Saturday, March 18, 2006

No ordinary day...




If you've been following this blog for any length of time you just knew you'd see a picture of Teagan here today. It's her birthday, and she's in Heaven and we're down here...not my ideal way to celebrate a birthday, but someday we will all be up there with her and I can't wait!
Teagan loved a good party...balloons, presents, cake, family and friends. However, she had a thing about growing up. When she turned four, she said to me over and over, "I just want to be four forever." I didn't understand why she would say this. I would try to talk her out of it. I'd tell her she was wrong and that it really was so great to grow up and do big people things. I told her how beautiful she was going to look , especially dressed like a princess in her wedding gown someday.
Teagan stood firm no matter what I said, and simply said, "I just want to be four forever." She had two separate birthday parties when she turned four. Twice she got to blow out the candles on her cake. I know in my heart when she closed her eyes and made a wish that she wished "to be four forever". She was killed in July that summer. One of the first things that I thought of when the doctors told me she was gone was, "She got her wish...she gets to be four forever." Maybe that's why I am able to celebrate her birthdays with happiness. I don't know- but it still gives me an occasional chill when I hear her voice saying those words in my head. I know that Heaven is where we all hope to be someday- and she's already there- so I live with an inner sense of peace everyday.
We have lots of big purple balloons at our house today {thank you, Rachael & Emily!!} and the girls definitely know something is going on- but they probably just think it's their crazy momma doing crazy things again. They had their swimsuits and sunglasses on by breakfast and it's been a fairly happy place to be today-a far cry to how we were all feeling this time last week! [If you remember, Wyndham spent the afternoon in the ER on IVs.] Brock was an excited kid when he got a purple lightsaber from Teagan on HER birthday. What a great big sister she is- all the way from Heaven. I even got the coolest pair of purple Victoria Secret loungepants. It's amazing to me how when I set out to find or create joy- that it actually works and comes back to me more than I could have expected.
I hope that you find this to be true in your own life. There is joy and goodness and peace all around. No matter the day, no matter your circumstance- these things are out there, and they are available to everyone of us. Today I've received love, peace, joy and goodness- all in memory of my little girl who had more joy, love and goodness in the 4 short years she had on this earth, than some people have in their whole lifetime. She even got her wish. "Happy birthday, Teagan" from a Mom who keeps getting more joy and love and goodness out of life than I ever deserved. The sun has beamed down on me all day- You and all your angel friends must be smiling and having the party of your life. Thanks for never leaving my heart and soul!

19 comments:

Kirsty said...

gee wizz - i stumbled across your blog somehow and Im so glad that I did - what a beautiful story and I cried little stinging tears at the "You got your wish - you will be four forever". you just cantwrite tsuff like that in fictions - so beautiful.

You are simply gorgouse hunny - and i gotta get me some t shirts but i live in the uk - booooo!

Molly said...

You don't know me, but I'm so touched by your story and your beautiful words about Teagan on her birthday. I happen to have a 4 year old daughter and can only imagine the pain of losing her. You are doing a wonderful job of keeping your daughter's memory alive. Happy Birthday, Teagan!

Shawnna said...

Wow -- not even sure how i found your blog but man did I need it -- God is soooo Good - Isn't He!!
I too lost a child and he would have been 10 on March 5th -- It is still so hard - he was only an infant, four and a half months old he passed away several hours after a car accident--- THANK YOU for inspiring me to look at things in a different way -- May God continue to BLESS you and yours

Shawnna

Angel Teagan said...

Thanks mommy for remembering my birthday. I've know been in Heaven for more birthdays than on earth. It is amazing up here. Although I don't get to be with everyone on earth, I am so happy up here in the presence of God. And you know what, he said we will all be together again soon. Tell Brockie to keep practicing golf and light saber's because I am really good at those. Tell Wyndham to keep up the hard work, because God say's if she does she will do anything she wants. Tell Bella and Ava I can't wait to meet them and tell them funny Brock stories from before they were born. And tell Daddy "My word" I love him. And Mommy, I want to tell you I love you for being the best Mommy and teaching me about Jesus so I could be here. I'll keep reading your blog. I love everyone. Your Angel Teagan

Meredith said...

thought about you several times today and wanted you to know that. i sometimes think children's birthdays are a lot less about the kids, but about the parents...the mom and dad that gave them life. remembering what that felt like. i know your teagan was with you today as you celebrated her and YOU...you, the wonderful mom that you are.

K :) said...

As always your words continue to inspire and impact me more than you'll ever know. God bless you and your family on this special day.

caren said...

Awesome day with your family - good for you guys! Healing and celebratign memories are a beautiful part of life...so glad you embrace them! How is it that your house always looks so clean and organzied with a bunch of kids running around???

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday, Angel Teagan. You are one inspiring kid—with a very inspiring family. I think of you often!

Katrina said...

Wishing Teagan the happiest of birthdays! I hope that my Grandma Bea baked her a cake in heaven...cause my Grandma makes great cakes. :)

Finding My New Normal said...

Happy Birthday Teagan!

suburban mom said...

Happy Birthday Teagan!
You are a sweet angel and I am sending you a big kiss and hug.

KathyG said...

Happy Birthday Teagan!!!!

Knit and Purl Grrl said...

Oh Jody, you continue to be such an inspiration!
xoxox
L

stacy julian said...

Happy Birthday to Teagan --

Thanks as always for sharing your insightful thoughts Jodi!

Janna said...

wow, jody... incredible. i am so glad your faith in God is great, what a blessing and a source of strength. i can't imagine what you've been through... but what an inspiration to my faith you are. God bless you & your family.

janna

The Kept Woman said...

What a beautiful memory for a gorgeous little girl who looked like she was so full of life.

My heart aches for your loss.

Kelly said...

Happy Birthday Teagan! Beautiful post!

Just found you through Katherine. I can really relate to everything you live by in so many similar, but different ways. Life is amazing, especially the small lessons from God.

Blessings to you all!

MommyOutOfControl said...

Katherine at Lost in Suburbia linked me here...thank you.
Your post made me stop and think about the simple things that bring joy to my life.
YOU ARE AMAZING. May God bless you everyday as he already had with beautiful children and a sense of what is important in life.
You are my new hero.
Jamie

Kay Kay said...

Jody...Reading this blog made me break into tears...I miss teagan so much and I can wait to see her again! You know how attached I was to her! I wore my puple sunglasses that day and Carley had her baby shower that day too! Happy Birthday To My "little sister " in Heaven!I love your family and can't wait to see you again!

-Always-
Kay