Thursday, March 31, 2011

Through the clouds...

{ Photo credit goes to Sante.boschianpest originally posted here. } I've been heavy hearted for a long while now. There are many reasons why that is, but today I am beginning to see a tiny bit of Light breaking through the clouds. Or possibly it is that I have been walling out the Light and am finally at the point of being vulnerable enough to crack open my heart and let something into my brokeness again. Either way I just have to say that it feels amazing to sense that a brighter day is coming. Even if it's still a long way off. I am going to trust that Joy is closer than I think and I'm choosing to seek it again. I have been soul searching and asking tough questions of God and faith and wondering how come He doesn't make life easier when He holds that power. Not that I have a right to know- but sometimes I feel like I need answers before I can move forward and take the next step. This is how God spoke to me today. As I stood in my kitchen with my hands scrubbing dishes in soapy, warm water. I heard unmistakeable truth. I know I'm not alone in wondering and questioning and feeling as though God has turned a deaf ear to my cries sometimes. So today I share with you what God impressed on my heart and mind in hopes that it might encourage someone else. Someone like you. "Faith is not the absence of asking questions, but the ability to press on without all the answers." The prayer I jotted down in my journal today reads: Thank you, God, for giving me Your peace and presence in times when I find myself at the end of my rope. I praise You for holding on to me when I'm the one ready to let go. Thank you for helping my hurting heart to trust and rest in You. Amen. I pray that God will shine through whatever darkness clouds your life today. I'm so grateful for the promise that the best is yet to come!


Erin Saeger said...

I needed to hear this today, thank you.

Jan B said...

I'm glad you're seeing the light, if only a little sliver. I think you're so right, Jody. Faith is just about blind trust. Except, we're not completely blind because, if we have any "time in" with Jesus, we KNOW that He IS faithful and DOES love us based on our past history with Him. We ARE heard and cared for no matter what it feels like to us.

I adore that song you have on your playlist now - Come to Jesus. Simple, simple words - so beautiful, so true, so hope-full. I think it's as simple as that.

I learned recently that the word comfort means to impart strength, so I'm praying that God will comfort you right where you are - more and more each day.


Mary Ellen said...

I too have been going through a gloomy time lately, Outside, I have been fine but have been fighting myself inside badly, I said this same verse to myself just the other day. I know that God is present and can go on with life because of it and only because of it. I pray for you daily. Hugs and wish this country wasn't so big so we could sit down and chat. We will just have to crawl up in Jesus' lap and talk to him. He knows it all anyhow.

NeverEnoughTime said...

I so needed this today as well.
Feb 1st, we moved out of our little 4 bedroom apartment in Joplin, MO and moved south to Picayune, MS into my in laws double wide trailer where my hubby grew up. They had moved out and in with hubby’s grandma across the yard. To say it has been easy would be a huge lie. It has been one of the top 5 toughest things I have been through. the children have all had a melt down-thankfully not all at the same time! Hubby is gone more than before because he has 1.5 hour commute each way everyday. Life is different in a small town-not bad, just different and we all have to learn how to get used to it….
I suffer from depression and I have had some days where I literally take the kids back to school and then lay on the couch until I pick them back up.
We know we were obedient to what God wanted from us-HE worked out all details for us to be here, we will just have to be patient to see what He has for us to do here. In the meantime, I will continue to make this old double wide trailer our new home, where I can still walk down the halls and check on all of my children who sleep tucked into their beds in the new bedrooms and put our new puppy in her kennel for the night and know that my in-laws are across the yard should we need them.
I hope I see the sliver of light soon....

Kathy said...

Ah yes, thank you for the inspirational quote. I will be sharing it with a friend of mine whose 6 year-old daughter is suffering from a rare and agressive form of brain cancer, and I think it might be exactly what she needs right now.

Anonymous said...

The song, "Thats What Faith can do" by Kutless speaks loudly to me, helping me through the dark times. Hugs to you sweet precious child of the King.

Kim Marcotte

Anonymous said...

Your candidness is refreshing! I think we all have those seasons of life where we feel "lost" and need to KNOW that God is near and hears us. I've been there...we all have!

I can't imagine going through everything you having 6 kids and trying to keep all the "plates" circulating and spinning. PLUS having a newborn and a toddler in that a special needs child. I will continue to pray for that light to continue to open up and eventually envelope you!!! Blessings to you dear Jody!!!

Right now I'm in a women's study called "Calm My Anxious Heart" (Linda Dillow) and I thought when I signed up...this really isn't for me, I'm just taking if because ____fill in the blank. Well let me tell you...this has been the BEST study!!! I highly recommend it for all the women out addresses alot of things!!! When you're in a better place for reading, I'd tell you to get the book!

Stacie said...

BEAUTIFUL! your faith is amazing! Praying for you Jody!

betht said...

oh, so glad to hear this,i prayed for u earlier today, my stranger-friend (that's a new category now, people i don't know who i feel like are friends!) i saw this quote today from a friend on FB and it seems timely - ‎"Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God." -Robert Schuller

also, and sorry for making this so long, but i have been reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and this entry for today seems relevant too -

Taste and see that I am good. The more intimately you experience Me, the more convinced you become of My goodness. I am the Living One who sees you and longs to participate in your life. I am training you to find Me in each moment and to be a channel of My loving Presence. Sometimes My blessings come to you in mysterious ways: through pain and trouble. At such times you can know My goodness only through your trust in Me. Understanding will fail you, but trust will keep you close to Me.

Thank Me for the gift of My Peace, a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom its depth or breadth. When I appeared to My disciples after the resurrection, it was Peace that I communicated first of all. I knew this was their deepest need: to calm their fears and clear their minds. I also speak Peace to you, for I know your anxious thoughts. Listen to Me! Tune out other voices, so that you can hear Me more clearly. I designed you to dwell in Peace all day, every day. Draw near to Me; receive My Peace.

Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.
~ Psalm 34:8 (MSG)

So she called the name of the Lord Who spoke to her, You are a God of seeing, for she said, Have I [not] even here [in the wilderness] looked upon Him Who sees me [and lived]? Or have I here also seen [the future purposes or designs of] Him Who sees me. Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi [A well to the Living One Who sees me]; it is between Kadesh and Bered.
~ Genesis 16:13-14 (AMP)

Later on that day, the disciples had gathered together, but, fearful of the Jews, had locked all the doors in the house. Jesus entered, stood among them, and said, "Peace to you."
~ John 20:19 (MSG)

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15 (NIV)

Cubdt said...

Jody, I'm not going to tell you anything that you probably don't already know, but life is all about challenges and enduring to the end. I don't know why some people have to go through more trials than others, but I do know trials strengthen us and prepare us for the greater picture to come in the hereafter. Another thing I know with every fiber of my being is that Teagan is in a better place and someday you and your husband will be able to raise that little girl to womanhood. You'll be together for eternity your adorable blessed family. Continue
raising that beautiful family with all the energy and heart you are so blessed with, take one day at a time and live it to the fullest, and in a wink of an eye this earthly life will be be over and you will greet your Father in Heaven and bathe his feet with your tears. He will say "well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into my rest!"

Kirsten said...

I hope you recognize me from ages ago....and know that I don't speak lightly. You have to know inside how very strong you are. My simply having a girl with a perfectionist mentality gives me it OCD...whatever. I fight my own battles daily. We all do, and you just keep on taking it one step at a time. God helps you when you need Him. And we are here to take up the slack :)

Anonymous said...

I hope the light starts breaking through in bigger and bigger rays, Jody.

Do you know what my word verification says? "Decide". Sometimes happiness is a decision...although I sometimes find that decision a hard one, too.



Anonymous said...

I'm writing that statement about faith on my desk calendar right now. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I have not read your blog in awhile. I have been so close to tears while "catching up" with you and your family. You have been really going through some tremendous trials yet you are ministering to so many as you share your heart. I have prayed for you many times yet we have never met. Just remember that there are many out there you have never even met (and sadly may never) who are holding you up in prayer to our Heavenly Father.

Charlene said...

I have not read your blog (or anyone else's) for some time...I have been so caught-up in my own grief that it has consumned me. I had a "break-through" last evening and this morning I posted about it on my blog and then I read yours...
I am amazed at the similarity of the subject matter between the two....I even spoke of a "shaft of light" breaking through! my hope is that you recieve comfort and peace from our heavenly Father....real soon.

This Chick said...

I thought of you and your love of buttercream when I saw this today:

One doesn't need an "occasion" to bake a cake, right?

Live a Life EXTRAordinary said...

I have followed your blog for a few years, checking it periodically. I felt compelled to check it out tonight as I am grieving over my beloved sister who passed away three weeks ago today. She left behind a 16 year-old daughter and 11 year old son. Thank you for your post, your honesty, and your transparency- you sharing your innermost thoughts, prayers and journaling are comforting to so, so many, including me. Thank you and God Bless you!
Phil. 4:13