Down, but not totally out.

This past Sunday the MN Vikings lost another football game bringing them to 3-6 for the season so far. Brett Favre stood in front of a swarm of media camera and microphones and made some post-game remarks about his losing team. As I sat on my couch and listened to his statements I commented to Chip- who sat across from me- that it was as though Favre were talking about our family. As the remarks about the losing team continued we found ourselves laughing at just how fitting the comments were to our family life right now.
We're in the homestretch of Wyndham's recovery from surgery and on the verge of the next phase; she will be fitted with orthodics and start therapy again. We're not sure what to fully expect once she's out of her casts, but we are crossing our fingers that things will get better from here on out, as we feel we've pretty much worn ourselves down and out the past 2 months.
As you can see from my lack of blogposts, I have not felt like writing, taking pictures, or even baking the past couple of weeks. That's a sign of just how rough things have gotten around here. Most often I turn to baking to relieve stress, so you know it's bad around here right now! =)
Truthfully, it has been bad and sad and ugly for several days. It's been stressful and I am sorry to say that I haven't done my best with our life circumstances the past 2 months. A part of me would like to blame post-partum blues. Which likely play a big part in how I've reacted to everything on our plates. Still, I have to admit and take responsibility for my actions and that means I have to say a big, "I'm sorry" to everyone in my family and some people who have been playing supporting roles to us at this time too.
Favre hit the nail on the head several times in his post-game remarks saying such things as, "There needs to be some changes made". His summery of the defeated Vikings team just matched my thoughts and feeling so much... but he also made a poignant statement where he said, "There's still a little bit of hope for us... there's still alittle life left in us". I was so glad to hear him say that because it actually was at that point that I laughed out loud and realized how true those words were. Not just for the losing Vikings, but for our family that has felt more than overwhelmed with life for weeks now. I'm so glad that we're down, but not without Hope. Even in hopelessness we first see HOPE!
I'm glad to tell you today is a new day. I feel like I am finally ready to admit that I've sunk far enough into the pit that life has dragged us into and I'm ready to start looking up- or wherever to find a way out. I do want to just tell the honest truth- more for me to look back on this for the next time I'm in life's pit- and say that I am awful down here. I 'look' awful- which means I haven't liked who I've become lately. I have yelled far too many times, said things I didn't mean, meant things I shouldn't have said, felt hurt and kept it in, hurt people by letting things out, and just all around been miserable to everyone- including me. I'm sorry to say I have let things get the best of me this time around and it goes without saying, but being a 'loser' has been no fun at all!
To be perfectly honest and blunt, Chip and I have had it with life and each other. Yes, there has been a lot of stress and demands we never anticipated and goodness- we haven't been taking care of ourselves the way we should be- simply because things are just that demanding. We haven't even slept in the same room for 2 months as Chip sleeps on a mattress next to Wyndham's bed because of her added needs right now. There just hasn't been a good opportunity for us to be much of a good team through all of this. We have talked and made mention of how life might be if we split our team up- that's how down we've been. The funny- or merciful thing- is that we can't even begin to think how to split our team up and make things work. We've got too much on our plates to divide up!
Today, honestly, I am thanking God that He has given us "too much" so that we can't even begin to figure out how to split up. Our problems are actually blessings that are being used to help hold us together in this season of defeat in our lives. Oh the irony of that!
I could share a whole lot more of what has gone on and continues to demand from us, but I won't. I just want to share my heart- even the heaviness of it- so that I might look back someday and see that even though the path isn't always rosy, it does keep winding and there is something around the bend worth forging ahead for.
We've been down, but we're not totally out. We're trusting that God will see us through even this ugly time we've been experiencing, and we're hanging on to the fact that we don't need to have all the answers in order to keep trying.
I have felt and 'heard' God's voice in my life in some still, small ways the past couple of days. I think He knew I needed something tangible. One of the ways He's spoken is through the messages from this website: Revive Our Hearts. The series- especially today's message- on the ABC's for Handling a Meltdown, have been so helpful to me. I don't know that I am fully out of this life pit yet, but I am happy to report I am headed in the right direction. I want to praise God for showing up and giving me more grace for the journey. Something I need no matter where I'm at in this world! I don't know if you need encouragement or help where you are right now or if you are at a place you simply want to praise God for blessings. But I'd love to invite you to praise God in the comments here and we can all give Him glory for the little and big things He has done and continues to do. Even when we can't see Him or feel Him or we turn our backs on Him, He is still there. He never lets us down, and for that I am most grateful today!