Tuesday, February 19, 2008

She's extra special...


This is Wyndham on her first day of preschool- about 2 1/2 years ago. These pictures brought tears to my eyes then, and they still do now. Because I know what she has been through. I know how hard her life has been. I know that the stuff that comes easily for so many is a constant battle/challenge for her.
Yet she doesn't seem to hardly notice. Sure, she knows there are things she can't do that other kids can- like talking and riding bikes. But she doesn't seem to let that stuff get her down.
Today she was up at 5:30am to head out for her MRI. All our local schools were closed due to snow conditions, yet Chip trekked out with Wyndham and made it to her appointment on time. It's not the inconvenience. Or the fact that she was poked for IV's or that she had to spend a couple of hours in a recovery room after the sedation. To me it's the fact that this kind of stuff is a part of her life and there is nothing we can do to change that.
It's just hard sometimes to accept that life has dealt her a tough hand. It's tough to be the Mom and want to just wave a wand and make it all better. Or just kiss her enough times and have her back to her old self. But the fact is, she has extra special needs and a lot of that isn't very fun to have to live through.
Still. Like I said already, she just doesn't seem to let it knock her down and out. Granted, she hasn't bounced back as quickly this past month as we would like her too, but she just keeps hanging in there and even this morning had a big smile on her face as she and Chip headed out into the blowing snow.
I closed the door behind them and held back some tears. Maybe some of it was the fact that I was tired myself. And pregnant and queasy and hormonal. But the other fact is that everytime she goes through something 'difficult', it makes me want to be better somehow. I just want to step it up somehow and offer her the world- just to try and make up for all the 'wrongs' that she has to endure. And that hurts.
These are my tough moments in life. When I want to give more than I am capable of giving. I fall short. So this morning, I crawled back into bed and opened one of the devotional books I am reading and I just asked God to give me some peace and comfort- that even though this wasn't a major medical crisis, I just felt I needed assurance that this sort of stuff serves a greater purpose in Wyndham's life. I read lots of pages. I read lots of Bible verses. I did lots of praying. I spent time just being quiet and listening. What I felt after an hour or so was that God is real. His promises are true. His ways are higher. His thoughts are not my own. He loves Wyndham more than I can ever dream or imagine and He cares about every detail of her life. I just felt such a calm and assurance and then I had a thought.
I wondered if maybe God gives Wyndham some extra special graces. I wondered if maybe when she closes her eyes and dreams at night that maybe it is very real to her. I wondered if she dances and sings and does all the things that little children do with such abandon when their spirits are so young and free! I started to smile just thinking about it. That maybe, when she goes through stuff that normally causes great pain in the rest of us, God gives her a sort of 'supernatural hug' and in that she actually feels a warmth in her heart and soul. I don't know...those were just my thoughts when I felt helpless and wanted an 'answer'.
I'm not saying she is a spirit or ghost or anything crazy like that. But the fact is that I know she has been through so much and she still has this spirit in her that seems unbreakable. I know I felt such a peace and her MRI went well and she spent the rest of the day resting and her smiles that showed up at different times the rest of today just about melted me all over again.
I love ALL my kids more than anyone can know. But to me, I just have to wonder if maybe Wyndham has been given a special gift. The gift of endurance. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, because it means you're in for a lifetime of hardship. But as I see it grow and touch my heart and others around her, I can't help but love it in some crazy, special way.

Thanks to many of you who have been praying for Wyndham and her health concerns this past month. We are trusting God to restore her to full health and get her back to her usual routine. I know she misses having the energy and strength she used to. But I also know she is going to give it her all to get it back...and even more than that. She is fighting to do things she's never done before. I just know that God will bless her and her spirit of endurance. I am happy to share her accomplishments- no matter how big or small they are. She's that special.

26 comments:

Tiffany said...

Your beautiful little angel. What a special girl you have there. How blessed are you that God shows you little miracles everyday in the life of Wyndham (I am so sorry if I spelled her name wrong). Lately I have come across a few blogs where children have special needs...and yet it is those very children who are teaching me who God really is and how powerful and Good He is to those who love Him. Thanks for sharing. I will be praying tonight for you and your little one.

lisalyn said...

This thought... "He loves Wyndham more than I can ever dream or imagine and He cares about every detail of her life." ...is what our God is about. Love that! It IS peace to know that He cares about it all!
Blessings,
Lisa

Lori said...

Jody, you never cease to amaze me!! Your strength and faith are amazing!! So glad that Wyndham's MRI went well!! Much LUB and prayers!!

mom2girls said...

Jody, you are such a great mom. and I know you don't post this stuff to be thought of in that way. I just wanted to tell you that.

inara said...

He really does love her, in fact He fashioned her just as she is ON PURPOSE and she is a miracle, and perfectly beautiful, in His eyes...

Anonymous said...

You are so right...Wyndham is special. You can see it with that sparkle in her beautiful eyes. Although I will probably never get to know her personally it is an honor to get to know her through your words. Thanks for sharing a little peak into the life of such an amazing little girl .

Juli

Lynne said...

Thank you for sharing your life and struggles with us. It helps build my faith. I am praying for you and for Wyndham.

The Dukes Family said...

Your blog is such an inspiration to me. I cried when I first read your story, and now, watching you live out life is truly inspiring. Your love for your children is so evident, and your faith in God is powerful. Thank you for taking time to blog your thoughts and allow a stranger to read it - you touch my life.

Janna said...

Wyndham is absolutely precious! :) I am inspired by her strength and determination. I know it has to break your heart to see her deal with these struggles on a daily basis... but I'm sure that God cradles her in His loving arms every moment of every day. She is most definitely extra special! What a beautiful blessing she is!

scrapnic72 said...

The thoughts that you had in bed reading your devotional and God's precious words are surely sent directly from Him....that His ways are not our ways...that how we try to understand ourselves our Wyndham's challenges or whatever we are facing....our reasonings are so limited and shallow compared to how HE sees them. I'm sure that that little girl of yours has depth and insight beyond what most people do, in her own special close-to-God way. This was a beautiful post today, Jody.

Blessings,
Nicole

Jen Higgins said...

Have you ever read the book Jonathan's Journey? I can't think of the author, but it's about how Jesus comes to visit and child with severe handicaps, and the "special graces" Jesus gives him. It's a beautiful book and gives us a picture of just how much the "least of these" mean to the God of the universe.

Coco said...

Wow.

Thank you Jody for sharing the journey...

and THANK YOU Wyndham for touching me, right where I need it today, with your tough sweet spirit.

Amy said...

I am lifting up your entire family. Especially you and sweet Wyndham.

Lisa D:) said...

I fully agree with Juli, above. I am honored to know Wyndham through your blog, if not in real life. She teaches us all the beauty of God. You can see it shine in her from every photo you've posted Jodi. How lucky we all are that you share your precious angel with us.

Diane said...

What a precious post! She is always in my prayers. Blessings to all of you.


Diane

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there, God is watching over you and your family! Kayla

Angie said...

God has truely worked in you to be able to see into Wyndham's dreams! you are probably absolutely right about her running free in her sweet dreams at night! what a peaceful thought for you as a mom!

on another note: i've been slacking' as a lurker and i missed the "contest", but i have a few names for you......
boy: Greyson, Rawley, Slater, Hudson,
girl: Daryn, Natalie Claire, Cambell, Camas, Janessa,
just a few to throw out there!

see ya at Bridge!!
Angie

Michele Stevenson said...

HI Jodi--I've never commented before but had to today (we are home on a snowday too). Scrapbooking brought me to your blog, but I have to say that you are doing such wonderful witnessing here --"God is Good!" Your positive, uplifting attitude is absolutely amazing! Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us.

PamDavis said...

I, like the last blogger, was brought to your blog because of scrapbooking, but I come back daily for so many more reasons than that. You and your family have touched my heart and I feel so much love in my heart for all of you. You have also made me look so much harder at my relationship with the Lord and I can honestly say that in the last month that I have been reading about you and your unwaivering faith my faith has grown and it feels good.

Hope all went well with Wyndhams latest round of tests.

*Jilly* said...

I am praying for you and your family. I just read about the tragedy yesterday..and you all were on my mind for the rest of the day. You are an amazing woman..you have an amazing family:) I want to learn from you all..and I hope others do as well. I have such great respect for you and your family because of your strength in God..becuase of you..I want to be a better mom to my children. Thank you for sharing your story..yes..God is in control.

paige said...

that's what i love about you jody, you are real, just like that loved on velveteen rabbit...some days are diamonds & some days are just real life.
what a beautiful entry.!!
xo

Anonymous said...

jod- i love you.
you make the world a better place.
and your children are seriously blessed to have you as their mom:)kdss

Debbie said...

Jody,
I really don't know what to say. I haven't been reading your blog as often as I usually do. I'm sorry to hear that you're family is going through a rough spot. But every time I do read your blog, I feel refreshed. Having a disability, I know how difficult it can be. I do believe that God gives us a measure of faith to deal with our life's circumstances

Anonymous said...

You know what Jodi? How could Wyndham have any less spirit or endurance than she has. Look at you. You are a marvel. So is she.

Love,

Jane

Annie said...

I don't know how to explain, but this is exactly what I needed to read today. My son's brain is severely malformed (approx. 80% is malformed and he's missing almost half of the left side of his brain from a surgery to stop seizures.) I know Wyndham's problems are from an injury whereas my son's are a genetic disorder, but I still greatly identify with this post. Thank you for sharing. God is and will continue to use our children's lives for his purpose. Somehow it helps me to know there are other parents out there who are feeling the same things I am feeling.

Annie ~ lovejoelr.blogspot.com

Jared & Becky said...

This post is so powerful. I think you are so wise to picture God in this way. He is so much bigger than our finite minds allow him to be. I thought that this story may encourage you. You may have heard it before but it reminds me that when we are powerless to shield our children from this world God has it under control. http://www.new-life.net/favrt039.htm