Monday, July 12, 2010

"Because we don't know what to expect..."

Tomorrow Wyndham has a doctor appointment with her endocronologist. There was a time in my life when I had never heard of an endocronologist. Now I am hoping that she gets good news from him- again. Several months ago we were able to stop giving Wyndham her hormone shot each night for the first time in 7 years. It's been so wonderful to not have a shot be part of our bedtime routine. She hasn't missed getting them and we've been relieved to not have to give them. It just seems to make the bedtime ritual that much easier without the hassle and pain of shots. However, tomorrow may be the day we find out if she has to start back on them. We are hoping for the best for Wyndham once again. I'd love if you'd hope along with us too!
Ever since the day she was discharged from Hurley Hospital in August of 2001 we have hoped for the best for her. We have always hoped for the best for all of our children, but Wyndham has had the most frequent and extreme medical needs for hope out of all of the kids. This month makes me think back to how things were, how they might have been, and just how our reality is different than I ever imagined it to be as a result of our tragedy. It doesn't take much to bring me down or for me to start feeling sorry for myself or the rest of my gang. We have been through a lot and it seems there is always some sort of reminder of that. It even happened at dinner tonight.
Chip called and said he would be home in time for dinner and I then turned off the pan of water I was starting to boil for macaroni and cheese and instead I got the kids together to get their flip flops on and take a quick bathroom break. We had a luxury family dinner at our local Perkins- two of our kids even got to eat free with our adult purchases. =) But the part that hit me was when we had them circle the picture on their kids menu of what they wanted to eat for dinner. Three of them picked chocolate chip pancakes.
That just happens to be the last thing Teagan ever ate in her life. I'll never forget it.
So, that's just one of the things that can bring a wave of emotion back into my heart and mind. I have learned to embrace and live with these "waves" and accept them when they come. Most often they make me smile more than choke up- because for me to have instances where memories and reminders of Teagan come rushing back is a good thing. They sort of feel like little heart-tugs/hugs from her. I remind myself that I am lucky to have had time with Teagan and luckier still that I haven't ever fully let her go. She's still a part of my life- no matter how much time passes.
But I will admit to you that I do hurt over the loss and the pain and the troubles that Wyndham continues to carry with her every single day. Most days she gets along well and seems to be as happy or happier than the rest of the kids in our family. Even on the days when things don't always go well for her she still has a smile or a twinkle in her eye or some sort of silly thing to show us through her use of sign or just by being her. She has major delays and can't talk or run like the others, but she somehow manages to keep her chin up.
I credit her for being the inspiration and drive behind me wanting more out of life when life was giving us a whole lot of hurt. At the time of her hospital discharge her team of doctors couldn't offer us a long-term prognosis of any kind. In fact, I even remember some of them saying they didn't know what to tell us, because the truth is they didn't know what to expect. They were surpised that she had survived her inital injuries and brain surgery and none had any experience with the recovery process from such traumatic injuries. She just sort of left them all speechless and amazed. We sort of felt the same way, but as parents we were the ones to take her home to "wait and see what happens".
We've been watching her heal and grow and change for almost 9 years now and in almost every respect we've been blown away at just how much she has been able to overcome. So tomorrow as she heads to yet another doctor appointment, we don't know what to expect. But we're going to do what we always do and that is this: we will pray and thank God for all He has done in Wyndham's life and we will hope for more of the best. Goodness knows she deserves it!

17 comments:

Charlene said...

Jody...you are an amazing woman!

Southern Gal said...

Praying for good things for Wyndham and your family.

Cheryl said...

((hugs)) to you and your family...you are traveling a difficult road, but one that will bring many blessings too. Prayers for the doctor's report to have the results that you are hoping for, if it be His will.

With Hope,
Cheryl

Jessica said...

Praying.

Anonymous said...

Blessings for you all, especially Wyndham. May God guide you all just where He wants you. Jen from Cali

65 Roses for Marcia said...

Hoping and praying for a good report tomorrow for Wyndham.

darcie said...

Saying a prayer for Wyndham and for you.
xoxxoo

babyrndeb said...

hoping along with you for a good doctors appointment tomorrow.
And I can only imagine what it must be like to live with wondering what life would have been like if that awful accident would not have happened...but I also know that God knows the whole big story and loves all of you.

LaVon Baker said...

Jody, my heart hurts for you. I just have to tell you the sweetest thing. On June 30th, my sweet husband and I were praying together when he prayed, "Lord Jesus, today is my dad's birthday. Please hug him for me, tell him I miss him and love him. Thank you for being my Lord and Master and doing that for me." Well, I just thought that was the sweetest thing and I too said a big "Thank You" to Jesus for being there for us and loving us. No one has our back like He does.
Love you in Jesus!!!

Erika said...

hoping for a good doctor's appointment tomorrow for wyndham. (((hugs))) holding you close to my heart as you care for wyndham and as you remember teagan. today is the 2 year anniversary of the day my twin daughters were stillborn...i just want to say how much strength i've drawn from reading your blog, and how much you have inspired me. i know that our losses are very different- i just want to say that both teagan and wyndham have touched my heart in a profound way and i think of them often and the impact they have had on so many people, including myself...

many hugs to you...

-erika

Jennifer said...

praying for you this morning! hoping for good news along with you! :-)

Joyce K said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Wyndham today for good news from the doctors. Stay strong!

Lauren Kelly said...

Wyndham’s life is such a testimony to the faithfulness of God. She is such an inspiration and hope her sweet heart knows that. God is not done with her yet! Praying to hear good reports from the doctor’s appointment!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Definitely hoping for the best...not only hoping, but praying. I understand the waves that come...waves that sometimes bring smiles and sometimes tears. This post was so beautifully written. The places you have walked on this journey, most of us cannot fathom, but the evidence of God's grace shines from your heart. And, the hope springs eternal. You are a beautiful, amazing woman...and it is such an inspiration to see how God has carried you. Thank you for sharing your heart with such beauty...

Sarah said...

Holding you all in prayer...hugs to Miss W!

jo te raa said...

she looks so grown and happy Jody......you one great mum :)

Elizabeth said...

Hi Jody! I have been reading your blog for over a year now....not even sure how I found it....funny because I'm not a blog reader but am so drawn to your writing and your story....you inspire me so and I just felt that I had to write tonight and let you know that I often pray for Miss Wyndham and think of Teagan...I'm a mama of 3 and often what you write about being a stay at home mom so hits home. Mine are 5, 3 and almost 6 months. The best job ever....:)