This is the stuff that keeps me going...

It's no secret around here that there is difficult stuff in the lives of the Ferlaaks somedays. It seems to sort of come in waves and so far most of 2008 has been a big wave. Not the fun surfing kind either.

I had some moments yesterday where I had almost 'had it' with life. It just feels like an uphill battle that never has an end in sight- no matter how hard I squint at times. So, yesterday started out with me having to shovel snow for about 20 minutes just to get the garbage out to the end of the driveway. I've been feeling queasy til about 10:30 most mornings, so that added to the thrill of me shoveling in the cold and started out my day.

However, it was the start of winter break, so there was no school {Friday or Monday- yay!} and I was looking forward to the day off and some relaxation around the house- just hanging out with the kids. Chip and I made plans for dinner- a family outing to a Japanese steakhouse- an early celebration for Brock's birthday which is on the 18th. The kids played well all day. I kicked back and just tried to enjoy having nothing on the schedule- other than a couple of baths for the kids and laundry and the usual tidying that begs to be done each day.

Things were going really well. Until I had all four kids and myself loaded in the van to go meet Chip for dinner...and the battery was dead. I guess it's funny now- that something like a car not starting is where I finally begin to fall apart- but that's what happened.

I called Chip. I was frustrated, mad, angry, and ready for a pity-party all at once. You know the kind. Where suddenly every little thing that has gone wrong in your world in the past month gets dragged back up so that you feel 'empowered' or 'right' to be feeling sorry for yourself. That kind of pity-party. I was in the middle of it when Chip said, "I'll just come home then. It's no big deal."

Okay. That is not what I wanted to hear at that moment. I had four kids in the van ready to go eat dinner. I was not in the mood to drag them all back inside and start looking through the cupboards for something to make for dinner!

I was still feeling sorry for all of us when Chip came home and got the battery charged and had changed our dinner reservations and basically without doning a cape- had saved the day in a matter of 30 minutes. My hero! =)

I don't know if in that 30 minutes some of you decided to start praying for our family in new ways, or if the cries and frustrations of my heart were heard, or if it really was just a simple problem and I had just blown it all out of proportion. (And no...I really don't believe it was the last one.) Whatever it was, I was so glad it was over and that we ended up having a really great dinner out as a family when it was all said and done.

The pictures posted here today have all been taken in the past two days. There have been lots of smiles and love and laughter and silly faces and pretty flowers and hugs and kisses and good food too. I have to remind myself that the good does outweigh the bad. Even when the 'bad' seems to be overwhelming and frequent.

It's the beauty and love and goodness that keeps me going. I thank God that He gives it to us in abundance in our lives, and at times just when we need it most.

Wyndham woke up in the middle of the night and spent several hours coughing and not getting the rest she needs, and so I was in prayer, asking God to give her healing and to not let her take more steps back in her recovery. This morning she slept until 11:00- making up for some of the sleep she needed. I am praying and ask those of you who would like to join me, to ask God for her to be in good health so that she can still have her MRI on Tuesday morning. That's our next big concern right now. In the meantime, I am trying to thank God for even the struggles that come our way, as they force me to be totally dependant on Him. The waves do seem high at times. But each one is another reminder that I can try to swim on my own, or I can look to God to bring me through. I am thanking Him again today, not for the crashing waves...but that He is constantly seeing us through and making sure we never sink to the bottom. I sometimes wish, instead of all these 'swimming lessons', that God would just give me a big yacht. Maybe someday my ship will come. =)