Thursday, March 18, 2010
She got her wish.
If she were here with us, Teagan would be turning into a teenager today. It's her 13th birthday. We were privileged to be able to spend 4 birthdays with her here on earth. Several times in the days after she turned four she would say, "I just want to be 4 forever". I questioned her and tried to talk her out of such a wish. I told her about lots of fun and beautiful things that life held for her as she would grow up into a lady.
It was simple wish and one I never imagined would actually come true. But it did. I sometimes wonder if her heart and soul were connected to Heaven from the beginning. I tend to believe the answer is yes. I will never fully understand and especially on days like today, it hurts and the wounds of grief feel fresh again. To miss her is one thing. To wonder how things might be is another. And the process of surrendering and accepting this reality of ours continues.
Even as my heart aches, I still have a peace and a comfort in my heart. Teagan got her wish and it changed me. I am glad that our spirits are forever connected- no matter how long or how far apart we are. As she celebrates today in Heaven, and we remember her here on earth, I am glad for the Hope we cling to- that we will be together again someday. It makes me realize our hearts aren't that far apart afterall.
She might have been turning 13 today... but I will always remember her as four. She got her wish; as heartbreaking as that is, it also brings me a certain Joy too.
Teagan will always be the love of my heart.
Happy Birthday to the little girl who changed my heart and life forever...
even at the age of 4.