She's extra special...

This is Wyndham on her first day of preschool- about 2 1/2 years ago. These pictures brought tears to my eyes then, and they still do now. Because I know what she has been through. I know how hard her life has been. I know that the stuff that comes easily for so many is a constant battle/challenge for her.
Yet she doesn't seem to hardly notice. Sure, she knows there are things she can't do that other kids can- like talking and riding bikes. But she doesn't seem to let that stuff get her down.
Today she was up at 5:30am to head out for her MRI. All our local schools were closed due to snow conditions, yet Chip trekked out with Wyndham and made it to her appointment on time. It's not the inconvenience. Or the fact that she was poked for IV's or that she had to spend a couple of hours in a recovery room after the sedation. To me it's the fact that this kind of stuff is a part of her life and there is nothing we can do to change that.
It's just hard sometimes to accept that life has dealt her a tough hand. It's tough to be the Mom and want to just wave a wand and make it all better. Or just kiss her enough times and have her back to her old self. But the fact is, she has extra special needs and a lot of that isn't very fun to have to live through.
Still. Like I said already, she just doesn't seem to let it knock her down and out. Granted, she hasn't bounced back as quickly this past month as we would like her too, but she just keeps hanging in there and even this morning had a big smile on her face as she and Chip headed out into the blowing snow.
I closed the door behind them and held back some tears. Maybe some of it was the fact that I was tired myself. And pregnant and queasy and hormonal. But the other fact is that everytime she goes through something 'difficult', it makes me want to be better somehow. I just want to step it up somehow and offer her the world- just to try and make up for all the 'wrongs' that she has to endure. And that hurts.
These are my tough moments in life. When I want to give more than I am capable of giving. I fall short. So this morning, I crawled back into bed and opened one of the devotional books I am reading and I just asked God to give me some peace and comfort- that even though this wasn't a major medical crisis, I just felt I needed assurance that this sort of stuff serves a greater purpose in Wyndham's life. I read lots of pages. I read lots of Bible verses. I did lots of praying. I spent time just being quiet and listening. What I felt after an hour or so was that God is real. His promises are true. His ways are higher. His thoughts are not my own. He loves Wyndham more than I can ever dream or imagine and He cares about every detail of her life. I just felt such a calm and assurance and then I had a thought.
I wondered if maybe God gives Wyndham some extra special graces. I wondered if maybe when she closes her eyes and dreams at night that maybe it is very real to her. I wondered if she dances and sings and does all the things that little children do with such abandon when their spirits are so young and free! I started to smile just thinking about it. That maybe, when she goes through stuff that normally causes great pain in the rest of us, God gives her a sort of 'supernatural hug' and in that she actually feels a warmth in her heart and soul. I don't know...those were just my thoughts when I felt helpless and wanted an 'answer'.
I'm not saying she is a spirit or ghost or anything crazy like that. But the fact is that I know she has been through so much and she still has this spirit in her that seems unbreakable. I know I felt such a peace and her MRI went well and she spent the rest of the day resting and her smiles that showed up at different times the rest of today just about melted me all over again.
I love ALL my kids more than anyone can know. But to me, I just have to wonder if maybe Wyndham has been given a special gift. The gift of endurance. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, because it means you're in for a lifetime of hardship. But as I see it grow and touch my heart and others around her, I can't help but love it in some crazy, special way.

Thanks to many of you who have been praying for Wyndham and her health concerns this past month. We are trusting God to restore her to full health and get her back to her usual routine. I know she misses having the energy and strength she used to. But I also know she is going to give it her all to get it back...and even more than that. She is fighting to do things she's never done before. I just know that God will bless her and her spirit of endurance. I am happy to share her accomplishments- no matter how big or small they are. She's that special.