Sometimes I don't know if I should laugh or cry...

To most of you reading here, these pictures just look like two sisters having fun outside in the grass. And you're right; Bella and Wyndham were rolling down the front lawn when Chip did the weeding and planting and it was just a mellow family night outside for a couple of hours.
What you can't see {and why I post this and make a 'big deal' out of these pictures} is that it really is such a huge thing for Wyndham to be in any of these photos...much less smiling and having fun. But our families know. And some of our close friends and her therapists know.
That this really is a big deal.
Wyndham's brain injury has affected her in so many ways, and honestly, since we have lived and 'grown along' with her special needs for almost 7 years now, they sometimes just seem 'normal' to us. It's not something I point out to people all that often- even though there are still so many issues with her. We have tried to make them a part of our lives and we try to treat her as 'normal' as the other kids and truly it is one of my favorite 'compliments' in life when we can go places and people don't even know she has issues at all.
It has come at a cost though.
Since August of 2001 she has had in-home or outpatient therapy/rehab from 2-4 times per week...from 1 to 3 hour sessions. I don't even know how to begin to add up how many hours that equals. I just know it is a lot.
She has had to try harder to do things that most kids do without even 'thinking'. She has had to overcome fears that don't even cross other kids' minds- like sitting on a swing, or stepping up to an 'automatic door', or even touching grass.
These 'fears' are real to her and there are medical terms for her sensory issues and needs, but I won't go into all of them here. I just had to post these pictures and {especially let our family and friends know} that God continues to be so good to Wyndham and it is in these little "big" moments that I am reminded of His ongoing love and care for us and truly I don't know whether to laugh or cry at times such as this.
I was watching Bella roll down the hill and she was laughing and having so much fun. I had taken a few pictures of Chip and had my camera outside and of course, I had to take some of Bell too. Wyndham had been watching Chip and was just sitting on blanket with a pair of big garden gloves on. She was content to watch and felt a part of the process simply because she had the gloves on her hands.
But then I saw her watching Bella too and she moved off of the blanket and sat in the grass. Now this in and of itself is a big deal. All last summer she wouldn't even put her bare feet in the grass. She wouldn't walk off of the driveway onto the grass- even to go to the swingset, by herself. She has an aversion to the texture and the uneveness of the grass/hill made her nervous too.
I watched her eyeing Bella and then at one point Bella came over to her and said, "Wyndham, you can roll too. It's fun!". And with that, Wyndham laid down in the grass and allowed Bella to help roll her down the front lawn. She seemed to love it as much as Bella! She rolled a few more times and then when she sat for a break, I asked to take her picture and she smiled and signed "grass" for me too.
I know it seems like such a small thing when there is so much pain and natural disaster and tough stuff going on in the world, but for me, at that moment, it was just a wonderful {loud!} yet tender reminder that God is in ALL things. The little stuff and the big stuff. I had to hold back tears, and even typing this gives me that familiar lump in my throat that has come so many times through the years as I have truly seen and felt God at work in our lives.
Sometimes I think we forget He is there- especially in the little stuff- because He just seems like He would be too 'busy' for us in the small things. Yet I am writing this, knowing in my heart that He is real and He cares and He loves and He heals and brings blessing and Joy when we allow Him into our lives fully. The big and the little.
I am sorry for the struggles that Wyndham has had and will continue to have in her life. But at the same time, I consider them some of my biggest blessings and I know that God will never let us down. Through it all. In those moments, I just breathe...because I don't know whether to laugh or cry.