Tuesday, May 29, 2007

More stories and memories.


That is a family picture taken 3 years ago at the golf tournament we held in Teagan's memory. We had hoped to pull together another golf event this year, but it's not gonna happen afterall. There are only so many events in life that one can pour themselves into, and this year Teagan's tournament was put on hold.
But as I thought about her life and the memories I have of her, and the pictures and the things that remind us of her, I really can't help but be happy for so many reasons. Teagan really was the love of my heart, the light of our lives, and she spread joy and happiness wherever she went. I don't think I'm just saying that, but I truly believe if I were to post testimonials here from the people who knew her, they would have really fun stories to share, and fond memories to recall.
For me the changing seasons are always vivid reminders of how much I have loved and lost. Just a couple of weeks ago I planted flowers with my kids. Teagan LOVED to garden and she followed our neighbor lady, Fran, around her yard and loved to talk, watch and help. =) One day she struck up conversation with Fran as they planted her marigolds asking her, "Do you rent or own your home?". Fran told me later that she had to stop and think for a minute, simply because she was so surprised that a 4-year old would ask such a thing!
Then of course there is the obvious school coming to a close and the whole summer ahead of us. Teagan adored being outdoors and wearing swimming suits and running and playing and splashing in the pool or lake- she loved them both.
As I tucked Ava in last night, I was slipping her pillow into a clean pillowcase. She looked at me and said, "where's that new one from?". I told her it wasn't so new, but that it used to be Teagan's pillowcase.
Tonight, when Chip tucked Ava in bed, she had two other pillows...but started crying because she 'needed Teagan's pillow to be cozy'. I can't help but ache from missing out on so much of her life. Yet at the same time, I see everyday how much she's never really left us all that much. Even several years later.

20 comments:

susan opel said...

She is just so sweet looking - I can't imagine how much you miss her.

Robyn said...

Jody, you can see how her light would shine from within her in the photos. It's still shining just coming at you now from a different angle! (hugs)

Jennifer said...

I never get tired of hearing how much you miss your sweet girl. It just breaks my heart, and also makes me long for heaven even more. Thank you for being real, and sharing the happy and the hard stuff.

kellidarr said...

you make my heart happy:)
ssmmmmmoooooooochhhh!

~Lea~ said...

I really can't even imagine how much you miss her Jody. I can imagine though, how every time you think of her, she is smiling up in heaven...just waiting for the day you are reunited. HUGS to you!

Lea

CINNIBONBON said...

Speechless and in tears. You're a special woman and mommy!

Mixed Up Me said...

Your children will always have a special bond with Teagan, whether they "knew" her or not because you bring her to life for them in all that you do. You are an inspiration to many, your five children are blessed to call you Mommy! I hope you have a fabulous day!

Janna said...

That is SO sweet... bittersweet but sweet. I am so glad that you continue to make Teagan such a big part of your lives... in that sense she is still with you! :) And knowing that she is still very much alive, but just in heaven, is amazing, isn't it? I think of that often when I'm missing my loved ones who have passed before me. They are always near and dear to my heart.

Christal said...

I have to day that God HAS to be REAL, how else could you survive loosing such a precious child. Lean on him Jody, as I know that you do! My heart aches for you, and the loss you feel.
Hugs to you!

Tina said...

what a sweet little girl. I just can't imagine losing a child. You are a living testimony of the faithfulness of God even through such a loss.

jackie carl said...

Jody,
Thank you for your post.
Teagan is beautiful ! Her joy & "life" shine through in her eyes and smile.
You are in my thoughts and prayers today.
Love,
Jackie Carl
Marion, IN

Kimberly said...

You are a very very very special woman and I look up to you everytime I read your blogs. You always know how to touch someones heart and you keep going, you are one of my heros that's for sure.

Dena said...

What sweet fond wonderful memories! You courage and love is incredible! And your family is BEAUTIFUL!!!

Jo said...

I love hearing about Teagan, you speak with such overwhelming love......

Cris said...

(((((((((((((Jody)))))))))))))

FlipFlop Mom said...

Thank you for sharing!! I'm sorry about the Charity :( But can understand... I love the pictures you share... please keep on sharing!!!

Magnoliawhispers said...

Great photo. I am still thinking about the Coble family. I wonder how they are making it without any of their children.

gloria said...

awh, such sweet memories.
:)

Anonymous said...

Jody, just wanted to say hello. Yesterday, I got a call from my oldest sons pre-school. It was the school nurse, I always hold my breath until they say all is ok. He got a little bump on the head in gym class and he is fine. In that moment when you are not sure what she will say, you think, oh Lord, let him be ok. I think of you often. I really try to soak up all the little moments that make up my crazy days. You've really made me see that we need to enjoy them, savor them, embrace them even in the midst of chaos. My heart aches for your loss of Teagan. I can't imagine the ache you must feel. You are such a special person and I feel so blessed to have stumbled onto your blog. You amaze & inspire me to be a better person. I hope you have a beautiful day! Susan

Jenny said...

More hugs for you Jody! You are such a great Mom and I love that you help your younger children get to know their oldest sister. You can see the light in Teagan's eyes, and I am sure it is her light that lights up your eyes!