"Angel Mail"

Today is Valentine's Day. I've got a dozen red tulips blooming in the other room from Chip- as he learned early on in our courtship that I prefer tulips to roses. It's so sweet when somebody you love in this world shows that they love the "little known facts" that make up you. We give each other a hard time and joke around a lot- but when it comes down to it {ie. the nitty gritty stuff}, we wouldn't trade one another for the world. At least I know I wouldn't! I am a better person in this world because of him and all the ways he affects my life- good and bad. The bad makes me want to try harder and be better....and the good just rounds out the relationship! I am a lucky, loved person and wouldn't trade my life for too many other people's lives in this world.
Today always brings mixed emotions for me as I would give ANYTHING to hug, hold and smother Teagan with kisses- even if for only a few minutes. I'd take 'em if I could! So I think about her all day and imagine how she would have told me "You're the love of my heart." That was a phrase she had repeated quite often in the months before she died. Just because she's gone doesn't make my love for her go away. It's one of the hardest parts of grief to figure out, I think. I came up with a way for me to deal with this early on in a simple way- yet it touched me and others around me deeply.
Today you get in on it too. It's called "Angel mail". At one point I was struggling with never being able to talk to Teagan and communicate with her in a "physical" way, and so I took it upon myself to do it for her. I sent Chip an email telling him how much I missed him and what a great dad he was and that I'd be waiting for him in Heaven...then I signed it, "Your special angel in heaven, Teagan". If I remember correctly it made me cry more than it made him cry- but I did it anyway. I sent email cards [like Hello Kitty cards] to Teagan's cousins and aunts...signed from teagan in Heaven. It was kind of like believeing in Santa for my son and his cousins in the beginning- they really believed that teagan was sending them mail from Heaven. And for me it warmed my heart knowing that Teagan was being remembered and that I could still share her love and life with other people.
I still send and receive Angel mail on special occasions. Brock wants to know how Teagan got the magic to send him balloons last year on his birthday. I told him that Angels can do a lot of things- we're lucky that Teagan can see us and be happy for us from far, far away.
I know Teagan heard it hundreds of times in her life with us- how much we loved and adored her. I tell my kids at home that I love them everyday. I hug them and kiss them and hope they always feel my love. And to Teagan up in Heaven, if she's watching or listening, I want her to know that she is still the love of my heart and I will feel her love forever. Have a wonderful Valentine's day- with or without your loved ones. Maybe you can even surprise someone in your own life with "Angel mail." Love, love. The posted picture is Teagan and me when she was about 2 1/2.