That nose...

I had no intention of blogging today until moments ago. Now I cannot not blog, lest I forget. This is 'my baby', Ava. She is 3 and a half years old, but she is the youngest of my children, so she is my baby. Her birthday falls just 4 days before Teagan's birthday and so I find myself more and more 'comparing her' and recalling memories of Teagan the closer Ava gets to turning 4. Like this week, I was remembering what I did with Teagan on her last Thanksgiving and how grown up she seemed to me at that time. I find it strange that Ava {and Bella} have never known their older sister, and yet they sometimes tell stories 'about her' as if she were still around on earth today. It is a strange thing at times, and yet I consider it a blessing- there mere fact that we had Teagan in our lives was a blessing. The fact that she 'still is a part of our lives' is a gift.

The point of this post is for me- for remembering. Many of you are mom's yourselves and so you will probably relate to this or at least understand a bit if you're a parent. I went to tuck Ava in a bit more cozy as she was tossing and turning and whimpering in her sleep. I got up from the computer and as I tucked her in and patted her back to sleep I was overcome with how much love I have for her and how much more beautiful she seemed to me as she lay sleeping. Her nose and lips just seemed so perfect to me and well, truly there is nothing more sweet than a sleeping baby. Especially when it is your own.

I recalled the number of times I lay next to Teagan and how I loved to tuck her hair back from her face and I remember how many times I struggled to get her to sleep as a new baby...thinking I would die of exhaustion...but as soon as she was asleep I would want to hold her longer and just stare at her because I was mesmerized at her beauty and the fact that she was mine. I couldn't even grasp it at times how I got so lucky to have such a perfect baby girl.

I have felt the same for all of my kids- I have marveled at their features and thanked God for sending them into my life. I have wondered what I have done in life to deserve such gifts, and recognized that I will fall short and fail them all at times...they deserve perfection and yet God has chosen to send them to Chip and me. It's humbling.

Tonight as I stared at Ava sleeping awhile longer and listened to the rhythms of her breath, it made me stop and wonder all over again. I deserve nothing good in life, and yet I have thought about a long list of gifts in my life that I have to be thankful for this week. I have a life that is abundant and full. I don't stop often enough to take it all in.

I am making this post a reminder to myself to stop and take it all in. Every little feature. Every little breath. Life comes with no guarantees. I am thankful for so much, for memories that remind me of all that I have had, of all that surrounds me this moment. And I hope I will slow down and take it all in as it comes. Life is precious and priceless. And sometimes I forget to take such notice.