12.12.12

Considering this date doesn't happen again for another hundred years, I figured it was profound enough to take a bit of time out of my busy day and actually write a blog. When I go days or even weeks at a time without even a photo posted, it usually isn't for lack of something to say, but more often than notit means so much is happening that I don't have time to stop and take note of it here at Nitty.Gritty. It also is very likely that I am dealing with stuff, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually that are just hard for me to articulate, or that in fact, I would rather not even be dealing with, so I absolutely don't care to write it down and share it with the world.
I do always promise to keep it real around here- and have been criticized for being too raw even! But the fact is sometimes even I can't write it down and get it out in this format as I trudge through it. So I hold it inside and I am sure there will be lessons learned or great insights to this stuff later on. Sometimes you just have to sit in a place and let it unfold and then looking back it takes on a whole new meaning. I am sitting and waiting for meaning right now.
Now, when I say 'sitting and waiting' you know that isn't literally what I am doing! My to-do list as a mom to 6 kids ages 2 to 13 is never-ending and after having just moved a month ago and throwing in Thanksgiving and now Christmas, well, it is just a phrase I use. I am sitting and waiting in my heart and mind. But I am otherwise busy keeping up with the kids' schedules and events and getting them back into their new-ish routine. There are things that changed and things that stayed the same since we moved a year ago, and it is still a bit of an adjustment getting it all feeling "back to normal".
I have been busy trying to make some cards for Christmas {that's a couple of different ones turning my favorite stamp into a Christmas card/banner} and actually get some in the mail before too long. I love playing with my scraps and glitter and just listening to Christmas music while I think of the people I am writing my cards to. It is a nice way for me to put my heart into something that is such a traditional part of Christmas. The mail! I know that real cards in the mailbox are getting rarer and rarer as technology has connected us more and more in recent years. But to me, instead of seeming like a waste of time, paper and energy, it seems even more important that the art of Christmas cards not get lost. To me it tells the receiver you are indeed as special in my life as I hope you know and this card is a way of saying so. I hope to never get too wrapped up in computers and phones and such that cards aren't a part of Christmas. Last year we had just moved and there was no way I could get cards out to friends. This year feels good for me to be able to do that and to handmake some of my cards is a gift to me as much as it mightbe to anyone else who gets one.
To prove my point and to just have some random holiday fun, I would love for any of you who still read to leave me a comment and just say Merry Christmas, or share your favorite holiday food or Christmas cookie. Tell me a way you are going to make this year special for someone less fortunate than you or where you are heading for Christmas day. Any comment will do, really. I will choose one {or two, if that many of you actually leave a comment...my readers are sparse these days!} and send you a Christmas card and photo. Just make sure to share your email address or come back and check to see if you've won. I will choose the winner by next Thursday {Dec. 20th} which just so happens to be my 40th birthday too! It should be a wild day for me!
I posted a picture of Wyndham and me here because she is just doing so well right now. I always worry a bit more about her as the winter approaches because she has not faired so well through the years when it comes to her weakened immune system and all the viruses and junk that gets passed around everywhere you go. For her, even a cold and flu has far too often turned into a hospital stay. Last year was her first year since she her head injury that she didn't need an ER visit or extended stay for any reason. I am hoping we can make that a tradition too and go for at least two consecutive years! It would be a wonderful thing for her and us as a family. Hospital stays are rough on everyone!
Wyndham is finishing up some evaluations at her rehabilitation center and will be back on a regular schedule again. She so loved her aquatherapy before and the pool was such a motivator for her. She has been much more mobile and even a bit independent in our home sine moving back here. I don't know if she is just more comfortable in the space or what it is exactly, but it is still even a bit shocking for me to look back to the dining table for instance, and see that she has left her spot and is off in another room. After not having gotten up from her spot for over 2 years, it is just surprising to see her do things like that on her own. The fact that she doesn't speak or really make noise is another reason it's unexpected and surprising. She would make a great spy I think. =) Her happiness is something that I never take for granted.
I love the picture of her and I because the truth is it was a bit cold and windy that day out at the beach. She doesn't really like being outdoors in the first place, much less in the cold, wind and blowing sand. I am just so proud of her and the way that she lets us push her sometimes and proud of how she pushes her own self at other times. It's sometimes a tricky dance to do- especially as a mom whose heart is bent on her comfort and ease and happiness moreso than on her growth and overcoming obstacles. She didn't want to take one step onto the state beach for our family pictures that day. We coaxed her as the other kids took off running. Teague and Crew were ahead of all of us, even though they're the youngest and smallest. She made some faces to let us know that she was unsure, uncomfortable and would much rather get back inside the toasty van and watch us all have fun without her. But even as we tried telling her that the sand was okay for her to walk on and that we certainly weren't going to let her lose her footing in it, she held on tightly. She looks to us for a lot of support, and yet we know that it's not always best for her to just sit back and watch life happen around her. The more steps we took, the trickier it got for the first bit of the beach. The sand dunes are tall and the wind was really blowing and the sand was in the air too. It wasn't your typical day at the beach.
She hung in there. We got a blanket out and let her sit down and just get a sense of the space she was in as we gathered the other kids around for an attempt at a family picture. I fully expected her to be in tears as I reached down to straighten the corner of the blanket she was on and the wind snapped it and sand went in her hair and eyes. As I helped brush her off and get her eyes cleared, instead of tears, Wyndham let out a small chuckle. I knew then that she was going to make this experience better than I had expected. She ended up walking a long ways down by the water and she held some items the kids picked up- a stick, some dune grass and all the while I was thinking how amazing it was that she was even here. How many times she pulled through something that was threatening her physically. She has had too many listless days for me to count over the years. I have seen her at her worst and it still comes to my mind in nightmares at times. So to see her beaming in a place where I would never expect her to shine was a really special thing for me to see. I could brag on all my other kids {and maybe I will get some more time to do so!} too, but Wyndham's smiles will always be a bit different and hold a meaning that I feel in my heart better than I can put into words. To have been by her side as she has lived through some really traumatic things; the challenges she still has and always will; the day-to-day struggles that she has endured and yet to see her smile in a picture like this as though life has been nothing but sunny is astounding to me. I know there will be days that are hard for her yet to come. But knowing she has such strength and a deep happiness in spite of it all is inspiring to me. I haven't been on top of my game lately, and I hoping that reminders like this from Wyndham will light the fire in me again. She certainly deserves me being my best and I love her so much I am willing to shoot for that now and always! Okay...the comments are open if you care about getting a card from less-than-perfect me. =) Happy twelve, twelve, twelve Day too!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I can't help but share a little bit of love with everyone that stops by here today. Heather (#36 in the comments from the previous post) is the winner of mail from me. But because I am feeling extra nice- or just nostalgic about handwritten mail- I've decided to pick one more person to get some mail from me. So leave another comment telling me your favorite dessert and I'll choose another person from these comments to get some mail.
But everyone wins today because I am passing along one of my Buttercream recipes! Yay for Valentine's, cupcakes, and homemade frosting that tastes divine, right?! This recipe is one from out of a children's book that I have made a couple of times. It's fairly easy and it is so creamy, sweet and velvety. We all love it around here! It makes enough for one cake or 24 cupcakes. Unless you like your frosting super thick. Then it will likely only cover 12 cupcakes for you. =)
Buttercream Icing
Ingredients:
4 Eggs
2/3 cup of sugar
1 cup butter, room temp (I use unsalted butter.)
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Directions: Whisk together egg whites and sugar in a bowl. Place bowl in a double boiler on low heat. Whisk occasionally until sugar is dissolved and mixture is very warm- about 150 degrees F. Remove from double boiler and whip with mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form. Put mixer on lower speed and add butter in small pieces. Next, add vanilla and mix until smooth.
Tint icing as you like.
Enjoy!!
P.S. Heather email me your address and I'll send you some mail! {nitty.grittyjodyatyahoodotcom}

"Brighter Skies"

You know what they say... "Ask a busy person to do something and you'll likely get them to answer, 'yes'. That's why they are a busy person!" Well, it goes something like that. I couldn't help but say yes to my friend, Christine, when she invited me to be the guest designer for September's Cocoa Daisy scrapbooking kit club. I have not been scrapping or being creative at all lately- unless you count making a baby =), and so this was not only a fun kit to work with, but a great opportunity for me to get back into scrapbooking again. I've been missing it!

The pages and Starbuck's mini album can be clicked on and enlarged to see details and journaling, if you like. The full kit and all the product details are here- at Cocoa Daisy's online store. I just love the mix of papers and the fabric covered brads are fun for added texture and dimension on the page. They made cute closures for the mini album too. I am feeling so happy about scrapping again, and I am grateful to have been given such great products to design with that I want to give one of you the chance to get happy about scrapping too. If you leave a comment on this post with your name and city- and maybe your favorite picnic food or summer dessert since it is Labor Day weekend just around the corner- then you'll have a chance to win the Cocoa Daisy custom cloud stamp and a few other goodies that I'll pack up and send to you. I'll choose a winner on Friday... good luck!

Hot topic.

The last time I posted a list of baby names that Chip and I were considering while we were expecting Crew there were quite a few opinions and comments posted in response. Since you all have your own opinions, I am guessing this time around won't be any different.
Now, we haven't even determined whether or not this is the final list of possibilities, and I have a strong feeling that it's not. But for your fun and interest I decided to post the names on our list as of right now. Some of the names are my selections, some are Chip's. They are in random order. Feel free to leave your comments...just don't be so rude that you take all the fun out of this process. Afterall, pregnancy has its own aches and pains and I don't really need to add to those at this point! =)
Here's our current list of baby boy names:
Austin
Campbell
Cajetan (a distant name in Chip's family lineage... pronounced KAJ-uh-tan)
Dain
Eamon
Easton
Gannon
Grady
Jock
Maguire
Okello
Pierce
Preston
Reid
Ryder
Seamus
Tait
Teague
Wilson

Merry {early!} Christmas to you!

Christmas is going to be here before we know it and I have something fun to share with you to make the gift-giving part of Christmas easier, more fun and personable too! My very talented and creative friends, Kayla Aimee and Wilna F. have teamed up and are offering an online DIY Holiday Workshop. It offers so much inspiration as well as free downloads for creating projects and also gives you ideas for making everyone on your list gifts this year. They have this to say about their class (here's a link to the online classroom so you can see more for yourself!):

"Our goal for the class was to truly make it a DIY holiday. We've repurposed sweaters into armwarmers and baby leggings, ornaments into centerpieces and made sure that ease and affordability went hand in hand with high quality homemade gifts. We've even included some easy craft you can do with your kids!"

There will be more than 25 projects covered in this class, which starts on November 15th. Feel free to stop over to the classroom/website and see some more sneak peeks of the projects they will be creating as well as find answers to any questions you may have about this class. I am taking it myself and am so ready to spend a couple of extra weeks this year celebrating Christmas- it's such a special holiday. I am also excited to offer each of you the chance to win a spot in this online class. KA and Wilna are letting me give away a spot to one of you lucky Nitty.Gritty. readers. Just post a comment telling me one of your favorite Christmas gifts or holiday dish that you love and a winner will be chosen on Monday! Merry early Christmas to one of you! =)

{By the way, doesn't Kayla Aimee have great hair?! She will laugh at me for posting that...but it's so true. Love you, KA! You too, Wilna!}

Post 1000.

I just got done baking and eating some pumpkin bread. It's especially tasty with some cinnamon swirl cream cheese spread on it. My kids all love this. The recipe is here, but I cut back on the sugar to 2 cups and instead of 1 cup of oil I used 1/4 cup oil and 3/4 cup of natural applesauce. Also the baking time needs to be doubled. So maybe I actually reinvented this recipe. I highly recommend it, if you're in the mood for something pumpkin. Delicious and easy.

Wow!

I can't believe I've blogged 1000 times. I was thinking back to when it all began. I had less clutter around my house, one less kid, a live-in nanny/friend, and not a clue what I would "say" from day to day. I was failry new to the whole world of blogging and had actually only been following a handful of them for a few months when I started kicking around the idea of my own place in cyberworld.

Chip said, "Why would anyone want to read your blog?", I didn't have a good response other than, "It's just going to be for our families and friends". I often emailed them updates and photos as to what our family was going through and thought a blog might be a handy way to just put it all out there and then let them check in when it was convenient. I had no idea this place would actually take on a life of its own. =)

It's been really wonderful to "meet" so many of you. Several of you have become friends- through scrapbooking and more. So many of you have encouraged me through emails and real mail and I have loved that you share your life stories right back. It's definitely been fun to be able to look back through the many stories and especially the photos and see how life has changed and evolved in the past few years. I would have forgotten so many of the details here and am so glad that I have paused and blogged about things like kids putting jammies in the toilet and Chip running over a skunk late one night. Those are the things that happen, but are quickly forgotten in the bustle of daiy life. I'm happy that I have been able to watch Wyndham accomplish new things and see Crew grow inside me and out. I am happy to look back on funny things my kids have said and look forward to many more. There have been serious topics, moments I wish I didn't have to blog and things I am still churning over in my mind wondering how they will 'look' on the blog as they play themselves out too.

My original blog name (which lasted about 2 days) was "Life- This side of Heaven". That's really what this is about, and for me it all comes down to the Nitty.Gritty.

I'm so glad that you all have somehow come to this place- my space in the web- and been touched in some small way. I don't know how long I'll keep blogging, but hope that I can capture a lot more before I call it quits. I'm glad I was able to show Chip that I did have something to say and that- if even only for our family- documenting life experiences this way is truly valuable.

Thanks for playing along this week and saying hello from wherever you are. I was surpised at the number of people reading from Indiana...Hi you guys! We drive through the corner of your state on our travels to MN, so be sure to wave hello on our next trip. I had Chip pick a number between 1 and 143 and he chose #78. Congrats to Susan of Granger, IN...I'll be sending you a Starbuck's giftcard and a chocolate bar in the mail soon! (Send me your address at nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com )

Now, to the rest of you, if you didn't play along yet, or you want one more chance, tell me your favorite candy bar or holiday dessert and I'll have Chip pick another number sometime by Sunday night. I'm not sure why anyone wants random mail from me, but I sure do have fun sending mail and it could be coming to a box near you!

Nearing 1000.

I actually made something crafty today. And played around with a new banner to wish you all a Happy Autumn. The sun is out and it's {finally!} the kind of fall day I really like- crisp and relaxing.

Are you ready for some fun around here this week? This is post #997, so I was thinking that since it's so close to 1000, I should have a little giveaway. Just leave your name and either how you know me or where you live (city/state or town/country). I'll get some goodies together and then have a drawing. I might even pick 2 winners. Who knows. =)

But I promise it will be fun. And for those of you who like Starbuck's I have a hunch there may be a giftcard involved. So say hello here and cross your fingers that your number will be picked in the next few days!

Random #

Number 26 was chosen out of 27 comments. Congratulations, Kristi, on winning Tania's class. Thank you, to all of you, who left comments and shared your favorite signs of spring. I'm so anxious for longer, warmer days that can be spent outside! I miss having big bunches of rhubarb in my backyard though. That was always one of mine AND Teagan's favorite thing about spring. We would pick big stalks off the bush and dip it in sugar. It usually peaks in May. I love spring.

A little book goes to...

Brock chose the random number of 32 today. Polly's path...email me (nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com ) your address and sometime between now and a month from now you will get a little book in the mail. =)
Thanks for all your fun comments. I enjoyed reading about all the ways you relax and spend free time. Sounds like Barnes & Noble and the tub are among two of the best spots to relax! =) You all speak my same language when it comes to downtime. How I wish that cleaning bathrooms or organizing closets were really forms of downtime for me. My house could use some loving that way, but unfortunately, I'd rather surf the web or scrap or anything but clean closets.
I guess if we had fun all the time it wouldn't feel like fun after awhile.
Or would it? =)

A few pictures...

of just Chip and me. I sometimes forget what we look like as a couple. =)

The truth is that it's a rare thing for the two of us to go out alone. We know it's a healthy thing to do and it strengthens your relationship, but it just doesn't work out all that often. We did enjoy a nice dinner with our friends and we did have Crew along too.

I think it's funny that people look at us and see a couple with their first baby, when in reality we're far from that! You never know how many kids someone has home with the babysitter. =)

I do love getting away for a bit...free time/down time is a good thing.

I carried that over into a bit of scrap time with Ava yesterday morning and turned out this little mini album. I have been saving coffee sleeves whenever (on rare occasions too!) I get a latte and decided that they would make great little covers for a small book.

So don't throw out your cupholders any more. You can whip up some cute brag books or tiny notebooks of your own!{You can see the whole book here, if you like.}

Since I'm in such a carefree mood, leave me a comment telling me where you go or what you do for "downtime" and I'll do a random drawing and make you a blank mini book too. I'll draw a winner by Thursday. Saying you read my blog for downtown doesn't get you any bonus points. Although I will get a good chuckle from such comments. =) Happy Tuesday!

Crazy. This is post #898.

I've been working on making and sending homemade valentines. Some of you will be lucky enough to get a little card from me in your mailbox. I am almost finished with my cards this year, but had to share this link... to one of my *new* favorite inspiration blogs... Inchmark...by Brooke Reynolds. These valentines you see are from her blog.
I happen to think that her little valentine treat boxes are adorable. I would be happy getting one of these in my mailbox. No matter what was tucked inside. Cute, cute, cute.
So, just because I'm in a lovey, festive mood, I am happy to randomly select one of you that leaves a comment here and I will send you a little card in the mail. It might not make it to your box by Valentine's day, but it will come with love and thanks inside it regardless of when it shows up.
Just tell me what you love right now- whether it's a flavor of ice cream, a fun color combination, a Bible verse or quote that speaks volumes, or a link to something really cute.
I'll start.
I LOVE that God has given Jaymun a miracle and has allowed him to be cured of his cancer. Such amazing, wonderful and definitely praise-worthy! I love when God works in ways we would never expect.
I know the Kaat family appreciates our ongoing prayers...and praise for little Jaymun.
Thank you and happy commenting about things you love!
P.S. Bella is still home from school today, but starting to feel better. So far, she is still the only one of the seven of us here in our home, to get sick. I'm praying that God will keep it that way too.

Missing link...thanks, Sara.

You can view the layout from yesterday's post here. Thanks to a comment left by Sara I was able to find the link to the photo mosaic. It was created by Ali Edwards and you can see credits for the tiny pictures by following the link here.
Besides that really helpful comment, I see that others of you still have yet to learn blog comment etiquette. I always appreciate debate and thoughtful insights, but never care for downright rudeness, which for some reason people seem to think they can do since they are posting anonymously. Chip and I are very aware of names and our choices impacting our children as they grow up. Not that I feel the need to defend any names we're considering, because the truth is I have never been one to change an opinion of mine based on someone else's opinion. Nor has Chip. In all our baby-naming through 5 children we have always picked names we like. Teagan's name wasn't one that many people encouraged us to choose; Wyndham's was frowned upon by others. Did we consider peoples' opionions...yes. Did we ulitmately decide for ourselves...yes.
All that to say that I just thought it was in keeping with my 'open book theory' here on my blog to share the list of our current choices. Nothing is set in stone, and certainly we will make our decisions with several things in mind. Even {gasp!} possible nicknames. Now, Chip and I fully understand that ANY name can be picked on or turned into a 'bad nickname'. I, myself, was called "Fatso" through several years of school...how anybody gets that from "Jody" is beyond me. I was also called "Buddy" in highschool because my maiden name was Hackett. Chip will tell you that he has been called among other things: Potato Chip, Chip-shot and Chip-off-the-old-block.
His birth name is John after his dad, but he has been called Chip since about the time he turned one. We have thought of doing John III, but it hasn't been a name we feel compelled to carry on. Chip's sister has a Jonathan and Brock would have likely been the boy of the family to carry on that name. However, the name Jock is a derivitive of John/Jack and our connection with that name is a very positive one. One of Chip's 'favorite bosses' is the Head Golf Pro at Interlachen Country Club in MN and he has always been so kind and supportive to Chip and our family. He is a reputable man in the golf industry and an upstanding family man as well. We feel nothing but respect to him and he has proved that a name is more how you grow into it, than how you allow others to make it shape you. That is just part of the reason the name "Jock" is on our list. If you happen to hate it, that's your personal choice. I believe that no matter what name you choose for a child, you will offend or turn somebody off. That is why Chip and I choose names we like.
The idea of naming a baby after a family member can be good. In fact Chip and I gave Isabella Teagan's name as a middle name- we felt we were being blessed with another girl so soon after Teagan was born and we wanted Bella to have a connection with her sister in Heaven- who died less than a year earlier. We also really liked the name Teagan and so it was another way to just carry a piece of her that we loved so much with us. Bella happens to like it- in case you're wondering.
Beyond that though, the list of names in our family doesn't leave us many choices in the way of baby boys- at least according to the criteria Chip and I have used in the past. The names of the grandpas are: Floyd and John; the grandfathers' names are: Wilmer, Melvin, Arnold, Ezra and Royal. Some of them have been incorporated as middle names with a couple of our nephews, but we feel confident that we aren't offending any of our family by not choosing among this list of names.
Whew!
That was long for me to 'not defend' our baby name choices. =)
I really think that something will just click as soon as this baby arrives. It's always happened in the past. So we're not even worrying about it at this point. We're just having fun throwing out possibilities!

So many

So many of you to thank. Lots of you have sent me emails...it means so much and makes me happy to know you are encouraged or inspired or just laugh and cry along with me on this Nitty.Gritty. journey through life.
God is Real.
I think there just aren't enough people sharing their stories of how Real He is, and therefore mine looks pretty amazing or incredible or even 'unbelievable' for some people. So thank you for many of you for contacting me and sharing how God is real in your life. There is so much "fluff" and meaningless stuff out in the world- from the media to people not living authentic lives and lots of messages come at us that sometimes it's hard to know what to believe.
I am grateful to be learning that I do know and hear Truth and am seeking each day to understand it more fully and to have God be even more real to me. He is blessing me as I call out to Him. Some of you made mention of my 'deep faith' and even wished you had such a thing. I am here to tell you that it is not unique to me. It is free and available to anyone who calls on the name of the Lord. God will hear you. He is knocking on your heart's door and waiting for you to come to Him.
When is the last time you cried out to Him?
Have you wondered about God's purpose and plan for your life?
Do you believe you can have as much Joy and Hope as Christ has?
You can.
And it's free to all who seek Him.
I hope, if anything, that my life and words occasionally make you want to know Him more deeply- more fully- more passionately.
He is worth whatever you have to give up inorder to find Him.
I'm no saint and I certainly don't have all the answers.
But I continue to seek and I am humbled and appreciative that so many of you are seeking Him too and find my stories encourage you on this journey.
Thank you for coming alongside me- even anonymously or unknowingly often times. I was moved by how many of you wrote to me for the first time. I am still reading your emails and hope to respond to as many as I can! You have encouraged me. I would love to chat with you over a Starbuck's or bowl of carrot cake ice cream. You sound so nice and interesting and many of you have been broken in this world too. I would love to listen to your stories, and I'm sure that I would find God being real to you too.
I'm grateful that Truth always has a way of touching people and I will never be ashamed of sharing my story and my convictions as long as I know they come from my heart...that they are true. Thanks for many words of encouragement. I appreciate you and them!

Strawberries and scrapping...

These pictures represent a snippet of my day. I thought I'd share a picture of one of the healthy snacks we ate, since I'm always sharing cupcakes and thoughts on Cheetos and such.

Tonight we had breakfast for dinner. It's been a weekly occurrence around here lately. But probably one of the healthiest meals that I can prepare that my kids actual eat! So, that's what I make...whole grain cinnamon swirl French toast, with low-fat sausage links or some other protein (once in awhile they will even eat veggie-meat...Chip's been doing that), with a side of fruit (tonight it was these red, juicy 99 cent berries) or sauteed apples, and milk.

I also baked zucchini bread today...so I'm feeling a little better about the Cheetos that we all downed yesterday. =)

Berries and Scrap In STyle TV. I'm doing some things that you will have to wait and see on May 15th when the website goes live. I can tell you that you will enjoy all of our headshots...among other things on this site. It's fun for me already...and we're still getting to know each other on the design team and as well as the 'brains' behind this place, and working out the kinks in the website itself...and it still is a blast!

I can't tell you much more than that, but whether or not you are a scrapper, you are going to want to check this place out in a few weeks.

By the way, I just want to say thanks to so many 'newcomers' for emails and comments the past couple of weeks. Ali Edwards linked my blog on hers, and some of you are still getting caught up on my posts from the past year or so. Thanks for your kind words. I've emailed a lot of you back...then I found some more emails in my bulk mail today (most of them had links or attachments...so if that's you, I may still be getting around to sending you a short note back), and I just wanted you to know I've read your notes and appreciated all your kind words. In addition, one of my 'Anonymous' commenters and I have share emails, and the apologies and forgiveness have been shared between us. I am so happy about that and the way that healing comes about when one person seeks forgiveness and another person extends it.

That is what the world needs in addition to healthy diets...healthy hearts and minds! It feels so good to have a 'clean slate'. =) I would encourage any of you reading, who is still holding onto anything against someone, to pray and ask for strength to forgive...and then actually do it. It isn't about giving up your anger or hurt. I still hurt everyday because Teagan was killed by a woman who shows no remorse. But my forgiveness toward her has given me the freedom to live my life without holding onto bitterness- which wouldn't hurt the woman who killed Teagan- but instead it would have destroyed MY heart.

I, truly, can't say enough about how forgiving allows your heart to heal and gives you a new take on life. Having an unforgiving spirit holds you back and keeps you from experiencing the fullness of joy you could have if you can only surrender that hurt. It'd not easy. I used to have to get up every morning and literally say the words, "I forgive, because Christ forgives me"...and then I had to live as though that were true. After awhile, it actually became my reality. My anger turned to sorrow and compassion, and I realized, that my words weren't just words, but I was living the truth of those words each day.

It's been a process, and a journey, but one that has changed my life for the better in ways I never could have dreamed. Simply by saying, then believing, and then living my life in that truth. Forgiveness heals your soul.

The real "Secret"

I have spent time in thought, reflection, prayer, and reading and rereading several comments and emails regarding the recent 'scrap page controversy' here on my blog.
First of all, let me say that I appreciate all of the feedback, and it is good to 'hear and read' that so many people take an interest into what is said here, or what image is portrayed. I have to admit, that I never intended my blog to be anything but mere fun and games for me- a way to share pictures of kids with my family and friends who like to 'see' how we are doing, and then as I got more involved in scrapbooking and the ever-growing community that exists there, I have used this blog as a place to capture my memories, my thoughts, and play with my own creativity and learning that is still going on in my life everyday.
So, whether it is a new recipe of Rachael Ray's Raspberry Tart that captured the attention of my tastebuds, or the sticky smile of one of my kids, or a skunk that Chip ran over or the ongoing dates that cycle through the calendar and bring memories and reflections of Teagan and all we have lived through...I have been clear from the beginning. I blog about anything, but I try to keep it real.
"Real" to me, meaning, I am who I am. I share my real thoughts, concerns, my quirks, my perspective, and try to just be me. The good, the bad and everything in between. As a communication major, I understand that much is lost in the message when there is no facial expression, no tone to be heard, and often, limited context to the words that are written on a blog. So part of that comes into play- especially in this 'blog environment' where we bloggers have limited knowledge on any given day, who might stop by and read our posts. I understand that my perspective is not going to be the same as everyone else's...which is precisely why it is a 'narrow view' here. I can only blog about my own experiences; the things that happen to me, or how I respond to them, or my thoughts on events that occur...that is my basis for 'material'.
One of the themes that has grown and come from my experience, is the way I approach life and how I live as a result of tragedy that struck my family and killed Teagan. My faith is the only thing that has given me Hope, Comfort, Strength and Joy in my life since that day in July 2001. For me, anything and everything I do is only because God has given me the ability to do so. Each breath I take comes not from my will or based on any merit I have earned, but simply because God gives me breath. If you had been at the scene at the time when the car drove into the restaurant where my family and others were dining, you would probably be amazed that only two were killed, and that the rest of the surviving injuries have healed as well as they have. I was struck from behind, by a car driving 55-70 mph into the wall just behind my chair...I was flipped into the air and thrown several feet, among flying glass and debris, my legs and body hit a counter and ledge , and yet I was able to jump to my feet seconds after falling to the ground, where I stepped over a few paces, and gathered Teagan off the ground. I carried her out of the building and laid her down, when I saw that she was not breathing, and had a large gash in the back of her head.
It was at that moment, when I knew she would not survive, and the only way I would be able to was to turn to my God...my Faith. For some reason, I survived that incident. People die in lesser crashes and in 'freak accidents' all the time. I understand that I could have easily died that day, along with many others.
Part of that has been the basis for how I view my life since then. It has made me aware that none of us knows when we may face death, and that we need to be ready at anytime. I am certain of my faith and live with an assurance and hope of Heaven for all eternity. It gives me great comfort and I have total peace about death. I do not fear death...but yet, I seek to live life, as God continues to give me breath.
I am blogging and sharing my life here, now five and a half years after my brush with death. I write as one who has experienced great pain, and hurt and sorrow and grief, and who continues to 'bear burdens' and has ongoing challenges (physically, mentally and emotionally) as a result of that moment in time.
In the early weeks and months after this happened, had I kept a blog, you would have seen a 'darker' version of who I am today. As I said, I had faith and knowledge that God would meet my needs and somehow 'rebuild' my life, but it was a constant struggle and it consumed much of my energy and the way I looked at life was very different.
I write that, because I think that for some of the people who stumble onto my blog or just follow comments here and read bits and pieces of my posts, that part of the message that I wish to share gets lost in all the 'fun and games' that I originally kept this blog for in the beginning. Someone who doesn't read the link to the article giving more background, or someone who comes here and just looks at the pictures, sees only a 'glimpse' of who I am, and where I've come from, and how much I have had to rely on God to get to this point.
I make no claims to have Joy and happiness in life because of anything that I have done. I have done nothing to deserve goodness and blessing in my life...and yet I have it- full and in abundance. It blows my mind sometimes...that my messed up, broken, hurt and pain have been replaced with peace and comfort and blessing.
THAT is what I was writing of in the recent Tootsie Roll scrap page that caused a stir. I recognize that people all over the world suffer all sorts of horrific things. I understand I am not alone in that or unique to pain and grief and that life is unfair. It happens to everyone, I believe, to varying degrees. I also know, from the doctors and neuropsychologists and other 'experts' whom we have spent time with and been cared for by, that our personal trauma often results in some ongoing (sometimes throughout a person's entire lifetime) issues and scars that need specific care and attention.
THAT is what makes me want to share my story and be 'bold' about expressing my joy...because some of the books in my collection and the prognosis' we were given were grim and depressing. Chip and I have relied on our faith in God, our friends have been amazing wherever we have lived since Teagan's death, and our families have stood by us and that is who I give credit to for the way I 'look' in my life at this time. I write about the 'flavor' that my ordinary life has in light of all that...and that I've had to look hard to find beauty and goodness and love after tragedy, but that it is there for the taking, is truly amazing!
This is part of what I wrote on the scrap page, "I've lived some of life's toughest challenges. I've endured hardships...but at the Center, I have found PURE JOY!" It is to me, the miracle and blessing that only comes from God- no matter who is facing the hardship, no matter what shape or form that hardship comes, and no matter what the outcome...that God can pick up the pieces of our messed up, broken lives, and turn them into something beautiful-worth living again.
Without God, I was nothing before this happened, and I would be nothing without Him since it has happened. That's what struck me in my thoughts, and what my 'message' (for those who want to know what I am trying to say at times) is for anyone who reads Nitty.Gritty.
Christ is my PURE JOY. I talk about how I have to 'create my own joy' at times, but that too, I believe, only comes from God. I do not believe that Joy in life exists outside of God. We can experience happiness, deep peace, comfort, bliss, all sorts of fun or good emotions, but only in seeking God can we ever find meaningful and everlasting true Joy.
I doubted that I would ever feel any joy in life again, after Teagan died and our lives and hearts were torn to pieces. So I started to pray for God to give me joy and the ability to see beauty in life again. That is what you see on Nitty.Gritty. some five years, and hundreds of prayers and tears and going humbly to the feet of God, later.
Any goodness or fun or smile you see in my life or on my face or however I present it on this blog, is not about me...but only about Him. There is nothing in my life good- apart from God. My hope is that God will use the miracle He has given me (that is the ability to have happiness and contentment and peace and so forth, in spite of Teagan's death), and show others that they can have this same Joy that I know and love and thrive on in life. If God can bring goodness out of the depths of tragedy, than surely He can do it in the life of anyone. It's not just me. In fact, most of the time I wonder why God would even give me any blessing at all? I deserve nothing.
I have only believed in God, and asked for His mercy and Joy. He heard my cries, and I am now living a life that I wouldn't trade for anything.
If that somehow comes across as boastful, or proud, or too 'Jody-focused', then I apologize and I hope that God will show you that it is simply what God looks like when He chooses to display Himself in this broken, messed up world. I consider myself nothing...and God is my everything. Nitty.Gritty. is just the way I 'display' God in one small aspect of my life. My hope is that each one of us will continue to be nothing on our own, but to be "amazing because of Christ".

Lessons from a rubber chicken.

This chicken head was posted on a thread at the Scrap Etc message board a couple of days ago. My kids have been laughing at it everytime they see it. It's funny. Just that...funny. I set my desktop background to this picture- in 'tile format', so there were about 36 of these on the screen. It was just a joke (and to be honest with you, I don't even know the whole story behind this silly chicken, other than it will be appearing at the Scrap Etc Inspiration Event...and I won't be there to see it in person. SO it goes...) and I laughed along with my kids at the sight of this chicken for the past couple of days.
Chip didn't quite see the humor in it, but that's alright. He still let the rest of us get our giggles, and didn't make a fuss about it all that much. Mostly he just rolled his eyes at me.
So, I understand that not everybody 'gets' my sense of humor. Not everybody understands the whys and ways in which I do things. Sometimes I don't even understand myself...but when it comes to this blog, it's pretty much a 'take it or leave it' approach. I put myself out here. I make jokes, share photos, tell stories, voice my opinion, present challenges, offer advice, ask questions, expose my faith in God, and any number of other things that come up in my thoughts/life at any given time. I just find it sad (after deleting yet another anonymous comment) that some people just can't take a joke and have to constantly look at life from a 'jaded' perspective. I can't express enough how short life really is in the scheme of things, and it makes me sad that there are people living life from day to day, who I feel truly don't "get" all there is to be had in life. Their negative attitude or life experiences cause them to try to bring others down and robs them of the joy they could have if only they could live and let go.
In my earlier post, I joked about inviting strangers at Starbucks to read my blog. I have nothing to gain from such a thing- even if someone took me up on it. I just threw it out there- more as a commentary on what marketing really is about. What I do know is that an anonymous person(s) who has such distaste for my blog, is still reading it after weeks of accusing me of not spending enough time with my family, and for needlessly wasting time updating this blog. I find that to be a backwards compliment. Someone dislikes my blog so much that they keep reading it.
My point is that life is so much bigger than little negative comments. There is a lot of living and joy and rubber chickens out there to embrace and love and laugh at.
There are small things (like Free Starbucks coffee) that bring moments of joy for no big reason...but they are worth sharing with others in life. I totally get that some people have lived through some really bad stuff in life, and it affects them to the core. I get that. Really, I do. I'm not telling everyone to go out, buy a rubber chicken or drink some Starbucks and life will be all happy and carefree. It's not like that at all. BUT, there are little things in life, all along the way, that we can see, touch, feel, smell, embrace, taste, seek and make an effort to find IF we are willing to keep ourselves open to their possibility.
So, there it is. My Nitty.Gritty. lesson from stumbling across a photo of a rubber chicken. I know it won't strike everybody funny in the same way it did for me and my kids. Chip was my real-life example of that. But that's the essence of this lesson. We all come at life from different directions. I can't pretend to know and understand why you say/do the things you do. I keep my blog as a small snippet of my life that I share in this way...but still, it's not the whole me. I just hope that each of us keeps embracing goodness, happiness, joy and even trials in life as they come...and seek to respond to them as best we can.
That's what I'm saying. The good news is there is always hope for everyone to find joy in life. Even if it starts with a silly rubber chicken.

What's a girl to do?

This should come as no surprise, but this whole comment business is becoming way too big of a deal around here. The big problem? Not what you would think...that I take offense to someone judging me, or that I can't handle the 'truth', or that people start 'answering back and forth' in the comments to defend or be offensive to me...I can deal with that. Yes, it's a bit "distracting" or bothersome to a degree...
But compared to the time it takes to read all the emails you all keep sending, it's nothing! Seriously. I keep praying about it and getting emails full of opinions one way or another, and then yet another way (Andy!) and it's been making me 'crazier' than I already am. =) So, here's the deal. I've been known to change my mind on things in life- even big things- like when I made Chip PROMISE me we would never have kids the night he proposed to me. Yeah...five kids later, I guess I changed my mind on that one. Or about wearing 'bell-bottoms'. I used to laugh at my Mom's photos back in the 70's with her slacks and chunky shoes. "I'll never wear pants like that!", I told her in the mid-eighties as I pinned my jeans before heading out for school. Now my favorite jeans are 'flared' at the bottom...and I love my chunky-heeled strappy sandals.
My point isn't that I make 'poor decisions', but that I am willing to "eat my words" or change my position in life, or just be flexible and do what I have to do to keep some sort of balance at times. This is one of those times. I really don't know what the big deal has been, or why it has caused so much discussion in my inbox, but I do know a couple of things. Here they are:
~I liked the freedom of people voicing their opinions, and the comments meant a lot to many of you who stop by and read this blog each day.
~My inbox is jamming with emails, and as much as I love mail, it seems too much mail can be a bad thing. Yes...I just typed the phrase 'too much mail'. =) I love your letters and read them all, but feel even more pressure to write y'all back! That's my problem! =)
~Part of me recognizes that as much as it started out that way, the idea that Nitty.Gritty. is just my little corner of the world, is no longer a true statement. I've had emails from Canada to Australia, and hundreds of places in between...and I'm not bragging or gushing about that. It's just a matter of fact- lots of you are reading, and not that I'm some superhero as I've tried to make perfectly clear on several occasions, I simply can't deny the fact that lots of you are part of Nitty.Gritty. too! You are. Admit it! {Some of you come here more than once each day! I'm okay with that...I just wanted to point it out to embarrass you. =)}
~Because of that fact, there are voices and opinions and support and/or criticism, and THAT is what the comments section is all about.
Basically, over the last several days as I've thought about it and prayed about it and read lots of different perspectives on it, I have realized that I really don't want to 'shut down' a very integral part of what makes this whole space "Nitty.Gritty." It's forcing me to change my mind and think critically (even though I don't think of this as a 'critical issue'...it's still a 'blog deal' {get it a 'blog deal! I know. That was bad.}) and so I'm going back to allowing comments. The fact that anybody is reading this blog after so many posts about comments is startling to say the least...but makes me feel like I 'owe it to you' to have a space for you to speak, listen and to see other's points of view.
I hope this works out. If not, in true Nitty.Gritty. fashion, I'll simply do some thinking, and change my mind once again...until I finally find what works best for me. I mean "us". =) I think Dr. Phil would be proud.

Oh blah-dee, oh blah-da..."La la la la, life goes on"

I just had to post some pictures...Chip has had the laptop I normally blog from at work the past few days, so I've been unable to do so.
But, I am happy to post this picture of Brock looking grown up in his new glasses (and tie). I snapped it after school the other day; he was dressed up for saying a poem that he tied for first during a recent speech meet. I have to admit (unashamedly, I might add) that I was proud of him. He was so comfortable and at ease in front of a packed room of fellow students and parents. I hope that the confidence and smile he had with himself witllstay with him a long time. I made sure to tell him how proud I was of his confidence and his ability. I know how important it is for kids to hear from their parents such words as "I'm proud of you"...and this was a perfect opportunity for me to do so. I would challenge all the parents reading this to look for a reason to encourage or be proud of your child(ren) today. Sometimes I think we don't say these kinds of things enough...but I know it's a message that can't hurt when it "sinks in" over time.
I am proud of my little girls too...I tell them when they go potty and when they dress themselves or put toys away, or any number of other things they do "right" throughout the day. I have said it before...there are too many messages coming at us telling us that we're not good enough or pretty enough or rich enough or whatever the ad is trying to sell us or make us desire. I want my kids to hear messages of truth from me- someone they love and respect and whose opinion truly matters to them. [Sort of the very same reasoning I have turned off the comments for now.] I seek constructive "voices" in my life. There are plenty of ways to hear/see the negative ones, and my blog wasn't the place I wanted to get more of that "junk" in my life. I have seen through the outpouring of support in my email inbox (nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com ) that a lot of you are with me on this one. I have emailed several of you back...thanks for your encouragement and wit and thoughts and all that ...and to others, I will keep working on my replies as I find the time. For now, just know your letters have been read and appreciated. I even found a couple that went straight to my bulk mail...I didn't want to miss a note from "Anonymous" if he/she had tried to write me back with an apology. =)
For you scrappers, I posted a couple of pictures of some thank you tags that I spent some of my 'precious time' on this week. They were made for an all-day crop held at my kids' school, and I was happy to donate my time and energy for this event. I am "proud" of such a great place in which I have the ability to send my kids for a sound and upstanding education. I can't say enough about all the teachers, administrators and other families involved in making CCS a place where lessons are taught- not only in academics, but in faith and life as well. I am very grateful for this institution and support in our lives. I see more and more that the teachers who commit their lives to these kids are unsung heros in our lives. So, I challenge you here again, to tell your children(s) educators and role models in life how much you appreciate them. It may not seem like a big deal, but that's the beauty- little words, spoken in truth, have lasting impact. That's one of the reasons I blog. =)

One more comment

First of all, if after reading this comment anyone can tell me why this Anonymous reader reads Nitty.Gritty. I would love for you to email me.
I have gotten lots of emails since yesterday, in support of me for turning off the comments- even if many of you like to read them and follow their links...but this is one of the reasons why I am sticking to my decision for now. This comment needs some rebuttal...so in true "Dooce fashion", I give you this:

A lot of people choose to remain anonymous so our blogs don't get a ton of hate mail just because we have a different point of view than all you holy rollers on here.You know what? You're the one losing out. No one says you have to read all the comments. And while we're at it...why not quit blogging? I am sure that takes up precious scrapping time or time you could be spending with your family.Maybe if you didn't have to code things, post pictures, and change font colors too, that would save time.Hell, for someone that has a nanny -- can afford to sip Starbucks whenever the hell she wants to, and spends precious time on all these "lavish" junk -- more power to you.You just use us all as a sound board, don't ya, princess?
Signed, Yet another reader you have chosen to offend by your meaningless rants and posts.

Apparantly this anonymous person has his/her own fears...namely of 'hate mail' and being found out here. I do not judge that...but I do think this person hasn't read enough of my blog. We have not had a nanny for quite some time now...and did so for awhile when Chip took his job and I knew it would demand lots of his time and energy. If having a nanny makes me a "princess", then I apologize. I guess I earned this 'luxury' in life by getting a brain-damaged daughter, who at age 4+ still couldn't walk, talk or do a lot of things on her own. I felt it would be smart for me to get a helper in our home, so that my other kids could still enjoy things like going to the park and beach in spite of having a handicapped sister. That's the reason behind a nanny. She has been a friend to us...and although she hasn't been living with us for a year, I still call her our nanny/friend.
As for Starbuck's....do I need to defend myself for drinking coffee? I mean really. I buy the coffee grounds and brew my own coffee in a 'free' Gevalia coffee pot each day. I know a lot of people who do spend money everyday on lattes at the actual Starbuck's locations...and I still don't think of them as royalty. This is why the world is in some of the mess it is today. People, like anonymous, think they know everything, or choose to judge or misinterpret others, or try to bring people down for whatever reason...even if it is bashing the color of fonts that a person chooses to blog in. Sad, but true.
I find it all interesting, to know that people are consumed with this type of reality. There is so much more to life than this. And how is it that "I am choosing to offend" readers with my meaningless rants and posts. Isn't that the choice of the reader...to choose to be offended? So, if there was any doubt about turning off the comments, I have put them to rest with this one here.
I told Chip that I was going to make a t-shirt that read "Don't get too close...I have fame addiction". I thought that's what people like Anna Nicole Smith had. After the last week or so of people talking about her, I can see how that ends and I want no part of it.
So, just so we're all clear here, I really don't think going out for lunch and having a car plow into the table killing my daughter and injuring the rest of my family at that time, and then having to live with the consequences of someone else's selfish decision for the rest of my life makes me a fame seeker or "princess". That's just my opionion though. I have definitely received blessings more than I deserve through blogging and sharing my story with others, in hopes that they might appreciate their own lives/family a bit more, or choose to look at their lives in a different light because of all that has happened to me. If that offends someone, I apologize. I've never intended to share my life to make others feel badly about themselves or to make myself feel better. I blog for fun, for stories, for my family to see pictures, and sometimes for scrap-related or faith-searching reasons.
I hope my hubby isn't mad at me for this post. He said to me yesterday, "I know the truth about you...you're beautiful inside and out." That's all I needed to hear. In fact, it almost made me feel like a "Princess"! =)

Just me...

I can honestly say that I am going to miss "seeing" so many of you in my comments section here, and I appreciate so many supportive comments and lots of emails from many of you too. Thanks!

As I wrote to one reader, I am not offended by negative comments left for me, in fact they sort of 'fuel' me even more! Remember awhile back when I wrote about how I didn't really like highschool or want to "fit in"? It goes back to my core belief about my faith and how I should express that in my life everyday. Too many times I have lived not standing up for my beliefs or being "counter-culture". So, to have people responding to my blogposts in a negative light just proves to me that I am living my faith as I should be doing. One of my favorite prof/pastor once said that if we weren't causing controversy, than we weren't being bold enough in our faith. I think he is right! My faith IS controversial...especially in light of the things going on in our culture every single day. The fact that there are people watching me and trying to figure out how it is that I can live the way I do and say the things I do just goes to show their lack of faith. Somehow they see it as a 'fame addiction' of some sort...rather than for the confidence and joy that it really gives me each day. THAT is what I claim to have- not a big ego.

If I should ever develop a 'big ego', trust me, I have a husband and kids and extended family that will put me in my place a lot quicker than a few anonymous comments. =) One 24-hour day spent in my home watching me cook and clean and wipe dirty faces and dishes and other various body parts would be more than enough for anyone to realize that I don't have "fame issues". Maybe if I get a housekeeper I will start thinking I'm someone that I'm not...but that will be awhile.

One last thought about all this, and that is the other side of the issue- that I somehow can't face reality and the truth about myself. While turning off comments seems to be "shielding myself" from reality, I see it as the exact opposite. It frees me up to spend more time thinking on the truth about myself and life and not having to read about someone else's issues. I hope that my anonymous readers will see that too much time is wasted on negativity in life, and that turning off comments is staying true to who I am. I have written often about the opportunities in life to make choices and how those choices affect us in life. Well, this is one such moment for me. If someone finds that offensive or "chicken" of me...well, then, that is their choice.

I look forward to reading your emails when/if you feel led to drop me a line...and will read each one. I'm still the same old Nitty.Gritty. me...just without the opportunity for someone else to get their "Anonymous fix" at my expense. {nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com}