Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Wondering.

I found a website with some really cute {I love the side-wrap style shirts and snaps for babies} newborn outfits that has made me think that boy clothes can be fun too. After so many girls I have gone through lots of pink and purple stuff with butterflies and hearts and so it's actually kind of fun for me to think about the more 'mellow side' of clothing and just seeing the small clothes is getting me more and more anxious to meet our next baby. A little boy. We're still discussing names andopen to suggestions. I have no doubt something will just 'seem right' in the end.
In the past couple of days I have done lots of thinking and I start getting in the 'memory mode' of the summer that our tragedy occurred and Teagan was suddenly gone. I look at Ava right now and she is almost the identical age of Teagan at the time of her last days with us here on earth. {They are just four days apart in age and so I clearly recall Teagan through Ava right now.} I can't help but remember, and wonder too. That time in our lives- even though Wyndham had had some medical concerns earlier that spring- still holds some of the best memories for me and our family. The kids traveled back home with us to Minnesota a few times and we hung out with family and friends and really just loved a simpler time and lots of happiness.
Teagan was turning into such a little lady- she was mostly sweet with a little bit of attitude that she would put to use when she felt it served her best. =) She was not afraid to play the role of big sister to both Brock and Wyndham (Brock was 2...Wyndham was 5 months) and would tell them stories and dictate the activities they would play. She would tell Brock, "we're going to play house and you're going to be the dad" and he would go right along with her pretending and having fun. She would invite him to her room to play Barbies and he never turned her down. He was her little shadow and the two of them had so much fun together. Rarely a squabble was heard as Brock was so easy-going and just seemed to thrive with Teagan leading him around the house and yard. It was a perfect match as far as brother/sister matches go.
Even with Wyndham, Teagan seemed so happy to be a helper and she was often at my side to help dress and change and feed and play with Wyndham. She would tell her things like, "Purple is my favorite color, but you can have pink" and "I have some coconut sparkle lip gloss that you can share with me when you get bigger". I was so happy that things seemed so 'easy' with 3 kids and that there was never an issue of jealousy going on or a constant fight for my attention. We were just happy being a family.
I couldn't help but wonder what I would have been doing in my life had God not sent me the gift of these kids- especially since my heart had been so dead-set against ever having kids. I found myself loving every minute of being a mom and I even thanked God {in my prayers and in my journal} for giving me the opportunity to be the one to watch them grow. I wasn't perfect in my role- I often then and still do feel inadequate for the task of raising and molding and shaping my children, but it was a wonderful thing for me and I was learning patience, humility and dependence on God.
The past few days as I have been doing my morning quiet times and reading through some wonderful stories and history of God at work in the Old Testament in the Bible, it makes me see just how thought out and planned our God truly is. He can be trusted in all circumstances and He never makes mistakes. No matter how out-of-control or upside-down our world can feel or be. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if we never had our incident and Teagan was still here. Chip and I have talked and agree that likely we wouldn't have possibly one or two of the kids we have since Teagan's death. God has opened our hearts to His ways and plans and that has resulted in us being open and even exicted about more kids- where prior to July 2001, the idea of more kids caused worry and stress and we looked at our finances and abilities and it made the possibility much more slim.
Now, we're still not perfect, but we do know that God can use us anyway. We rely on Him for the needs and concerns we have each day and we know from our past experiences that God is never going to fail us. He will always give us the strength and ability to do and be who He wants us to be.
I have to admit, I still find myself wondering and questioning that the things that have happened in our lives and I still wish they could be different. I wish Teagan didn't have to die and I wonder what kind of girl Wyndham would be if she could talk and play and be 'normal' like the rest of her siblings and friends. But I have learned to stop asking questions, to let them go because there are no good answers, and instead, I look forward to the future and try to love the moments I have today.
Today that means I miss Teagan and still can remember her laughter and smiles and how she lit up our lives from the moment she woke up each morning {or sometimes noon or later...she was a night owl!}, but at the same time I can hear my other kids talking and laughing and I am feeling the kicks and stretches of another member of our family from the inside and my heart is at peace. (If you want, click here for most recent belly pics.) I will never stop wondering. But I have learned I can love this moment just the way it is. And it makes me love God even more. He is good and His mercies continue to overflow in our lives. I will never stop loving Him- no matter how often I question His ways. He is all we need!

51 comments:

clg0513 said...

I was just thinking. We have a wonderful friend who has a little boy named Keegan. Pretty close to Teagan and would be beautiful in honor of her. Just throwing my thoughts out there.

You have been such an inspiration to read and I hope you never stop blogging...even with the new little one on the way

Mere said...

I like the Keegan idea too! I think that would be a wonderful way to honor and remember her. I love hearing Teagan stories! I babysit 4 kids (ages 14,11,9 and 6) We have known them since the oldest was 4. Their mom, Tracey, passed away 2 days after the 6 year old was born, and we adored her. We are very close to this family, and I often have thoughts like you do about what life would like today with her here.

Your blog is just fabulous and I look foward to reading it all the time. Even though I am just a teen, I hope to grow into atleast half the woman you are!

~Mere

Becca said...

Hi Jody. I have been following your blog for awhile and just made one for my family. My first daughter, Hannah, was stillborn at 38 1/2 weeks and life as I knew it was turned upside down. But with God and a great family my husband and I were able to move beyond what we wanted and saw what GOd wanted. I have, as you can see from my blog, two more beautiful girls and we will be hoping to expand our family yet again in the near future. But even in a decision that would seem easy to others, my heart is already being pulled between fear and excitment. I try to hold on to God in these times, but my humanity pulls me down. I can only imaginge the loss you feel everyday and I am excited to share the lessons that God is teaching you through your family.

Our blog is: livelaughlovewiththepencaks.blogspot.com

Jenny~ said...

Hi Jody! Since I have an obvious obsession with baby names, here's a list of some of the boys names of the kids here at the club: Baylor, Harrison, Colin, Conner, Keefer, Spencer, Wesley, Martin, Carter, Barrett, Bryce, Evan, Cameron, Tucker, Wyatt, Clayton, Miller, Ethan, Sinclair, Austin, Holden, Theron, Grant, Parker, Seth, Davis, Reid, Isaac, & Garrett. Best of luck!!!

M. Knox, MSW, LLP said...

I'm having a difficult time understanding why, with 4 beautiful children and one on the way, so much of your blog continues to dwell on the child you lost. As an elementary school counselor, I wonder what kind of messages your children are receiving. I would be very careful that they not get the message - am I not "as good as" the "first"? Little pitchers have big ears indeed! Please at least be aware.

M. Knox

Anonymous said...

Dear M.Knox.
The Ferlaak children are well-adjusted and I think you would have to know them personally to see that firsthand and then judge. I have seen them in and around school and church for a couple of years now and can testify that Chip and Jody should be applauded for how they have handled their situation.
Not only have they come through some rough stuff, but they have children who are happy and loved. They remember Teagan, it seems to me, but don't obsess over her. I think it's healthy and nothing but honoring to Teagan.
From a person who knows this family, I have no doubt they are very much aware.

Thanks Jody for always sharing the good and the bad- the ups and downs- the memories and the hopes for your future. I've often been moved by your thoughts. Today is no different.
Thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy your summer break and pregnancy.
A friend from CCS

Jody said...

To M.Knox who wrote:
"I'm having a difficult time understanding why, with 4 beautiful children and one on the way, so much of your blog continues to dwell on the child you lost."

Maybe you've never lost a child. I hope you never have or will. This blog happens to be the place where I find sharing my thoughts on Teagan and life and death to be a very good thing for me. And for others who write to me telling their own stories.
My own children do not hear {ever!} that we love Teagan more than them or that she was better or anything remotely resemebling those types of statements. They do know about Teagan and we sometimes tell stories or look at pictures of her. But there are many days that we never bring her up and we just live our lives as they unfold- without her in it physically.
Thanks for you concerns- which I believe in some instances might be valid.
Our family chooses to talk of Teagan with Hope and fondness. I'm never worried about sharing Hope with anyone. Especially my kids.
I thank you for your comment and trust that what you see here on my blog is more than just memories of Teagan. We have a very full and happy life. Sometimes I just choose to remember.
Thanks again for your comment~ Jody

Jody said...

And now I just saw the comment from a "friend at CCS". I think I know which one of you wrote this. Thank you and I wish you a happy summer too!

Anonymous said...

Jody: RE: M Knox. I agree with her in many ways. Kids pick up on NON verbal stuff waaaaay more than what they see or hear. At some point in time, you are going to have to keep your blog private - only in my opinion. If I were Wyndam or Bella or Ava in my preteen years and read some things you have said.... Albeit irrational, it could knock the self-esteem right out of me. We were the "after thoughts" in attempts to replace Teagan. This is your journal and I respect that. But you have chosen to make it public and it could be out there on the web for years. Just wait for the day they can "google" your name....No harm meant, just advice for what it is worth. Kids can get mixed up about blaming themselves for things that have no bearing on what they have said or done. Focus on the kids you have now; mourn Teagan privately or with a therapist.

Hillary said...

Here's some name thoughts...

ethan, harrison, liam, landon, owen, garrett, cole, ryan, brady or isaac. :)

Suzanne said...

We're will realize one day that this public web stuff is going to have negative ramifications beyond anything we could ever imagine. No one thinks about that. I agree anonymous. I have hear of college graduates having horrible experiences finding jobs due to journals or blogs that have been public on the web during college years. Jody, you chose to go public. Think beyond the today and beyond 2001. God bless you; find private ways to remember Teagan

Sandra from WI said...

"Chip and I have talked and agree that likely we wouldn't have possibly one or two of the kids we have since Teagan's death"

OMG, let Bella or Eva read that some day.........

Jody said...

We consider ourselves lucky to have Bella and Ava. We never planned any of our children and see each of them as a blessing and gift from God. Some of you may be reading this out of context and I apologize if I need to be more clear. The fact is we have those girls in our lives for a good reason. We never intended to replace Teagan- nor could we ever do so in any way, shape or form. By surrendering our ways to God's, we have seen Him bless our lives more than we could have ever done ourselves. Even through Teagan's death we have been given life. And that is nothing to be ashamed of. Our girls as well as Brock know they are loved unconditionally.
My post was meant to imply that before Teagan died we worried about stuff that would have affected our decision to be open to more kids. We would have taken away the opportunity for them in our lives. Thanksfully, God had a different plan. And they are now very much a part of that. We look forward to the next addition too.
As always, thanks for your comments and insights. I hope I will be more clear in sharing my heart. Or that you will be more understanding. Keeping in my this is just a snippet of my life- not all of it. I will have nothing to hide from them when they grow up. I have nothing to hide from them now.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

M. Knox, MSW, LLP said...

Jody,

Thanks for your response. I have indeed lost an earth child and she remains within my heart with the beat of evey moment. I have no doubt whatsoever that your intentions are anything less than loving and hope-filled when it comes to remembering Teagan with your earthly children. That is very evident (as are your healthy parenting skills) in your writing and the way you express your love for them throughout. My concern had much more to do with the nonverbal messages and the fact that you have school age children who can read and access your blog. I think the most important factor is that you write with awareness and consciously, and the fact that you read and correspond with commenters assures that.

M. Knox

Kyra said...

Oh! My many opinions so I will offer my own. Two very dear friends of mine lost their children tragically. I grieve for them as well,but never to the depths that they do and will. Both mentioned to me that a therapist was not working and the griefs groups were not enough. Jody and others on the internet have been able to share what isn't in a book or found in a session. Thank you Jody, for your honesty and open heart it is needed. I actually found your blog thru scrapbooking - and have an added bonus. I rarely hear about Teagan and joyfully I am waiting for your next gift.

Anonymous said...

Can't believe what I just read on a previous comment as I was preparing to suggest my kids names:
Keegan Patrick, and Logan John. My Keegan is 22, and my Logan is 20 (sure to be among the first Keegan's, don't you think?). Congratulations Jody. Boys are so sweet! nancy

carriex3 said...

NI love you name choices, all so beautiful and unique..........
A name of great strength....Hmmmm...
I love how thoughtful your writing is, full of heartache and hope.
You are a blessing to all you share with, thank you:)
Carrie
Nj

Q's NEWS said...

You look so cute! And it seems like the pregnancy is just flying by! I love reading your blogs, and the picture of Teagan and Chip just took my breath away. It is a beautiful picture.

A few weeks back, I saw a couple on Oprah whose daughter had died in a drunk driving accident. I wish they could come and stay with you for a while. They have other children, but cannot enjoy a single minute because what has happened to them. There is no joy in their house or celebrations. It was heartbreaking to see. It is amazing how different a life with God can be. You are such an inspiration!

Love from WV,
Susan

Sara said...

I like Landon Carter :)

Loved the Agape way said...

Jody:
I'm so sorry that people are expressing themselves in this way to you; as it is clearly hurtful (though maybe not intentionally). To those who do not like what is written here, I would suggest that you not click on Jody's link. This is her place to express herself, and if you don't like it, you can chose to go visit a different blog.

My vote for names are Matthew James or Isaac Andrew

Anonymous said...

Dear Jody,

I came upon your blog from bring on the ran and am amazed by your ability to see the tragedy with teagen but also to look forward and have hope.

My fav boy name is Liam Connor or Liam Carter

Anonymous said...

How wonderful. A little brother for the big brother!! I am soo happy for you and your family!!!!!!

I am amazed at a couple of the comments. Its always a social worker, a young person not so savvy of having birthed and cared for children, or someone without children telling the rest of the parental world how messed up parents are and are spewing insensitive comments. A college degree DOES NOT make you parenting savvy.

Perhaps M. Knox and Anonymous and Suzanne, and Sandra....just perhaps you haven't followed Jody's blog long enough to see the love she has for her other children...to see that love is HUGE. How awful it must be to lose a child. I've seen several families of late lose their children to cancer and the devastation hangs on for a long time. And holidays and special times have a habit of making feelings resurface...shame on you for not recognizing that. Maybe you should find other blogs to read????

I am praying for you specific ladies!

Jody on a specific note to you...thank you for sharing. I agree w/mere...I hope to grow into at least half the woman you are!!!! and I'm older than you I think.... ;o)

God Bless!
(freely admitting being chicken to publish who I am)

Carol R. said...

To "freely admitting being chicken to publish who I am" -

You have completely missed the point of public blogs and open comments, and I do not think anyone who has commented has been offensive except for YOU toward M. Knox, Anonymous, Suzanne and Sandra. There is nothing wrong with stating a different opinion. You ought to try it sometime, you might even learn something. I sincerely hope you can grow into at least half the woman Jody is - and very soon! Jody can teach you how to express yourself without putting others down. Maybe then you will even be brave enough to comment without hiding.

Sincerely,
Carol R.

Sh'mika said...

Can I get an Amen to Carol? Amen Sister!!

Anonymous said...

Any child brought up in an open, loving family will not be struck down in shock from anything they may read on their parents' blog in later years. It is part of who they are, and how they live and love with their family.

I want my children to know and understand that it is ok to miss and to grieve and to long for a loved one. That life is precious, and that the missing of that life partly shapes who we end up being, and how we love others.

You are a wonderful example to all, Jody. I continue to marvel at you.

With love,

Jane

mel said...

Jodie, It's VERY evident in your writings that you love your children very much. I'm sorry some people have mis-understood you and what you were trying to get across. Of course you're going to talk about Teagan and remember her! There's nothing wrong with that. I believe that someday when your children read your blog, they will be inspired and love you all the more for what you have written and how you have kept Teagan's memory alive. Good for you and God bless you. Your blog has been a blessing in my life:) Thanks, Melissa

Anonymous said...

I am so excited you are having another child. Any child would be blessed to have you for a parent. My son's name is Carter Presley. He is almost 5 now but we love the name. (yep- Presley is after Elvis- My husband love Elvis so I caved on the middle name) Through reading your blog periodically I have learned how to forgive better, always go to Jesus when I need help and never to take one minute with my children and family for granted. Thank you for those gifts. Crystal M.

kristi said...

When I finally realized that something was going on with my son, other than his being a little shy....I was angry. I hadn't done anything wrong...why me, God?? But I guess God knows what he is doing. Because I am grateful everyday. His diagnosis of Autism has helped me to see what is important.

Anonymous said...

Gregor?

Kara said...

Wow. I am trying to take in all of the hurtful comments some of you have left. I am pretty sure Jody did NOT ask for help or advice on raising her children. But if some of you felt the need to share, it could have been done in a more compassionate way. Just my thought.

"mourn Teagan privately or with a therapist."

Why should she? It doesn't sound like she is sulking around all day. Her children deserve to know about their sister and the difference she made. She has made more of a difference to complete strangers in her short four years of life then many do in 40. If someone took one of your arms from you, would you not talk and think about that?(I am not at ALL saying that an arm is like a child.) It becomes apart of who you are. Jody is a mother going through life without a child. She has shared her life in such a way that I know God is being glorified!

Jody- I came across your site not too long ago. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed for you and your family. Know that you and your life story has changed so many lives. Mine included. You have portrayed to me a life that should be full even when it doesn't go the way one had desired or planned. Thank you for that gift. God bless you in all you do! Kara

Sharon said...

It seems to me the concerns expressed regarding the consequences of blogging are legitimate and important. Especially for us who have blogs that share about our little ones who will one day be able to read what we share. It is not about Jody and her needs or parenting abilities. Nor is it about those of us who thoroughly enjoy her stories or whether we agree or disagree with the concerns expressed. I so wish we could read and comment with one another with open minds and selfless egos. May God bless and guide us all as we are indeed in great need.

The Nichols Family said...

Jody,
I love your blog! You are so real and honest about your family and your life experiences. I love reading your blog so much b/c you always go back to God and how awsome he is, and what fabulous things he has done for your family. I too am sorry that some people find it necessary to give an opinion about your story. Please don't stop blogging. Your post always bring me back to the real world and help me to remember to no take for granted all the great times with my children and to appreciate everything they do. I only wish to have the realtionship with Christ that you do. Thanks you for the encouragement everyday!!
Much love from Nashville!

What about a "little Chip". A Jr. We named our 2nd child, but 1st boy after my husband....and he is so proud to have "his boy".

Anonymous said...

Hmm, how about:

Declan, Christian, Braiden, Grayson, Tanner, Liam, Holden, Owen, Hayden, Colton, Jack, Harrison, Logan, Eli/Elias/Elijah, Nico, Blake, Caleb, Cameron, Cayden, Lucas/Luke, Brennan, Julian, Alexander, Micah, Noah, Cale, Sawyer, Gage, Grant, Graham, Conner, Colby, Reece, Myles, Milo, Wyatt, Tristan, Jayden, Dominic, Drake, Ethan, Seth, Parker, Carter, Ryder, Cody, Gavin, Nolan, Hunter, Trent, James, Ryan, Cole??

Misty said...

I love how you post your thoughts and show your strong faith. Thanks for sharing. I'm so sad you weren't at SISiversary - I would have LOVED to meet you!
Oh - baby names - I have two boys and I REALLY wanted my 2nd to be named Nathaniel and call him Nate. I love Nate. But hubbs wanted to name him after himself so I couldn't deny him that - Matthew Wyatt (I did get to pick the middle name) My oldest is Andrew Reece. Let us know what you decide on!
MistyD

Misty said...

Jody, I just read all the comments and you are SO gracious. I just LUB you! ;-) I also admire you for putting so much of yourself out there for others to see. I'm having a hard time doing that for several reasons right now. But you are so inspirational in what you've said on your post and how you've handled comments. I know you won't stop blogging - there are too many people who truely appreciate it.
MistyD

Susan said...

I really enjoy reading your blog...you are truly blessed with a wonderful family. That baby outfit is adorable! I have a DD12 so I never got to buy boy clothes but man that's cute!

I've been reading your blog for about a year now and I can say that when(and if) your kids see this years from now, that they would see a realistic woman who loves her children and God. Someone who is human and struggles in this world like all of us. I've NEVEr had the impression that you ever loved any one child more than the others.

You just can't please them all....if you don't write about Teagan then people fuss that you act like you forgot her...if you do write, well then, it's too much or too often.....geez! Last time I checked, this was your blog and I say do what you want. I have always found your writing to be from the heart and that is wonderful.

Oh and the quote is "litte PICTURES have big ears...not pitchers! too funny!

Anonymous said...

Here are a few suggestions!

Lawson, Nathan, Johnnie

heidi said...

I absolutely love your blog Jody! I love that you are so open and I believe your children will see how much they are loved whether they read this blog or not...I've never doubted that you have loved anyone of them more or less than the other. Please don't stop writing. Isn't it amazing how having the Lord in your life can make all the difference. You are richly blessed. And one day the Lord will speak to you on a name and you will know. The name will just fit. ; )heidi

{I found myself loving every minute of being a mom and I even thanked God {in my prayers and in my journal} for giving me the opportunity to be the one to watch them grow.}
&
{God has opened our hearts to His ways and plans and that has resulted in us being open and even exicted about more kids- where prior to July 2001, the idea of more kids caused worry and stress and we looked at our finances and abilities and it made the possibility much more slim.}

Anonymous said...

No, Susan, YOU are the "funny" one. It IS INDEED PITCHERS. Do a little reseaqrch before you accuse someone of being wrong:

http://www.answers.com/topic/little-pitchers-have-big-ears

ka said...

Jody

I love you

People who feel the need to voice such negative opinions just like to hear themselves talk

SingerMamaMelody said...

Dear Jody,

I'm so excited for you to have another baby boy! I love the little outfit that you posted. So adorable. I'll have to check out that site for my upcoming little boy! Your letter from Teagan to her daddy on Fathers Day made me tear up...very precious.

May God give you strength and peace.
Love,
Melody

Dani said...

Hey,
My name is Dani and I came across your blog from Angie Smith's and have really enjoyed reading your last few posts. I just wanted to let you know that I will be keeping up with it. Thanks for being so honest.
Praying for you, Dani

Oh and didn't you make this blog specifically to remember Teagan and share her story with those that want to read? Just wondering. :) And my name picks are: Cole, Clayton, and Landon

Anonymous said...

A someone who lost a child 16 yrs. ago and been through the grief process, I think it's normal to express your thoughts about Teagan the way you are. As time passes, you have milestones where you realize you are letting go of your earthly memories a little more. When I reached the 10 yr mark, the 15 yr. mark, it was a big milestone. There were things that I did to bring more closure. One thing that has been difficult though is that my remaining son has NEVER wanted to talk about his brother. That is the way he deals with it, having been sitting right next to him in the car when the accident happened. And I was getting divorced at the time of the accident, so I never talked to my ex. about it either. There were alot of people, including my family who were my shoulder and ears. I'm sure they did get a little tired of listening. But they understood. I don't talk about Paul very much anymore. I have some of his belongings in a trunk that I open several times a year and finger lovingly. But he will always "be there" in my heart. When I think of him now, I can't really even picture what he'd look like. I was even able to move away from the town where he's buried and never thought I'd be able to do that. But I am content. I greived long and well for him for the child that I loved. I'll never regret that. It sounds like you are being wise Jody, in understanding that your kids have different personalities. I don't think they will be that interested in reading your blogs at a later date, their and your lives sound full and moving along normally. Take as long as you want Jody, to talk and think, remember and write about Teagan. -Jan

deb8able said...

Geezy Peezy there are some critical people who feel the need to comment. I can't imagine giving someone advice without knowing them personally since each situation is different. I also can't imagine anyone could believe your children think they are less important than Teagan since it is obvious how much you love all your kids. I know you will never forget and hope you continue to bless us with stories of your beautiful little angel. I imagine your children will one day look back at this blog and realize how wonderful their Mother is and that you shared your deepest feelings in the most tragic thing that could happen to a parent.

I love the name Cooper - also like Aiden, Kyle, Ian and Aaron.

Anonymous said...

Jody,
Love your Blog!
My name pick is Jackson - I don't have any boys all girls but I love that name! - dawn

The Kahler Family said...

Jody,
I admire your heart and your open-ness. Thank you for sharing so openly with us!

I like the name Hudson. You seem to do ok in the naming department... I love all of your kids names!

Jill said...

Wow. So many opinions for such a PERSONAL decision to keep a precious child's memory alive. Until you've walked in Jody's shoes, please keep your critical judgment to yourself. This is, afterall, Jody's site. If it bothers you, move along. Yes, it is a public site, but no one knows HER children and their needs better than she does. I think she is doing a damn fine job raising all of her kids. It's pretty evident in the pictures and journal entries. If anything, she is teaching her children that her love for them is never-ending regardless if they are here on earth or in heaven. Please think twice before you try to pass judgment. You're not the authority on anyone else's life but your own.

Pretty Brown Girl said...

Wow! And I thought this post was about baby clothes...how adorable!
I do believe that the first time I read your blog it was regarding Teagan, but NEVER did I think that you loved your other children any less. You live with the consequences of someone else actions everyday. When little Wyndham was experiencing the seizures, the consequences of that tragic day were brought to the forefront once again. I talk about my father and his death all the time. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate, love, and honor my mother...in fact it means that I cling to her even more. But there are things that I'll never get to experience with him because of someone else's actions.
I pray that I am half of the mother you are...your children and husband are blessed to have you in their lives.
Who cares if the whole world read this blog...in fact, that would be great! You have brought healing to so many lives.

Melinda said...

Your love for ALL of your children is very obvious. Your honesty in sharing your grief with them, your joys and triumphs and the hope you have of seeing Teagan again is not harmful to them. We cannot shield our children from tragedy.

Addressing the specific "we possibly wouldn't have one or two of the kids we have now...." My mother told me that she cried the day she found out she was pregnant with me. Not tears of joy at the time. My brother had just started kindergarten and she thought she was moving on to a new stage of life. Money was tight and she didn't think this was a blessing in that moment. She quickly follows this by saying... "But you have been such a gift to us. We cannot imagine our lives without you." And I am not hurt by that. Have never been hurt by that.

I thank God that He placed me in the family of his choosing. My parents made that clear to all of us, including one child who was adopted into our family. It's okay for children to know that life events can change our plans, change us fundamentally. You are obviously grateful for the silver lining that God made you open to new things in life. How can that be harmful to your children?

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Chip and Dani Brown said...

I think I told you this earlier on....but we definitely decided that our little boy is going to be Ryken Chip : ) My dad doesn't really like the fact that we're handing down the "nickname" Chip from my husband instead of his legal name....but we have now been married for 3 full years, and I have never once called my husband Paul when I am talking to him. So Chip it is : )

I also like Ryker, Karston, Asher, Caedmon, Taylor, Brennen, and Casey.

Can't wait to hear what you guys end up deciding on!

Krysty said...

Hey there Jodi,
Doing a little catching up on your posts. You've done a great job handling criticism publicly and this verse sums up how you've been responding...
1 Peter 3:15...always be prepared to give an answer to everyone that asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

I love the way you've kept the flame of Teagan's life burning. Your blog/writings are awesome, and I'd hope that in the blogging world, everyone understands that there is so much more to your life and your relationship with your children than what we read here. I'm convinced that you're a fantabulous mother/wife and you're not wasting one minute with the children God has given you to care for. I pray all these thoughts/posts about Teagen will open doors for rich communication with your children as they grow!
Keep blogging and blessing!
Krysty