"Because we don't know what to expect..."

Tomorrow Wyndham has a doctor appointment with her endocronologist. There was a time in my life when I had never heard of an endocronologist. Now I am hoping that she gets good news from him- again. Several months ago we were able to stop giving Wyndham her hormone shot each night for the first time in 7 years. It's been so wonderful to not have a shot be part of our bedtime routine. She hasn't missed getting them and we've been relieved to not have to give them. It just seems to make the bedtime ritual that much easier without the hassle and pain of shots. However, tomorrow may be the day we find out if she has to start back on them. We are hoping for the best for Wyndham once again. I'd love if you'd hope along with us too!
Ever since the day she was discharged from Hurley Hospital in August of 2001 we have hoped for the best for her. We have always hoped for the best for all of our children, but Wyndham has had the most frequent and extreme medical needs for hope out of all of the kids. This month makes me think back to how things were, how they might have been, and just how our reality is different than I ever imagined it to be as a result of our tragedy. It doesn't take much to bring me down or for me to start feeling sorry for myself or the rest of my gang. We have been through a lot and it seems there is always some sort of reminder of that. It even happened at dinner tonight.
Chip called and said he would be home in time for dinner and I then turned off the pan of water I was starting to boil for macaroni and cheese and instead I got the kids together to get their flip flops on and take a quick bathroom break. We had a luxury family dinner at our local Perkins- two of our kids even got to eat free with our adult purchases. =) But the part that hit me was when we had them circle the picture on their kids menu of what they wanted to eat for dinner. Three of them picked chocolate chip pancakes.
That just happens to be the last thing Teagan ever ate in her life. I'll never forget it.
So, that's just one of the things that can bring a wave of emotion back into my heart and mind. I have learned to embrace and live with these "waves" and accept them when they come. Most often they make me smile more than choke up- because for me to have instances where memories and reminders of Teagan come rushing back is a good thing. They sort of feel like little heart-tugs/hugs from her. I remind myself that I am lucky to have had time with Teagan and luckier still that I haven't ever fully let her go. She's still a part of my life- no matter how much time passes.
But I will admit to you that I do hurt over the loss and the pain and the troubles that Wyndham continues to carry with her every single day. Most days she gets along well and seems to be as happy or happier than the rest of the kids in our family. Even on the days when things don't always go well for her she still has a smile or a twinkle in her eye or some sort of silly thing to show us through her use of sign or just by being her. She has major delays and can't talk or run like the others, but she somehow manages to keep her chin up.
I credit her for being the inspiration and drive behind me wanting more out of life when life was giving us a whole lot of hurt. At the time of her hospital discharge her team of doctors couldn't offer us a long-term prognosis of any kind. In fact, I even remember some of them saying they didn't know what to tell us, because the truth is they didn't know what to expect. They were surpised that she had survived her inital injuries and brain surgery and none had any experience with the recovery process from such traumatic injuries. She just sort of left them all speechless and amazed. We sort of felt the same way, but as parents we were the ones to take her home to "wait and see what happens".
We've been watching her heal and grow and change for almost 9 years now and in almost every respect we've been blown away at just how much she has been able to overcome. So tomorrow as she heads to yet another doctor appointment, we don't know what to expect. But we're going to do what we always do and that is this: we will pray and thank God for all He has done in Wyndham's life and we will hope for more of the best. Goodness knows she deserves it!