal her. He has answered my prayers for Wyndham more than once. Could we ever have imagined that she would pull through her critical injuries and one day beam at her cupcake cake topped with 9 glowing candles? Never.

But it has happened. It is a big deal. This day rips at my heart for what it could have been for her, and yet it grips my heart and fills me with a pride for her I cannot fabricate on my own. She inspires me everyday- even in the trying times. I feel horribly unqualified to meet her needs so many times, but I am also humbled and know just what a privilege it is that I get to call her my own too. We are so happy to have Wyndham in our lives and overjoyed to be able to sing Happy Birthday to her in words and sign. She has more than blessed our lives, and somehow I feel like she'll never fully know how much she means to us and so many others. She is one incredible little girl and whether or not she knows that, it's true now and always. Happy 9th birthday, dear Wyndham!

Party recap.

Bella's party was a lot of fun for all of us on Saturday. We even managed to get a family photo. That makes two already this summer! =) The cupcakes were a hit with everyone. It seems that chocolate, chocolate peanut butter cup is a universal favorite among kids of all ages. We rounded out the party with pizza, gift opening and an outdoor movie on the deck. Bella chose "Wall*e" so the boys wouldn't mind watching alongside of her and her friends. Seven is a fun age.

We did learn one important thing from this party and that is if you make chocolate cupcakes in cute patterned liners, you don't end up seeing the cute patterns after they bake. We're going to see what happens when you make white, yellow or pink cupcakes next. Cupcakes bring happiness no matter what the day. In fact, I think we're making cupcakes again tomorrow. Because remembering Teagan is a really good excuse for cupcakes.

Thanks for thinking of our family at this time of year. Some of you have already sent thoughts our way as we mark another annivesary of our family's tragedy. It's a tough reminder and yet we always seem to find a way to make the day special and even light-hearted most years.

I plan to post some thoughts later today or tomorrow. You know I've got something to say. =)In the meantime, please be praying for a couple of little guys who need major medical miracles... both Jaymun and baby Stellan would love to be healed! I'm sure their parents would all love some rest for their worried hearts too. I've been praying and will keep on praying and trust that God is good.

All the time.

Bella's birthday.

It's just after midnight and we're finally putting our feet up after celebrating Isabella's 7th birthday today. She requested a stack of pancakes, "three high with a square butter on the top and syrup dripping down the sides". She wanted to know if that was possible or if it only happened on tv or on packages. I assured her she could have them if she wanted them. What a simple request, yet she was very impressed, although she couldn't eat them all. Brock wanted a similar stack and stated, "I should have asked for those pancakes on my birthday!". Ava wanted her pancake in the shape of an "A" and Wyndham got a "W".
Luckily for me I like making pancakes and playing with food. I think pancake batter fonts is one of my favorite foods to make. =)
Obviously it's getting late, but I just had to note the pancake conversations as well as this remark from Bella when I first saw her today. I hugged her and wished her a Happy Birthday. Then I said, "Are you excited to be 7 now?" to which she replied, "Well, I don't really feel different yet; 7 feels pretty much the same as 6".
It was a great birthday. I took too many photos according to Chip. I'm sure you'll see some of them soon enough. As for Chip, well, he had a good day too. He ran his first 5k and beat his goal for his overall time. I've been very proud of his disicpline with weight loss, exercise and healthy choices when it comes to food for a few months now. He skipped the pancakes. But I think he had a cupcake tonight. As I hoped he would. Birthdays are some of the best days to eat cupcakes. Especially when you're celebrating turning 7.

Birthdays!

We're thinking birthdays around our house. Today I'd like to send a blog birthday wish to my younger sister. Happy birthday, Jacque! Monday my Mom has a birthday...a big one. She's turning 29 at heart. =) Then next Saturday Bella is turning 7. I haven't been crafty or scrapping anything lately, but I did make her some special invitations to bring to our neighbors/friends. You can see them by clicking here. We're choosing the movie and are down to "Wall-e" or "Horton Hears a Who". It should be a fun party.

We're also in discussion as to what sort of cake/cupcakes to make for the occasion. The photo above is a fun rainbow cake I found online here. A few of my friends have made the recipe and from what I hear and see it works great!

So my survey for today is this: what's your favorite kids movie and/or cupcake flavor?

Do tell. =)

Happy 4th of July weekend!

You can find lots of festive 4th of July recipes (like the cupcakes pictured above) at the Martha Stewart website. I happen to love anything with whipped cream and fresh berries. I hope you all have a safe and happy weekend celebrating our country, freedom and reflecting on those who have served and those who continue to serve us in order to ensure our safety and freedom. It's definitely something worth celebrating! Happy Fourth of July!

Just as one would expect...

I am so predictable, right? I leave this blog for more than a week and the first thing I post is a picture of carrot cake cupcakes- just as one would expect. =)

The cupcakes were delicious- compliments of Ashley Wren's husband, Sean. One has to love a guy who not only lets his wife go away and leave him with 3 kids all weekend, but sends a couple of dozen cupcakes along with her for her friends on top of it. {Thanks, Sean!}

Guess what happens when you bring a baby to Nashville?! Yep. He finds a way to get a guitar into his little hands. The cabin we stayed at just happened to have a little guitar telephone,which just happened to be the perfect size for Crew to hold. He was happy to pose with not only the guitar, but also his new fox t-shirt {Thanks, Corrine!} and knitted cap too {Thanks, Diane!}. I regret not taking more photos of some of the fun and getting pictures of me and all my friends {miss you all already!}, but part of that just couldn't be helped. We all just wanted to catch up and laugh and relax without having to capture it all on camera. Then, when we had a bit more time to relax, the lighting inside was so dark the pictures came out terrible anyway. So, these are just a few of the ones I could salvage. I'm hoping some of my camera-expert friends did a better job at capturing the weekend so I can relive the memories through their photos. None-the-less, there was a lot of laughter and fun to be had- regardless of photos for proof.

Crew and I arrived back home yesterday at 1 am. It felt so good to be home and I think Crew knew right away that he was back where he belongs. =) He slept well the rest of the night and was all smiles for the kids when they hugged him and welcomed him home in the morning. I'm not sure if they missed me or him more. We both got hundreds of hugs and kisses to make up for our absence. Like I said, it felt good to be home.

The day went on to include a nap for Crew while our nation made history as the inauguration of Barack Obama took place at the Capitol. What a day, huh?! I loved that it was a time to put away "sides" and just come together and look forward to the future. With hope. I am already praying for President Obama as he faces all sorts of choices and major decisions and trust that he will be a man of character and good judgement. Forget about the left or the right, I just pray that he can help bring much needed change and inspire people at home and abroad to make the most of their own lives/circumstances in order that we might all be better as a result.

I snapped a picture of Chip playing Monopoly with the kids yesterday as proof that they all survived and in fact, thrived, while I was away from home. I was without internet connection and even had sparse cellphone service for much of my trip, but I managed to get by as well. It's amazing how quickly we can adapt to our environments when we're forced to do so. I even debated blogging again as it didn't seem to affect my life that I didn't blog for so long.

But here I am. I'm back and getting into the swing of 'normal life' again. It feels good. Just as I'd expect it to. I hope you all didn't miss me too much {Mom!}. =)

One last day of partying-

Wyndham turned 8 today and she was happy as can be. The kids all enjoyed their last day of Christmas break before school starts back tomorrow by helping Wyndham open her presents and blow out her candles. We kept it fairly simple and went to church, out for lunch and then kicked back all afternoon. As you can see in these pictures, Wyndham was very happy to be the center of attention and she was so proud to blow her candles out too. She even picked out her cupcake decorations and was "helping" me with the frosting of them.

This day is actually a bittersweet one for me, to be honest with you. I tucked Wyndham in bed last night and told her it was her last day being 7. She has been signing birthday and cake and she knew it was going to be her special day today. But even as her happiness was so infectious and I marveled at how much she has grown and changed and overcome, my mind still went to the place I try so hard to avoid so often. That is the place in my heart and mind where I wonder about all of the hopes and dreams and things she may never experience because of her injuries sustained in our tragic incident. It hurts for me to look at her knowing so much was taken from her, and although she is doing so well at this point, there is just that knot in my throat that hits me full-on when we mark big occasions like today.

I wonder if she will ever get to tell me with her voice all the thoughts that must run through her head each day; I wonder how she really feels inside. I asked her what kind of cake she wanted- chocolate or white and she just smiled at me. She finally pointed to white, but I wondered if it was because of the sprinkles on the package that she wanted most of all. I know it sounds like a little thing, but I'm really feeling the hurt tonight after recognizing what it is.

Sometimes I forget that we have any ongoing "issues" as a result of our tragedy. We live each day with so much "normal" and ordinary that it doesn't seem to affect us all that much anymore. But my mind went there today- to the wondering of how things might have been or how they might continue to be in the future.

Don't get me wrong. You can see from the photos that there was a lot of love and happiness in our home and lives today. We are blessed more than many to have love and happiness in our lives each day. But there is still a sense of something not-quite-right in my heart. Special days make me miss Teagan too. Wyndham is now twice as old as Teagan ever got to be. It's been a long struggle to get her (Wyndham) here too. I was thinking how Wyndham has had hundreds of shots, 2 medical helicopter rides in her life, 3 ambulance rides and more hours of therapy than I can count. Yes, she's been through so much and she has come so far. She's nothing short of amazing and I thank God for the way He has healed her even when we weren't sure of her prognosis. We still don't know what her future holds- I don't know how many birthdays any of my kids will celebrate, and I try not to take any of them for granted. As hard as it is, I know that choosing to celebrate and be happy in life even after all we've been through is the best gift I can give to my family and everyone around me. Today I am reminded that it's not an easy path, but there is reward in the effort for choosing to rise above. And in the long run, choosing vanilla cake over chocolate is really not a bad choice either. Even if it was picked only for the colored sprinkles that were pictured on the box.

Happy birthday, my dear little Wyndham. I love you with all my heart!

Measuring him against a dollar.

Besides making Jell-o and rice pudding and cupcakes on Sunday, I also tried my hand at a photo shoot with Crew. I'm not the world's greatest photographer, that's for certain, but I have to admit that Crew was very cooperative as a subject and made things a bit easier for me than any of his siblings have done in quite some time.
These photos can be enlarged if you click on them- and I type that mainly for my family and friends who haven't got to see him or hold Crew in 'real life' yet. I wanted to give them a sense of how small he is (he's 7 lbs. 8 oz. today) and that's why he's got a dollar bill at his side in the last picture.
So, although the economy is being shaken up a bit right now, I'm happy to say that Crew seems very comfortable next to the dollar and I really doubt that he's to blame for any economic slump we may be in. Now or ever. =)