One of those days.

Something happened the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure what, but Chip is telling me I need an attitude adjustment. The sad part is that I agree with him. He told me to never blog again. Or blog about the fact that I'm in this place- this strange and not-so-happy place.

I don't come here often, but when I do, I remember how much I dislike it here. The frustrating part for me is that I can't put my finger on the "why I'm here". I just am. Maybe it's the weather turning cold. The leaves changed color and fell to the ground- that changing seasons are always such a visual/obvious reminder to me that life goes on. This time of year reminds me that another year is coming to a close...another year of loving and living, yes. But also of missing Teagan and moving further from the fond memories I have of her.

Maybe it's the cold and snow flurries that are blowing around outside. I'm not a fan of cold weather and I dread the long winter months. One day Chip and I hope to live in a warmer state- at least for part of the year. The cold part.

Maybe it's the fact that no matter how many times I give my kids instruction on certain things, they still fail to follow through with my requests of them. Now, I understand that this is a part of parenting- you tell your kids the same things over and over sometimes, and they still don't get it. Like "eat your vegetables", or "flush when you're done", or "don't hit your sister/brother". It can get monotonous and the past week I feel like I'm a broken record and that I'm wasting my time instructing my kids. They seem to be getting the upper hand- for some reason.

Maybe it's because I'm hitting that wall of sleep deprivation with a newborn. Maybe it's the fact that Wyndham was sick for a couple of days, and even though she didn't need hospitalization this time, when she gets ill, I get stressed.

I guess I'm just putting this out there 1) because Chip told me to- he told me to blog about how I really feel right now, and 2) because it's true, I'm not always some bouncy, happy person. I get worn out and run-down and I question my faith and wonder what the point is to everything sometimes.

Like today.

Getting ready for church.

It wasn't fun at our house.

I yelled at Ava because she cried when I put her hair up in her ponytails...ans then she pulled them out. It made me mad...and we were already running late.

I didn't feel like going to church- I have to be honest, it seemed like a joke to go and sing praise to God and smile to other people when inside I was grumpy about hair and breakfast and thinking it was a waste of time because surely my kids won't take the lesson to heart and I will still have to break up arguments between them this week.

It all seemed to fake and pointless.

And I'm sharing this because it's exactly how things were and I have a feeling I'm not alone in this place.

In fact I know of at least one other person who questions why we try so hard to do good things and be good people and have values and morals, only to have life "dump on us" or let us down. It doesn't seem fair sometimes to try so hard when in fact, life will send things our way regardless of how neat we try to keep our homes or how often we get our kids to eat their vegetables.

Now, I don't want to worry anyone, I'm still looking for the simple joys in life and I'm still taking lots of photos and sharing them here. Today's photos are a short series of Ava putting a hat on Crew and they show the special relationship those two share. It's very cute and I'm blessed to be a part of it and I don't take it for granted. I'm very aware of how much I have in life to be grateful for.

The reality is that sometimes I still question and wonder and ask why. The reality is that I sometimes worry that I'm not cut out for the path I'm on in life. The reality is that sometimes we all have days where life gets the best of us. I had one of those today. And I promised to keep it real around here.

So that's it.

Now it's your turn to share if you want to...leave a comment telling me your favorite thing to do when you have "one of those days". I'm looking forward to a brighter tomorrow.