Friday, December 21, 2007

"You're the love of my Heart"

Teagan had this little game where she would say, "Guess what?" and we would ask, "what?". Then she would ask again, "Guess what?" and again, we would say "what?". After two or three times she would answer, "You're the love of my heart". It was sometimes silly; sometimes very tender {especially at bedtime}. It was definitely my favorite guessing game to play with her and always ended in hugs and kisses.
One of the things that Chip and I would do to one another after Teagan died was send each other emails with the words, 'Angel Mail' listed in the subject line, or we would leave cards or notes to each other from Teagan- for special occasions or sometimes for no reason at all. Other than we missed her so much and it was a special way of making her 'seem closer to us' than she was.
Yesterday, for my birthday, after I had opened cards and gifts from Chip and my kids, Chip handed me a couple of gifts wrapped in hot pink Hello Kitty paper. I knew. That same knot that gets stuck in my throat at times when I suddenly remember, came back. I looked at the card and it had a little "stick angel" in place of the return address and it just made me smile. Bella said, "who is that from?" and I just showed her the card. I said, "There's a little angel on it...who's our special angel?" which she asked, "Teagan?". I think she really believed the gifts and cards came from Teagan. It's much like how she still believes in Santa.
"Teagan" gave me the cd soundtrack and book, "P.S. I Love You.". Tonight Chip and I will go out to the movie.
I don't know how or why I was blessed with such an amazing little girl in my life. She asked me more than once, "How many days old am I?". I told her, "Teagan, you're a lot of days and you have a lot of days left. I don't know how many exactly, but God numbers all our days perfectly." I had no idea she only had a couple of 'perfect days' left. My heart still aches that she lived only 1595 days {if I did the math correctly}, but I have to trust and believe that God knows and it works perfectly into the Plan He designed before the beginning of time.
My heart knows that she was a gift. I still love getting 'angel mail' and remembering that she was and always will be the love of my heart.


Dana said...

Wow, Jody! I love reading your blog and love your posts about Teagan. This one made me cry. You are right that she was a gift. You have a beautiful family and a beautiful Angel in Heaven looking over you. Merry Christmas and Happy Late Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Oh, what a tear-jerker post today !
I can not even talk or barely type right now.
That story is so precious. I LOVE how you & Chip have your secret messages and ways of communicating when it comes to Teagan.
It also shows how sensitive of a husband Chip is to you.
You are blessed, Jody.
Happy Birthday to you and Merry Christmas to you & your family.
Jackie Carl
Marion, IN

downhomediva said...

As always, my heart aches for you and Chip. I don't know you, but I've read your blog for about a year, and your memories of Teagan and rememberances of her are the most touching thing I've ever read on the internet.

I know that you and your whole family will have a wonderful Christmas-full of fun, love, hugs, and memories of Teagan.

In honor of you, I'm making homemade buttercream frosting for the first time! I promise to eat a cupcake for you!


Cyndi Hoehn said...

What a wonderful husband you have! Glad to hear that your birthday was special.

Marie said...

This made me cry. My heart hurts for you when I read your stuff. I know thats not something u want and I do believe that god has a reason for everything that happens. But being a mom I cant help but cry and feel sad. I am sending you one great big hug for your birthday and a great big hug just because. I think that is soo sweet how you two choose to

Marie said...

remember your special angel..(cut me off for some reason!)

Have a wonderful christmas!!!!

All moments remembered said...

Teagan was a very blessed little girl to have a mommy and daddy like the two of you!! How special you keep her so close still. I cried reading your post but felt this overwhelming smile come over me as I thought of how special Teagan must still feel knowing you two do this in honor of her.
Have a very merry christmas with your family!! Thanks for sharing parts of your heart with us.

Lisa said...

what a wonderful birthday!!! you always manage to bring tears to my eyes!! and the knot in your throat - i get it too just reading about your angel!!

HeiressChild said...

hi Jody, i followed your link from Tom's blog (POI). you have such a beautiful way with words, and i believe that's because you write from the depths of your heart. there's a lot of wisdom in your words. may God continue to bless you and your family with all His divine grace, love, and other blessings all the days of your lives.

i want to wish you and your family a safe and blessed holiday season. HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Carrie said...

Ah, so precious. Love ya, Jody.

Alex said...

What a sweet post Jody, you and your husband and entire family seem to do a fantastic job of keeping Teagans memory alive! That movie was a tear jerker, I saw it yesterday, let us know what you thought of it! Hope you had a very merry christmas!!!