I have no idea why this post talks about Sesame Street!

Today's post is being brought to you by the letter, W, and by the number 12. Remember watching Sesame Street (for some of you it was as a kid...for some of you it was a mere 20 minutes ago) and having this at the end of each show? Well, the "W" here stands for Wow...and the number 12 stands for the number of comments I was just starting to get used to seeing around here.
I say wow, because I've gotten a lot of emails and comments of support in the last couple of days- some from total strangers. I don't mean that you're "strange"; I'm simply implying that we've never met or been formally introduced. So, to every one of you, "Thank you". I appreciate that you feel such empathy for me. I find it somewhat surprising that after all these years my story still has a way of touching people in such a meaningful way. I think a lot of that has to do with who Teagan was to me in my life.
If you had spent any time with her at all you would know exactly what I am talking about. I looked back today at an email I had sent out to my family and friends 4 years ago as the first birthday of Teagan's approached in which we would be celebrating it without her. In this email I listed several things that reminded me of Teagan or specific things that she loved, that I hoped other people would do to honor Teagan's memory. They were things like, buy some purple balloons and let your kids send them up to Heaven to Teagan, rent and watch the movie 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'...it was the first one Teagan saw in the theatre and she loved it so much she stood up and clapped at the end of it (she was only 3!), buy and listen to the 'The Playground' CD by Tony Bennet or Kenny Loggin's 'More Songs from Pooh Corner'...Teagan loved to sing and dance to these. Those were just some of the ideas off my list.
When I look back and see how I was coping with my loss at that time, I am somewhat amazed myself that I was able to process and react to my situation as I did. I've had so many life experiences since then- I've watched other people around me deal with grief and hurt and pain in life. We all do it differently, and I'm not sure that everyone can relate to how I've been able to come to this point in my life.
I will tell you that St. Patrick's Day makes me think of my Grandma. She is and has been one of the biggest influences in my life, thus far. She claims to be 100% Irish- and we had big Irish dinners every year at her house for years when I grew up. I heard she was pulling off this same meal again this year- including Irish soda bread and potatoes with cabbage that you pour melted butter over. Mmmm. I'm getting hungry just strolling down memory lane!
Back to my story... if you met my Grandma Shirley you would be immediately drawn to her. She has a wonderful sense of humor, a zest for life, and a story of her own. The version she has told to groups of women and churches over the years is too long to share here- so I'll just highlight the main points.
She was left in a hospital by a teenage mother in South Dakota. After 3 months, she was adopted by her parents in Minnesota where she has lived her whole life. There was an explosion and fire in her home which burned her husband and killed her 6 year old son in the 1950's. Her husband was a guinea pig for 2 years of burn treatments at the University of MN hospital- as he had received third-degree burns over much of his body. Three weeks after getting out of the hospital (where he had been for 2 YEARS) my Grandma was driving the family to a birthday party for the afternoon and the car had carbon monoxide poisoning- which put everyone inside of the car to sleep. She hit a guardrail and the car crashed- the impact killed my grandpa and then my grandma spent 7 months in the hospital with broken knees and injuries. I am not making any of this up- I promise you!
Some years later she married and that husband was the grandpa I grew up with and loved with all my heart. He died in 1988 of cancer...my grandma has been alone since then. But despite the hardships of her life (and remember, I just wrote the condensed version), she was my "funny Grandma". You know how Grandmas are all different?! Well she was the one who always had a silly prank to pull, or a funny story to tell, or a sarcastic way of looking at the "bad stuff in life". I think of all the times I heard these stories, or watched her live out the bad stuff of her life. I guess I didn't know it at the time, but I was tucking all that away to use later (which is now) in my own life.
I had the chance to spend some time with her in Minnesota a few months ago. She has health issues- but she still talks and reminisces and shares her life very candidly. She has given me much encouragment through my trials the past few years- and has constantly prayed for me and offered support. I thought a lot about what it was in her that I will remember most when she is gone. I came up with this statement- which I shared with her during our last visit. I told her, "Grandma, you have had a life of hardships and tragedy... and what I admire most about you is how you walked through this life. You made the suffering look easy."
She was humbled by that- but I told her it was so true. I know she has a strong faith in God and He was the One who helped her along her journey. I have felt the same comfort and peace that He gives in my own life. But, I think it was her example to me that life will throw you some curve balls, and you can let it bring you down or use it to grow and learn.
This St. Patrick's day and night before Teagan's birthday, I hope that I can be my grandma to someone else in their life. I know some of you think I am some sort of superhero (right? at least one or two of you out there, right?....just say so in your comments to me), but I'm really just a person responding to the life I've been given and it just so happens I grew up with one of the greatest role models ever. And then I was given Teagan- and I sometimes think she was truly an angel sent to me by God to redirect my life- and to teach me more than I could ever have imagined.
There you have it. My longest post yet. I just hope that I can be a small source of inspiration- however you might need it in your life. I don't wish my life on any of you- but I do hope that you can learn from it. And I hope someday to be the Grandma who has mattered in someone else's life.