Still doing the juggling act...

Sometimes I wish I had been in juggling club back in high school because I feel it might have better prepared me for this time in my life. By this time, I mean having more kids, demands and activities going on around me than I do the ability to meet all those demands and do everything well. I keep trying to remind myself that I am doing the best with what I have, but I still can't shake that feeling of mommy guilt that it's not enough. Why is it so hard for us to let go of our ideals so often? I'm working on that. I'm learning I am more of a perfectionist than I wish I was and with a family as big and diverse in age and skills as mine, it's just not practical to be perfect anymore. Although I think Chip would tell you've I've been less than perfect for a long time now! =)

A couple of these photos I just took this morning as Bella and Ava headed out with Chip to the golf course for the kick off of Junior Golf this year. They were happy to be getting to do an activity and the kids always love to spend a little extra time with their dad this time of year too. Well, they love to spend extra time with him anytime- but especially so during his long summer hours. He makes such an effort to do things with the kids when he has the time. He took Brock and Crew out to hit some balls and play a few holes on Sunday afternoon. I need to give him more credit for all the things he does to lighten the load and make life more fun for us around here than I do. I tend to jump on him most when I get stressed out and overwhelmed and the truth is I need to point out more often all the things he does right and well. We all love him and are grateful to have Chip's flexibilty to help life keep moving along for all of us. I think it's okay for me to wish him a Happy Father's Day a few days early because he is so deserving of praise and also you and I both know I probably won't get a chance to blog again in time! So thanks, Chip, for being such a great dad and an example of what a leader and hard worker looks like. You are loved so much and we promise to tell you and show you that we mean it more around here too!

Now for a quick update on Wyndham and her current situation... we had an in-depth meeting with her surgeon last week and we're all in agreement (we her parents, case manager and therapists) that something hasn't been going well/right with her rehab for several weeks now. Chip and I have been so patient, but growing more and more disappointed and frustrated with how she's just not getting better, and in fact, in some ways has been getting worse. So after more x-rays and examination the doctor seems confident that there shouldn't be a reason for her to not want to bear weight on her feet. We're just unsure why she doesn't want or can't get back to walking. The decision was made to spend the next 2-3 weeks with an intsense physical therapy program as well as adding aqua therapy to her routine. So we're going from a couple of hours a week to sometimes twice daily workouts in hopes that we might see some progress and also to see if we can get her to build some muscle that she keeps losing. Yesterday was Wyndham's first time in a pool in over a year at a therapy center and she did great! She loved it so much she didn't want to get out of the water. It was the one posotive thing we've seen happen in a long time. Now I am hoping and praying that it not only will feel good for her- but that it will actually make a difference for her. If this extra hard work out schedule doesn't yield the results we are hoping for the next step would be to have to admit her to in-patient therapy in Grand Rapids and right now, honestly, I don't know if I can handle the stress and change that we demand of her, me and all of us as a family. I feel like we're already stretched so thin and I don't know where we would get the time, energy or opportunity for us to spend the time with her at a hospital setting for several weeks or months. Not to mention that it's not an easy thing to send your child away for such a lengthy time knowing she has needs unique to her and understood best by tose of us here at home. So feel free to join us in prayer and wishing Wyndham the best outcome we might expect as she is pushed harder the next couple of weeks.

I think one of my biggest life lessons since the death of Teagan and the trials we have endured since then has been to realize that as much as we strive to always do the right thing and to want the best and safest environment for our kids to grow and thrive in so much of what happens is still out of my/our control. There has been an ongoing 'theme' of surrender in our hearts and lives and I still struggle with giving it all up and saying, "whatever happens I simply trust You" and lay it all down for God to do in our lives as HE sees fit.

Life is hard... but God can use it all for His glory. Such a wonderful truth, but so hard to swallow!