If there is such a thing...

I personally don't believe there could be a point in someone's life where they get 'faith overload'. I know in my life, I have had a deep-rooted faith since the age of four, and I feel like I am just now- nearly 30 years later beginning to understand what faith is all about. I am not a theologian or one who reads and studies as much as I can about religious or faith-based topics, but I do spend time reading my Bible each week (notice I didn't even type 'each day'...I don't always get into the Bible like I should).
I try to read a daily devotional- if nothing else to get my thoughts jump-started on a topic that may make me question my faith or lead me to a deeper understading of my faith because of the truth it contains. I pray everyday, and I am constantly asking for God's strength and guidance in my life. That is something I will need from now until I step foot into eternity!
My thoughts the past few days have been focused on different questions and answers I have found in life because of this faith that I claim. My faith is based on a personal relationship I have with Jesus, God's Son. I believe He died on a cross and paid the penalty for my sins, and now that I have asked for forgivenenss of my sins, I have received the free gift of eternal life with God in a place He is preparing called Heaven.
It's not something I have earned, it's not something that has made me perfect (just ask Chip!), and although it was a simple thing on my part, to put my belief in God, it has not always been easy.
That is sort of the basis of what Chip and I will be sharing with the people of our church this Sunday morning. We will be speaking with our Pastor about how a person can have 'Hope in the Hard Times'. Chip and I have the privilege of sharing the life and death of Teagan and some of the challenges we have faced as a result of grief, trauma and the ongoing struggles we now live with as a result of someone else's bad choice in life.
In thinking of what it is that I have to say, and in response to many of the comments and emails I receive each week, I am first of all, amazed as I look back on all that God has led me through in life. I realize that I have lived through some of life's biggest hurts (that of losing a beautiful little girl- full of potential and love) and had the security and routine of my life pulled out from under me. Many of you know that life can be stressful enough- without any 'added' challenges thrown in most of the time. The day to day things in life can wear us thin. Marriage and kids and jobs and money and inlaws =) and bosses =) and even the checkout lady at Wal-Mart can or the people in the car in front of us on the freeway...all of these can create stress or tension or discouragement or depression or self pity or worry or just ongoing hurt. These things, all on their own, can zap the fun out of life in a hurry. Or little by little, but it turns into a big thing after awhile.
I had a lot of that stuff going on in my life even before the incident on July 29, 2001 that created the greatest pain of my life to date. Chip and I had only 6 months earlier, found our daughter, Wyndham blue and not breathing- she was 3 weeks old and weighed about 5 and a half pounds. She was airlifted to Hurley Hospital in Flint, MI and hooked up to life support. There are a lot of details that I could go into, but the short version is that we were able to bring her home after five days in the ICU. She needed close attention afterwards and some medication, but she was alright. At that time, we were thanking God for how He had spared Wyndham's life, and when we got home to our other kids, we realized that a lot of the 'big concerns' in our lives suddenly didn't seem so big. We were overjoyed to just be together and have our life back to 'normal'.
Then, almost exactly six months to the day later, all three of my kids plus Chip, were airlifted to the same hospital- all listed in critical condition. Wyndham was even admitted to the very same bed that she had had on her previous stay. It was eerie. It was unbelievable. It still chokes me up when I picture the scene in my mind. I couldn't believe that the God I had fallen to my knees for asking Him to give me Wyndham back, was now allowing me to go through this pain- only to the greatest extent I could imagine.
One would expect in that situation, that the reality of my life would overwhelm me and that I wouldn't stand a chance at ever becoming 'whole' in life again. That's what I would think too...and it was happening TO ME. But do you know what? God was there, just as He had been in my life, since the young age of four when I invited Him in. I remembered so often wanting to give God all of me, but feeling like what I had to offer would still never be enough- even if it was all of me. I can tell you that in those moments of my life, when I didn't want to live through the next moment because it hurt so bad, or I didn't want the next update from the doctor- because what he would say would rip out whatever bit of hope I was clinging to at that time, when I didn't want to think, breathe, eat, sleep, feel, hurt, or even begin to know what to do next, in those very moments God was there. And He was real to me. More real than He had ever been in my life before. Even when things were at their best in my life- I had never experienced God as I did when things were at their very worst. I remember telling God that I couldn't make sense of what was happening, that maybe I didn't even want to make sense of it, but that I would do one thing in the midst of it. I would trust Him.
That is all I have done from that moment on in my life. I have trusted Him when things didn't seem worth living for. I have trusted Him when I was overwhelmed with worry and grief and despair in life. I have trusted that somehow He could make sense of it for me...maybe not even fully, but enough of a way so that I could find reason for living and finding hope in life once again.
My belief is that an individual can have 'Hope in the Hard Times' first and foremost through a faith in God. I don't know how people get through life's hardships without faith. I suppose that is why there are so many people in this world messed up in the wrong things. Like alcohol and drugs and addictions to shopping and sex and work and a host of other things that people think are gonna bring them change and happiness in life. Those things leave people empty and wanting more. I believe that the pain of those situations in a person's life is the very thing that could drive them to faith in God.
When you realize that nothing tangible in life brings peace and happiness- no matter how good or wonderful it may be- when you realize that there is nothing you can do on your own to bring inner comfort and peace, I believe that is where you find God. And when you surrender your life to Him and live each day dependant on Him as your source of comfort and strength and joy, then you will experience freedom from any trial or hurt that life may bring your way. That is how you find hope in the hard times.
Now I suppose I can go print this out and read from it on Sunday morning when I get to share this amazing reality with the people of my church. I only hope that it makes a little bit of sense.