Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Someone's been reading between the lines here.

I just got done reading the comments that were left in response to my post yesterday. I have no idea who the anonymous poster (see 2nd comment) is, but I am compelled to write a response. Thanks for the jumpstart as to what I should blog about. =)
Whomever this person is seems to think that I am 'happy all the time'...that somehow I don't blog about the negative things or the stuff I'd like to change in my life. I was just thinking back to a few of the things I've blogged about off the top of my head. (Meaning I haven't looked through my archives to dig this up- I just remember writing this stuff down.) In the past year, I recall blogging about some not-so-good things; at least to me they weren't that wonderful.
Do you recall the one about driving over a skunk? Chip hit it on the freeway, and our van smelled terrible for about 4 days after that. Not to mention the first few minutes after it actually happened. We argued about why 'bad stuff' happens to us all the time. Or what about the morning Bella stuck her jammies in the toilet? I wasn't exactly Miss Thrilled with that incident. Or Ava pulling ALL the clothes out of her closet- more than once. Then there are the ongoing issues we still have as a result of the death of Teagan and the life-long impacts of the injuries that some of the rest of us sustained back in July 2001.
Wyndham has challenges and disabilities that affect all of us- like the shots we have to give her every single night. Or at age five, that we have to lift her into a carseat, she can't climb into it herself...and she is still wearing diapers- although we've been potty training for more than a year now. Then there is her obvious challenges- she's made great strides in walking over the last year and a half- but she's still not speaking. We are all in the process of learning sign language, while still trying to work with her speech and keeping up with therapies three times a week.
I know I've been honest about the struggles that Chip and I have had in our relationship since losing Teagan. It has not always been easy to love each other when we have had our hearts ripped out...and then add to that the fact that we have (and I still believe continue to) grieved differently and at different times. I'm sure many of you know how marriage can be a struggle even when things are going relatively well. We have learned through our struggles that life is out to pull people apart, and I think I can speak for both of us that our 'seams' were splitting on more than one occasion after Teagan died. We have had moments. We still do, but we have decided to get through them together . (I think I talked about this in the middle of November '06 if you want to look it up in my archives.) We have had to dig deeper and love each other harder than we ever did before our lives were so drastically changed.
I think what I have tried to say through Nitty.Gritty. is that fact...that life's NOT always rosy, but we have the option to choose JOY in the midst of difficulties. No matter who or what caused them; no matter if you deserve what life throws you or not. I think maybe that's why I appear 'happy' all the time. And I certainly don't want to take all the credit for that. I have blogged at great lengths about my deep-rooted faith in God, which sometimes even amazes me. I wouldn't have believed I could get through the things I have endured the past five years. And yet I have...and I am even pleased with how things are turning out. God has definitely provided me with more strength, compassion and the ability to pick up the shattered pieces and start anew. I sometimes can't even explain what I feel and how much peace I have- but it is real. Chip and I both know, without a doubt, that we will see Teagan in Heaven someday, and we look forward to our reunion with her in eternity. My favorite definition of faith sums it up for me. It goes like this- "Faith is believing in advance, what will only make sense in reverse". That is one of the best ways I can explain how I choose to live. I gave up asking "why" a long time ago. It only made me more angry, depressed and hurt. I simply couldn't find an easy answer as to why our family had to suffer and Teagan had to die. I don't know that my mind could wrap around the answer even if there were a good one.
So, Chip and I have leaned on our faith and a whole lot of friends and family members, and then looked for ways to bring good out of our hardship- because we were hurt so deeply. In fighting our pain and embracing our tragedy, we have been able to give back to our community- we founded the Teagan Ferlaak Memorial Foundation and used money given to us by hundreds of people to give college students scholarships. We have done speaking engagements and shared our story with so many people- in hopes that they (and you) might look at your own life in a new light. If our response to suffering gives others hope and courage and strength, well then our own hearts heal a bit more every time we share a piece of us and Teagan. It's a win-win situation.
I wouldn't choose the events of my life to play out the way that they have in recent years. Yet, I often realize that I am a different person because of them...and a better person in many respects. I miss Teagan every day that she's not with me. I have never cried harder in my life than in the weeks and months after her death. I would have done anything to get her back. I prayed over and over for God to give her back to me- to turn back time, or to make it all a 'bad dream' or to just snap His fingers and give her back to me. I believe He could.
I think about Teagan every single day. The sun makes me think of how much she loved summer. The rain brings pictures of her in my memory of a little girl splashing in the puddles in her yellow raincoat and boots. The seasons changing always bring a lump in my throat- realizing that life goes on without her, even when I wish it wouldn't at times. Her birthday and holidays and Barbies and PowerPuff Girls and her favorite color and Pop-tarts and playdough and Hello Kitty and music and Annie and the Grinch and golfing and swimming and Happy Meals and knock-knock jokes and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and coconut lipgloss and checking the mail and gardening and dancing and laughing and making pie crusts and ribbon fairies and fireworks and brushing teeth and days-of-the-week underware and seeing Brock and Wyndham and Bella and Ava and softball games and popcorn on a string and playgrounds and chalk on the sidewalk and the Vikings scoring touchdowns and the Vikings throwing an interception or even fumbling the ball and pizza and balloons and Nick Jr. and Playhouse Disney and almond-scented shampoo and hair bows and coke floats and Larry Lizard bedtime stories and fruit snacks and dresses and snow angels and music and magnets and presents and ReddiWhip and gingerbread houses and butterflies and Chicka-Chicka Boom Boom book and glitter and everything in between. I think you get my point.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of Teagan and miss her with all of my heart. Losing her was the deepest hurt my heart and soul has ever felt, and I'll never get over it. Ever.
But, I have learned to live, in spite of that loss and pain, a life that brings me great joy and happiness. It's not that it's so rosy, but I know that one day, when it's all said and done, that I will stand in Heaven and see Teagan again. And I hope that I will hear my God and Savior say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant", and I will spend eternity free from pain and sorrow. I hope that everyone's life that I touch will want this same thing- a faith and belief in God and an eternity with Him. I want to spend eternity with all of my loved ones and with new friends too.
I hope that I am 'real' enough for those of you who don't know God to want to seek Him with all your heart. I hope that my real-life struggles can help others of you make sense of your own circumstances in life. I hope that my passion and joy for life in spite of tragedy continues to grow in me and make me a better person in everyway. I hope that I honor Teagan and glorify God in all that I say and do. It's not easy. I don't always measure up, but I know that someday it will all make sense when I see it from the vantage point of Heaven. I know everything I have had to endure will be worth it in the end. That's what drives me from day to day.
There you have it. I was just trying to keep it real. =)


Danielle said...

Wow......I think you are about the most "real" person there is out there.I come to your blog to get inspiration on everyday things. We as a society need more positive people (like you) to influence those who do not believe.Thank you for all your words of wisdom and I look forward to your next post. :)

Anonymous said...

Jody - do NOT worry about those who have little minds. That anonymous person is probably some negative person that doesn't have the joy of God in their life. I know for a fact that when you DO have faith and believe things seem brighter and rosier. You should NOT have to explain your posts. It's just like the magazine sale thing. This is YOUR Blog and if people don't like it, then why do they read it. You have talked about the negative and let me tell you, I attended E-free when the accident happened and I knew your family through the Gaynor girls and I would see you at church and it would blow me away that you were even there. I think I would have been so angry at God. I myself was angry at God. But every Sunday you were there in your wheel chair and when I read the post about you and Chip talkinga bout spiltting up - that BLEW me out of the water. Jody without Chip is like Peanut Butter without Jelly. They just go together and aren't very good apart. You've talked about ups and downs and I wouldn't worry about what people think (not that you do anyway but...). You are truly a happy real person because you have faith in God, strong family values and awesome friends. You don't live in a negative environment therefore you aren't a negative person. There are days when I am down and just ready to give my kids away - and I will literally think of you and look at the pictures of your beautiful children smiling and having a good time and I remember the pain that I saw when Teagan was taken away. Then I feel guilty for thinking about my kids that way. I hope you don't change one iota with your blogging. You are truly as awesome and real as they come. I am not trying to be anonymous here - but I have no clue about all this fancy computer technology except to check my email and click on my favorites to this blog (but we do have DSL!) - my name is Cathy. Keep up the AWESOME work!

sara b said...

I felt compelled to post a response after reading the anonymous poster from yesterday. I come to your blog for inspiration too. I have not had near the hard times your family has but have experienced a life changing event with one of my children. We were told she had a genetic disorder that would shorten/end her life. I was a complete mess. I learned through that time to really turn to God, TO REALLY DO IT, not just do the motions. I really learned what having faith in God was. It was not just something my pastor talked about on Sunday. Saying that, I have to say I enjoy your blog every day. It is so easy to find negative people but to find someone like you, who tries to find the best in a situation and know God has allowed it for a reason, is VERY hard. You are such an inspiration to me and I believe your blog is one of the most "real" I read.

Elizabeth said...

man, I can't believe that someone would even question you like that. Everyone knows how difficult it has been for you and your family, and everyone receives inspiration for how hard you've worked to continue living a loving life with your family. It IS your blog, and you can write about finger polish if you want. Every day. :P Hang in there, and know that you've made a whole lot of people think about their circumstances and how they choose to face life : )

Deanna- yep Dee-na said...

Jody- i'd totally ignore that post... i read that... they obviously haven't been reading with you long enough. duh! to me it was just a stupid post. lol sorry, but that's how i think. i'm not politically correct. but like Cathy said... and elizabeth said...and danielle said... ;)
i have thought about you over and over on many occasions. even thinking that you would be such an awesome person to have come down to speak at one of our Women's Conferences at church here. have you done anything like this before??
i don't know if that is the holy spirit or what... but i honestly have had that thought many times. maybe there is someone here (in TN) that needs to hear God speak through you. (?)

jennifer mcneely said...

You are an inspiration in the way you choose to live your life. I can not say that in your shoes, I would live as joyous a life as you after what you have been through. I look to you for words of wisdom every day, even if it is about your daily chores - it still resonates with me that you are such a happy person and take life in stride. Most people don't go through a life-changing event as you have, and still don't seek joy from the every day little things. Just know the every day good you are doing for the people who are not afraid to identify themselves:)

Debbie said...

that is a tough spot you are in, although I haven't read the comment you responded to. I do agree that you shouldn't let other people and their views get to you, however those are the people that need it the most. They need you to care about them, despite what they think or believe. That's one way to show God and his love. I was a little put off by the way you described them in your post. I am really struggling in terms of my faith and hope right now, so I am not sure whether hearing about people not willing to come to Jesus was the best thing. Maybe they are not ready, it's God and his time. Not ours

Carrie said...

I don't think you have to worry about not being real. That was an ignorant anonymous comment to say the least. You share so much already, and yet you have every right to be less real and to keep more of your life YOUR life and not share it. By sharing it and being real though, you are allowing yourself to be used by God through what you write about. Enemy attacks come in all sorts of forms--even gramatically incorrect ones. Don't take it to heart! Much love!

Lisa Tanner said...

Warning - this may end up being very long!
Well Jody - everything you post is REAL to me. Coming from someone who has been in shoes similar to yours at times, I completely understand why you post the way you do. There is nothing at all wrong with it - you know this I'm sure and probably don't need a pep talk about it - but still! Maybe "anonymous" didn't mean anything negative by their comments - we can only hope they didn't!! :) But as someone who has journaled online a long hard journey, it's a lot easier some days to point out the good things, the things you are greatful and thankful for than to remember all the things you miss. I know I still have my son, but I'll never had the boy he would have been without cancer. But instead of telling the world about that, I have chosen (most of the time) to celebrate the boy he is, the man he will be, the life we ended up with. There is a wonderful story that a mom wrote in a Chicken Soup book about her life with a down syndrome child and you may have seen it - but in case you haven't here it is: Welcome To Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

So there it is - Holland! Anyway, my whole point is of course, post whatever you want - I'll keep reading it everyday! And to anyone who questions you, well, they haven't been in shoes like ours, they don't live in "Holland", they make different choices about the parts of their lives they share with others. That's ok - we know that we're just 'living out life in the boat we're in' and that's just fine!

Lots of love - keep up the great blogging!!

Crystal said...

Hi- You do not know me and we have never met but I do read your blog and I am inspired by your life and the way you chose to live it. I have never cried as many tears reading someone's blog as I have cried reading yours. I am truly amazed by you, your faith, and your positive thinking. Thank you for sharing but I also agree you have the right not to share every private thought. I hope you have a great holiday!

KatieButler said...

Oh, Jody, your posts have never been anything *but real to me--you are a woman of strong faith and God has given you the talent to share that faith with others through writing. I look forward to each and every post. Don't change a thing.

Anonymous said...

Honey, you're doing great, just as you are. Your sweet Teagan lives on in your memories -- I have never even met you but I think of Teagan often -- her story changed ME.

I also have a child w/ special needs and my heart goes out to you for your challenges with Wyndham. How lucky she is to have such loving parents.

I think there is a lot of merit for you to see the cup as half-full in this life.


Anonymous said...

The people have spoken...
You are a treasure Jody and God is using you big-time!
I just want to know if you've started your book yet... cuz I love your writing style... I love your faith message... I love your heart.
And one day I can say that I knew her when she just blogged... and now she's a well known author!

Jan said...

I think what the annoymous commenter meant, is there ever a day when you just feel like crap, like saying "today sucks".(that's very real) And then see you work your way through it. I know I've had hundreds of days when I felt like that, sometimes months and months after my son died and my other son moved out. But God in His grace has brought me through it. Sometimes people want to see that you still struggle, that you're still full of humanness, but you choose to look to God in those times and allow Him to lift you up. What amazes me, is that God does just that....He lifts me up every single time I'm weak. And I come out stronger than before. I know people who've also been there can relate, so I'm glad when they share their struggles.

Anonymous said...

Jody, you are as REAL as it gets!
I love reading your blog and knowing that there are others who get excited over the little things that many people don't appreciate. Reddi Whip? Not for me, but give me a quart of heavy cream and a little sugar in my mixer...heaven.... You continue to be an inspiration for many!
One of my new favorite sayings is "Remember to come out of a TEST with a TESTIMONY, not just the MOANIES". So true to life. You have always done that!
Blog on......

Nancy said...

AMEN... God is good! When the going gets tough, the tough get going! Well said, you good and faithful servant!

shawnna said...

choking back tears all i can say is WOW -- and WELL SAID my cyber buddy

Anonymous said...

Jody if I had to live through what you lived through I wouldn't even get out of bed in the morning. I linked to your blog by an entry in Carrie's blog many months ago and have been reading daily ever since. Your faith and zest for life is very inspiring. I will admit there are times when I wonder why or where some things come from (like you never did fess up about the video shoot in your home the other week - just an everyday occurence huh? lol and some of your "soy" talk-oy.)But it is your blog and your life and you can share whatever your heart feels like sharing - whenever you want to. I'll continue to be inspired. Thanks.

Christine R said...

I worry about someone who thinks you can't be happy and be real. Why does someone have to post daily of things that might not be so great..it's life. I choose happiness-why is that a problem for some people?

portia said...

I haven't posted in ages... but I've still been reading. :)

I've often thought about how you manage to still seem so "happy" all the time... and then when I slow down and really "think" about it-- it's just like you said, you have to CHOOSE JOY-- I love that you don't let the "bad stuff" consume you every day and that you let the good in and let the bad just go on by.

Bless you Jody-- today and everyday!

Admirations and much love....

Lani said...

Hi Jody,
I have been reading your blog for sometime now. I can honestly say that I can't even remember how I found it but know that everyday since I have found it I look forward to reading about you, your family and your faith. When I started reading your blog you occassionaly mentioned past posts so I started going back and reading some of your old posts and found out that I actually remember your family from the Oprah Winfrey show. I remember when I watched the show that all I could do was cry. I cried long after the show was over just thinking about everything you and your family had been through and what you continue to go through. Your ability to forgive such a loss is amazing. You are truly an inspiration. I believe that is why so many people read your blog. You have reaffirmed my faith in God. That is something my mother has been trying to do for years and you did it in days. Stay strong, stay you. You are a gift from God for the rest of us who are still stumbling trying to find our way. And truly write a book. You are a fabulous writer. And thanks for posting so often.

Anonymous said...

Be who you are. Share what God has laid upon your heart. Sometime the Lord has us go through hard time so that we maybe a encouragment to others. I get everything that you are saying. Keep up the inspiration. I enjoy your blog.

julia said...

Jody, I love your blog, I read it every day. Do not let one comment get to you.

BTW, you can go into your control panel and turn off the anonymous comments. That way whoever leaves a comment has to sign it.

Caren said...

Why don't you nicely suggest they start their own blog and write about anything that makes their day? I believe you'll always find people who want to drag up the negative. With life being so fragile - continue to celebrate the little moments that bring us joy instead of concentrating on being miserable - is the way to be! Thanks for sharing and just being yourself.

Kim said...

I love your blog. I am always inspired by your entries. Often I find myself getting teary eyed when reading your heartfelt words. I am amazed at your ability to find joy after suffering the most horrible of tragedies.
Keep on writing Jody! You have alot of Nitty.Gritty. fans who love your blog.

Jewell said...


Again in tears this morning as I read your blog. Since I have started reading your blog a couple months ago, I have made the comment several times "Jody is so real". Don't know how anyone could not see that reading your blog. You have helped me so very much in looking at my children and life differently. Your tragedy touches my heart so deeply and without God I know you would not be able to go on. There is always that pain of losing your little girl, it never goes away. Yet you choose to be happy and go on, and the best part, as you said, is knowing you will see her again. I thank God for you Jody and your words of wisdom and encouragement to all us moms.

groovy said...

the way your readers have responded to this post pretty much proves the point that i was making when i commented on your last post. authenticity is a trait people appreciate almost more than anything else...and itlooks like you nailed it here by the response you are getting from so many who are grateful for your genuine spirit, including myself!


Rhonda said...

She just needs to read more posts because you are almost always addressing the negative parts of life as well as the positive.

Momto2 said...

Hi Jody - like 99.9% of your other readers - your authenticity and transparency are what bring me to your blog daily. While I am not dealing with *anything* like your struggles - I do have my own share and I grew up with a handicapped brother who died young. I think you strike the perfect balance of sharing struggles but looking at the blessings that are always there. Thank you for all the time you invest in your blog. Cindy

Bridget =) said...

This is just beautiful "Faith is believing in advance, what will only make sense in reverse."

I just finished reading the Left Behind series. There wasn't many times I'd put the books down and think about your blog. To me, they just went hand in hand. I was sad, yet relieved when I finished the series. I'm glad I have your blog, your testament, your spirit to read pretty much every day. I'm selfish, Jody. Your blog is a light in my life, yet I know you blog for yourself, not for others. I think people forget that when they read public blogs. Don't let anyone put that light out.


Brown English Muffin said...

Funny how that person want to talk to you about keeping it real but post anonymously..interesting turn of events if you ask me!

And if it's all too positive for the person all the have to do is turn on the news and that will fill them with negativity won't it!!!

Oh and by the way your some of your childrens names are so unqiue...Wyndham and Teagan. I love them.

Juli said...

I am so impressed by what you write. Sometimes serious and honest, sometimes fun and witty. I think annonymous is wrong. You do write about the real you but you, unlike so many people today, choose to see the positive side of things. A person very close to me always sees the negative in everything and feels a need to point it out to everyone. What a sad way to be. I believe there is something positive in everything we do and feel we just have to take the time to look for it. Is it easier to be negative than positive? Well probably so but why? Enjoy and learn from each and every experience in life. Jody keep on writing from your heart and I know there are a lot of us out there who will keep reading it. You inspire me each and every day to live life on a positive note and have faith that God will help lead us down the path we should go. Many blessing to you and your family and please keep the inspiration coming. I love sharing in your day.
(PS. I made a set of those cute magnets from one of your earlier post. They turned out great and what a fun project. Thanks for the instructions!)

Anonymous said...


I feel so compelled to comment today(long time reader, first time commenter). You are so real with your comments and who you are. This person does not know the promise that God gives us by accepting Him as our Lord and Savior. You choose to find the joy in life. And a gift you have is to appreciate and cherish everyday life--clothes strewn about, popcorn, Wyndam's gifts she shares. As I read and wept about all of things you miss about your precious Teagan, I couldn't help but think of pinkie promises. And think, just like God gave us a promise, you and Teagan share a special promise too.

A Sister in Christ

jen said...

keep on living!! u r an inspiration to many of us!!

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt in my mind that God will greet you with the words that I think all Christians long to hear when they get to heaven. Just about everyday I come here and see you pour your heart out. You just can't get more real than that.

Anonymous said...

Jodi, I think you're about the most "real" person there is in that you share your "Life" here. You began this blogging journey after a most horrific event in your life. I see you sorting through all that here and showing the hope that you have. That person couldn't possibly know (in the true sense) all that this entails. If what happened to you had happened to me, I think I'd be in a corner somewhere sucking my thumb and looking at my navel murmering weird appetaphs.
I love that you sometimes 'seem' perky and cute and that you show wimsical pictures of yourself and your family. That's real life!!! I love your blog and check it most frequently. Keep it all up...keep sharing your life! We love you!!!!
To that person~~nah, nah, nah, nah nah-nah!!!

patterns of ink said...

It's almost Thursday. Hope you had a good Wednesday. Your Tuesday post was pouring with poetry. Don't be too hard on that person who prompted your thoughts. They may not understand the fine line between joy and grief. Two years ago during this season, I was following Julie's ambulance to Mercy and I was flooded with that tangle of fear and faith we all know at one time or another.

"It was the first of several unexpected pauses in the days to come when happy recollections would suddenly seem too wonderful to bear, and rather than a smile they brought the ache of joy: a fragile awareness that life is a collection of mostly uneventful moments. They do not pass but gather; they are not spent but shared; and only rarely do we begin to grasp their value—or allow ourselves to think they will someday change—and when we do, our grip goes numb, like in a dream, just when it matters most to hold on.

That’s what I mean by the ache of joy. It’s not a passing feeling but the passing ability to sense what’s always there, the simplicity of life that is lost in the complexity of living. It catches us off guard because it’s stored not in our cherished memories but in moments that have passed forgotten. Out of nowhere it comes, this ache of joy, but briefly seeing life this clearly blurs the eyes..."


suzanne said...

I'm shocked that anyone would criticize you or your blog like that. I don't think anyone has the right to question someone's feelings like that and I'm so sorry that someone felt the need to do that. No one should judge you because they're not in your shoes.

I have to say that your blog is one of the most "real" blogs I've visited. I always enjoy reading your posts. They're so heartfelt and sincere and most of all, they're always inspiring.

I'm one of those people that tries to find the good or the lesson in every situation, even the difficult times. God has his plan for each one of us so everything that happens in our lives is for a reason. Life isn't always rosy and it isn't always fair, but we each have the choice on how to deal with the situation that is given to us each day. Personally I choose to sit down and count my blessings during the difficult times and focus on my faith to get me through. Why choose to be negative when there's still living to do?

Anonymous said...

Hi Jody - I read your blog every day. I am amazed at your faith, your strength, and the way you look at life. I haven't gone through what you have (quite honestly, I don't know what exactly happened other than there was an accident and you lost your little girl). However, I have lost two boys - both late in pregnancy with the second one living for three hours. It is something I will never get over, and still causes me pain at times. But I can't compare that with what you have experienced.

I love reading your blog. I gain inspiration, wisdom, insight and love when I read your thoughts and feelings. You are very open and have shared some very deep feelings.

I thank you for your words, your wisdom, your wit, you intelligence, your inspiration, your talent, and last but not least, the love that is in every word your write.

I look forward to reading your blog every day, and will continue to do so.

Nicki Lundeen

Cara said...

there are days when i read your blog and feel a surge of irritation . . . "she is always so chipper" (said with bitter tone to voice) . . . but it is a quick check in my spirit that causes me to realize that i am not angry . . . i am feeling a little guilty and frustrated with myself. i also realize that many of the things you say resonate with me throughout the day . . . i believe the spirit is constantly filtering . . . and so even after a little irritation, if i am realizing the truth in something, it is probably from God and the irritation was probably from me. and so i realize that there is truth to what you are saying most days (come on, we all have our off times :) . . . . again, leading me to realize it is probably my own deal when i feel a grind or an irritation.

in those moments, i feel frusterated with myself that, while i share the same faith in christ as you do, and i have gone through a fraction of the heartache you have, i fail to find the level of joy that life in christ promises us.

you have room to grow.
i have room to grow.
there you go.

i say this as my little effort to shed some perspective on where "ms. anonymous poster 2006" might have been coming from.

dear miss anonymous poster 2006 . . . i think that if you are going to be gutsy enough to say something, you need to put your name to it. your voice is very important - especially since you seem confident to say something different than the masses - that is a powerful tool! so many of us just feel like we have to say what will make us likeable. but you are willing to step out and say what you think. why wouldn't you want to own that?

Jenay said...

You are real... You keep it very real.... I think your anonymous poster should get the drift now!

Anonymous said...

"ALL" this been said....generally speaking e-mails and such corresponce somehow can resonate with not the intent of the author! Because voice inflections, facial expressions and personal interaction at "the" moment cannot be made. It's unfortunate, but a fact. I've had the experience where I had great "heart-felt" comments that I wanted to make and the reciprient took it WAY the wrong way!!! Could it be that "anonymous" is more of a black and white person and is pretty pragmatic in things of LIFE?? Or even one of those whose glass is probably always "half empty" rather than "half full"?? I listen to a radio program where the producer contributes and she admittedly has one of those voices that comes across as "perky". She cannot help that...!! I'd love it if my Scandenavian genes wouldn't make me come across as "stern"...but that's how people preceive me and frankly it's not how I think I am inside!!! Preception can be faulty and we can see this in this person. Jody...you are "real" and I wouldn't change this blog at all. It always inspires and lifts me!! It is your ministry!! Blessings to you and your family!

Melissa said...

WOW.. I have completely drenched a paper towel. That was the "ugly" cry as Oprah calls it.

Girl - You have such a gift!!!!
Continue with it - and bless the people who just don't get it.

~JulieGirl~ said...

jody i havent been reading any blogs lately been short on time ,you amaze me always with your writtings and expressions and i enjoy to reading all you have to offer ,this blog is your place ,and you know you dont have to change anything you do whether you miss a day or a week as long as your ok thats your choice .you do need to make that if you havent already another layout of all the memories you remember of teagen my tears were pouring ,bringing to mind how we need to collect for all our children the things that remind us of them.thank you for that thought in response to the anonymous questioning your WHYS?