Love notes.

Hello February and fresh starts! I love new beginnings and today is what I have termed it a "grace day" at my house because it's Monday and school was cancelled due to weather conditions here in Michigan. Instead of snowing, blowing and sub-zero temps, we instead have blue skies and sunshine! So it is simply a good day to relax, kick back, stay in pj's {we do that a lot in the winter around here!} and just enjoy this unexpected break in life.
To that end, I have decided that it was the perfect time to jump back on to my laptop and share a tiny bit of my heart. Okay. Maybe a bit more than just my heart, as I am feeling mixed emotions about sharing these photos and thoughts behind them. I think this month of February is a wonderful backdrop for me to post "love notes" to my kids and this blog has always been a spot for me to get things down and out and saved in a spot for future reference.
As much as I want to express my thought and heart toward my kids {my girls especially} I sort of believe that this is a message that others might need to hear too. If you can see past the images- which I didn't realize had so much to 'say' when I ordered prints of these photos, then maybe the true message can start to settle in.
I have been self-conscious about my body, shape, size and flaws since as long as I can recall, and yet even so I think there is such worthwhile lessons in embracing ourselves- just as we are and as God created us to be. He never makes mistakes or messes up- certainly not on people whom He loves so much! That is the heart of this scrap layout and if my kids realize I love them just as they are...then how much more must God love them too!
I am so humbled and blessed to be able to stand in front of a camera, snap a few photos and then be brave in sharing the struggle and beauty that comes from learning to love it all. He loves us in spite of all we will never be- none of us can measure up to perfection- and yet we are loved in spite of our failures, flaws, insecurities, pride, and His grace covers it all so that in His eyes we ARE perfectly whole because of who He is! His love never ceases to amaze me. His grace has changed me from inside-out and I hope that His love will be the one thing my kids seek more than anything else this world has to offer. There is nothing greater than knowing God's love firsthand. It is the greatest love of all!
The world tells us that things or being a certain size of having financial security or a job or spouse or house or degree or adventure or happiness or any other number of things will fill us up. But the truth is only God's love and grace can be enough to fill us with true peace, contentment, and assurance of Hope. To that end I pray that I will be a tool for Him to shine that message to my kids and anyone else who has ears and open heart to receive that message. He is Love and all we ever need!

Hello, December!

Somehow November had a way of slipping by very quickly and here it is December again! We had a quiet Thanksgiving Day weekend, just our family here in Michigan. The snow came down most of the day before and during Thanksgiving, and we ventured out around the corner and had our meal at the clubhouse. It was nice to not have any prep or clean-up. But we missed the warmth and smell of turkey dinner- not to mention leftovers! So the next day we made a Thanksgiving dinner at home. It was just as delicious the second time around. =)
I am doing some Christmas crafting and if you are wanting a deal on some supplies too, today is your day to grab some at Cocoa Daisy. There is a special on Daisy boxes and stamps for cyber-Monday. You can also get the December kits or add-ons right now too. I made a mini December album and a couple of layouts with mine. I am loving the washi tape in the kits for some holiday crafting too! Always one of my favorite things; one can never have too much cute tape, if you ask me!
I hope that this month brings you some special holiday memories, and some good food and most importantly, a deep peace and thankfulness for the gift of our Savior! Jesus is the reason for the Season!

Happy month of December.

Happy December, indeed. I am so looking forward to this month of reflection and celebration. Even, or maybe because of, a year of feeling unsettled and yet blessed in so many ways, it just seems fitting to take some time to ponder it all and to look to the One who is the cause of joy in our hearts and lives always.
I am sharing some of the things I created using the December Cocoa Daisy kit called, "Hello my name is". It was one of my favorite kits to date since I joined the team this past July. I have loved setting up my scrapspace in our new "old" home the past couple of weeks. I have loved getting to make cards and miniboooks and pages using a whole host of fun, colorful and new products~ including my personal favorite stamp exclusive to the Cocoa Daisy boutique- those antlers. =) {You can view my December gallery here.}
My love for them has grown seemingly out of nowhere, and it continues to grow too! At one point antlers became my symbol for hope and anticipation. So it's only fitting for me to use that image during this Christmas season, but also anytime I need to hold onto the ideal of what is yet to come. They sort of embody for me what life is about- that spot in our hearts that believes in a bright future and of good yet to come. For me it's not just about the fun and festivities, but the true belief that God is still at work in our broken, fallen world and that the belief in His Son, Jesus whom He sent t earth as a baby in a manger came not just as a cute story for the holiday season. But He came to enter into our human world and feel and experience it- as dark and cold and bleak as it is at times- He not only lived it and felt it all, but He brought hope and light and healing to those of us who believe in Him as Jesus and God. He came to save. He came to restore. He came because He is God and He is love! That reality never changes, no matter what our circumstances are in life. For that reason alone, we ALL can celebrate and choose Joy this time of year. I love that this time of year brings reason to rejoice- or maybe just the reminder for many of us who have forgotten or were overwhelmed at times in our year that there is always hope, always more peace and love and joy out there for the taking. We just have to have open hearts and eyes that are willing to look for it and then sit back and wait for God to reveal it to us in His way and in His time.
I am ever grateful for the way He shows us He is still very much involved in our world. In big and small ways. The Bible tells us that He is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow and that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He cares and loves us always! What a wonderful promise and yet more reasons to celebrate the God of every season.
I don't know what my future holds. I don't know what job my husband will get. Or if I will have to get a job too! =) I don't know why we moved out of state and back again in a year. I don't know why we were called to have Teagan taken from our lives more than a decade ago, and yet we miss her and wish she were still a very real part of our family photos to this day. I don't know why Wyndham has struggled to get back on her feet for two years, nor do I know what she will accomplish in her life as a result of her hard work in therapy for more than a decade now too. I don't know what the future holds for any of my kids or for any of us. But I do know that we can rest assured that when we take hold of not just the story of Jesus, but if we truly believe in the one who was sent to save, that we can walk day by day with a peace that passes all understanding and that gives assuarance to us that everything is going to work out in the end.
I am hoping to rest more and claim that peace even more in the coming days and years even. God is so good and even when we can't see it, feel it, sense it or taste it in our daily lives, I do know that we can trust God to be true to His promises to us. Always.
Isaiah 9:6-7 "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this."

It is well with my soul.

Today marks what would be Teagan's 15th birthday if she were still here with us. It's a strange and wonderful thing to have this type of day in my life. One that, even now celebrating 11 birthdays without her, doesn't really come any easier and can't fully be put into words what my heart feels.
I do feel so honored and privileged and humbled and grateful and blessed that God chose me to be her mom- knowing full well that the number of her days would be less than 4 and a half years. Knowing full well that I had hardened my heart toward having any kids at all- yet He chose to send Teagan into my life and change me forever. She was my gift. My gift of being released from a life that was becoming more and more selfish and looking for fulfillment in things of this world- rather than finding it in the one true source in God. She was my gift of coming to understand that joy was in not in obtaining things, but in giving and receiving love. Teagan made me want to be better in all areas of my life. She made me slow down, reprioritize, simplify, notice the details, celebrate the ordinary, rejoice in the little things and she taught me that you can dance even when there's no music playing at all.
She loved life. It sounds cliche, I know, but in her short number of years she soaked so much in, gave so much to others and really lived her life to the fullest. She filled my heart and life in a way I never dreamed a child could do. Even as demanding as she was and the fact that she had more energy than I could keep up with sometimes, I know she was placed in my life to help refine parts of me that needed refining and to open my eyes to ways of seeing that I would have been closed to had it not been for her.
I spent my entire pregnancy with Teagan dreading the changes this baby would require of me once she arrived. Chip and I didn't know if we were having a baby boy or a baby girl. When we had the chance to find out I was still so upset to even be pregnant that I didn't care to find out. That's how hard my heart was toward having a baby.{I, of course, regret the way I felt back then. Especially so when she was literally in my life one moment, and gone the next.} But in His higher ways, and because God knows what is better for us than we know ourselves- out of His incredible mercy to not let me waste my life on things with little or no eternal meaning, God reached out to me and literally placed Teagan in my lap on the morning of March 18th, 1997.
"It's a girl!" my doctor said with a beaming grin on his face. It was as though she was the first baby girl he had helped bring into this world. Or maybe it just seemed that way to me because she was my baby girl. My first, my perfect, my tiny, the most beautiful creature I had ever seen...and she was mine. A big tear rolled down my cheek and my eyes blurred as I tried to grasp the reality that this tiny, perfect baby girl was mine. Forever. The love I felt as she was handed to me all swaddled and wet was something I can still feel, as clear as the moment it washed over me.
On this day, year after year after year, no matter that she's gone, I still feel it in my heart. It's like a piece of pure joy. Only now, my arms don't hug her. Her laughter doesn't ring in my ears. Her smile doesn't light up a room. Her tiny pinky doesn't wrap around mine the way we used to promise to love each other forever. Her birthday comes...and goes without her. But not without a certain peace that I know God continues to pour out into my heart even though she's gone. I miss her. I wish she were here. I cannot begin to comprehend the splendor that surrounds her in Heaven everyday. I ache from knowing I will never hug or see her on earth again. Yet I am filled with a deep comfort and peace for I know that our hearts are in the very same place.
That is a gift of grace that I thank God for whenever the sadness threatens to consume me. I rejoice knowing that I will see her again one day because God's promises are true. I wish her story- my story- our story had a different ending for her than the mere 4 birthdays we had with her. But I can tell you in all honesty and sincerity that I truly believe and accept the short time I had with her was a gift to change me. In more ways than I think I can ever fully know. Today I mark another birthday without Teagan. Sure there is sorrow; sure there is an emptiness that I can't express, but more importantly I have come to see how she was, is still, and always will be mine. It is well with my soul. And oh what peace floods my soul as I think back on who she was, who God is and what awaits us all in Heaven. Someday!
Happy Birthday in Heaven, to a special little girl. I can't imagine her at 15, and I am just as happy to think of her as 4. Forever.

Remembering scars as we face an unknown future...

None of us knows what the future holds. We can plan, we can prepare, we can take control of our finances and set aside time and energy for tasks we have to accomplish and we can set goals and pour all of our energy into reaching them and making them our reality. But the fact remains that none of us knows what the next moment, hour, day, week or year holds for us. Sometimes we are heading down one path when life suddenly takes us on a u-turn. Sometimes we feel like we have it planned out perfectly, and then life throws us the unexpected.

I have been thinking and praying for a young woman I've never met for a month now. October 1st, 2011 was the date that Samantha and her fiance, Chad, had chosen and dreamed and prepared for and been excited about for months. Tragically, less than 36 hours before their wedding day arrived, Chad along with Samantha's brother who was to be a groomsman in their wedding, were killed when the best man lost control of the SUV they were riding in and the vehicle crashed. I learned of this tragedy because Chip's golf club was to be the reception site for their wedding celebration. The families and communities were stunned and filled with sorrow at such a tragic event. I could only imagine how Samantha felt then, and now- one month later.

The dress that she so carefully selected and had fitted, I imagine just hung there bringing more tears as she looked at in light of her pain. Rather than be the dress of her dreams, it now represents shattered dreams and probably brings a flood of tears at a simple glance of it.

I have prayed and prayed for God to pour out His peace and comfort and mercy at this time when no person, no thing, no act can bring a comfort to her hurting heart and the hearts of the family and friends that surround her.

They are broken, grieving, scarred and hurting.

It got me thinking about the time in our lives when we too felt such sorrow, sadness and pain in our lives. I pulled out the above picture of Chip, which was taken about a week after our inital tragedy at the Old Depot- this was August 2001- the place was Hurley Hospital, Flint, Michigan. I had never seen Chip so wounded and scarred before. Just days earlier we were a happy, thriving family of 5 with a big, bright future ahead of us. We had no plans to be side-tracked by death, fractured ribs, brain injuries, internal trauma, muscle and nerve damage and hearts that would hold their own wounds from sorrow and loss.

Our life took a u-turn and we found ourselves in a world we never imagined or dreamed.

* * * * *

In my morning devotional today I read {and shared on my FB status} these words:

"It is God's presence that gives us true comfort, not the absence of affliction". There is such power and truth in that statement. Read it through once more, and let it sink in.

Do you believe that?

If you don't, do you believe that it could be true in your life somehow- sometime?

It can.

I am actually grateful to have the few photos that my mom snapped while we were "at our worst" physically and emotionally from our time in ICU. Seeing the pictures and scars and how tremendous our injuries were gives me a reality check. When I think back to this time in our lives I can still remember how much it "hurt". In every sense of the word. I have never felt more pain than during that time of our lives. But during those same long days and sleepless, painful nights and all the healing that had to take place to even be functional again, we both felt an overwhelming peace and comfort in our hearts that we had never experienced before. We never felt it when life was going splendid.

We felt it when our hearts and bodies were torn and we literally had our lives shattered by pain and grief.

God was there.

He never let us go.

In fact, He helped carry us when we had no strength of our own to keep us going. He held us together when we felt like falling apart and giving up. He poured out His mercy in our lives as we needed to draw on Him to be able to extend grace and forgiveness to the one who had brought us so much pain. He gave us Hope for our future and even laid it on my heart to want joy in life again.

I clicked through and pulled out a few pictures of how we look now. Our scars have healed quite nicely, with the exception of Wyndham's disabilities and ongoing needs. We have added 4 kids to our family since our tragedy struck. We have smiled and laughed again. We have known happiness, peace, comfort and joy.

But not because we had some supernatural abilities. But because of His power and strength that helped us move on. We have a future ahead of us that is filled with unknowns and unexpected events yet to come. I know that we can face them with peace and even with excitement, because we have seen the way God has already worked in our lives and we know that He will see us through whatever else may come our way.

I am so glad that God spared Chip's life and Brock's life and Wyndham's life and even my life, because through our scars and pain we have come to understand His healing powers that much more. We have learned firsthand that God doesn't abandon us when our hearts are torn and laid open with grief, but instead, that is the time when He gently picked us up and gave us new eyes to see Him and we felt His embrace like no other. His comfort was real then. I have faith and trust that it will be real as we walk forward too.

He is a God who loves, who protects, who turns mourning into dancing again.

My prayer is for this Samantha, to know this same grace, love, mercy and healing. And maybe one day she will look back or recall shattered, broken dreams- not with heartache and pain- but with the reality that God was big enough and gracious enough to turn it all into something beautiful that she never could have dreamed.

Maybe you are facing a future that scares you or maybe you are recalling a past filled with pain and "scars" of your own. My prayer for you is that you will call out to God and give your hurts and uncertainties to Him. He will never let you down and more likely than not, you will find that His plan blows you away. Our scars may always be with us to a certain degree...but our future is bright always. Because He is our eternity!

Through the clouds...

{ Photo credit goes to Sante.boschianpest originally posted here. } I've been heavy hearted for a long while now. There are many reasons why that is, but today I am beginning to see a tiny bit of Light breaking through the clouds. Or possibly it is that I have been walling out the Light and am finally at the point of being vulnerable enough to crack open my heart and let something into my brokeness again. Either way I just have to say that it feels amazing to sense that a brighter day is coming. Even if it's still a long way off. I am going to trust that Joy is closer than I think and I'm choosing to seek it again. I have been soul searching and asking tough questions of God and faith and wondering how come He doesn't make life easier when He holds that power. Not that I have a right to know- but sometimes I feel like I need answers before I can move forward and take the next step. This is how God spoke to me today. As I stood in my kitchen with my hands scrubbing dishes in soapy, warm water. I heard unmistakeable truth. I know I'm not alone in wondering and questioning and feeling as though God has turned a deaf ear to my cries sometimes. So today I share with you what God impressed on my heart and mind in hopes that it might encourage someone else. Someone like you. "Faith is not the absence of asking questions, but the ability to press on without all the answers." The prayer I jotted down in my journal today reads: Thank you, God, for giving me Your peace and presence in times when I find myself at the end of my rope. I praise You for holding on to me when I'm the one ready to let go. Thank you for helping my hurting heart to trust and rest in You. Amen. I pray that God will shine through whatever darkness clouds your life today. I'm so grateful for the promise that the best is yet to come!

Trading places...

Wyndham's wheelchair arrived at our home yesterday and we were pleasantly surprised at how much interest Wyndham showed in trying it out. This is her with Grandma Genie this morning as we got her ready to leave for the hospital today. She was all smiles and so happy to get rides around the house. She kept holding up one finger- indicating she wanted "one more ride".

I have no greater longing in my heart today than to trade places with her and go through the pain she will bear. It's not often in this world that we wish to trade comfort and happiness for pain and suffering. Since I am unable to do for her what my heart longs to do, I instead am pouring my heart out in prayer for her and trusting in a great big God to hear those prayers, to touch her in a special way, and to bring healing and peace as only He can.

Thanks for joining me, for Wyndham, today. Her surgery starts at 12 noon (eastern) and will wrap up in early evening. I will post another update when I get that chance.

Three weeks...

Teague is three weeks! That 3 weeks went by rather quickly, if I do stop and think about it. Although I don't have too much time to stop and think about it. =)

I am trying to take it all in and just soak up the one-on-one time that newborns demand of their mommies because I know just how fast this little guy will grow. I am also so thankful for each and every one of your thoughts, prayers and to those who left comments when I was hurting and angry the other day, I especially appreciate the time you took to do so. It is one of the things that Chip and I learned we needed- very early on when dealing with grief- friends, family and even "strangers" help to carry the weight of what we feeling. Sometimes just knowing that someone is aware of what you are going through helps make the journey sting just a tiny bit less. So thank you for those prayers! Feel free to leave scripture references, quotes or lyrics/links to music too. I don't always feel that I have the strength of faith that so many of you seem to 'see' when you read this blog and I am always looking for ways to grow my faith- especially when it feels weak. I'll be digging in deep for the next 3 weeks as Wyndham's surgery approaches. As much as I hurt for what she is going to have to go through physically, we ALL are going to go through some rough stuff emotionally, mentally and spiritually too. I don't want to be unprepared... and I think my heart needs to be readied for what is yet to come.

* * * * *

My dad spoke at Teagan's memorial services and one of the things he shared has stuck with me and served me more than once in the past 9 years. With September 11th on my heart and mind for another year too, it seems appropriate to share these thoughts.

He and my mom were visiting my sister in Cancun and had to take a ferry to their resort earlier in the year 2001. My dad has never liked 'the water' and on this particular day the waves and winds were especially high and strong. The ferry boat was really rocking- much to my dad's dismay. He went out to the deck for some fresh air and my sister offered this insight/helpful hint to him. She told him that the locals say if you keep your eyes on the horizon when the winds and waves get strong that you feel less of the motion. The fixed place for your eyes helps to give you balance and a better sense of calm.

My dad said that it really worked when he tried it.

When our tragedy struck just a few months later my dad thought back to that day on the ferry. And now, even though the winds and waves of life were figurative rather than literal, he felt the same truth applied. When we fix our eyes on God/Heaven- the One who is constant and the Prize that awaits us, then the world can fall apart and swirl around us, but we can have a sense of peace and calm just knowing that God has it all in His hands. We can trust that our anchor is going to hold and we will make it through the storm. And often times we'll come out stronger on the otherside as a result.

So that is one of the things I am telling myself in the next 3 weeks. We face some unknowns, but we can be confident that God is bigger than whatever comes our way. He's never failed us yet!

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."

Mixed emotions.

This morning as we woke early {compared to the past several weeks of sleeping in until whenever this summer} to get ready to send Brock, Bella and Ava off to their first day of school I thought the hardest part was going to be the waking early part. It turns out that it wasn't the hard part at all. The kids were excited, their clothes and backpacks were laid out and ready to go and I simply had to make and pack their lunchboxes and they were basically all set. Ready to take on middle school, third and first grades- respectively.

Chip helped get them into the car with all their school supplies, backpacks and lunch bags and then they headed off. That's when I turned back to head inside and start the day with the other three at home- Wyndham, Crew and Teague. All three of them needed soggy, saggy diapers changed and after I re-tucked Wyndham in for some extra morning sleep time {she loves to sleep in and would do so til noon each day if we let her} and tossed her pull-up in the trash I felt the tears starting to sting my eyes. I finally let the emotions fill me and hit me and overwhelm me and then I let the tears fall. I felt the hurt this morning like I haven't felt in a long time. This time the tears stung my eyes and my heart ached- not for missing the kids I sent to school and realizing how much they are growing up, but instead I hurt for Wyndham and what she will never experience.

In the past I have hurt for missing Teagan and wondering how grown she would be and imagining what kind of backpack and clothes she would have picked out to start the schoolyear. This year I am hurting for two girls who didn't start school with their siblings. I hurt for the dreams that I had for them when they were tiny newborns- like Teague is in my arms these days. I let the tears fall for the emptiness I feel for what will never be, and what I still wish I could change on mornings such as these. I would wish it so different. I ache for once holding Teagan and Wyndham's little heads steady as they started to develop the strength to hold their own heads up, and I wished the world for them- just as I do for all my kids. I always hoped to be the mom who could be there to help mold and guide my kids into the potential that welled up in them from the time they were tiny babes. I always imagined that I would be there for their mountaintop experiences, as well as all the milestones in between.

Today is a day for mixed emotions. On one hand I am thrilled for my kids and the education and opportunities that await them. I once felt like I wanted to keep my kids home; close to me and safe forever, but soon realized that that only holds kids back. What I really want for my kids is a place for them to grow and blossom and be challenged in order that they might become all they are meant to be. Today Wyndham didn't get that chance, and it's yet another year that I face the fact that Teagan had her earthly dreams taken from her at such a young age too. It's a day of mixed hurt and feelings and I simply had to write it down here- just to get it out.

For me, writing it down {It hurts... I hurt... it's not fair... I wish it were different... I ache for Wyndham...} and letting the tears fall is part of the healing process that I find I still need. Especially on days like this. The process of grief goes on- just as the years and seasons change. Recognizing that we have had dreams shatter and change and then accepting the reality of what is now is simply a part of our lives now. I know a lot of moms who are shedding tears today as they send their little ones off to school for the first time... or the 10th. They ache and it is expected. But I have to say that what hurts more than sending a little loved on off to school is not being able to send them off to school. In a few weeks Wyndham will be prepping for her double-foot realignment surgery. Her life is about to take on a whole new level of pain and suffering and challenge and that makes my heart ache so much.

I wish she could have come to the store with Bella and Ava and picked out new shoes and clothes and a backpack for school. But for whatever reason, her life is taking her on a different journey. I let the tears fall today, but my hope for her is to still give her the best this world has to offer her- even though it doesn't look the way I had hoped and dreamed it would be. I don't know that writing this all out does anything for any of you, but I would appreciate if some of you helped share our 'burdens' and prayed with us to be hopeful even on the days that hurt. Especially on the days that hurt.

My heart is still full for the 3 kids we did send off to school this morning. I felt blessed- even as I changed 3 diapers of the other kids this morning, that I had them in my life to love and care for and to hold and show love to. I am a lucky mom and I never want to take motherhood for granted. The mixed emotions are a part of being a parent- as many of you already know. I just didn't expect the wave of emtions to flood over me like they did just now. And I hope that just as tears flow from hurt, I can expect tears of happiness to flood over me in the days and years to come too. True, Wyndham didn't wake up to get ready for her first day back to school. But she is still here and she can hug me and laugh with all of us and I get to brush her thick hair after her bath in just a bit and she dances with her daddy before bedtime each night and she is a bright, shining star in our lives no matter what she does. I can't change what has happened to her and I still wish I knew more about who Teagan would be at this point in her life; but accepting it all as it is is shaping and changing me to be different than I imagined and dreamed I'd be too. I am choosing to trust that despite the occasional tears we're all challenged to be better than what we would have been if our lives had simply stayed on a "safe path". I am choosing to trust- yet again- that God knew all this in advance and He is holding us and guiding us through the challenges and just as a parent to their child, He has big hopes and dreams for us and will see to it that we grow into the full potential He has given each of us. His ways are higher and I'm so glad they are. My mixed emotions are another reminder to me that I need to lean on Him and trust Him fully. Joy or pain... He understands it all. For that gives me real comfort and peace. Even on these mixed up, emotional kind of days.

When the holidays hurt...

There's something so delightful and magical about the Christmas season- with the twinkling lights, jingle bells ringing, music playing and people greeting each other with smiles and rosy cheeks. But I can recall all too clearly how suddenly something so magical like the Christmas season made my head and heart pound with ache and pain and nothing seemed merry at all.

Christmas Eve 2000 was a special one for me. I remember clearly how my heart felt so full of blessing and joy especially as I sat with Chip and Teagan and Brock in a dark, candle-lit sanctuary listening to carols sung and Scripture read and feeling the kicks and movements of another baby inside of me. I felt overwhelmed with the goodness that God had given to our family at that special moment in time. We were celebrating a cozy Christmas in the first home we had purchased just a few weeks earlier. My kids were content and everything just seemed so simple and "perfect" that Christmas. Little did I know that the following Christmas Eve I would not have Teagan with me, Brock would be so emotionally distressed that he couldn't even sit at a table for a family meal and tiny infant Wyndham would be taking heafty doses of medication and struggling to re-learn things like how to suck and sit up on her own. Christmas didn't feel anything like I had remembered it, and to recall the former memories I had only brought me to my knees in tears. Grief was my new reality and I remember even seeing twinkling lights on homes as we drove down neighborhood streets made my chest ache and I could hardly breathe. Christmas and all it's magic felt like a cruel joke to me. I wondered if I would ever feel the Joy of this season again.

That Christmas, 2001 things were very different. And yet they were strikingly the same. I had two little ones and Chip at my side, and even a tiny baby growing inside of me- just as I had a year earlier. Yet nothing was the same. I felt like God had gone and messed everything good that we had going for us in our lives. It seemed as though His plan for our happy, simple lives had been replaced with something so tragic and unfamiliar. I had never known such grief and yet it was a part of every waking moment of our lives.

Christmas hurt. However, there was a peace I felt and a calm inside me which seemed to say, "This might not seem like Christmas as you know it, but the story is still the same". God hadn't changed in that year; our circumstances had. Our hopes and dreams had been altered, but I couldn't shake the fact that the Joy of Christmas was still the same. It wasn't about how I felt or the warmth of our fireplace and scent of cookies baking and music playing. The Peace that I was longing for and the Joy I felt had gone from our lives was still very much a part of the season. God's blessing and gifts to us were many that year and the greatest gift He had given us was the same one He had sent to earth 2000 years earlier. Jesus was our Hope and our Joy. I remember crying out to Him in the quiet of my living room as I sat next to Teagan's tree asking Him to fill my heart- not with the things that I wanted in life, but with the things HE wanted me to have in my life.

I can tell you today that God has been faithful and true to give us everything we have needed to walk the long, dark journey of grief and we have been blessed to find life and love and hope and many blessings as we emerged from that path. One of the things I hope others can see as you read here at my blog or witness our lives in person is that God is God and His blessings are available to anyone and everyone who turns to Him. By simply saying, "God, I want you to be real in my heart and life... I trust you fully" therein lies the Hope. Not just of Christmas. But of every trial and struggle we endure and even our future is secure in Him. No matter what may come our way- good or bad, God is with us. That's what the heart of Christmas is all about.

I recall taking great comfort in the fact that God's Son had come to earth to be Love and Hope for us, and also knew that He felt all we feel. He was no stranger to what it feels like to hurt. Even at Christmas. The holidays are strange and difficult for many people that I know and who read what I have to say here- but I pray that the gift of Hope will be yours this season and every step of the painful journey you find yourself on right now.

I share a few pictures here of Ava and Wyndham and me at their Christmas program the other night and a few more cards. There was a time when I didn't know if I could smile at this season or care to send a word of cheer to friends far away. The truth is, this season means so much to me and is a wonderful reminder that God IS near. When my heart and eyes begin to blur with tears and the ache of what I once held dear threatens to steal my Joy, I remind myself to see Christmas as God intended it to be. His gift of Love and message of Hope that He is King and Heaven is real and one day we will sing with all the angels on high. God's plan is perfect. And what a better reminder than to recall Christmas- when Jesus came to earth so many years ago. It may have been cold and dark and the stable was no place for a newborn babe; but God was there. It made all the difference that Christmas and every one since. When the holidays hurt, there is always One who is ready to fill us with something greater. I thank Him everyday for who He is in my life. It is a gift and it has changed my life. Forever.

Hoax or not...

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and encouragement to me and my family this week. You are all very much appreciated. With that said though, I do have to share a few more thoughts on my heart as we mark another annivesary since Teagan's death. It's about faith.
I remarked in my previous post that if there were nothing more to this life beyond what we can see here, for people like our family and most everybody in this life who suffers pain and loss, life would be nothing but a cruel hoax. Without the hope of a 'hereafter', living would be moment to moment agony- yielding anger and bitterness and despair.
Believe me, I've been in the midst of some of that stuff and it's ugly and hurts to be there. But it does come to dare I say all of us at some point in time. It comes packaged differently, but still hits us regardless of who or where we are. Click on any of the sidebar links on this blog to see how it is hitting some others in life right now...from cancer to the edge of death. It comes in all shapes and sizes!
I've had a lot of time to think about my faith, to question my faith, to wonder if it's "for real" or not. You may wonder the same thing. You may question if faith even matters. I have come to believe that it does matter and it is for real. There is more to this life than that which can see or touch.
But let's just say that there isn't anything beyond this realm in which we live. Would I still cling to this 'idea' of faith? I say with all my being, "yes". Do you want to know why? Thanks for asking! =) I think believing in something bigger than that which we can see allows us to live in spite of our circumstances. For Chip and me, having a faith that Teagan is in Heaven and believing in the hope of seeing her again someday was one of the biggest driving forces in allowing us to move beyond our grief. Our faith in God has given us a foundation on which to rebuild the brokeness of our hearts and lives. It not only offers us peace and hope in a time of overwhelming uncertainty and anxiety, but it gave us the ability to do even more than that and extend forgiveness against a horrific injustice. It has also given us the grace to want to live with joy and happiness again despite our pain and grief.
I truly believe in God and His promise and hope of eternity. Not just because it says so in the Bible, but because I have felt it in my own heart and been filled with a sense of peace at the most unpeaceful of times in life. I used to think that having a deep-rooted faith meant I would follow a list of do's and don'ts as spelled out in the Bible. I now believe that having a deep-rooted faith is so much more than that. It allows us to live above and beyond what life sends our way. It gives us peace in the storms, rest when we're weary, strength when we're weak, and Hope when all is desperate. It is amazing and real.
So even if it were a hoax and someone made up the idea of Heaven just to have something 'nice' to look forward to, well, I am happy to believe it that anyway. Because it has changed my life. I believe it's real with all my heart though. And, if you ask me, that makes all the difference in the world.
I wouldn't blog if it weren't for my faith. I wouldn't take pictures of my family smiling at the carnival as they're about to share an elephant ear. I wouldn't want the woman who killed Teagan and Peggy to get out of jail in two years and have the chance to rebuild and live a beautiful life. I truly can't imagine where I would be if I didn't have faith.
The fact of the matter is, I don't really like to even think about that. It's not a pretty picture to imagine life without hope and mercy and grace. Thankfully, because of who God is and his redemption I never have to think about it and I never will. As much as I love a good joke, I'm so glad He is a God of love rather than a God of hoaxes. I'm so glad I have real reason to smile, seek Joy and have Hope. No matter what comes my way!
Edited to include:
Okay. I was just thinking about some recent family activites and how my life truly is so full and blessed. It never ceases to amaze me how much God has healed us and continues to from day to day, year after year. I have so much to be grateful for. I have countless reasons to sing His praises.
Which is what we did for a few short moments in church this past Sunday. The worship leader invited anyone who felt led to finish this sentence: "God is great because ______________."
It was a really wonderful and powerful thing to listen to random reasons why God is great. And no one deserves our praise and thanks more than He! SO, my thoughts just now were to do that here on the blog. Why not?! God has been SO faithful and good to me, and I know He has done things in your lives and people around you too! I think it would be amazing and such a tribute to God if we were to list or share short stories in the comments here telling why God is so great. I'll even start. You don't even have to log in or leave your name. Feel free to come back as often as you like and share more reasons and brag on God! I can't wait to read through all the ways God is showing up and in turn give Him praise and honor for being good to us.
SO, tell me, how would you fill in the blank: "God is great because..."

A mother remembers. {Long, detailed post}

"Because of you I have laughed my loudest, cried my hardest and searched the deepest part of me. I have realized my weaknesses and discovered new strengths. I have shared my soul with others.

Because of you I have learned to live in the moment and appreciate the present. I have learned to be quiet and reflect on the past. I have gained new insights and sought new purpose in life. I have learned when to hold on and learned to let go. I have learned to embrace what I cannot see and I have deepened my faith in the future.

Because of you I am more grateful, more humble, more sensitive and more forgiving. I am more open, more joyful, more confident and more hopeful. Although you only physically touched me for four short years, your spirit still inspires me each and everyday.

Dear Teagan~ My life is enriched beyond measure...because of you."

That's the journaling for the layout pictured here today. March 18, 1997 she was placed in my arms as she took her first breaths. My heart and life were forever changed from that moment on. I found new purpose in my life. Teagan made my heart want to burst and my selfishness suddenly was put in its place when she entered my world.

I never dreamed there would come a day less than four and a half years later when my heart and life would forever change because of her again. July 29, 2001, I woke her up and brushed the hair back from her neck as she slowly opened her eyes. There was cold air rushing into her room from an open window, so I tucked the blanket up under her chin and kissed her. She looked up at me with her amazing blue eyes and smiled and said, "I love you, Mommy". I wanted to crawl in next to her for a long morning snuggle, but that was not to be. Chip was ushering at early church that day, so I instead told Teagan to warm up for a quick minute and then it would be time to get ready for church.

She was so agreeable that morning. It wasn't like her to be so easy-going... especially when wakened early. But that morning was different. I didn't know it then, but I do now. Even when I pulled her dress over her head and then brushed her hair, she was just being so sweet. I tied a ribbon in her hair and then pulled her close to me and held her hands in mine and said, "Teagan, you look more beautiful than I've ever seen you look!". She smiled and said, "I know".

And then we were off to church. Chip, me, Teagan, Brock and Wyndham. After church Chip asked if we wanted to go to brunch. He suggested The Old Depot restaurant. We'd never been there before, but he said he heard they had the best pie around. Who was I to argue with the idea of a great piece of pie?!

We headed the opposite direction we normally took and had hardly driven a mile or two and Brock started acting up in the car. We shrugged it off, but by the time we got to the restaurant we had scolded him a couple of times and Chip even commented, "If you don't settle down I'm going to turn the car around and go home". I turned to Chip and said, "Teagan's being an angel...this brunch is going to go fine".

Moments later we were seated at our table and a nice family meal was underway. Teagan sat at the end of the table because when we walked in she said, "I want to sit by everyone". Wyndham was strapped into her infant carseat and for some unknown reason that day I kept the straps buckled.

Teagan ordered chocolate chip pancakes served with a side of peanut butter. She was sipping creamer of a glass coffee mug and talking with Chip as our meals were served. A moment or two into our meals I was suddenly thrust into the air and heard crashing and banging and I began to scream Chip's name. It seemed as though debris was coming at me for several minutes and then suddenly there was a loud 'bang' and I felt my body slump to the floor. I jumped to my feet in an instant and there was dust clouding the air, but I could see Teagan just a step or two to my left and she was lying down where her chair should have been. I scooped her up- even though I know you're never supposed to move an injured person. I couldn't help myself. I turned and carried her out a gaping hole in the wall and walk several paces before laying her down on the ground. Her head was bleeding severely from the back. As I placed her down I noticed her lips were turning gray and her skin looked pale. But she looked beautiful besides that. She had no scrapes or marks in those moments. I was surrounded by people within seconds. Someone began to do CPR on her as I stood up and ran back through the hole in the front wall. I saw a car. A woman sat inside looking straight ahead. I started yelling Chip's name again. I couldn't see Brock or Wyndham or Chip. I could feel my heart starting to pound at that point.

I turned and walked quickly back outside and stood over Teagan's body. I told the strangers around me that the rest of my family was missing inside. I leaned down and held Teagan's hand again. It felt cold and I remember saying over and over, "Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Help."

I back into the building at least 3 or four more times. Each time feeling more deperate than the time before. On my final time I bent down to peer beneath the car and all I saw were man's legs in khaki pants. Chip had on tan pants when we went to church that morning, so I just knew it was him. I was about to run to the front of the car when a man grabbed me and started pulling me back yelling, "We're going to flip the car...you have to get out." He let go of me and I started toward the front of the restaurant and noticed the woman in the car then unbuckled her seatbelt, picked up her purse and she got out.

I walked over to Teagan again and said to her, "You can go if you have to Sweetie"...just like I'd seen in the movies. Someone offered me a chair to sit on next to her at just that time and as I sat down I noticed my back was throbbing and my feet felt like they were on fire. I looked down but saw nothing wrong. My injuries were all internal. I was bleeding inside, and also had a huge cut on my heel, but there was so much dirt and debris inside of it that I didn't even notice I was bleeding.

I heard crying. Someone was bringing Brock to me. He had dirt all over his eyes- I held him on my lap and asked someone if I could use their cellphone to make some calls. I called my parents. They weren't home. I called my sister. She thought it was some kind of joke. Chip's parents weren't home either. But his sister answered. She thought it was a prank call too. But there was a strange urgency in my voice that both of them found ways to get in touch with our families.

Chip came walking out of the hole in the front wall/door and I heard him calling my name. My back was to him as I sat on the chair holding Brock. I turned and thought I was imagining the whole scene. His head was gashed open across his forehead and cheek. Blood dripped down his face and his tie was flung over his shoulder. "Chip", I said quietly. "Chip...Teagan doesn't look good. She's not going to make it." Then someone had Chip sit down in a chair. Next someone was carrying Wyndham's carseat to me and she began to wimper. Her eyes were shut, but I heard her crying. I looked over my shoulder as Teagan continued to receive CPR and I knew then and there that there was no hope for her.

I had no idea what the extent of the rest of our injuries were at that point, but I was feeling an odd sense of calm that God was in control. Just a few moments earlier I thought I had lost all my family. Now I sat there feeling the early stinging pain of muscle/tissue and nerve damage, but none of that mattered. I felt relief that my family had a chance.

Today, July 29, 2009, eight years later those moments are still so vivid in my mind. I type through tears, head pounding and heart racing. I will never forget that unspeakable scene; the unimaginable situation that thrust my life in a whole new direction. I write all this for me...it feels right to put it down somewhere. Eight years feels like the blink of an eye. I can still "feel" how Teagan felt in my arms when I carried her out of the building that day. I can still "hear" the sound of the 'whoosh...BANG' as the car first crashed through the wall and then fell to the ground. I still think of how there was no warning- we were eating a meal with never a thought of danger and there weren't even any windows so nobody even saw the car coming. I still remember the icy stare of the woman who drove the car as she sat just a few feet away from me watching the horror of the traumatic scene behind me.

I remember the ambulance ride. It felt like it took hours to get to the hospital. I was one of the last injured to leave the scene and I couldn't stop wondering what I was going to do when they finally let me see Teagan.

That wouldn't happen for hours. She was airlifted downstate and I continued to be treated at our local hospital for lacerations and x-rays. They brought my bed (I was on a backboard) next to Brock's and told me that both he and Wyndham would be airlifted to Hurley as well. When I was finally stitched up I was placed in a wheelchair and brought into Chip's ER area. We just looked at each other. I don't think I had any words to say. Even as one who is always too wordy. My eyes filled with tears and Chip mustered some half-smile as his own face was being stitched, and he said, "It's going to be okay". A doctor came in a few moments later and said he had received an update on Teagan's condition. "As a father of two kids myself", he said, "I'm not going to lie to you. It doesn't look good". I think both Chip and I knew what he meant.

It meant our hearts and lives were changed again.

Because of her.

Our little blond-haired, blue eyed, rambunctious, smart, funny, adorable, always ready with something funny to say, or a hug or kiss to give you, was gone. She was hooked up to life support for the next 24 hours or so and we found ourselves talking to people about donating her organs and we were surrounded by many family members the last time I held her hand and pinky promised to love her forever. One would think that would be the worst moment for any mother to endure. Yet I write here- even 8 years later- recalling the sense of peace and calm I had in my heart. My head felt like it would burst, but my heart never felt more assured that everything would be okay.

I cannot begin to tell you exactly what faith is. I write about it alot here on my blog. What I can tell you is that my faith in God never felt more real and more 'right' than it did in those couple of traumatic days in the ER with all my family clinging to life. If there is nothing more to life than just "this"...this living that we all do, well then, for me and my family, life is just a cruel hoax.

Beyond what the Bible says, and I believe it is true and can be trusted, I 'know' in my heart that there is a God and there is a Heaven (and a hell) and one day-because of the death of Christ on the cross and my belief in the forgiveness of my sins because of his death- I will be reunited with Teagan again. One day all the pain and suffering I have lived through forgotten and all the tears I have shed will be wiped away. One day God will redeem the brokeness of my heart and Chip's heart and countless others and we will rejoice and be whole once again.

My faith through this tragedy, has been nothing but strengthened from day to day. I have asked tough questions and cried and shouted and wished things were different and I've wanted Teagan back along with "the way things were". But I can honestly say through all the years of missing her I have never doubted that God loves her, me, us and others and He can even use this ugly situation for His purpose in life. He can bring beauty out of our brokeness. He has carried us through our darkest hours. One day I look forward to falling on my knees at His feet and saying, "Thank you".

Thinking about faith.

In the online Biblestudy I'm doing with some of my friends we were invited to write down our definition of faith. (Link here to homepage of Biblestudy for those of you who have emailed and asked me about it. I think it's a good one!) I've shared my favorite definition here before, but think it bears repeating. I heard it several years ago and it's never left me. It says, "Faith is believing in advance that which only makes sense in reverse".
Read that through and let it sink in for awhile. It's really that good and true. Since I already have a definition that I think sums it up so well, I decided to think about and compose a short statement summing up what faith is to me. Here's what I've come up with:
"Faith is nothing until you find it's all you need" or "Faith is nothing until it's all you're holding on to".
I've really had my faith tried and tested and stretched and questioned and out of all of that, it's grown stronger, deeper and defined what I know to be true in this life and beyond than anything else ever had or could. Many of you know that I was a pastor's kid for most of the years as I was growing up and into college and beyond. I was "raised in the faith", you might say. I know more words and verses to hymns and Scripture than a lot of people I know. I can whiz right through the Bible category on Jeopardy. I get almost all the Bible crosswords right in Sunday paper puzzles. I have a lot of 'faith knowledge' in my head... although I also know there is a never-ending amount of theology and faith-based topics to debate and discuss and ponder that I could never fully understand it all. Even after all the years studying and learning about faith and the Bible and other religions, I feel I've barely scratched the surface most of the time.
However, all this knowledge does me no good unless it goes from my head to my heart and actually changes and/or affects the way I live. Just as someone could hold the cure to cancer in their head, it serves no purpose unless it is applied to the life of one who has the disease. In the same way, I have learned that for many years I understood what faith was, but I rarely needed to put it into practice in my life or let it "consume me". It was just there.
I think that happens to too many of us. We might think we know all the right answers. We might trust that we have faith and feel comfortable knowing that if anything "really bad happens", we have something to fall back onto. But the fact is faith is so much more than just having the right answer at the right time. It's not supposed to be just a security blanket we carry around and pull out when the going gets tough. Rather, a deep-rooted faith should be life-changing. It should guide and direct our steps and teach us to be patient when our heads and hearts are full of anxiety. It is real faith that gives us peace in the midst of life's darkest storms. It is faith in the unseen that allows us to have Hope when all else appears hopeless. Faith is also having Joy when there seems to be nothing worth singing or dancing about in our lives.
My faith is something that I have come to depend on every day. I used to think faith was about following a set of rules- a long list of 'do's and don't's that God handed down to us through the Bible". I'm glad I was wrong about my former definition of faith. I'm grateful that, even through life's hardest struggles, God has shown me faith isn't about what to do or what not to do, but rather it is His gift of assurance and Hope and promise to me to always be with me and to have my best interest at heart. God isn't holding a rolled up newspaper over my head waiting to use it when I mess up and fail to follow the rules right. No. God is waiting with arms open wide with a Plan for all our lives and a Hope for our eternal future- our sins have already been covered by the blood shed by His perfect son, Jesus, who died for everyone of us. There is nothing we can do to earn (or learn!) His favor. It's a gift to us, given freely, to those who choose to believe. And in so doing, we begin a life of building our faith and trust in Him that I have found, compares to nothing I ever had before.
Faith is so hard to put into words, and yet so worth the effort of trying. If I can ever encourage you toward a faith that matters in this world and beyond, it is my honor and privilege to do so. If you ever have questions about faith and if I can begin to answer them or share what I've learned, I am more than happy to do so. I feel like I've been so lucky, SO changed by what God has done and given to me through His grace. It's undeserved and yet something I'm thankful for every minute of every day. Without faith, I know my life wouldn't look the way it does. Without faith, I know I would be worthless;lost. Without faith, I know my future would be hopeless.
If I could have only one thing in this world, it would be my faith. And that's all I would need!

Thank you.

Thank you for your support and care for me and my family as we marked another birthday and celebrated despite Teagan being gone. I have to tell you that the days leading up to 'special days' are often harder than the actual days themselves.
There was laughter and fun in our home and out for dinner tonight. We were graced with beautiful bouquets of flowers from some thoughtful friends. Teagan was remembered and recalled with smiles and joy. She had a charm all her own that seems to still have a way of touching others.
I am always humbled to think that God sent her into our lives to live out her days- even as much as He knew it would be short. I find it amazing that in His mercy, He gave her to us and allowed her to change our hearts and lives forever. He is a good God and even in Teagan's absence and through the pain of losing her, I can and always will say that His ways can be trusted. He never fails.
I thank God for His comfort and strength to see us through these years without Teagan. I thank Him for the ways He has blessed us with so many good things as the days go on. If you don't know for sure that you are going to spend your eternity in Heaven... if you don't know God personally, I would invite you to seek Him and know the peace and assurance that I experience everyday. There is nothing like it. He gives peace that passes all understanding.
I can't even imagine what it is that Teagan experiences in Heaven each and everyday. One day I will find out though and we will make up for missed birthdays and praise God for all eternity. I hope you'll be there with us too. Thank you for your care for us until we get there.

Merry Christmas 2008.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas this year. Thanks for reading Nitty.Gritty. and offering so much support, debate, fun and encouragement throughout the year to me and my family. I plan to share more stories and pictures in the coming year too. Who knows what the future holds?!
May you feel the true Peace that this season celebrates and look forward with Hope to your future because of the birth of our Savior.
Merry, merry Christmas from the whole Ferlaak clan.

You take one Holy Baby....

My kids have been playing with the Little People Nativity set for a few days now. We had a special carved nativity that stayed under our tree when I was a child and it was one of my favorite decorations at Christmastime. The thing I love about nativity sets is how they allow you to 'enter in' to the story of Christmas even though it happened over 2000 years ago.
This commericial set doesn't quite do Bethlehem justice if you ask me, but my kids love to play with it so much. I wrote earlier about the tension I feel at this time of year- the struggle to strike balance between the real reason to celebrate Christmas versus the glitz of twinkling lights, cookies, candy and gifts wrapped in colorful papers.
The more I have thought about it and the more I have seen my kids playing with this set (and a couple of others we have too), I have felt more assured that they understand what Christmas is all about. I don't know that any of us will ever fully comprehend the depth and meaning of what God has done through this gift of His Son Jesus, but I think we are headed in the right direction and I feel like really, it's not up to me to make sure my kids "get Christmas"; instead I believe that God will work in each of their hearts in His way and His time. I feel so much more at ease- more calm and bright- knowing that God has their little hearts in His constant care.
What really struck me the past few days is some of the things that you hear and read from the Christian community this time of year.
Have any of you heard or seen the words, "Keep Christ in Christmas"? Or remember that "Jesus is the Reason for the Season"? Now I think that these are very valid and can be catchy phrases to help some people focus on what matters, but I truly believe that for some people it becomes the only time they think and focus on Christ. I think that while catchy phrases may have meaning, somtimes they miss the real point.
I thought of this as Ava went downstairs to the rest of her Little People playsets and chose a few happy children and Santa and a couple of Care Bears and Hello Kitty to come up and join the wise men and angle in the nativity to welcome baby Jesus as she played. I couldn't help but think again how Jesus came for ALL people and he didn't just give his love to us at Christmastime, but every single day- forevermore. He loved us so much that he made a way for all to know Him intimately- His gift of salvation is free to any sinner who simply asks for His forgiveness and repents. Jesus became a baby- a man- and lived a perfect, holy life and then shed His blood on a cross. He died, was buried and then rose again- to take away our sins and restore a right relationship with God through His death.
I think Christmas is a special time to reflect and to celebrate and recall this amazing story that is one part of God's plan for us- sinners. It is a wonderful time for us, who have accepted and believe that Jesus is the way, to share our faith and celebrate what and why we believe what we believe and to offer others this same free gift.
But to think that we have to do something to keep Christ in Christmas to me seems like we're missing the main point of what God intended to do through this baby. Yes, God sent His son to the earth and Jesus was born in a little stable, and his mother, Mary, wrapped him in cloths and lay him in a manger. That's a wonderful story, but I think God meant for it to be something bigger than just a nice little story. He sent His son to earth to change hearts and lives. God loved us so much that the birth of His Son paved the way for everyone to know real Love and real Peace and to have Hope in a dark and hopeless world.
I love that my kids can play with a little toyset and understand this nice story, yes. But my real hope is that they can grasp that Christ wants to live in our hearts and be a part of our lives each and everyday. I hope they grow up knowing that we need to keep Christ in our lives and depend on His strength and we need His forgiveness so many times in our life. Not just at Christmas- as special as this time can be. We need this story to affect the way we live always. Feel free to follow this link for more insights and meanigful ways to "live out Christmas" beyond this month. May the Spirit of this season touch your life in a meaningful way- today and all the year through!