One last day of partying-

Wyndham turned 8 today and she was happy as can be. The kids all enjoyed their last day of Christmas break before school starts back tomorrow by helping Wyndham open her presents and blow out her candles. We kept it fairly simple and went to church, out for lunch and then kicked back all afternoon. As you can see in these pictures, Wyndham was very happy to be the center of attention and she was so proud to blow her candles out too. She even picked out her cupcake decorations and was "helping" me with the frosting of them.

This day is actually a bittersweet one for me, to be honest with you. I tucked Wyndham in bed last night and told her it was her last day being 7. She has been signing birthday and cake and she knew it was going to be her special day today. But even as her happiness was so infectious and I marveled at how much she has grown and changed and overcome, my mind still went to the place I try so hard to avoid so often. That is the place in my heart and mind where I wonder about all of the hopes and dreams and things she may never experience because of her injuries sustained in our tragic incident. It hurts for me to look at her knowing so much was taken from her, and although she is doing so well at this point, there is just that knot in my throat that hits me full-on when we mark big occasions like today.

I wonder if she will ever get to tell me with her voice all the thoughts that must run through her head each day; I wonder how she really feels inside. I asked her what kind of cake she wanted- chocolate or white and she just smiled at me. She finally pointed to white, but I wondered if it was because of the sprinkles on the package that she wanted most of all. I know it sounds like a little thing, but I'm really feeling the hurt tonight after recognizing what it is.

Sometimes I forget that we have any ongoing "issues" as a result of our tragedy. We live each day with so much "normal" and ordinary that it doesn't seem to affect us all that much anymore. But my mind went there today- to the wondering of how things might have been or how they might continue to be in the future.

Don't get me wrong. You can see from the photos that there was a lot of love and happiness in our home and lives today. We are blessed more than many to have love and happiness in our lives each day. But there is still a sense of something not-quite-right in my heart. Special days make me miss Teagan too. Wyndham is now twice as old as Teagan ever got to be. It's been a long struggle to get her (Wyndham) here too. I was thinking how Wyndham has had hundreds of shots, 2 medical helicopter rides in her life, 3 ambulance rides and more hours of therapy than I can count. Yes, she's been through so much and she has come so far. She's nothing short of amazing and I thank God for the way He has healed her even when we weren't sure of her prognosis. We still don't know what her future holds- I don't know how many birthdays any of my kids will celebrate, and I try not to take any of them for granted. As hard as it is, I know that choosing to celebrate and be happy in life even after all we've been through is the best gift I can give to my family and everyone around me. Today I am reminded that it's not an easy path, but there is reward in the effort for choosing to rise above. And in the long run, choosing vanilla cake over chocolate is really not a bad choice either. Even if it was picked only for the colored sprinkles that were pictured on the box.

Happy birthday, my dear little Wyndham. I love you with all my heart!