Treasured memories.

A few nights ago I came across a box of things I hadn't seen in a few years, including this Barbie suitcase. It has been 'missing' and presumed gone for more than 3 years now. You can't imagine how happy I was to find this treasure! Inside were all of Teagan's Barbie dolls that she spent hours playing with when she was alive. In the months after her death, I used to imagine at times that she was still upstairs in her room playing Barbies. It was hard to accept the reality of her death, and sometimes I would find myself just waiting for her to call me from her room asking me to come up and join her in play, or to see what she had done with her Barbies.

I remember some days, usually when I was making lunch or throwing the laundry in the wash machine that I would find myself aching with my stomach in knots over the fact that I couldn't hear her laughing and playing or singing the jingle from Barbie ads ("Great time to be a girl...Barbie!").

I sometimes pulled out the Barbie suitcase just to look at the dolls and remind myself of the happiness and innocence that filled Teagan's life- the simple joy she had playing and being a little girl. I had a longing in my heart for those stolen moments...I wished I had soaked them up more when I had the chance. My heart hurt that I didn't have pictures of Teagan- other than the ones of her in my heart and mind.

So, when the Barbie suitcase 'disappeared' in our move to our current home, it was a little thing...but it was still a 'big then' when you consider the sentimental value of a suitcase of Barbies that held so many memories. I had basically given up ever seeing this suitcase and dolls again. In fact, just a month or so ago I went on a hunt looking in places I thought I had missed. It turned up nothing. What a sweet, unexpected surprise for me to find the suitcase tucked in the bottom of a box oy toys and videos and puzzles...all which brought back forgotten memories of Teagan.

I pulled out the suitcase and explained to my girls that this suitcase of Barbies was extra special and that Teagan had played with these Barbies and now they could play with them too. Each Barbie is special in some way...the first one she ever got...the one she got that looked 'like Grandma Genie'...the one I gave her just two or three days before she died- just because I wanted to make her happy that day and I had one tucked away to give to her at some point in time. You have no idea how often I was grateful that I didn't wait for an excuse....but instead I gave it to her for no particular reason. And it happened to be the last chance I would have- but I didn't have an incling that it was to be the last Barbie Teagan would add to her collection.

My heart is glad today. I am typing to the voices of my girls playing Barbies and having fun together. I remember longing and wishing for another chance like this- the very thing that is happening in my home right now. I can't help but think that God IS watching out for me and my family and that He is happy to give me such moments in life. Moments where I recognize the simple desires of my heart are not vague memories...but that they are reality at times. Unexpected blessing showed up in the form of a suitcase full of Barbies. Bringing with it fond memories, new memories and more gratefulness in my heart. I am glad more times than I can count, for the almost 4 and a half years that we had Teagan in our lives, and for the joy she has brought and that continues to grace our lives everyday.

I have a feeling the Barbie suitcase won't go missing ever again. I plan on keeping it safe and sound...while still allowing my girls to play and have fun with the goodies inside. =)