Month of memories.

Since tragedy struck my life and family back in July 2001, I find that each year, the month of July brings a wide-range of emotions into my life. I expect this year to be similar to the past few years- so my blog posts will probably be prone to reflections, recaps, nostalgia, and possibly new insights. I hope.
I think that is one of the reasons why I pour over my old journals, and reread cards and emails, and newspaper articles, and maybe even watch myself on Oprah again. I do these things not to fuel my grief or sadness at the death of Teagan and the carefree life we had, but I like to see how far I've come. I think it is revealing to me, in a sense, that I've lived through some really tough life experiences, and it's a good thing to remember the way life was- and to even miss it and long for those days back again...then I look around me and I see a really wonderful life.
Some of tears I used to shed daily seem so distant in contrast to the way things are now. It's almost like I was living in a dream. So, when July rolls around, as it did today, it brings me back to that place. I know to expect memories and emotions to come from deep inside and to flood my mind- just because it's July.
I guess maybe it's the bond I have with Teagan that was forever etched on my soul that I cling to and hope I never let it die. From the moment I first held her in my arms, she changed my life for the better forever. Her death in July 2001 separated us physically. But if you ask me now, even 5 years later, I'll tell you, she is still one of the biggest parts of me.
Here's hoping I grow a little more this month- this year too. I invite my family and friends to post memories of Teagan all month long in the comments. I know there are a lot of wonderful memories of her out there in all of you too!