Beyond perfection

Someone has gotten much more demanding of my time and attention this week. Crew is 6 weeks old today (and weighs exactly 10 pounds) and for whatever reason, has decided to fuss almost on cue, from about 9 pm until 12 pm every night. Hence, the lack of blogposts around here.

This post is a bit of a recap then- a mix of photos, stories and thoughts.

I have been able to get better photos of Ava lately, and most recently it's been for a reward such as, "You can watch the Tinkerbell dvd as soon as you smile for a picture." I am not above bribes for smiles. =) She also has fallen hard for Crew and continues to just love being my helper and smothering him with kisses and attention. I can't forget to document her saying to me yesterday in the van as we drove home from dropping Wyndham off at therapy, she said, "Mommy...I love you with my whole being". Talk about melting me! I'm not sure where that came from, but it did make me think of how many times I love "just enough". It made me want to love more- even when I'm tired- even when I'm at my wit's end- even when someone doesn't 'deserve' all my love.

I have been thinking over and over about God and His love for me- for us. It doesn't make sense to me at how He could love us- even when we don't love Him back. God sits and waits patiently for us as we mess us, make mistakes, turn our backs on Him, follow our selfish plans and dreams in life, and yet He is always there. He loves us with His "whole self" and I can't even begin to comprehend what that really means. Anyway, awhile back one of our guest speakers at church made this statement and it has stuck with me and for some reason it keeps coming to mind this week and that is this:

"He suffered much too much for our hearts to only be stirred from time to time."

Think about that. Read it again. Do you believe it?

If so, what does that mean?

I have been humbled at how my actions in life should look...what kind of response should I have to God, who sent His Son, Jesus, to suffer and pay the penalty for my sin. Jesus died for me- for you- for everyone- in order that He might make a way for us to be reconciled to God forever.

I'm sorry to say that most of the time in my life I don't act like someone who is eternally grateful for His saving grace and salvation. I mess up. I make mistakes. I don't love others with my "whole self". I know I'm not perfect and I yet I want to live my life with purpose and in response to His great love. I love that God forgives and loves beyond perfection. He only asks that we give Him our hearts and thankfully He fills in the gap and provides the way of righteousness.

I just wanted to pass that on to anyone who feels inadequate or overwhelmed or fearful that you've let God down in your life. He is always there. He is a God of compassion and mercy and I just want to thank Him for that again today. I want my heart to be more than stirred...I want to worship and praise Him and love more. Each and everyday.

Okay.

I wasn't planning to write all that, but my heart just felt led to do so.

I intended to just share the following bits from my everyday life this week, which included Bella being so excited about a little book she made and brought to school for show & tell. She was so happy to show her daddy her little book and I captured a photo of her as Chip flipped through her book and listened as she described the pictures and notes written inside. Chip smiled and laughed as he turned the pages and Bella couldn't have been happier. In fact she is a little blurry in the photo because of her delight- she couldn't stand still for her joy.

Brock also came home and literally ran to the front door this week waving a piece of paper as I opened the door to greet him after school. "Mom, mom!", he yelled, "wait til you see my spelling test!" I figured he had gotten 100%, but as he held it up, I could see a couple of checkmarks on his page.

"You got a hundred?" I asked.

"No", he replied, "I got two wrong, but I used my own handwriting and look how great I did!".

Now, this has been a big challenge and area of frustration for him and for Chip and me. We have watched him struggle with neatness and have been very hard on him about trying harder and working on his handwriting. He normally types his spelling words for his tests.

This time, he had written slowly and methodically and his teacher noted his beautiful writing- even though he spelled two words wrong.

Chip was there and we both lavished Brock with praise.

(I tried to take a 'nice picture' of Brock and Chip, but as you can see, they only posed 'good' for a silly photo...the 'nice photo' came out all blurry. Still, I think I love the not-so-nice photo and blurry "good" photo equally...they both tell a story I don't want to forget!)

I love moments such as these in life- when we celebrate effort and hard work and personal accomplishment, even when the results are less than perfect.

I know that time and attention and celebrating little stuff is the kind things my kids will remember lfor a long time. They are the kind of things that shape them more than my being a 'perfect mom'. Sure I yell at times and even threatened "no Christmas presents" because of the chaos and clutter the kids had all over their rooms and playroom. Sure I miss opportunities to tell them how much I love and care for them and sometimes I don't make the best meals or I snap at Chip for some little thing in front of them.

I admit it.

I'm not perfect.

But I hope that they will see beyond perfection and appreciate the things that Chip and I do do right, and I hope they will grow up knowing that we demand much- not perfection- but we just want to push them to their full potential.

I think that is how God sees and loves us. He knows we're not perfect, but He will do everything He can to show us He loves us. He will demand much of us, but it's only because He knows we can do it. He will push us to extremes at times, but in the end, He is there waiting to reward us with blessings.

I love that everyday is another day to strive to be better than the day before. I'm humbled that I don't need to 'measure up' or try to earn God's love and devotion. Just as I love my kids with my "whole self" no matter how good they do on their schoolwork or how well they settle down at bedtime, God's love for us is bigger and better than that toward each of us. He is totally perfect and loves us just the way we are. All the while He works to make us more like Him.

Yes, it's so true...

He suffered much too much for our hearts to only be stirred from time to time. He desires us to be more like Him in all we say and do. Even if we're not perfect.