Friday, March 18, 2011

She got her wish...


Today is Teagan's birthday. She would be 14, but as I've shared before, in my heart and mind she is four forever. This is the way I will remember her always. I will never forget how excited she was to be turning four. She wanted a butterfly cake and she got one. She actually celebrated her birthday twice that year. The second time she decorated her own mini cake with M & M's. She was surrounded by family and friends who loved and adored her. There was so much happiness and laughter in her world.
She got a lavendar Barbie Jeep and several other toys she wanted that year. She gave hugs and kisses in return. She was a bundle of love, joy, happiness and never-ending energy. There were days I felt like the luckiest mom to have such a special little girl in my life. From the moment the doctor said, "It's a girl!" and then placed her next to my cheek I felt something I never imagined I could feel. My heart overflowed with love and blessing at such a wonderful gift. She changed me. She changed me from the inside-out.
Ten years ago she was one of the happiest little 4-year old girl I had ever known... and she had a wish. A truly unusual wish for someone who loved life and lived it with such zeal. She told me several times in the next few months after her birthday that "she wanted to be 4 forever". I tried to talk her out of such a wish. Not that I ever dreamed that it would come true. I couldn't have known that it would.
If I had known I would have lived differently. I would have smothered her even more with love and hugs and praise and kisses. I would have breathed in her beauty and expressions and I would have taped her voice singing and laughing and I would have snapped a thousand more pictures of her too. I would have sung her to sleep and stayed next to her through the night just to memorize how she felt and soaked up her warmth a bit more. I would have run my fingers through her hair and wrapped my finger around her pinky even more tightly each time we pinky promised to love each other forever.
I couldn't have imagined such a childish wish coming true. But for some reason, beyond that which I will ever know or understand, she got her wish and that wish changed my life forever. Today is a day of remembering and wishing and dreaming and even for being thankful. I still feel like the luckiest mom some days. Today, as much as my heart is forever torn, I feel grateful. Grateful to have been given the gift of Teagan. Even if it was only 4 short years.
Happy Birthday Teagan, my little dream girl who still brings me to laughter and tears. You'll always be the love of my heart.

28 comments:

Jessica Acs said...

That was really sweet Jody, your post brought tears to my eyes. May we all cherish each and every moment with our loved ones, cause we never know what the future holds.
Happy Birthday to your dear little angel :) xo

Jennifer said...

You girl lovely one.

(teary) No matter what.. we never forget someone in our life.

She is in your heart forever!

Happy 14th Birthday, lil angel!

Lisa D :) said...

Always keeping you and your beautiful family in my prayers, but especially on the "special" days, like today. Happy Birthday to your precious girl. What a celebration she is having today with Jesus! (((hugs)))

MelanieL said...

So sweet...Happy "4th" birthday to your angel:) May peace be with you.

Jen said...

Thanks for this post, Jody. It's a good reminder to me today, when I'm feeling worn out as a new mommy of 2, to summon the energy to give that extra attention and love to my little ones. Thinking of you and your family today and sending {hugs} to you!

Susan said...

Love your blog, you honesty and transperency. Praying for you on this bittersweet day.

Susan Simpson

Cheryl said...

As a mom who tragically lost a beloved son at the age of 17 months, I was brought to tears from your post. Beautifully written and heartfelt.

((hugs))
With Hope,
Cheryl

LucieP said...

I love hearing your words about Teagan~

Be the change... said...

I think the way you have been feeling makes even more sense to me today. I cannot imagine the loss you have felt, the sadness, and anger.

You have written beautiful words today, in fact they brought me to tears. But just know that it is okay to be mad at the world some days. But forgive it the next...xoxo

NaomiZ said...

I did not know today was Teagan's birthday... this is the same day we lost our own sweet Shiloh baby before she ever came into our arms. I have a daughter I miss dearly. They are together in some wonderful place, you know!

Lauren said...

WOW, Jody, I don’t even know what to say. Teagan was such a special and precious girl!!!!! Thank you for sharing her with us and your memories of her!! Happy birthday Teagan!!!

Erika said...

happy birthday, teagan! as a mom to a four year old daughter, this post has me crying. i have twin baby daughters in heaven, and i hope they are celebrating with teagan today. she was such a special, beautiful ray of light in this world (and still is). ((((hugs))))

My name is Amee said...

Oh my goodness, who would have imagined such a wish from a little girl actually coming true! Let me wipe the tears from my eyes....
Happy Birthday Teagan!!!
Jody, your blog is one of my very favorite ones to read. It's real and you write it from the bottom of you heart. Blessing to you and your family.
Lots of love from Florida. :)

hiswife518 said...

Tears... I'm sorry for your hurt mama, but so thankful you had her to hurt over. I find that sometimes it's a good kind of pain, because I'd rather live with the hurt than to have missed the blessing.

Anonymous said...

very sweet blog. I was googling for praise church function tonight, and your site came up.
very inspirational. thank you.
Lord's blessings be with you!
steve, southeast michigan.

tulletwo said...

First of all, your words and tribute to precious Teagan are just beautiful. I believe that those who are to die young somehow know it. My own sister, just months before she was killed in a car accident, confessed to me that she knew she would not be alive very much longer. Her words haunt me now, yet at the same time they comfort me.

Happy Birthday in Heaven to Teagan!

Tricia said...

Beautifully written and very touching...she was really something special. Happy Birthday Teagan! We miss you!

darcie said...

xoxo

Anonymous said...

Jody,

A friend shared your link with me, and today (3/18) I learned your story. While I was reading, I received news that another friend was rushing to the hospital for an emergency c-section. Both mom and baby are now fine. My friend had kept the baby's name a secret up until the birth. As it turns out, she and her husband chose a beautiful name--Teagan.

Thank you for sharing such heartfelt words about your own little angel. God's blessings to you and your family.

Susan said...

Blessings to you and your family today and always.

Kristin Stegent said...

She's so precious!

I cannot imagine all the mixed emotions you feel. You're a beauty! May He wrap you up and hold you...

Soldier Mama said...

Your precious girl and I share the same birthday! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and life on this blog - you have a beautiful family!

Deb said...

Fresh tears this morning for your loss....bless your precious family :)

Madeline said...

That comment about Teagan saying she wanted to be 4 forever took my breath away. My third daughter has said many, many times recently that she does not want to grow up.
I've been reading your blog for years now and you still bring me to tears. Big hugs to you all today and every day.

Hall Family in MD said...

((Hugs)) Your writings are always so honest and heartfelt. Happy Birthday, Teagan!

Regina said...

I read "Now We Are Six" with my 6 year old son tonight - shortly after reading this post about Teagan's wish - and my heart nearly stopped when I got to the last line -thinking "please don't make this wish please don't make this wish." Many hugs to you - I will never read this poem the same way again!

Now We Are Six
Author: A.A. Milne
When I was one,
I had just begun.
When I was two,
I was nearly new.
When I was three,
I was hardly me.
When I was four,
I was not much more.
When I was five,
I was just alive.
But now I am six,
I'm as clever as clever.
So I think I'll be six
now and forever.

Mary Ellen said...

I check on your blog every so often and God lead me here today. I celebrate Teagan with you today! I have learned that when you love someone, they are never really gone. I know you think of her every day, Know that there are so many of us who share your pain, and will pray for you daily. Hug your hubby and the other wonderful children today and every day.

Sarah Moran said...

Dear Jody,

I spoke to a MOPS group last week in Texas, and a woman who was in attendance sent me a link to your blog. I, too, have lost a daughter. I, too, have a blog...and I posted a birthday wish for my daughter Audrey just a week after you did for Teagan. I have just read your story. I am in tears. Puddles of tears. Grief is an unpredictable thing. I needed to read about you today. Our family also has a deep commitment to make something eternally good out of our horrible pain, but there are days when that gets so lonely. Today was one of them. And, then I read your blog. Thank you for giving me the encouragement I needed to keep going. I need another mom to watch. Others have been watching me, and I'm tired. Thanks for letting a stranger into your life story and sharing the power of Christ to do immeasureably more than we can ask or imagine. Blessings to you! We have the victory! We will see Him with our own eyes and behold our daughters in the flesh once again!

In Christ,
Sarah Moran
Round Rock, Texas
www.aconfidenthope.com