How it works.

Would you believe that after more than eight years of living with grief and moving beyond trauma that there are still new things to learn about the whole process and unexpected moments can still come as a surprise? Well, it's true. I've got a little story to share with you that happened while I was browsing in the girls' outwear department yesterday. If you check in on me at Facebook, you already know what happened as I updated my status with this story.
This is what I posted:
I was stopped dead in my tracks when I was at a store today and heard a mom say, "Teagan, Teagan...come over here and stay by mommy, sweetie!". Of course I had to look over and see who Teagan was. She was about 5 or 6 and had pigtails in her hair and a smile on her face. Just what I'd expect from a little girl named Teagan. =)
I also added this when a friend asked me if I was okay:
For a quick second I thought about asking if I could give her a hug. Then I would have come home and said to Chip, "I hugged Teagan today!". Thanks, Karen for caring. Yes...I'm okay with such an unexpected moment. To me, anytime something or someone makes me think about Teagan is a really wonderful thing.
It really was a surprising thing for me to hear Teagan's name and to see a little girl bouncing around the clothing racks- just being happy. I have people occasionally tell me that they know someone named Teagan or have some sort of connection to that name, but I've never met another Teagan since mine went to Heaven in 2001. I actually really liked that I happened to be in that place at such a time yesterday to hear a mom call for her Teagan. I used to miss hearing her name so much and it made me realize that another Teagan was living this life with happiness. I was happy for them. That unexpected moment also made me realize how glad I am that I have moved beyond the heart-wrenching grief that I've lived through. Instead of tears welling up in my eyes I actually felt glad and I turned and had a big grin on my face.
There are times when I wish a million times over that I could change the reality of my life without Teagan. And if you're familiar with grief on a personal level as I am with the death of my little girl, you understand how my heart felt overwhelming gratefulness that such an incident brought back a million memories and I wouldn't trade those for anything in this world.
Grief is ever-changing; forever a part of my life- even in the most unlikely of places.
I just wanted to share this as I know that some of you are walking through the process and carrying a load of grief in your own life's story. I hope that even something as small as hearing your loved one's name in an unexpected place can bring healing and happiness to your heart too. It's hard to embrace death as it's so final- yet it never, ever goes away this side of Heaven. Today I am grateful for Hope all over again. I look forward to calling Teagan's name and having her run into my arms... with Hope, I know that will happen again someday.
That's how it works.