Sunday, November 16, 2008

One of those days.

Something happened the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure what, but Chip is telling me I need an attitude adjustment. The sad part is that I agree with him. He told me to never blog again. Or blog about the fact that I'm in this place- this strange and not-so-happy place.
I don't come here often, but when I do, I remember how much I dislike it here. The frustrating part for me is that I can't put my finger on the "why I'm here". I just am. Maybe it's the weather turning cold. The leaves changed color and fell to the ground- that changing seasons are always such a visual/obvious reminder to me that life goes on. This time of year reminds me that another year is coming to a close...another year of loving and living, yes. But also of missing Teagan and moving further from the fond memories I have of her.
Maybe it's the cold and snow flurries that are blowing around outside. I'm not a fan of cold weather and I dread the long winter months. One day Chip and I hope to live in a warmer state- at least for part of the year. The cold part.
Maybe it's the fact that no matter how many times I give my kids instruction on certain things, they still fail to follow through with my requests of them. Now, I understand that this is a part of parenting- you tell your kids the same things over and over sometimes, and they still don't get it. Like "eat your vegetables", or "flush when you're done", or "don't hit your sister/brother". It can get monotonous and the past week I feel like I'm a broken record and that I'm wasting my time instructing my kids. They seem to be getting the upper hand- for some reason.
Maybe it's because I'm hitting that wall of sleep deprivation with a newborn. Maybe it's the fact that Wyndham was sick for a couple of days, and even though she didn't need hospitalization this time, when she gets ill, I get stressed.
I guess I'm just putting this out there 1) because Chip told me to- he told me to blog about how I really feel right now, and 2) because it's true, I'm not always some bouncy, happy person. I get worn out and run-down and I question my faith and wonder what the point is to everything sometimes.
Like today.
Getting ready for church.
It wasn't fun at our house.
I yelled at Ava because she cried when I put her hair up in her ponytails...ans then she pulled them out. It made me mad...and we were already running late.
I didn't feel like going to church- I have to be honest, it seemed like a joke to go and sing praise to God and smile to other people when inside I was grumpy about hair and breakfast and thinking it was a waste of time because surely my kids won't take the lesson to heart and I will still have to break up arguments between them this week.
It all seemed to fake and pointless.
And I'm sharing this because it's exactly how things were and I have a feeling I'm not alone in this place.
In fact I know of at least one other person who questions why we try so hard to do good things and be good people and have values and morals, only to have life "dump on us" or let us down. It doesn't seem fair sometimes to try so hard when in fact, life will send things our way regardless of how neat we try to keep our homes or how often we get our kids to eat their vegetables.
Now, I don't want to worry anyone, I'm still looking for the simple joys in life and I'm still taking lots of photos and sharing them here. Today's photos are a short series of Ava putting a hat on Crew and they show the special relationship those two share. It's very cute and I'm blessed to be a part of it and I don't take it for granted. I'm very aware of how much I have in life to be grateful for.
The reality is that sometimes I still question and wonder and ask why. The reality is that I sometimes worry that I'm not cut out for the path I'm on in life. The reality is that sometimes we all have days where life gets the best of us. I had one of those today. And I promised to keep it real around here.
So that's it.
Now it's your turn to share if you want to...leave a comment telling me your favorite thing to do when you have "one of those days". I'm looking forward to a brighter tomorrow.


Dana said...

I know you'll get lots of comments to this post. I'm in "this place" off and on a lot right now too. I also have a newborn at home so I'm sleep deprived (and even more this time since I'm nursing). That coupled with a toddler running around (don't know how you do what YOU do!) and being told while on maternity leave that my job was being eleminated at the church I worked at, makes for some dark days but I know that I'll be ok. God knew this. He knew this was coming. Thanks for being so honest...we love reading your blog!

'nona said...

I know it's hard to get away, but I know Chip will stay with the kids so just put on your boots, hat and coat and go for a walk. Its a great time to talk to God and it raises your seratonin levels. After that go to Starbuck. Remember what an exceptional human being you are and who thinks so. there a alot of us. Love and Prayers-Fran

Jennifer said...

I was in this place a few months ago and that was when I turned to blogs....not creating my own, but reading other's. I found so many people (including you) who were going through worse and still hanging on to hope. Eventually thier (your) hopefulness latched on to me.

Amy said...

friend, you have A LOT on your plate. you need to remember the following: 1) you've lost a child, a loss you will never get over, 2) you have a child with special needs and OTHER children with needs that must be met, 3)you have a new born....all three of those things would send me over the edge each & every day. but you are a strong woman. God will not give you more than you can handle. you are allowed to have down days, yell at your children, not want to go to church. all of this is so.very.normal. just know that, this too shall pass and you will have a brighter tomorrow. thanks for keeping it real.

prayers for you from colorado,

Jennifer Feagles said...

I Have never written you a comment before, but I have read your blog for a while. I've been inspired by you more than once, by your courage and strength. I am sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I would guess that you are experiencing a whole mixture of feelings, you mentioned a few (change of season, lack of sleep, Teagan and missing her). Take your time to process all of this. The lack of sleep alone takes a real toll on us. I hope that things start to look up for you very soon.
You'll be in my prayers.
Jen Feagles

my3sons said...

I have been following your blog for some time and haven't commented before. I check on you daily to see what you've posted.I always feel better after reading your blog. You have a great way of writing and relaying feelings. I am a mom to 3 sons. Ages 1, 5, and 8. I also have those days. I think we all do. I usually will go to my room, lock the door and either watch TV or read a book. Sometimes all I need is an hour to regroup. Also, my boys fight like crazy. I suppose that is what siblings do. I tune some of it out, and yell other times. I hate to yell, but sometimes you just have to! Stay strong and know you are doing a great job. Being a mom is the hardest job any of us will ever do! Like another person mentioned, you have had a lot go on in your family and deserve to feel like you do from time to time. Thank you for your beautiful posts~! Even the hard days:)

shawnna said...

I think you may have described last week for me ..... I too couldn't really describe why I was so down .... sad...frustrated...sad

It wasn't the anniversary of our wreck or my son's birthday. But I found myself in that place just the same.

Part of me didn't want to give in to my emotions but really after a few good cries I really did feel better. That and just trying to tell myself that life here on earth is so temporal ...even though at times it doesn't feel like it. Things get better, they get worse, and then they tend to get better again. Tomorrow is a NEW DAY. Praying for a little sunshine in yours.
God Bless

mindibz said...

Now that's real. I've followed your blog for awhile. I'm always encouraged by your honesty. I appreciate you blogging about the joys, the simple things, offering encouragement, peace, hope, but it's important to completely honest and say these things, too. Thanks for doing that. It's important. As for what I do when I know I'm blessed, but I'm just not feeling that blessed, I tell myself, "this too shall pass" and "tomorrow is a new day". It's not life changing, but it gets me through the day, and sometimes all you need is a new day to start feeling on track again. Sending prayers up for you...

Amber said...

Hi Jody. I've never commented either, but have been reading your blog for awhile now. I laughed about your Sunday morning, not because it was funny "haha" but because I can relate completely. I have 3 kids (6,4,1) and Sunday mornings are a mess of baths, clothes, breakfast, fixing hair, yada, yada, yada. There is yelling, screaming, crying.... (Why are Sundays more stressful than any other day?) And then we show up to church in smiles and even though we might look "put together", there was a lot of pain to get to that point. Then I sit in church telling the kids to be quiet, taking kids to the bathroom or nursery, and try to pay attention to what the pastor is saying. But it's a lot of work!
Thanks for being honest about your feelings - not just today but everyday you write.

MandieGirl said...

I don't have any kids, but I seem to have my fair share of "those days". I definitely need music to calm me down, and sometimes a nap or a hot bath just makes a world of difference. Or a phone call to an encouraging friend.

Tricia Moran said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now and you have no idea how you touch people with your wise words. The best part is that you are so real. I am in awe of how you do what you do and would be surprised if you didn't have days/weeks like you had recently. You are a human being and you have so much on your plate. Your family is beautiful, but you also need to take care of YOU sometimes. I have learned that the hard way over the years.
Every year this time I get that "restlessness" you described. It is not all bad, but it just kind of feels indifferent or not definable. I agree that it can be the dark and cold. But think about what you are doing every day. you have a newborn baby, you have three other young children (including your special needs angel) and you have just given birth. Throw the fact that this will bring up all sorts of feelings about the beautiful angel that you lost and you can't be surprised.
Your description of even making the EFFORT to go to church this morning made me smile. I only have two children and getting anywhere can feel overwhelming at times. The fighting is something that makes me want to cry sometimes but I know my two love each other very much. Sometimes I feel that all the hard work I put in to nurture my children and teach them about right and wrong feels like it goes in one ear and out of the other too! It's perfectly normal. I needed you to remind me of that today and I hope all your respondents can remind you that you're are doing so terrifically despite many demands and challenges.
I immediately was drawn to your realness and your honesty - that's what you are about and it is quite rare. I hope that you can give yourself a little break here and there this week and not be so hard on yourself. Your beautiful children reflect the great job you do, despite the way you feel sometimes. I am a pro at beating myself up too and identify with you very much. It is a woman and mother thing!
I hope I can write again. You are an inspiration. Believe in your wonderful self. I don't even know you, but I can tell...
I hope you can find a little rest and peace this week and that things will be a little more clear for you. Sleep might be the main missing ingredient here - are you actually getting any? :)
Hang in there - I'm glad you gave me the chance to comment..
Love,Tricia and Family (N>VA)

Anonymous said...

I have never left a comment here before, but I want to let you know how much your post meant to me today. Right now I am stuggling with the fact that after 6 years of trying to have a baby, I am still not any closer to my dream than I was on the day we started trying. And I too had to go to church when I didn't feel like it, and I had to teach the lesson to our youth today about change and dealing with it and moving on and I felt like a fraud. Thank you for letting me know today that I am not alone in my feelings. I pray you will have a better day tomorrow :)

today is the present said...

I am having those days, too! You described it perfectly!

I try to think of little things that I can do to feel better like a long bath and my favorite lotion, a candle, some cheery music. Music helps a lot.

I always feel that way for a while after having a baby because let's face it, we are sleep deprived usually.

I have been questioning why I'm even alive lately, because if I knew exactly why I could maybe do a better job of what it is that I am supposed to be doing :)

As Christians we were put here to _____________ ________. Glorify God?

Anyway, that's a true question if not an answer. You are not alone and you are on the right road in life. Just looking at those precious children leaves no doubt. And I yelled last night, too. Just a quick yell but I felt like dirt afterwards and apologized to my daughter later. It's a sad feeling but we are not perfect!

hugs, prayers and gratefulness for your honestly,(mainly so that I know I am not alone).


jennie said...

Thank you for your post. I have been talking to friends lately about blogs and how so many are just too good to be true. Thanks for the honesty. Many of us feel this way. Life is so good, but the day to day, not so much. Those little thing WILL pay off eventually. The season changes here are hard and a bit sad. I feel reminders of those I've lost around the holidays. I am doing my best to be different about it this year. I need to. I don't want ot be all touchy and sad. I love Christmas!
I love the joy you find in life, you'll be back there. Find the root to this "funk". And if all else fails, a little retail therapy always seems to help me;)

Bonnie said...

Hi Jody.

First I love your blog so much and how you are so real. As a matter of fact, I've noticed that when I'm having an off day that I sometimes feel worse after I read the "only happy and perky blogs" but that I feel so much more connected and healed when I'm having a bad day when I read the "keeping it real" blogs such as yours. God never said that it would be easy but He is here for us and He made us here for one another. Your "realness" is a gift you give to everyone and in turn people like me who read your blog are sending you healing prayers right now. Here's something I hope you try: cut yourself lots of slack, lower your expectations -- you are already amazing, and give into the feelings whatever they are. Recently I allowed myself to cry and it helped so very much. I realized I was holding so much in and that I just needed to let it go, that simple act really helped. I am sending you love Jody and praying you will be gentle with yourself and acknowledge how wonderful you are in all your beautiful humanity. Love you lots, Bonnie

Heather said...

Jodi- It's Heather from Ontario Canada. I've been reading your blog for quite a while In fact I think I've even left a comment or two :)

The thing I do to make "those" days easier is to get out for coffee with a friend or perhaps if the weather co-operates a nice speed walk and THEN coffee.

I will keep you in my prayers. Cyber (((hugs))) coming your way.

Susan said...

What I like about your blog most of all is your honesty. And if you can't be truthful about your feelings then I think you would explode from trying to fake being happy all the time! I completely understand where you are today. Sometimes, even though I am so lucky and grateful to live the life I have, I still have bad, grumpy days where I wonder what all my effort is for...then I wake up the next day and realize it's just one of those things we all go through.

The Panni Family said...

O Jody, I have been a lurker for so long! I too have been there many many times. I am currently in nursing school and have 3 very lively boys, who are involved in far too much. I have "lost it" a few times and just wanted to be ALONE! However when I get alone I only want to be with them! STRESS and LACK OF SLEEP are alot of it! Get some rest and this too shall pass! And keep blogging!!

lindsay said...

sounds like you need to come visit the great state of texas and get you a top-shelf margarita! i'm getting ready to have my third baby and i'm already starting to dread all the chaos that comes along with having a newborn in the house. i think it's great that you recognize that you can't and aren't perfect every day. i think that's what i admire most about you. you are so genuine. if that's one thing that i hope to teach my's not that i'm perfect (i'm far far from that), but that i'm a genuine person who struggles but gets back up and faces each day with hope that it will be better than the last. my thoughts are with you as you work out all the things going on in your life.

AmandaHoyt said...

Thank you, Jody, for keeping it real. You are one of my favorite bloggers just for that very reason. I too have been feeling the same way. Lord, help us! Some days are worse than others and I sure hope tomorrow is better.
One of the ways that I try to get out of it is by listening to music. Usually a good MercyMe, Third Day or Addison Road song helps me.
I'm praying for you.
Hugs and prayers,

Hillary said...

I totally needed this today. I have been in this same spot all week long. I don't have kids to get mad at, but I have other things....which has made this week even worse.
I wasn't going to go to church this morning but I went anyway. It was definitely worth it for me today. Communion was today and I just sobbed as I remembered what Jesus Christ did for me....
Anyway, I'm praying for you and your family. This time of year is difficult for so many....
If you ever need to get some coffee or something and get away for a bit....let me know. :)

mumameee said...

I want to give you a hug right now...I go through the same stuff and every 6 months or so being a Mum, wife etc, etc gets on top of me and I collapse...I feel God is no where near me and it is tough...I didn't want to go to church either on Sunday - I didn't want to talk to anyone, but we went & we had dressing issues too!

But know that you are cared for all over the world through your blog friends and sister's in Christ. I love reading and sharing your blog and will pray for you in tough times. Thanks for sharing how I feel too.... xox

kimberly said...

You do not walk alone. I'm a single parent of five kids, two are on their own and three at home. And when I say single, I mean single in earning a living and teaching them and grounding them. I get to play good cop/bad cop. Unfortunately, they tend to remember the bad cop more. Being a foster child didn't give me much of anything, except a strong desire to overcome and a strong desire to be close to the only one who can, God. He reminds me of this daily. Sometimes I need to be reminded HOURLY but He lets it go.
WHen I feel overwhelmed I know, tomorrow's another day. Sun comes up and God still loves me. It's the only comfort I have somedays.
Peace be with you, for He is with you always.

Shannon said...

So Joshua did what Moses had commanded. He led his men out to fight the army of Amalek.

Meanwhile Moses, Aaron, and Hur went to the top of a nearby hill. As long as Moses held up the staff (of God)with his hands, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites gained the upper hand. Moses' arms finally became too tired to hold up the staff any longer. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side, holding up his hands until sunset. As a result, Joshua and his troops were able to crush the army of Amalek. ~ Exodus 17:10-13

I pray someone will come along side you, find a stone for you to sit on, and help you hold your hands up... and in numbers, crush your enemies.

Lisa-Kate said...

You are not alone. I hit this place often. This morning we had the same kind of morning and were 30mins late to church. Just remember that the enemy is a deceiver and he will try to take control of our mind and emotions any way he can so recognize it and cast him out in Jesus holy name. Stick to His word and fill yourself with it. Now let me go practice what I preach :) because it is so hard :)

Lisa-Kate said...

oh and happy 3rd bloggervarsery! We are celebrating it at almost the same time. I made my 3rd yr of blogging this month too, I only wish I would have as many readers as you do ;) or at least a few, lol. Have a great week!

Jamie said...

I have been there so often! Especially with being a stay at home mom because I didn't get a contract at the school where I taught. I think that Satan has a way of putting things in our paths that get us down and then he uses it to keep us there because he knows as long as we are there, we aren't doing any good....BUT in the same breath, we know that God is bigger than all of this, all of our down times, all of our doubts and he loves us anyways! He picks us up and loves on us! Tonight at our home group (aka sunday school)I saw the picture of this as a new dad had his newborn on his chest, God does us like that! He wants us "on His chest" so to speak and wants to hold us, keep us safe, and love on us.

Denise said...

Oh Thank you for sharing and you are definately not alone! I love the way that you can express your feelings on your blog that is a gift for all of us!

Here is what I do when I've had a terrible day, I try to look at the little moments that make me smile even if there is only one! Like your child saying something sweet or your hubby doing something out of the blue! If we can slow down and look at one thing that made us smile then you can realize all the fuss was just fuss and it has passed! Take Care I know how much you wish for sleep and to feel like yourself again! You will, my dear!

Anonymous said...

With what you wrote today...I feel like you are living in my house. I just want out of this funk. Thank you for sharing...For being real...And for helping me know that I am not alone!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to post as anonymous today just because I feel like I need to be honest without my name attached.

Your post had nothing to do with your mood and everything to do with GOD putting it there to smack me in the face.

I didn't want to (and didn't) take the kids to church this morning. I was in a funk after having house guests yesterday and simply didn't want to bundle everyone up to go out in the cold. Selfish, yes but it was just the way I felt this morning.

Then this afternoon was absouletly one of those days for me and my husband. We will often not agree, but very seldom do we let it just get to us. Today it got to us. There was a good 3 hours we didn't even speak. We just each needed our own space.

Of course Satan got exactly what he wanted out of this disagreement. I missed my small group Bible study because I didn't feel I could leave on nonspeaking terms to my husband.

Then I go online to read some of my favorite blogs. Yours was the first one I came to. It has cause me to pause and think AND like you always say we have to choose JOY. Tomorrow will be a new day and I have to try to find some joy.

It's November and I should be thanking God for all the things he has given us!

Anonymous said...

Sit down tonight when the kids are asleep, watch your favourite TV show and drink a nice warm mug of coffee with something yummy on a plate next to you.

Don't know if it'll make you feel better. But your tummy will like it!

I was going to say "we need the hard days to appreciate the good ones", but you so know that, and live that. And it doesn't help one scrap. So I won't say it....oops.

Love to you


Jane-Jane said...

having one of those days here, and we don't even have children! I like to take a bath and sleep when I'm feeling down and out.

Magnoliawhispers said...

the combination you are describing sounds like a perfect set up for Satan to attack us when we are feeling down and low and cold! He especially likes to do this on Sundays when he knows it would be easier to stay at home, but miss the blessings of fellowship and worshipping God. He hates when we do this. Our battle is human but our God is ever present to help us!

Karey in OK said...

Dear Sister,
I believe that as women we don't need a reason to have days that we feel the way you describe. It is because we are women, mothers, wives and daughters.
While some of us feel are emotions strongly we also need others to prayer for us. As Moses had 2 men hold his arms up so the Israelites could win the battle, we all will hold you up in prayer right now so that you will win the battle.
Praying the Lord will lift your spirits and renew your strength.
I once needed HIM to be with me where I physically could feel HIM. He came to me. I was kneeling at the foot of my bed, with my upper body lying over the foot. He allowed me to feel His hand on my head. All I could do was stay there and cry knowing He was with me. So I am praying He will be with you any way you need Him to.
Rest well my sister and in the peace only He can give.

Jodie R. said...

What helps me most in these times is not necessarily the easiest thing to do, but it's the thing of most lasting value, I believe. My dad and a couple of my closest friends always encourage me to do this...preach the Truth to myself. Remind myself of the Gospel. That when I am weak, HE is strong! That His mercies are new every morning. That He will never leave me or forsake me. To think about all of the wonderful things He has done for me. Remembering His faithfulness and grace in my life.

I pray that the Lord will draw you ever closer to Himself through this season. We all go through it in various forms at various times; you are not alone. I think it really serves to remind us of how apart from Him we could truly not make in this life. We need Him for our every breath. Thanks for sharing this with's a privilege to be able to pray you through these discouraging days.

Rosie said...

Thanks for being so open! This is a difficult time of year for many people. Even when they don't have a new baby. Get outside and get some sunshine. It increases the serotonin in your brain--which is getting depleted because of the darker winter days. Sunlight and exercise. Put the baby in the stroller all wrapped up cozy and go for a walk. It will help.

Do a search on Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. It is real, some people are so affected. There are some tips about how to help you cope. Sunlight and exercise are the first things to try.

Good luck!

MC said...

I have also been really cranky lately...and my solution has been to nap a lot. I don't have multiple kids running around however...just a dog. I think mine is related to the change in seasons and the fact that I am DREADING another winter on our mountain.

Here's hoping to will turn around for both of us soon!

Hugs to you!

michelle said...

Jody- I have only before left one comment but I check your blog daily...I too, like so many others gain such inspiration from you...even on your "off" days. We all have them. I understand what you mean about the weather playing a part in it. We're in Northern IN and the snow is blowing around tonight too. It's very dreary and depressing.

I have been mourning "harder" than usual for my baby I never met- "lost" through a miscarriage. I have a 8 mo old and a VERY high maintenance 3 year old. I yell more often than I'm proud to admit. I work full time 2nd shift. I'm up late after getting home close to midnight, the baby is still nursing in the middle of the night, and then the kids get me up early. So sleep deprivation is a way of life for me too right now. I'm dealing with a marriage that's not so hot right now. A mountain load of debt that seems sooo overwhelming and frustration because I would rather be at home with my kids that need me than working off the stupid credit card debt (I assume responsibility for it, its our fault, but I HATE IT!) My daughter is having health issues that we're trying to figure out. My co-workers don't talk to me. My husband hasn't been helping me or talking to me. I just feel so alone. I hate to admit that I purposely "forgot" to set my alarm for church today. I just couldn't face everyone and "fake it" today.
I have to say that I do find some comfort in knowing I'm not alone in how I feel (let me clarify- I'm in no way glad that other people feel sad, lonely, depressed! It just helps to know that someone understands).
I have to lock myself away, allow myself to cry. Then I direct my tears and crying and BEGGING for strength to the Lord. And I try to get a nap (which is rare because nap time is the time I have to get ready to leave for work!). But a 20 minute power nap does wonders.

Praying for you Jody! Thank you for sharing your heart!

MH72 said...

It could be one of my days you just described :-) Haven't got much time to write now but want you to know what a relief it was to read this "other" side of you. And don't be afraid - it doesn't make you look bad or anything. Just normal... what a relief :-)

Bills Family said...

You are typing the real life of most Mom's but your life has had many more twists and turns. I think you are a wonderful Mom and are a friend to women you have never met. Your blog has made me stop and think when I have had bad days...I have wanted to walk out and "quit" my job but I can't because when I gave birth, I signed on for a life contract. I find talking about the bad days makes me realize I'm not alone. You not only have a full have a full buffet to handle!! You are doing an awesome job!!! Take a little "me" time!!!

Anonymous said...

{{HUGS}} to you Jody! I think every mom has had one of those days. But, Jody, have you ever looked into SAD? I suffer during the winter every year...and this year is no exception. What I have found to be the best therapy is a tanning bed. The light and the warmth lift my spirits while giving me 20 minutes of quiet time. I use that to pray or to just process my day. I know there are other things that come from tanning, but it really does get me through the cold, dark winter months.

Karen said...

First, thank you for sharing. Sometimes it is hard to deal with the everyday stuff and it makes it somehow easier to know that you are not in it alone. Everyone has periods in their lives like this. As much as we may hate to admit it, we're can't always do it all. Take some time for yourself. Be reflective, honest and prayerful. Ask for help when you need it. I often forget to do that myself because I want to be able to do it all for my family, but sometimes I need help. Trials are a part of life, you and your family have demonstrated that you do pull together and work through the adversity and pain. No matter how deep. Allow yourself to be human.
As my mother is fond of saying 'This too, shall pass.' It will and He will help see you through it.
God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Jody, I could have written this post. I am like that a lot lately. I HATE winter and yet I live in Northern Michigan so the kids can be by family. This past summer my son (14) and I were out riding dirt bikes and having fun and we were coming around a corner and he and another grown man hit head on. When I saw that my son didn't come out of the corner, I turned around and I saw his lifeless body on the ground. A part of me died. Thank God he was alive, just broken up. Dislocated knee, needing stitches, broken foot and his beloved bike was totaled. The other man was up and walking around. Had a scratch on his face. I am sure he was sore, he is 53. I had to leave my son on the ground to go get the truck to get him to the hospital. Cell phones weren't working in that area. My son told me that no sooner did I leave that the man he ran into was taking pictures with his cell phone! I wasn't even thinking lawsuit. Well, now this man is suing me! I have nothing. It just makes me ill. That being said, I often come to your blog because you bring me joy. I sometimes look at you in an unfair light that you are "holier than thou". Don't get my wrong I know you aren't. I know you personally. You are always happy and bubbly and just a ray of sunshine. Y have so much love for life and God and it brings me to tears that I wish I could be more like you. Now for once you are more like me! I hope I am wording this right and I am not in any way putting you down. I look up to you, Jody. Gather strength from all these people's post and thanks again for being SO real!

Beth said...

you typed what I think we all feel as a mom/woman. a million directions, short tempers, exhaustion, all of it. Put on some good music and dance. All of you. Kids will love it and it will fill your heart. you are amazing and thank you for keeping it real :)

polly's path said...

I don't know of anyone who can say they haven't had a day like that. We all need an "attitudinal adjustment"(sp?) every now and then. Your honesty about it and the hope that you still hang on to is inspiring.
The sun will come out tomorrow...
p.s. Can I trade states with you for a week?? The last time it snowed here was in 78 they say. It is chilly today, but usually we are in our shorts and t-shirts until Christmas. I would love to hit my hubby with a snowball.

Krista said...

i've been having one of those days for awhile now. some things that help:

getting out of the house sans child and husband, even if it's just for 20 minutes walking in my neighborhood.

Starbucks is a 1 mile walk from my house... exercise cancels out all the calories in a peppermint twist latte :D and chocolate is good for your soul.

after i get ds to bed and dh is doing something on his own, i retreat to my bedroom, turn on all the lights (because it tends to be dark in there) and read Psalms. knowing that someone like King David endured some major "dark night of the soul" kind of stuff really helps.

Tina said...

Jody, I would like to personally thank you for posting this. I am glad Chip made you do it. It is so helpful to know that even someone like you has those kind of days. Yes, I have many, many of those days. Though I have not perfected the art of this, the single most helpful thing to do on days like this is simply sing praises to God and give thanks for everything you can think of. When I have done so, it is amazing how quickly my attitude can change. Or thinking about and praying for the persecuted Christians that are suffering horrible atrocities, remembering the poor and hungry around the world and praying and thanking God for all the abundance of comforts we have. It makes things like bickering or whining children seem very small in comparison. I am NOT saying these things don't get me down too, because it is something I struggle with on a daily basis, my children's arguments and strife.
I have never lost a child and cannot even begin to imagine how that would feel. But I pray God brings you out of this place quickly. It is no fun, I know.

And thanks SO MUCH for sharing this. It makes you seem more normal. :)

Like some others have commented, I have had Sunday mornings like this as well, exactly like that in fact.

downhomediva said...

Thanks so much for addressing these issues today. Its so great to know that I am not alone. I too have been struggling with lots of mommy pressure, in many of the same areas as you. I work outside the home, so I feel like I have to fit in quality time with both the husband and daughter every night. It’s very hard and stressful, especially on nights when I get out of work late.

I also have been struggling with the guilt of just not wanting to go to church because of the distraction it is to have my daughter there. She is four years old, and she does pretty well through the first 40 minutes, but inevitably she gets antsy right around the time the preacher starts delivering the message. If I can’t hear the message, I just don’t see the point in going, because then it seems to me that we are going just to say we went. We do have a children’s church program, but she is not ready for me to leave her there. So the last month or so, we have spent Sundays just doing fun things as a family and I’ve tried to let go of my “church attendance” guilt. In all ways, we honor and praise God, and we are raising my daughter as a believer. We will try the church thing again when she gets a little older.

On days when I’m feeling down, I try to give myself a break. Easier said than done, but I get a Starbucks if I need one (usually I don’t get them just because of the price)… I eat a favorite piece of chocolate, wear my favorite jeans and t-shirt, talk to my bestest friends, cry if necessary, and remind myself that this too shall pass. Every day cannot be roses and rainbows, but every day is a gift from God.

Susie said...

Hey Jody.....Go see your doctor. You could be battling a case of post partum depresion. There are many ways it can manifest itself. I didn't get it with child number 1 but I certainly did with child number 2. You just don't know what kinds of chemical things are going on in your body - Add some additional stress to that and boom. Please take care of your self, and call your doc. Hugs, Susie

-gwyn said...

My favorite thing to do is sit outside on a brisk morning drinking a hot cup of coffee and watch the wonder of a new day dawning on the horizon. Then I tell myself that I have to give what's bothering to God and let him come up with the solution. I've had to do this a lot lately as my father is having life threatening surgery this week, I have a daughter in college 4 hours a way that is struggling, and a teenager who has issues with her father.


jsprik said...

i feel the same way...about doing good and "being" good just to have life dump on you. when my son was killed in the auto-accident we were in, we were probably the most faithful we had ever been in EVERY area of our lives and we STILL lost our son. I kind of felt betrayed by God. Not that he owes us anything, not by a long shot. But, I felt like we were doing everything right (not perfect by any means, but on the right path) and we still had this happen to us, it wasn't fair AT ALL. God doesn't promise us an easy life, even when we are doing good and being good, just that He will be there with us and for us. I don't understand why things happen to some and not to others, but I do know that God loves us and takes care of us, even when we don't feel it or see it!! I am going to say some extra prayers for you in the days to come, if you would do the same for me, I would appreciate it as I am going through some of the same things you are!! I think a lot of it is the changing season and like you said, we are getting further and further from the time we had our little ones and the memories do fade... hugs and prayers...

Traci Keriazakos said...

Love you!

Even in your not so good days you are still an inspiration to me. You are amazing and wonderful and even if you get upset and yell at the kids sometimes, I know they are in a place where love is abundant! Please remember all the good you do every single day. You really do have a purpose here and I know how much my life has been touched because of you!

Lauren Kelly said...

Thanks for reminding us that we're all human and that in God we can find some sanity in the midst of an every changing world. I really do enjoy reading your blog and thanks for your transparency!!! Be blessed today and find peace, rest, and comfort in him today!


Nieman Family said...

You are human too...That is Why we love you so.

Beth T. said...

Hi Jody - thanks for your honesty. Here is a link of interest for you - this has nothing to do with your post really. or maybe it does. life is so beautiful yet so unspeakably tragic, as you well know.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being so open. I read your blog often and find so much encouragement in your story. I will be praying for you during this time. When I struggle with one of those days... I do the following...
1. get some sunshine!
2. exercise
3. have some fun time with friends w/o the kiddos
Hang in there!
Kris in Texas

Belinda Faulkner said...

Hi, Jody:

I'm praying for you right now. I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time these last few days. I've read some of the comments you received today, and it looks like you are getting a lot of encouragement. I hope some of the things people are sharing will help you. I wish I could give you a three month trip to Sandestin Beach, Florida to get you through the upcoming winter, but again, all I can offer are prayers and encouragement. I hope you can get a little extra rest the next few days. Take care of yourself. The verse I turn to when I'm feeling down is Hebrews 13:5.

Jan said...

Jody, sweet, honest, "normal" Jody - I can't begin to know what you go through each and every day. It's a universe more than I ever had to deal with. But let me say this...

(First, a consideration - could you have a bit of post-partum depression going on as well? Something not to be ignored...)

You, who so often inspire the bejeebers out of everyone else, are ALLOWED to not have it all together every single day! You ARE an amazing woman of faith, wife and mom. This is so obvious to anyone who reads your blog. And, no matter what you're feeling right NOW, it's clear that your God and your family are what rock your world.

Life is never a level road. We all have ups and downs - and everything in between. While I didn't have the same struggles you do, I did have them. And I had "stuff" I had to deal with. While I'm generally an "up" person, when my kids were little, I had LOTS of bad days, weeks. What did I do when I got to this low, low road? Well, never what I now think, with 20/20 hindsight, days, months and years later, would have been a better choice! I, being human, usually just reacted: I crashed; I cried; I complained; I curled up in bed. My hubs would take the kids when they were little to his wonderful mom and dad's for an overnight. Or, he would just take over if he could. And when I wasn't free to just go hide, I made a lot of mistakes. I yelled at them all when they didn't deserve it. I ignored them when they needed my attention. My moods influenced the entire household, dangitall! (Unfair!) I disciplined them in anger. I was impatient. And I fed them canned ravioli when I didn't want to cook.

In hindsight, I would have gotten on my knees each and every morning and prayed for strength; I would have stopped to thank God in the midst of it all for the blessings I DO have; I would have held my tongue and tried to model Jesus to my family around me. I would have seen them all as the precious children of God that they also are. But I didn't. It wasn't until they were older and I was wiser - and the stress was much much less - that I began to make this the norm rather than the rare occurence. I failed over and over. Sigh.

BUT, I DID cry to God about it. I argued and reasoned and tried to justify my behavior with God about it. But, I finally saw it for what it was and confessed it. And I apologized to my family (more than once). And I believe with every ounce of my heart that I was and am forgiven. And that God not only knew my heart, but He knew my struggles and HE STILL LOVED ME. In THAT I could - and still do - find strength and hope and a better day.

You are in one of the most stressful times as a parent. I like to say it's the MOST physically stressful time when the kiddies are littler and that when their in their teens, parenting is the most emotionally stressful. And, although it DOES get better, the stress of parenting never goes totally away. My boys are 28 and 30 and they STILL keep us on our knees! As they should, since God has entrusted them especially to us. Thankfully, my kids (and dh) forgave me, love me, and love the Lord - and they still like canned ravioli.

I am at a place in my life now where the stresses can be pretty easily managed. I no longer feel like I'm drowning in it and can't come up for air. I have the luxury of being able to plan my time and control what I allow to add stress to my life. It IS a gift and a huge blessing and I'm SO thankful of that and SO aware that it is NOT the case for everyone.

When you're in that place where stress is swallowing up your body, your mind and your spirit, you MUST find ways to relieve it. Having a relationship with God IS the hope that relief (peace) CAN be found - if only for a moment. And, from there, you can look for ways that will help YOU. I think that recognizing that you're in this place is the beginning of handling it. Chip is wise to encourage you to be honest about it. Because you have now opened yourself up to receive more love and encouragement and prayers and that's a good thing.

Thank you for going there, Jody. See? You are not alone. I pray that God will bring a special joy to you today. And that He will continue to uphold you, strengthen you and USE you. And that He will bless you at least as much as you have blessed others...
((((((((hugs)))))))) and love,

Anonymous said...

when i'm having a bad day i go for a walk and pray my rosary, and i always feel renewed! the closer you are to God, the more the evil one wants you, and will do anything to mess you up- esp. when you're trying to get to church! banish him in the name of Jesus.
i have apologized to my family in the past for being beastly, and i remind them that i am not the perfect mother. i continually ask Jesus to help me be like His mother. we must look to heaven for our perfect parents, Jesus and Mary
tomorrow will be a better day..

Tabitha said...

You are so right ~ I think that everyone has one of 'THOSE' days every now and then!
I have them quite often!
I usually take a deep breath and just get through it ~ knowing and believing that tomorrow just has to be a better day!!
I hope tomorrow will hold more sunshine and happiness for you.
love and hugs, Tabitha XXX

georgia tarheel said...

WOW! Thanks for that! I have been reading your blog for a while now and never commented (that I can remember)...but I did worry about the fact that so many bloggers that read about seem to always have it together and be in their "happy place"! Thank you for being real.

I have been in that place...and fall into that place unexpectantly at times when i think all is well! I know God knows these days are going to come and yet it does not make it any easier! But they do pass...and I cling to that. But by keeping it real, you make me feel like I am ok!

Here's to your better tomorrow (which should have been today!) LOL


Anonymous said...

My dear husband always knows when I need sleep....and I'm a grandma!
I get cranky and grumpy and out of sorts (happens when I need food too). I know the purpose of blogs is to vent and you're doing that. You're in a season of kids and babies and all that entails and it is truth that mom's are tired.

Keep coming to read your blog!!!!

Nuts in a Tree said...

Jody, make me feel normal and better just by your simple honesty. I know it doesn't make you feel better right now, but it makes me feel good that I'm not alone during those times and I know that you will crawl out of that 'place' soon too...because it will probably be somebody else's turn to sit there. Hugs to you!

Rhonda :)

angie ulseth said...

A book and a bubble bath, glass of wine optional, is the only way to go after "one of those days". Those kind of days do make the good days seem even better, though. :)

Journey to Mia Lynn: said...

Yes, the lady that said that to only read blogs that are written as perfect, happy & cheery all of the time~it is exhausting. By the time I have a read a few of those I think that I must be a total failure. You just read about how perfect & orderly their life is & you just begin to feel worse about your own~especially if it is not going so great. So, yes~thank you for your honesty. I certainly don't want to say that I like to read of others sadness or bad days just to make myself feel better, but you know what I mean. It is nice to know that others have bad days & times too. None the less, I am sorry that you are having a bad day/hard time right now. Let's not forget-you did just have a baby. Although, a bad day is perfectly normal & to totally be expected, just remember that it could be post partum issues as well. Your hormones are going crazy right now! I must say too that after years of Infertility, miscarriages, failed adoptions etc. & a desire to be a mother that I can not even begin to describe in words that I struggle with bad days a lot of the time, but I just try to believe that He knows better than me. It is a daily struggle to remind myself of this & generally I am not successful. Like you telling your kids the same thing over & over, I have to do that to myself as with each new day that the sun rises I again find myself wondering why I am still childless! Hang in there! Tomorrow is a new day. Jen

Pamela said...

Oh sweet Jodi, hang in there Sista! My "kids" are now 19 and 17 and it seems like yesterday when I was spinning for the same reasons you are...First and foremost, give yourself a well deserved are a very sleep deprived, tired and busy mom! You have a newborn for crying out loud (literally!)Go easy on yourself, you are doing a marvelous job loving and caring for your family! Please take my word for it, you will miss these days...Enjoy your munchkins, forget about the house and chores and go get yourself a latte'=)
I am one of your "stalkers" and I can't tell you how much you lift my spirits! It broke my heart to hear you being so hard on yourself so I just HAD to write back! I'll be lifting you up in prayer=)
Love in Him, Your "cyber" friend, Pamela

The Keffer Crew said...

I linked to your blog through Angie Smith and have enjoyed reading about your sweet family. I've never commented before but tonight felt led to just commiserate. I am a mother of 4 kids. Eleven, nine, seven and six and the exhaustion is just more than I can take some days. Like you Sundays are often a drag for me. My husband is a minister, so I spend Sunday mornings alone getting everyone ready and doing the usual stuff. Asking more times than I can count, did everyone brush their teeth, does everyone have their shoes one, did everyone eat breakfast, are all the lights turned off in your room, can the cat get to the litter box? And then after refereeing most of the morning I spend the car ride to the church begging them to all behave in Sunday school so when I pick them up I don't have to listen to the older woman give me a laundry list of their sometimes bad behavior. Then feel like as I'm singing a hymn how badly have I damaged my children today with all the yelling I've done to get here.

Not every day is pretty around here and if you ask me it seems like most are not. Having several kids is not an easy job. But when I tuck my children into bed each night with their specific routines, their faces don't show any of the wear and tear. They still love me, not sure why all the time, but they do and for that I'm so thankful.

I know your kids are the same way and like you I'm sure, I crawl into bed, thankful that tomorrow is another day and even though I don't always make the right decisions and probably yell too much, I know my kids know I love them.

Hang in there, friend. You're doing a great job!

Adrienne said...

No, I think you're the only one...wink (trying to throw in a little laughter as I know it does a heart good)...praying for your heart. I'm crusty about 12 to 99 times a day, with a little sweet in there once in a while. Just the post-delivery scenario alone makes me want to skip more ninos, but I know the joys overshadow's just mind boggling how in one day the emotions can ebb and flow to such extremes. Practically, I pray you'll get much needed sleep. Spiritually, I pray your heart will be renewed with God's always, Ade xoxox

Anonymous said...

I'm in the same place you are Jodi. It's not fun. With me its because I've been looking for work for months now, with no luck. I think we need to take our own advice we give to others who are having a hard time -- allow yourself to be in that place, to process it all, and to pull yourself out of it when you're ready. We don't have to be these perfect people all of the time. God doesn't intend that for us at all!
I remember back to when my boys were babies and when I was sleep deprived it made everything cloudier and just more difficult! I sure wish I lived closer, I'd so gladly run on over (it's not like I'm working! lol) and in between snuggling that cutie little Crew of yours, I'd bake you some pumpkin muffins while you napped!
Hang in there Jodi, and thanks again for always being so REAL. You're such an inspiration to so many, me included.

asnipofgoodness said...

The best thing to do is the last thing you want to do, DO THE NEXT
THING!!!! Doing the next thing, then the next, then the next, is always the best way to not let a bad moment turn into a bad day, or a bad day turn into a bad week and so on.... Doing the next thing, the right thing, the thing we need to do, is always the cure, not wollowing, or crying (although sometimes that helps to do first, then do the next thing, lol) or thinking about how unfair life is,or how someone else has it better. It's not the fun thing, but it ALWAYS works!
Yesterday was destined to be a really bad day for me, I blogged, and then I did everything I needed to do, that I had been putting off. I got through it, it wasn't fun, but I am not stil "there".

Tracey said...

I haven't left a comment here in a long time (maybe ever?) but I check in every once in a while. I just thought I'd tell you that I think Satan was definitely working overtime this past Sunday. The scenario you described was EXACTLY what happened at our house. Nothing like piling everyone into the car, only to have a silent trip to church because 1) Mom's SO frustrated with the kids and the morning's hassles, and 2) the kids are mad because things didn't happen the way they wanted them to and mom yelled at them, and 3)Dad's irritated at all the drama. And then you walk in the front doors of the church and feel like you have to smile and let everyone know you're OK, just's the stupid minutae of the days that can send us over the edge.

Sleep deprivation is never easy on top of all the day to day activities that must be done. Hang in there...better days WILL come. It may not get easier (He does not promise that), but He does promise to get us through. And remember that, often as not, it's just Satan doing what he does best, and we can kick him to the curb at anytime. ;)

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