Party time!

Today Brock had his (guy) friends from school over for a Wii Sports Challenge birthday party. They played tournaments against each other and Chip kept score on official scoreboards- like the ones he makes for golf events at the Club. They all seemed to have a great time, and no one was happier to get in on the action than Crew. He wanted to take all the guys on in basketball- even though some were at least twice his size. =)

After the long week of spending time with Wyndham in the hospital we kept the party simple. Pizza, chips, pop and cupcakes topped with star-shaped brownies. It turned out to be the most fun we've enjoyed all week. I think Brock made some good memories and he'll look back on turning 11 and remember fun and friends. That's what great parties are all about, right?!

Home again.

We're home with Wyndham from the hospital today. She is happy to be here but still needs a lot of rest and tlc. She has eaten a bit and had a nice warm bath and probably feels more like her usual self than she has in the past two weeks. Hopefully she won't have another need for a hospital stay until her double-foot realignment surgery. Which isn't until late September now. I think we all would be happy with 7 months of good health. And some sunshine too! Thanks so much for all your prayers and concern for Wyndham this week. She definitely needed it!

Tired.

I can tell you one thing today. I am tired. I sometimes wonder if it's harder to be the one watching and caring for and empathizing with the sick person than it is being the sick person. I would switch places with Wyndham and climb in the hospital bed and hook up to the IV machine if I could no question about that. But there is also a certain amount of stress and strain on the rest of us who juggle the needs and schedules of the rest of the family and try to keep the routine of life going even when someone is sick. It's a challenge, I'll tell you that.

I think Chip is doing a better job of dealing with our life issues than I am. I am sleep-deprived and still battling my own cold and sort of wishing I was a bear right now. Nothing sounds better than climbing into a dark cave and sleeping away a couple of months. =)

I spent the day with Wyndham yesterday and she just wasn't taking fluids like the doctor had hoped she would and she still has a horrible cough that gives her fits off and on and sets her back on fluid intake. She had almost no energy yesterday and yet she wouldn't take a nap. So she needs more rest and recovery and we're hoping she'll start turning the corner sometime today. When I got home late last night the house was quiet and smelled of fresh baked cookies. Chip somehow found the energy and desire to make a batch of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies with the kids. I think he earns a SuperDad badge for that effort. We caught up with each other for about 4 minutes and then he was out the door with his overnight bag to spend the night with Wyndham.

I have to admit, I do falter in my faith when I am tired and weak and now is no exception. It's hard to see how an all-loving God can allow sickness to drag on and how He doesn't just snap His fingers and make things better again. But in my weakness and lacking energy I know the best thing I can do is hang on and keep trusting. No matter how tired I get.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support for all our family when we get worn down especially. I am hopeful that things will get better soon. I like to remind myself of the quote which goes, "Always remember that in the midst of the deepest valley there is a mountaintop on either side." Sometimes the way seems long, but I do know that ultimately all roads out of the valley lead to a mountaintop experience. I am ready for that to happen. After I get a good long nap. Which may just happen later on today. Here's to HOPE!

She made it two years...

Our little sick Wyndham was just admitted to the hospital after spending the afternoon in the ER. They ruled out pnemonia after some chest x-rays, but she's still not able to take any oral liquids and keep them down even after several hours on an IV with anti-nausea medication in it. This picture is from her last hospital stay- which was just over 2 years ago. That's her longest stretch ever of staying out of the hospital. I have a feeling she wishes it were longer, but we are glad that she is getting good care and we're hoping she can give her stomach and body some rest. Enough rest to be able to get back to her 'old-self' as soon as possible.
After the past 3 weeks of colds and flu and ear infections and more colds I was ready to say we've had enough and the worst was behind us. But apparently it's not quite over yet. Sometimes it seems like we get 'dumped on' when it comes to sickness/pain and suffering. To be honest I do wonder why and yet I keep reminding myself that we could have it so much worse. So I am thankful that we had two years away from hospital stays. And I'm really hoping this one will be short and sweet. I'm sure Wyndham totally agrees with me too.
I'm bummed to not be tucking her into bed tonight, but I'm going to cross my fingers and say a prayer that hopefully I'll be tucking her in this time tomorrow. Safe and sound.

Baby's first picture.

One of the reasons I had an ultrasound appointment today was to see whether or not there was more than one baby on the way. Thankfully there was just one happy tiny, wiggling baby on the screen and everything appears to be healthy and normal at this point. It was exactly the sort of report that Chip and I were hoping to hear.
On the flipside of that good report, I am sad to say that Wyndham is still sick today though and she is headed to the doctor later on this afternoon. She has been sick with different symptoms off and on for almost 3 weeks now. I have a feeling she may be admitted overnight to the hospital in order to get rehydrated and get her electrolytes and potassium levels back to normal. She looks so sad and is wiped out today. So feel free to say a prayer for her and hopefully we'll all be back to 'normal' around here. I know I say it a lot, but normal for us is a really good thing. We never take it for granted!

Lots of Butterflies!

Tomorrow Bella's class is celebrating the 100th day of school for this year. They have different activities planned that all have to do with the number 100. One of the things the students {and parents} get to to do is wear a hat they made with 100 things on it. Bella brainstormed with me for awhile and we came up with the hat you see here.

We used my Martha Stewart butterfly punch and some double-sided foam tape and in about an hour we had the hat ready to wear. It's the most crafty thing I've done in weeks around here. Besides adding food coloring to pancake batter. =) Bella is happy with how it turned out. I was just thrilled that she didn't involve Pokemon characters in any way, shape or form. She does have quite the love of Pokemon these days, but just maybe these little paper butterflies will take her mind off of them for a day or two.

Tomorrow we will get to see a "sneak peek" inside at the newest addition growing in our family. I've got an ultra sound appointment and am hoping that everything will look just fine!

Sunshine and smiles.

Chip helped make rainbow pancakes for Brock's birthday dinner the other night. They were a big success with all of the kids. He got creative at the end of the batter and made a stripey pancake and some tie-dye/speckled ones too. Brock was along to help pick out his cake and chose one with a sunshine on it since we actually had two sunny days in a row this week. They felt good, but they make me want more! =)

We're still not all back to 100% health around here and I feel like I will never catch up on all the missed sleep from the past month, but we're closer and things are calming down. Now... I do need some advice if any of you have had experience with a toddler not keeping their pants on. For whatever reason, Crew basically decides he doesn't need or want his pants on during the day and sometimes he decides his diaper is a nuisance too. Out of all the kids we've had, we've never had one that won't keep their pants on, so this is a first for us.

I guess kids just like to change things up and keep their parents on their toes. Here's to more sunshine, smiles and to pants staying up too. =)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nitty.Gritty. On Air.

Today is a new day. Thank goodness! Chip's parents have been with visiting us and being entertained by the grandkids since last Friday night. It should have been all fun and games. Except that we passed on the stomach flu to them shortly after they arrived and it just wasn't as much fun as we had hoped we would all have together. We attempted to make the most of it and did manage some laughter and smiles as much as could be squeezed in between our recovering family and their need for rest and everybody's lack of appetite.
Today happens to be Brock's birthday! He is 11 years old and woke up with a grin on his face. He requested these rainbow pancakes for dinner tonight and I have no doubt they will brighten up mealtime this evening. His party is planned for a little bit later this month and hopefully I will remember how to take pictures of the event- it's been so long since we've had the camera on, which is very unusual for me. Time to get back into the groove!
Speaking of groove...
I am hoping to hit mine by 2 pm eastern time today as I will be calling in and sharing some of my heart and life experiences on The Well Radio program. You can listen live by following this link and then click the 'listen' tab. I don't know if I will have anything profound or life-changing to say on-air, but I am honored to be able to share a bit of what God has done and continues to do in our family's lives and hope that God is glorified- as He is the Author of it all. I will be sharing about our loss of Teagan and the importance of forgiveness, and even talking about how suffering has softened my heart and changed my perspective in life. I know if nothing else, I will be preaching a bit to myself and reminding me to trust God no matter what lies ahead!
The host of the show is my blogger friend, Adrienne Graves, and I encourage you to check out her blog and see what God has been doing in her life story too. We've never met in real life, but I am so grateful for her support and friendship through cyberspace. I'm excited to chat with her on the show today and I hope some of you get the chance to listen!
Laundry.
Radio show.
Rainbow pancakes.
Mellow birthday celebration.
It looks like things are getting back to normal around here.
And it feels good!
Happy Birthday, Brock... You are such a great big brother, a good friend to many and you are loved more than you know. Here's to a having a terrific year being eleven! Hope some of your wishes come true too!

Big families are awful...

when the flu bug hits your home.
We're in the midst of sharing a stomach virus around here since last Friday. So far, 6 out of 7 of us have 'enjoyed' the effects of the flu, and Wyndham has gotten it twice. Poor girl. Ava is the only one who hasn't gotten bit by the nasty bug. I think we're all crossing our fingers that she'll be the lucky one and be spared.
Let me tell you... it's called the 24-hour flu, but when you have it and then the rest of the family gets it- it feels a LOT longer than 24 hours!
A couple of the kids have even had flu shots but apparently this is a different strain. I'm just hoping that the laundry piles can start decreasing by the end of today. I've been best friends with Tide with Febreeze for long enough now. I'm ready for a break.
So that's the latest on the fun we're having and why you can consider yourself lucky if you have a small family today. Sometimes less really IS more. =)

So not perfect.

I've had a rough week all week fighting a terrible cold and headaches too. Today is the first day that I felt I was functioning at about 90% capacity. It's no fun being so wiped out and still feel like you have demands that need to be met and no energy or desire to do anything.
I think I may have brought some of this sickness on myself because if I look back on last week I was in a downward spiral. It got so bad that at one point a conversation that Chip and I had turned into me raising my voice and saying things that I didn't mean as he and the kids were getting ready to head out the door for school. It wasn't a big fight or anything- more me being hormonal and having a pity-party about some of the ongoing issues we face each day of our lives- but by the time Chip was backing his SUV out of the driveway I was wishing I could start the whole morning over again.
Since I had no way of making that happen, I decided to drag my pity-party out a little bit longer. As I was sitting around for most of my morning I think that's when I started to let this nasty cold creep in. I just didn't know it yet. Anyway, I did finally reach that point where when I looked in the mirror I didn't like anything looking back at me. And that's when I knew I had a choice to make. While I couldn't start my day over or change some of the frustrating issues in our lives I did have the power to put a different spin on the way the day would turn out. I didn't want my kids to come home and just hear me say the words, "I'm sorry". I wanted them to know that I was really, truly sorry and give them a chance to "see it and taste" it too.
So I apologized to them with chocolate frosted brownies. I had the pan of brownies waiting on the table for their school snack when they came it. They could smell them as soon as they walked in and right away- rather than remembering my actions as they left the house, they were greeted with a new aroma and the mood felt different as soon as they came inside.
They were all very forgiving to me as I explained to them why we were having brownies and asked them for forgiveness. My outburst that morning was quickly a distant memory compared to the yummy treat in front of them.
I am so far from perfect it's not even funny or fun some days for me or anyone else. I am still a work in progress as I seek to be more loving, kind and Christ-like on this road to eternity that we're all on. I don't always fail in such big, obvious ways like I did with my meltdown last week, but there's not a day that passes in which I couldn't strive to be more.
It's sad and difficult to have to admit that I'm as a big a failure as I am sometimes. However, I am grateful that I am growing in humility and also that God gave me the grace and insight to take this experience and turn it into a teachable and hopefully memorable situation for my kids. I hope they learned that it's not okay to be so selfish and sorry for yourself that you say hurtful things to other people as a result. I hope they learned that it is okay to have a bad day, but more importantly it's better to try to salvage the day and make the most of it however you can. Even if it means you have to apologize in chocolate.
I am learning that I have a long way to go before I'm perfect. I am lucky to be surrounded by people that love me despite my flaws and shortcomings and who forgive me easily even when I don't deserve such a response from them. I am thankful for brownies and white chocolate chips that helped express my remorse.

As the kids finished their snack I said to them, "Maybe it wasn't so bad that I got mad and said things I didn't mean to say because we all got brownies treats out of the deal. Who thinks I should get mad more often?" To which one of my kids said, "How about next time instead of getting mad you just make brownies because you're happy?!"
I think that's a much, MUCH better idea and I am happy to oblige their request.

Taking a little 'me time'.

It's no surprise that I rarely find a minute to myself in life right now. It seems like there is always someone or something that needs me. I am normally pretty good at juggling everything, but lately, and most likely due to this new pregnancy, I feel more like I'm drowning than swimming through most of the day. Early pregnancy for me means I am tired. A lot! I have been able to get to bed early a few times the past couple of weeks and I try to sneak in an occasional nap when Crew takes one. I am queasy almost every morning and every night. Which doesn't help my energy level. But this should all be fading in the next couple of weeks as the second trimester approaches. By the way...how do the weeks go so quickly when you're counting down to number 7?!
I'm looking forward to the sun shining more as spring approaches too. I'm not the kind of person to enjoy winter. I do wear a hat most of the time and if you see me around at Target or getting groceries, I probably look something like the photo here. Stop me and say hello. =)
I have not felt like blogging, nor have I had the 'spare time' to do it even if I wanted to. However, today I came across a question and answer post that I've seen a few times on the internet since the new year rolled around and thought, why not! So, here is a little bit about me. And feel free to share a little bit about you in the comments or blog it and link me up! Sometimes the little details are what make people the most interesting. I hope you enjoy learning a little bit more about me.

1. What is your current obsession?
Just trying to keep my kids' stuff picked up and feeling frustrated that our mealtime isn't more mellow. It seems like the most 'dramatic' time of the day. Maybe I need to hire Alice from The Brady Bunch. =)

2. What are you wearing today?
black yoga pants (that I've never done yoga in) and a gray sweatshirt that says "Minnesota Athletics"

3. What’s for dinner?
That's a good question- last night Chip made braised lamb shanks with tomatoes- delicious!

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
diapers, wipes, Lean Cuisines and boxes of Valentines/treats at Target yesterday

5. What are you listening to right now?
the dishwasher running, Crew playing on a Little Leap Pad and Max & Ruby on tv in the corner

6. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Someplace warm all year long; it would be nice to have family nearby too!

7. What is one thing you want to change about yourself?
Find a way to stay on top of clutter that piles up; or be able to part with "stuff" easier!

8. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
I think it would be heartbreaking, but life-changing to be able to spend an hour on a street in Port au Prince Haiti...Even if I can't give medical aid, I think it would be enough to even hold some orphaned, hurting kids in my arms for 60 minutes. Love changes people.

9. Which language do you want to learn?
I'm still learning sign language along with Wyndham. I wish it was taught in school curriculums- it's sort of universal!

10. What’s your favorite quote?
"Faith is... believing in advance that which only makes sense in reverse."
by Charles Swindoll

11. Would you cook for me?
I'm a better baker than cook, but the answer is YES! Come on over! =) Actually, I wish I could have my mom's cooking right now. I took meals for granted all those years I was growing up!

12. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Hopefully there aren't too many out there- but I have had some negativity on my blog from time to time. I try not to "avoid" them, but instead be gracious to them in response. That usually ends it. I have to say, extending forgiveness in life when it wasn't warranted changed me too. For the better.
I could write a lot about that. =)

13. What are you afraid of the most?
The pain my kids will experience in their lives. Everyone feels it sometime or another. It's just the way it is. I hope they are strong enough to endure it, and that they will have sense to lean harder on God when it comes.

14. Who do you want to meet right now?
Kate McRae and her family- she's battling cancer right now and I pray for them everyday. I wish I could give them all hugs and let them know that despite unknowns, God is bigger than what they're going through. I hope they feel His peace and comfort in a tangible way right now.

15. What is your favorite color?
If the Vikings had beaten the Saints on Sunday I would have to say purple and gold until the SuperBowl. But after their disappointing loss I'm going back to aqua right now.

16. Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
Me? Styling tips? I'm lucky if I wear make-up once a week! I will say that short hair has made my life much easier as I had more and more kids. I think using shampoo that doesn't have Dr. Seuss names and pictures on it (like Horton Hears a WhoBerry) would make my hair look better. But most the time I just grab what's nearby!

17. What is your dream job?
I think Duff Goldman from Ace of Cakes has my dreamjob. He makes cakes, hangs out (works) with his friends and even gets fun side-gigs like doing cartoon voice-overs. I'm all about buttercream, friends and adventures!

18. What’s your favorite magazine?
We don't get any subscriptions at our house, but I love to flip through my old Martha Stewart Living, Weddings, Kids and Baby magazines and Cooking Light too.

19. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
I'd line up a babysitter and take Chip out somewhere- it's been too long since we've been out just the two of us! Who wants to babysit tonight?!

20. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Anything I did before 2004. Including home perms!

21. Who, according to you, is the most over-rated writer?
I am so out-of-the-loop when it comes to popular literature right now, but can tell you when I was a kid I loved any book about horses or dogs. I also LOVED Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side comics. Does that say anything about me?

22. What brings a smile on your face instantly?
An unexpected cup of Starbuck's from Chip every once-in-awhile, handwritten cards or letters, and seeing my kids get along while they play or eat a meal. No wonder I've been grumpy lately!! {wink}

23. What is one word that you say a lot?
Crew!!! He's constantly doing something or climbing somewhere he shouldn't be.

24. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
On me? See #16 and #20.
I do normally like my hair best about weeks 2 & 3 after my cut.

25. What are you going to do after this?
Start some laundry and get Crew down for a nap. Wish me luck!

26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
I stop blogging because I feel like I have nothing to offer. I also quit answering the phone. Poor Chip. I do other stuff too and I think I really drive him nuts when I'm in a funk!

27. What makes you go wild?
The dancy-dance parts on Yo! Gabba Gabba! That and carrot cake. =)

28. What are your favorite movies?
I love family classics- like Sound of Music, The Parent Trap, Old Yeller... and lots of others too. Although I am not a big movie fanatic. In fact, most of the time I've never even seen the movies nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars.

29. What inspires you?
Hope in the midst of hopelessness. Oftentimes the most simple things can be the most inspiring- I never want to look past beauty around me.

30. What do your friends call you most commonly?
Crazy... at leat those closest to me do!

31. Would you prefer coffee or tea?
Coffee... but it has to have cream in it! I will tell you that I've hardly had any coffee since becoming pregnant again. It just doesn't sound as good as it used to. I've been drinking Sprite Zero and orange mixed together in the morning. The fizz is a good thing.

32. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
One of these days I plan to make a long list of my favorite blogs. There are a lot of them. I will share these 5 with you now....and more later!

Becky Novacek's blog- She's a friend of mine who seems to have it all together. She has great insights on food, home decor, photography, balancing life and I just hope to be more like her when I grow up!

100 Layer Cake- This is such a great inspiration blog... you know how much I love weddings! Plus, I love all the links they have on their sidebar. Bonus.

oh, hello Friend- There is always something pretty or simple on this blog. I love the "tone" of it and all the fun links to the cool things Dani finds. She seems so sweet and down-to-earth too.

Sheye Rosemeyer's blog~ The photos are amazing, but her words and life-story get me even moreso. She has experienced the loss of a little SuperPrincess girl and so I feel like our hearts connect- even if it is only through a computer screen.

Simply Breakfast- The art of breakfast blog... I could eat breakfast 3 times a day. Sometimes I do. Everytime I stop by this blog I wish I was eating whatever it is that's pictured. Simple and delicious-looking without fail- every time!

33. What is your favorite dessert/sweet?
Carrot cake! And Cream Puffs. And Chocolate Bread Pudding with Spiced Whipped Cream. And Pumpkin Cheesecake. And T.G.I.Friday's Pie-in-the-Sky from back in the day. And old-fashioned malts. And fresh fruit. This question obviously struck a chord with me! I guess I love breakfast AND desserts. =)

34. How many tabs are turned on in your browser right now?
Just this.

35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I need to start using wrinkle cream.

36. What is your favorite season?
I love something about every season, but there's something really great about summer... warmth, sleeping in and eating outside!

37. What is one wish that you really want to see come true?
That Wyndham could be potty-trained. She wants to wear big-girl underwear so badly! It has to do with her brain sending her body messages. Things just don't work the way they should for her... but we still can hope!

38. What breaks your heart?
Knowing that people hurt and suffer without Hope.

39. What's one thing you really want to do in life?
I would love for my gravestone to read, "She lived what she believed." and that in simply doing that people around me would know that God is real and believe in Him. I want my legacy to be one that shows people God is enough for whatever it is that life sends your way!

French inspiration.

Sort of. =)

I've been seeing occasional updates from Heidi Swapp's facebook status as she's been enjoying an amazing adventure in Paris. I doubt I'll ever get there in my lifetime, so it's been even more fun to click through her pictures and enjoy it through the computer screen.

I happen to be a BIG FAN of anything pastry, and the crepes and other delicious food in Paris just got me inspired. So yesterday I pulled out my recipe for cream puffs and then whipped some cream, filled them with pistacio pudding and drizzled Hershey's Special Dark chocolate over them and we all enjoyed our French Inspiration.

I doubt they tasted anything like what we'd find in Paris, but they were tasty nonetheless and they were eaten so quickly I didn't even take a picture. {The photo you see above is from xtheowl on flickr.com. } My sudden urge for cream puffs just happened to be the perfect way to "celebrate good grades" that my kids brought home on their report cards too. I never like to miss an opportunity to let them know we're proud of their effort and hard work.

Poor Wyndham though. She's been sick all week with some sort of tummy bug. She's keeping liquids down fine, eating little bits of food- like crackers and milkshakes, but wasn't up for a cream puff with the rest of us. She's still not herself today and we're really hoping she perks up soon. It's no fun to see her in tears and unable to tell us how she feels. But I'm sure we'll whip up some more cream puffs when she gets back on her feet and is ready for a treat. She will have earned hers for sure!

Beyond our imaginations.

Life was hectic at our house this week. With several of us having some sort of stomach-bug for the better part of the week it felt long and we're glad to all be on the upswing at this point. The worst of it was when both Chip and I overlapped in not feeling very well. The kids definitely outnumbered us in energy and their needs felt even more demanding. But somehow we managed survive and life is back to "normal" again.

As you can see, Crew creates his own "normal" and keeps us all very entertained around here. Somedays I wonder what I did in my free time before he came along. Other times I remember vividly what I did with my free time before he came along. I blogged more. =)

He's quite the handful, but we couldn't imagine life without him. He gets lots of attention when I take him out on errands to places like the grocery store and Target while he's wearing his winter trapper hat. He didn't like it at first, but now he likes he so he can pretend to "hide" under it and act shy when people talk to him in the aisles of the stores. He's definitely got his own personality and I think sometimes he's a little too smart for his age- but the part of him that's charming just makes him irresistible in the end. To think there was a time in our lives when we nevered dreamed he'd be in it seems crazy. And yet the reality of another little one joining our family is beginning to sink in and within months we'll be saying, "we never imagined life without you in it, Baby".

All that is sort of a prelude to some thoughts I've been mulling over since before Christmas. I learned of my pregnancy about a week or so before the holidays came and went and I found myself deep in thought about many things- including how life doesn't always "go the way we plan" it. I was especially moved as I thought about the journey of Mary and Joseph as they traveled many miles to the town of Bethlehem to register and then while there, found themselves without a place to stay just as the time came for the baby Mary was carrying to be born.

I was thinking about how Mary must have felt- knowing she was carrying the Christ-child and fully trusting (as an angel had told her she would bear God's Son) that God had His hand in every aspect of what was happening to her and Joseph at that time. Still, she must have wondered (out loud or in her heart) how there could be no place for them to stay once they arrived. Afterall, God had brought them there and certainly He had made arrangements in His plan for them to have a nice place to stay and bring His Son into this world. I wonder if she thought someone was just trying to "mess up God's plan", or was she totally surrendered to the idea that God had it all in His hands and it would come to be as He had ordained. I wonder if Joseph felt torn that maybe he had taken a wrong turn somewhere along the journey or felt that God should be leading them somewhere else. I think the two of them must have felt a bit overwhelmed when they "felt" they were in the "right" place and yet it appeared to be a "dead-end".

I have to admit that I might not have been so willing to settle down in a cold, dusty stable and accept that this was God's plan for the birth of Jesus. Yet I also have to admit that at times when life seems so bleak and mixed-up and confusing is most often when I have felt the peace and presence of God so strong that it is undeniable. Those are the times when trusting the unseen hand of God takes little effort. It's beyond my imagination how this happens, but it is a truth I have lived through more than once. It's amazing and true.

I have been feeling somewhat tired in this early stage of pregnancy and also pondered some tough questions as I stated that the reality of another baby is sinking in more and more. We are excited that God is sending another baby into our lives. Yet a big part of me also aches at the same time because I have so many friends and know that lots of people are on a journey of hoping to be where I'm at- expecting a baby- and yet it seems no matter what they try or do or how hard they pray, their journey ends at a "dead-end" time after time. I can't help but feel some of their pain and wonder how God's plan can be trusted when it seems so cold and bleak. Yet I know that God is the Creator of all- from everlasting to everlasting He is God. His timing is always right. His ways are higher. What we find confusing as we walk life's journey so many times turns into something that goes beyond our imaginations as we look back and we can "see" how He in fact did have it all mapped out. Perfectly dependable; totally reliable; Almighty God. I take great comfort in knowing that even when life's path gets bumpy or takes a turn I hadn't planned for, none of it takes God by surprise. He is with us through it all and has our best interest at heart. And He has a BIG heart too!

Maybe you find your own self struggling with something in life right now that seems overwhelming, dark, beyond what you can bear, or simply leaving you without any peace at all. I hope I can be an encouragement to you that God is near and He will see you through. Your journey might not look the way you had imagined it or wish it would look, but God is always in control and when we give our hearts and lives and futures to Him, He promises to make something beautiful out of our offering. That promise gives me peace, joy AND hope! I trust that it does the same for you too!

A big family-

I am home from church with Crew and Wyndham this morning as they are both just a bit under-the-weather today. I decided now is a good time to answer a few questions that some have posted in my comment section here and others of you may be asking in your own minds. Questions about how "we do it as a big family"- how do we love enough and meet needs enough and just fit it all in.

My first response is to say, "We're far from perfect". Just look at that family photo. I have come to accept that we may never take a "perfect" family picture- one where we're all looking and smiling at the same time. I have come to accept that I will never be the perfect mom who has it all together either, and you know what? That's okay in this fallen world in which we live. What is more important than perfection though is trying your best and leaning on God to meet the needs you can't fill and trusting Him when you fall short.

Some days it is daunting to think of the huge responsibility that Chip and I have in our care every single day. With another baby on the way it might seem that we would ready to throw in the towel at times and say we've had enough. But the surprising thing is that sometimes the more demands we have in life- the more we "step it up" and better we "become". Let me explain what I mean. When I think back to when I had just one baby in our house I recall being so overwhelmed and exhausted. So tired and afraid of doing things wrong that I found myself frozen on my couch not doing anything for hours at a time some days. I was so proud of myself when Teagan was 3 weeks old that I made Jell-o for dinner. I even called Chip at work to tell him what I had done! Now that I have several kids I find it hilarious that I felt I had accomplished something so "big"! I thank God and credit Him for giving me the energy I often need to keep up with the demands of more kids. I now have days where I do more work around the house before breakfast than I did in a whole week when I had just one baby. My perspective has changed and I while I still wish I had a maid or housekeeper to help me out, I also know that it is a privilege to be able to care for my kids and meet their growing needs. I feel lucky that I can be their mom and show love to them by taking care of them in our home.

The other day Chip was telling the kids that some things will change when we have another baby at our house. One of the changes will be that we have to buy a different vehicle. Ava shouted out, "How 'bout we get a limo?!". We all laughed with her and along with her- I didn't even know she knew what a limo was! I guess she thought she would look cool getting dropped off at school each morning in a limo. =)

That little story sort of sums up a lot of dynamics of having a large family. One such thing is that we do a lot of things together. We eat meals together (we miss Chip when he works really long hours in the summer, but appreciate all his cooking and being with him in the off-season at dinnertime), we go to church together, we play games and puzzles and do crafts and tell jokes and watch dvd's and sometimes we even have sleepovers in the living room. We find that being a large family doesn't mean that we don't have time for one another, but that we just have to be more creative with how we spend our time than certain smaller families might have to do. Do our kids feel neglected or unloved or left out? I guess you'd have to individually ask them that, but I have no doubt that they would answer a resounding, "no". They all know that they are loved very much. They are cared for the best that Chip and I know how to care for them. They are fed and bathed and wear clean clothes and even go to the dentist at least twice a year. Are we perfect? No. I'll say that again and again.

I don't feel I have to defend my love and care for my kids, but I do want to erase any doubt someone might have of my kids having their needs met and more. I live most of my life caring for my kids and making sure they know they are loved. I have a heightened awareness after losing a child that makes this even more of a priority of mine than ever before. I stay home with my kids 24/7- with the exception of an occasional trip for groceries or errands at Target almost 365 days a year. Chip and I have made our kids the focus of our days and sometimes I wonder if we even go the the opposite extreme and "overdo" it with them. I've blogged about how we have only taken one overnight "vacation" from our kids together once in the past 5 years. One of us picks them up from school each day and we drop them off too. I know a lot of families that have kids come home to an empty house for a couple of hours each weekday until they get home from work. I feel lucky, again, that I can be there for my kids and listen to what has happened during their day and help them with their homework for the coming day and get the after-school snacks and just spend time with them everyday. I know other people who because of divorced family situations, they only have limited time with their kids- some only see their kids every other week or others that see their kids a few weeks out of the whole year.

Would those kids say that their needs aren't being met? I hardly think so. I am not here to judge who is being most loved and cared for, but since the questions were raised and they certainly struck a chord with me, then I felt compelled to share my thoughts on the matter with all of you. Chip and I would also tell you that some days we do better than others and sometimes we have stretches where we're really on top of things and others where we wonder if we'll ever get it right again. Some days it means we wake the kids earlier and take them out for breakfast and spend special time with them before the day fully starts. Other times we take one or two of the kids on special outings- like to open skate or to a basketball game. Chip has been bundling up and been sledding with the kids and having snowfights and even making snow angels with the kids the past couple of weeks as the weather has been perfect for those kinds of things. Have our kids been to Disney World together? Besides Brock and Wyndham, the answer is no. Do we have furniture that's 10 years old and carpet that could be updated? Yes. I could go on and on, but hopefully those who questioned can now see that parenting- whether it's one or 20 kids, is a job that requires sacrifice and love. It demands the very best from the parents and makes you feel as though you'll never measure up- all at the same time somedays. It is a Joy and a gift to have kids and even though this next baby DOES come as an unexpected surprise to our family (imagine that you have one chance to win the lottery and then you actually do...that's sort of what happened here), we find ourselves excited and thanking God that He is going to gift another child to us. We do not take our roles as parents lightly and while a big family is more than we ever dreamed we would have, we are humbled and grateful to God for each one of the children He has sent our way. Our hopes for our children as they learn and grow is that they will not expect us to be perfect, but that more importantly they will know they are loved by us and God.

I have to close by saying how thankful I am to have a supportive, involved husband and some really wonderful friends who help meet our needs when they arise too. Most importantly I credit our faith and trust in God for keeping our family in His care and always providing us with the grace and comfort to survive what comes our way- good and bad. We know we cannot fail with God as the Head of our Home. He is our Rock, our Peace and everything we need. Chip and I fail all the time, but thankfully God never does!!

Whether you have big family or no family, that's the most important thing of all!

Thanks to the overwhelming love and support that you all have shown to our family. Your kindness is appreciated too!

Wyndham's happy news!

She is all smiles today and we're grinning with her! Wyndham had a doctor appointment with her endocrinologist today and he told her {us} that she can STOP taking her daily growth hormone shot for at least a month! From the time Wyndham turned two years old she has been given an injection by myself or Chip every single night. Until tonight! We are so happy to be given this news and also, it means possibly her body is beginning to make low levels of hormone all on its own. We'll have to wait and see, but in the meantime, we won't miss a single shot. I suspect she won't miss them either!
I snapped a few pictures of her just minutes ago as I talked about how happy I am for her to not have to get poked at nighttime now. I think she understood exactly what I was saying. It's not often that she gets such great news, so of course, I am more than happy to share it with all of you! Our year seems to be off to a good start. And we're all soaking it in. It's the little stuff that is really big stuff sometimes and this is one of those times. Hooray for Wyndham!!

Nine is a big thing.

Today {and yesterday} our family celebrates Wyndham turning 9! She had a small party with a BIG cupcake cake at Red Robin yesterday and then games and fun at Chuck E. Cheese with our family and a few friends. She really seemed to like her cupcake- topped off with her favorite color flowers. It's a big deal for her to have a birthday and be able to enjoy her party too.

In years past several times she has been very sick or even just coming home from the hospital on her birthday and there's just something not-so-fun about IV's and tummy ache's that take away the thrill of the party. We're so happy that she is strong and healthy and happy this year to actually take it in and enjoy her special day.

As I stopped to think about what has gone in her nine years of life it is nothing short of amazing. Scary and heart-wrenching too many times, but inspiring and hopeful more than anything! Wyndham at 9, has lots of daily challenges and has only spoken a few words in her whole lifetime. She still wears pull-ups and can't run and jump like her friends can, however her heart is huge, her willingness to try to learn new things and never give up, and the sparkle in her eyes when she accomplishes the ordinary are a joy to witness.

I remember the nurses gasp as they placed her tiny body on the baby scale just minutes after she was born and announced, "Four pounds; six ounces"! My heart skipped a beat and for a moment I was afraid something might be really wrong. (She was born 12 days early- but wasn't preemie.) Moments later she was wiped cleaned, wrapped in a blanket and placed in my arms. She was perfect. Tiny, but perfect. She managed to maintain a normal body temperature {which is one of the big concerns for tiny babies} and we took her home a couple of days later and all was right in our little corner of the world. Teagan was as proud as any big sister could be! She was nearly four years old and took on the roll of helper and charmer to Wyndham. =) Brock was more or less indifferent to Wyndham's entrance into his life. He did ask to hold her from time to time, but seemed content that she slept a lot. Wyndham was born into a family who loved her and I recall feeling like the luckiest Mom of three kids ever.

Could we ever dream this far into her future and see how much she would endure? Not in a million years. Would I take her place and suffer for her if I could? In a heartbeat. I have dropped to my knees, shaking inside with tears pouring from my eyes begging God to spare her life and heal her. He has answered my prayers for Wyndham more than once. Could we ever have imagined that she would pull through her critical injuries and one day beam at her cupcake cake topped with 9 glowing candles? Never.

But it has happened. It is a big deal. This day rips at my heart for what it could have been for her, and yet it grips my heart and fills me with a pride for her I cannot fabricate on my own. She inspires me everyday- even in the trying times. I feel horribly unqualified to meet her needs so many times, but I am also humbled and know just what a privilege it is that I get to call her my own too. We are so happy to have Wyndham in our lives and overjoyed to be able to sing Happy Birthday to her in words and sign. She has more than blessed our lives, and somehow I feel like she'll never fully know how much she means to us and so many others. She is one incredible little girl and whether or not she knows that, it's true now and always. Happy 9th birthday, dear Wyndham!

Lucky #7

Guess who's going to be a big brother this year?! We are all in shock and awe around here. It's early in the pregnancy too (just coming up on 7 weeks), but word is starting to get around and with the speed and connections of the world wide web I figure that I either have to tell everyone or no one. Since our kids already know this big news it's really only a matter of time before they can't help but tell everyone they know too. And yes, I'm being serious and truthful and trying to let it all sink in myself. Me. The one who once said "I never, ever, ever want to have kids" is now expecting baby #7. I can't help but trust that God knows what He's doing, because otherwise I could find myself totally overwhelmed.

Tomorrow is Wyndham's 9th birthday and I am feeling a bit reflective and emotional about that too. It's sort of unbelievable to me how the events of our lives have played out over the past decade. It seems like everytime I feel like I'm starting to feel a little bit in "control" God chooses to send another challenge/blessing our way. I just wonder how many more times He can surprise us anymore. =) But He's done it again!

Winter fun.

Brock got a snowbaord from his Grandma Karen and Grandpa John this Christmas. He is getting better at it everyday. We have a small hill to the side of our house and it's the perfect size for learning how to snowboard. Crew had his first sled ride with Chip the other day. He normally holds his breath in the cold air/wind and hates being bundled up. But in Daddy's arms and even with snowflakes floating down around him he was enjoying his winter outing.

Wyndham and I are ready for the snow to melt and the sun to come back out. We like it warmer and less slippery and cold. But until spring comes, I think there's still some more winter fun to be enjoyed by the rest of the family.

We are definitely enjoying the leisure pace of life without a school schedule right now. There is something so wonderful about staying in bed longer, wearing jammies all day and not having the pressure of anywhere to be this time of year. I don't know that any of us will stay up until midnight to ring in the New Year, but we will be comfy and cozy in our home. Together. That's the way I like it most of all.

We wish you all a safe and Happy New Year and hope you enjoy some warmth and cozy too.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas...

We wish we could have sent you all a handmade card this Christmas. Be assured that even though you may not have received one or maybe we've never even 'met' that my family and I appreciate the support and prayers and care we receive from so many of you throughout the whole year here at Nitty.Gritty. It's like you're practically family!

{Click family Christmas card to enlarge~ if you wish.}

Have a blessed, peaceful and Joy-filled Christmas this year. May the Babe in the manger touch your life and heart in a real way- even now more than 2000 years later. May you come to adore Him as He deserves to be adored.

Merry, merry Christmas from the whole Nitty.Gritty.Family!

Yum. Cake.

Yesterday was my birthday. Thirty-seven years of having a good excuse to eat cake in the middle of the busy holiday season. =) I was treated very well by all my family~ Chip kept the kids busy all day; or was it the kids keeping Chip busy all day?! Either way I basically got to enjoy some time out of the house (including a stop for an Eggnog latte) and enjoyed my time back in the house. Chip had baked me the second cake you see here- one of my favorites. It's a Pillsbury Bake-Off winner and the fresh whipped cream is the main thing I love about this one.

That other cake came from the colour lovers' blog. The creator of the blog celebrated his 28th birthday a few months back and his mom and girlfriend surprised him with a very colorful BIG cake! Wouldn't you love that! There is time, thought and love poured into both of these cakes and I am happy to say that I had a great birthday. Even though it meant I got another year older. If you wished me Happy Birthday on Facebook, I saw your note. It took me awhile to read over 100 messages, but they sure made me realize I am loved and that's a good thing when you get old too!

When the holidays hurt...

There's something so delightful and magical about the Christmas season- with the twinkling lights, jingle bells ringing, music playing and people greeting each other with smiles and rosy cheeks. But I can recall all too clearly how suddenly something so magical like the Christmas season made my head and heart pound with ache and pain and nothing seemed merry at all.

Christmas Eve 2000 was a special one for me. I remember clearly how my heart felt so full of blessing and joy especially as I sat with Chip and Teagan and Brock in a dark, candle-lit sanctuary listening to carols sung and Scripture read and feeling the kicks and movements of another baby inside of me. I felt overwhelmed with the goodness that God had given to our family at that special moment in time. We were celebrating a cozy Christmas in the first home we had purchased just a few weeks earlier. My kids were content and everything just seemed so simple and "perfect" that Christmas. Little did I know that the following Christmas Eve I would not have Teagan with me, Brock would be so emotionally distressed that he couldn't even sit at a table for a family meal and tiny infant Wyndham would be taking heafty doses of medication and struggling to re-learn things like how to suck and sit up on her own. Christmas didn't feel anything like I had remembered it, and to recall the former memories I had only brought me to my knees in tears. Grief was my new reality and I remember even seeing twinkling lights on homes as we drove down neighborhood streets made my chest ache and I could hardly breathe. Christmas and all it's magic felt like a cruel joke to me. I wondered if I would ever feel the Joy of this season again.

That Christmas, 2001 things were very different. And yet they were strikingly the same. I had two little ones and Chip at my side, and even a tiny baby growing inside of me- just as I had a year earlier. Yet nothing was the same. I felt like God had gone and messed everything good that we had going for us in our lives. It seemed as though His plan for our happy, simple lives had been replaced with something so tragic and unfamiliar. I had never known such grief and yet it was a part of every waking moment of our lives.

Christmas hurt. However, there was a peace I felt and a calm inside me which seemed to say, "This might not seem like Christmas as you know it, but the story is still the same". God hadn't changed in that year; our circumstances had. Our hopes and dreams had been altered, but I couldn't shake the fact that the Joy of Christmas was still the same. It wasn't about how I felt or the warmth of our fireplace and scent of cookies baking and music playing. The Peace that I was longing for and the Joy I felt had gone from our lives was still very much a part of the season. God's blessing and gifts to us were many that year and the greatest gift He had given us was the same one He had sent to earth 2000 years earlier. Jesus was our Hope and our Joy. I remember crying out to Him in the quiet of my living room as I sat next to Teagan's tree asking Him to fill my heart- not with the things that I wanted in life, but with the things HE wanted me to have in my life.

I can tell you today that God has been faithful and true to give us everything we have needed to walk the long, dark journey of grief and we have been blessed to find life and love and hope and many blessings as we emerged from that path. One of the things I hope others can see as you read here at my blog or witness our lives in person is that God is God and His blessings are available to anyone and everyone who turns to Him. By simply saying, "God, I want you to be real in my heart and life... I trust you fully" therein lies the Hope. Not just of Christmas. But of every trial and struggle we endure and even our future is secure in Him. No matter what may come our way- good or bad, God is with us. That's what the heart of Christmas is all about.

I recall taking great comfort in the fact that God's Son had come to earth to be Love and Hope for us, and also knew that He felt all we feel. He was no stranger to what it feels like to hurt. Even at Christmas. The holidays are strange and difficult for many people that I know and who read what I have to say here- but I pray that the gift of Hope will be yours this season and every step of the painful journey you find yourself on right now.

I share a few pictures here of Ava and Wyndham and me at their Christmas program the other night and a few more cards. There was a time when I didn't know if I could smile at this season or care to send a word of cheer to friends far away. The truth is, this season means so much to me and is a wonderful reminder that God IS near. When my heart and eyes begin to blur with tears and the ache of what I once held dear threatens to steal my Joy, I remind myself to see Christmas as God intended it to be. His gift of Love and message of Hope that He is King and Heaven is real and one day we will sing with all the angels on high. God's plan is perfect. And what a better reminder than to recall Christmas- when Jesus came to earth so many years ago. It may have been cold and dark and the stable was no place for a newborn babe; but God was there. It made all the difference that Christmas and every one since. When the holidays hurt, there is always One who is ready to fill us with something greater. I thank Him everyday for who He is in my life. It is a gift and it has changed my life. Forever.

More cards and crafts...

I was able to make some more cards over the weekend and that makes me happy. The more cards I can make, the more I can put in the mail! I was flattered and humbled that the designer of the paper line I've been using actually called me and posted pictures of my cards on her blog. Thank you, Brenda Walton~ it's been a pleasure to use your designs!

I took a little break from cards and tried my hand at pom-pom flowers. I got the idea from this tutorial/blogpost. Aren't they simply adorable? They remind me of little puffs of snow. I think I may have to host another giveaway and send one or two of you reading this a card and flower too. You know. Just because I need to add things to my Christmas list right now! Wait. On second thought, I think a random giveaway sounds like a nice thing to host in the New Year. I do have thoughts in my head for a blogpost about the holidays not being so merry. Hopefully I'll get those thoughts down here before the end of the week. Then my kiddos are on Christmas break and I doubt I'll get much thinking done then!

P.S. Do you have a favorite cookie recipe? I'm making some for a class party. I just haven't decided what kind yet.