Saturday, July 01, 2006

Month of memories.

Since tragedy struck my life and family back in July 2001, I find that each year, the month of July brings a wide-range of emotions into my life. I expect this year to be similar to the past few years- so my blog posts will probably be prone to reflections, recaps, nostalgia, and possibly new insights. I hope.
I think that is one of the reasons why I pour over my old journals, and reread cards and emails, and newspaper articles, and maybe even watch myself on Oprah again. I do these things not to fuel my grief or sadness at the death of Teagan and the carefree life we had, but I like to see how far I've come. I think it is revealing to me, in a sense, that I've lived through some really tough life experiences, and it's a good thing to remember the way life was- and to even miss it and long for those days back again...then I look around me and I see a really wonderful life.
Some of tears I used to shed daily seem so distant in contrast to the way things are now. It's almost like I was living in a dream. So, when July rolls around, as it did today, it brings me back to that place. I know to expect memories and emotions to come from deep inside and to flood my mind- just because it's July.
I guess maybe it's the bond I have with Teagan that was forever etched on my soul that I cling to and hope I never let it die. From the moment I first held her in my arms, she changed my life for the better forever. Her death in July 2001 separated us physically. But if you ask me now, even 5 years later, I'll tell you, she is still one of the biggest parts of me.
Here's hoping I grow a little more this month- this year too. I invite my family and friends to post memories of Teagan all month long in the comments. I know there are a lot of wonderful memories of her out there in all of you too!


deene said...

Wow Jody. You are amazing. I'm glad to "blog know you" and briefly meet you in Bama. I'm just amazed at your spirit. I can feel the hurt in it, but in no way can I see or feel the brokenness in it. I'm in awe of your strength because I am sitting here balling my eyes out for you. For your family. For Teagan. I'll be thinking of you this July for sure.

K :) said...

Jody, though I don't "really" know you, I check into your blog weekly/daily and I feel as if I know some of you. My heart and thoughts are with you as you move through this month of memories. I can in no way know your pain, but I feel I can learn from your strength. Thank you for that. God bless.

kimmie said...

"There is a brokenness out which comes the unbroken,

A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.

There is a sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength.

There is a hollow space too vast for words through which we pass with each loss, out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable and whole, while learning to sing."


shawnna said...

awesome jody -- i commented before how when i first read your blog i felt a connection because i too lost a child -- July of 1997 - Aasin -- he was 4 and a half months old and he was gone - all because someone ran a red light -- (that is how i used to feel) Now I feel like he was physically gone because his purpose on this Earth was fulfilled -- I love him and miss him still that doesn't change but my prespective is very different now than in those first few years after his death -- and my relationship with Christ now exists because of his little life -- even in the most sorrowful times -- GOD IS GREAT -- thank you for your blog - and i look forward to coming here

Cris said...

Thinking of you...

Anonymous said...

Here's to that hopes you and Chip share...and the Hope_ you continue to give to others by God's' grace.


Hopes have a secret parlor
just big enough for two
with a loveseat near a reading lamp
and a window with a view.

Hope_ is a high cathedral
where we sometimes sit alone
in the silence of the stained glass
and the certainty of stone.

Hopes and dreams that happen
are the stuff of happiness
made certain by the Joy that comes
from Hope… without the “s.”

Kerry said...

What a lovely little family you are! Happy Independence Day!