Saturday, December 04, 2010

His happy little world.

Teague has been growing and changing so much the past few weeks. The top two pictures are him at 13 1/2 weeks, and the last three photos I snapped just minutes ago. Also, notice my smile. I do have things to be happy about everyday. It's just I've been struggling with happiness the past few months more than normal.
But Teague?
He's happy almost 100% of the time. Which I am very, VERY grateful for. His happiness makes me happy and I treasure the time we share in the mornings when he 'talks' and coos and just melts my heart with his cute expressions and there are no interruptions from anyone else in the house. I was watching him and talking to him yesterday when it dawned on me that he doesn't have a clue about anything our family has been going through lately. His world is nothing short of perfect right now. No wonder he is always happy! =)
It was a wonderful "light-bulb" moment for me to sit there and hold him and nuzzle his little head and let him squeeze my finger and to be able to just soak up his "perfect little world" for a few minutes. It made me realize that despite all the challenges and added stress in my life right now there is something so right going on here too. To realize that he is protected and secure and thriving in the midst of my confusion was just what I needed to focus my attention on- even if it was just for a few minutes in the rest of my crazy day. I needed and appreciated those moments of reflection and realization.
Later, as I was thinking about his "perfect world" right now I felt like I 'heard' God speaking to my heart. I've oftened thought about what the story of our lives will look like from the 'endpoint' perspective. I've told Chip and others that sometimes I wish I could just "flip to the end of the book" of our lives and see how it's all going to end up. Yesterday, in the middle of my thoughts as I drove home from a short shopping trip it occured to me as never before that I DO know the ending of our story. God is the ending! He has promised in His Word- the Bible- that He is preparing a place for those who love Him and believe that His Son, Jesus, died to save them from their sins. He has already overcome death and has an eternal glory awaiting us believers when our lives are complete here on earth. God has already numbered each and every day we have here on earth and has our future all mapped out too! It's not like it's a new concept for me to think about Heaven and eternity, but yesterday it hit me very differently as I realized that a perfect world awaits me and it will be more than worth every earthly struggle I endure in my lifetime. In fact I was thinking about all the struggles and hurts I've already endured and carry in my heart each day and I imagined that I was pouring out my trials into big buckets- as though I were filling buckets of water to the brim. Then I imagined that I was filling these buckets up along the shore of a vast waters in front of me- that vastness, like all the oceans on this world combined into one, was a glimpse of my eternity. I stood there in the picture of my mind and imagined myself pouring out a lifetime of hurt, imperfection, grief, heartache and struggle- physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain- all of my buckets I tossed into the big water. And you know what?
It was swallowed up and mixed in with the vast ocean instantly.
I felt like God was showing me that He saw my hurt. He understood that I had a lot of 'water' weighing me down- and the truth is I will have more as the years go on. But the reality is that in the end, all my earthly suffering will be consumed the moment I step foot in glory and there is no way I could begin to hold onto these hurts or even be able to notice them when eternity begins. They will cease. The darkness and pain that seems to surface and catch me off-guard so many times in life will not exist in Heaven.
I felt a certain peace and calm as I thought about it yesterday and even more as I think about it today. My daily struggles are like drops of water in buckets that once poured into the ocean of the Glory that has been promised me will not matter. Not one tiny drop! I am so thankful that God showed up in my life this way and spoke to my heart in such a powerful, visual way. I know that I still need to hold onto this truth and realization that God has a plan and a purpose and He will make all things new one day. The days here may not always be happy and goodness knows they are not perfect! Except maybe for Teague for a little while longer. =) But there is something far greater, far richer, far beyond my wildest imaginations that will make the burdens of my life irrelevant in the end. I hope I can hold tight to that thought and certainly this post can serve as a reminder to me as we continue to face struggles in our lives. There is more to this life than that which we can see and I am thanking God that He gave me a glimpse of what is yet to come.
Also, I can't wrap this post up without telling you that Wyndham took her first few steps the night before last. She is still in her wheelchair almost 100% of the time, but she tolerated a few steps and that is a bright spot for us in our life right now. It's another glimpse that her time will come- her healing and recovery are ongoing, but she is making progress. Very tiny steps, but they certainly added some happy to our little world this week.
Thanks, so much, for praying us through this time in our lives. And even though we know how our story will ultimately end, I thank you for following along each chapter. We're grateful to be able to share the highs and lows and everything in between too.


Allison said...

Praying for you right now! Such a beautiful reminder for me to keep an eternity perspective.

Thank you:)

babyrndeb said...

What a great post about our 'story ending' are so right! Even when we can't seem to see the light at the end of that tunnel...the truth is that we do know the end and just need to give it all to God.
Little Teague sure is a cutie :)
And praises for the baby steps for Wyndham...will continue to pray for her progress.

LaVon Baker said...

Jody, what a beautiful reminder from God. I read it to my husband, a pastor, and we both shed tears at the wonderful picture God gave you. I am sharing this with my blog readers and also on my opinion, it's just too valuable not to share. Thank you so much for your transparency and honesty as you face your struggles and joys.

Melissa said...

Wow, this post really moved me. I am at a time in my life that is causing me to really fill those buckets. Imagining going to my favorite beach and dumping them only to see the beautiful ocean continue on undaunted was so helpful and I feel lighter now. Thank you for your courage to share life, drops and all.

Anonymous said...

All I want for Christmas is to have a 4 hour Starbucks date with YOU.
Canadian Cathy

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your post today -- this is what I needed! I continue to hold you and your family in my prayers!

BT Laurie said...

What a wonderful visual reminder. I'm going to try to keep the ocean in view today. I'm still praying.

W Sommers said...

Jody- Thinking of you and praying for your family. Your strength is an inspiration to all!
Wendy Chris and Vincent Sommers
p.s. drove by our old Woodbury townhomes the other day, thinking of old times!!

Live a Life EXTRAordinary said...

Thinking of you and praying for God to ease your burdens and heal your heart.
Blessings and love,

*kim* said...

Just wanted you to know I am praying for you right now. Your story has touched me for several years now, and continues to touch me. Love the perspective you have on your story's ending. It is such a relief knowing we can dump our buckets! Much love and continued prayers for you, Wyndham and the entire Ferlaak fam!

Michele said...


Just wanted to let you know that there are special AFO shoes called Hatchbacks. They are cute shoes and designed to fit over AFOs. Our daughter also has to wear AFOs and I figure she deserves cute shoes to wear with them!


Carrie said...

Jody - every time I come to your blog you inspire me (and I wind up in tears). You are an awesome woman and have really helped me with your words today. Thanks.