Friday, September 10, 2010

Three weeks...

Teague is three weeks! That 3 weeks went by rather quickly, if I do stop and think about it. Although I don't have too much time to stop and think about it. =)
I am trying to take it all in and just soak up the one-on-one time that newborns demand of their mommies because I know just how fast this little guy will grow. I am also so thankful for each and every one of your thoughts, prayers and to those who left comments when I was hurting and angry the other day, I especially appreciate the time you took to do so. It is one of the things that Chip and I learned we needed- very early on when dealing with grief- friends, family and even "strangers" help to carry the weight of what we feeling. Sometimes just knowing that someone is aware of what you are going through helps make the journey sting just a tiny bit less. So thank you for those prayers! Feel free to leave scripture references, quotes or lyrics/links to music too. I don't always feel that I have the strength of faith that so many of you seem to 'see' when you read this blog and I am always looking for ways to grow my faith- especially when it feels weak. I'll be digging in deep for the next 3 weeks as Wyndham's surgery approaches. As much as I hurt for what she is going to have to go through physically, we ALL are going to go through some rough stuff emotionally, mentally and spiritually too. I don't want to be unprepared... and I think my heart needs to be readied for what is yet to come.
* * * * *
My dad spoke at Teagan's memorial services and one of the things he shared has stuck with me and served me more than once in the past 9 years. With September 11th on my heart and mind for another year too, it seems appropriate to share these thoughts.
He and my mom were visiting my sister in Cancun and had to take a ferry to their resort earlier in the year 2001. My dad has never liked 'the water' and on this particular day the waves and winds were especially high and strong. The ferry boat was really rocking- much to my dad's dismay. He went out to the deck for some fresh air and my sister offered this insight/helpful hint to him. She told him that the locals say if you keep your eyes on the horizon when the winds and waves get strong that you feel less of the motion. The fixed place for your eyes helps to give you balance and a better sense of calm.
My dad said that it really worked when he tried it.
When our tragedy struck just a few months later my dad thought back to that day on the ferry. And now, even though the winds and waves of life were figurative rather than literal, he felt the same truth applied. When we fix our eyes on God/Heaven- the One who is constant and the Prize that awaits us, then the world can fall apart and swirl around us, but we can have a sense of peace and calm just knowing that God has it all in His hands. We can trust that our anchor is going to hold and we will make it through the storm. And often times we'll come out stronger on the otherside as a result.
So that is one of the things I am telling myself in the next 3 weeks. We face some unknowns, but we can be confident that God is bigger than whatever comes our way. He's never failed us yet!
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."


hiswife518 said...

I've been reading your blog since a few weeks after we buried our tiny son, Caleb, in January. My girlfriend who had suffered an earily similar loss sent me the link because she knew how much I wanted and needed to read the words of mothers of loss... mothers with a firm reliance on God and not the mothers who just want to rail against the world.

I've likened it (keeping your eyes on the Horizon) to the story of Peter walking on the water. Being a mother who has had to hand children back to their Creator is like walking on the water towards Jesus - as long as you keep your focused fixed on Him you are perfectly safe and at peace... but the second you let your guard down and look at your circmstances you start to drown.

I have a new sweet boy growing inside of me, and I'm very much enjoying the pictures of Teague as I eagerly await the moment he is lifted to my aching waiting arms.

mimisherry said...

The raw pain that you women (you Jody and you "his wife") is more than I can ever begin to imagine. I know that what you have been through is more than many of us shall ever experience. I cannot help but look at you/your life...and see how incredible this has made you.
Before you say you would prefer to not be so incredible....I want you to know I only mean that in the best way possible. That you had a choice, every day you live you have a live as you do, pressing forth and being the amazing women you are...or...succombing to the pain and agony that must surely overcome you! (not that you do not have the right to do that on occasion too!!!)
You must recognise what others see....Jody you are amazing and you help bring hope to the lives and hearts of others!!!
I always love reading your posts!!!

Lauren said...

This is beautiful, Jody!!! And those pictures of your little man are precious!!!! :)

Jenny said...

A song I've become extremely fond of here recently is one by Francesca Battistelli called "Time in Between." I can't listen without crying, and I feel it really brings me into the presence of the Lord. Maybe as you listen to the lyrics, you'll understand why it touches my heart so deeply.

Praying for you and your family through these coming weeks.