Friday, July 27, 2007

Taking life for granted...

As the annivesary of our tragedy approaches this weekend, it hits especially hard and makes me pause and reflect more than normal on any given day. This year the days are lining are exactly as they did 6 years ago...so the 29th actually falls on a Sunday, and so forth. I think that it makes the memories more profound to me. I remember what I did on that Friday and Saturday and Sunday before my life turned upside-down.
I was loving my busy life as a Mom of three little ones. Wyndham had just 6 months earlier had a near-fatal breathing incident, and I was grateful for each day that I awoke to her and the love and laughter of Brock and Teagan too. I was patient and trying to be the best mom I could be; I realized each day was a gift- never to be taken for granted.
I sit and wonder now, if even Wyndham's trauma was a part of the 'preparation of my heart' that God allowed happen in our lives, so that I could live in light of an even greater tragedy that loomed just ahead. It was enough of a 'scare' and wake-up call to me that life was short...that my kids were a gift...that circumstances are often beyond our control...but that God would be enough to see me through. Through it all.
I have no idea how the events of my life line up in the scheme of God's great plan. But I have learned and still am learning to trust. To surrendar. To simply rest in the knowledge that God is greater than me- that God is above all things- and that to live each day in light of that knowledge brings unexplainable peace and immeasurable joy. No matter how life unfolds for me. I think back to that Friday before our tragedy. I was catching up on laundry after having been home in Minnesota for an extended stay with family. I took pictures of Teagan playing with Wyndham in her exersaucer. At one time, Teagan came up to me in the kitchen and exclaimed, "I can count to 25." I remember putting the dishtowel on the counter and sitting down next to her on the kitchen floor and then I said to her, "Show me...with kisses." She gave me a funny look and then I put my finger on my cheek and turned toward her and said, "Show me, by counting each kiss you give me on my cheek." In my mind I can still see the smile that she flashed at me...like this was the best idea ever...counting kisses.
I sometimes can 'feel' those 25 kisses when my heart pauses to remember. Like it is remembering today. And it is a sweet gift, that I thank God for...for the best idea ever of counting kisses to 25. Sometimes I wished she had announced she could count to 100. =) Or I wish that I would have held her and never let her go...kisses that would have lasted forever. My tears are beginning to fall as I type this out. My heart will hold on to those kisses and memories forever. I know I can't turn back time. I know I can't change the way things were or are. I accept...and I thank God that my heart has learned and still is learning about the things in life that should never be taken for granted. I seek to embrace the good, to rise above the bad, and to never take a moment of the blessings in my life for granted. My tears are reminders that a heart knows...a heart knows what matters- even when it comes to learning to count to 25.

26 comments:

Dena said...

Jodi - I can't even imagine - I do think of you often and THANK YOU for your blog - When Annie wants me to read her book one more time or she wants to tell me about Elmo for the twentieth time - I think of you and remember what a blessing I have - so thank you - I will be thinking and praying for y'all this weekend!

Kairlotta said...

Thinking of you this weekend Jody! Here's to 25 kisses! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Courtney DeLaura said...

I wish I could hug you.
i am blessed to know you.
BLESSED.

court

Cara said...

thinking of you today.

thanks for your heart.

jackie carl said...

Crying along with you.
Too choked up, right now, to even talk.
You, Chip & your family will be in my heart, thoughts and prayers throughout this entire week-end.

With Love,
Jackie Carl

DixieC said...

My eyes are filled with tears. God bless you and your family.

Nina Diane said...

I read and enjoy your blog every day. My heart and prayers to you and your family....

Funky Finds said...

Thank you for continually reminding me that life is a precious gift not to be taken for granted, EVER. I wish I was there to give you a great big hug today. You really are an inspiration and a great example of faith in God.

Yellow Fence said...

My thoughts are with you almost every day. I can't even imagine such a loss. I will pray for you extra hard this weekend. You are an incredibly strong woman and mother. Your children are so lucky to have you!

Shannon

Jo said...

you are a true blessing to have as a friend.....I will hold you closer in my thoughts this week....love you sweetie xxxx

Kate said...

Jody, thank-you for reminding me to be patient and kind no matter what. No matter what tear-your-hair-out situation we get into...we are blessed. There are far more than 25 people shedding tears with you this weekend in Teagan's memory, I am one of them. Also I am thanking God for bringing you into my life. You inspire me to be a better person not just in the so-called big things but in the tiny little everyday things...which in the end when you stand before the Maker turned out to be the big things after all. Like 25 wet little baby kisses. It is so hard for me to read your blog...I can't imagine how hard it is to live it. God bless you and your family.

crystal matushek said...

I'll be thinking of you and your family this weekend. Thank you for the constant reminder of how precious each days with our kids are. God Bless you!

Michelle said...

I read your blog daily, and I usually don't leave a comment but I want you to know that I am thinking of you and your family today and this weekend. Thank you for sharing your feelings and Teagan with us. God bless you and your family.
Take care,
Michelle

GlennaB said...

my heart aches as I read what you typed. It is so good that you stopped that day, so often (and I know the temptation)we think and say just a minute to our children. They wander off and the moment is lost but if you put things down, you will have a special memory to hold onto, just as you have. You didn't know what a special moment it would be, but real life is made of those moments!!

sarah said...

Wow! All I can say is that I will be praying for you this weekend. I hope it is OK if I have my Sunday School class pray for you as well. I read your blog almost daily and feel as I know you. I pray that God will give you a special blessing this Sunday just to remind you of His love. Hugs!

Laura said...

big hugs sweet jody, big big hugs to you and your family!!! XOXO

Jackie frm chicago said...

Hi Jody, Just wanted to say my thoughts are with your family for continued strength and faith at this and every time of year. May God continue to Bless you! Hugs SISter!!!

Kelly S. said...

I will be thinking of you and your family this weekend. sending prayers.
Thank you for your posts, sometimes we all need to be reminded how precious life is.

Lisa said...

You guys are all in my heart and prayers this weekend. I cannot imagine how you get through each day - but I know where your strength comes from, I've had a dose myself. I know we surprise ourselves when we look back and see what we can do to survive. My journey with Cole is nothing compared to your journey, at all, but I still I don't know - a connection of sorts. There's a reason why I'm drawn to your blog everyday! Thank you for that!

Robyn said...

Jodi, your love for life and God and Family comes through so clearly in your writing. I feel like a better person for knowing you even if it is only through your blog. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you especially this weekend.

Anonymous said...

I think of you every day and check your blog every day. I am crying as I am reading your blog as I have a 3.5 year old daughter who, from your description of sweet Teagan, has the same personality and I cannot imagine life without her.
Thinking of you...

Adrienne said...

Jody, such grace that you can look back and have sweet memories from the day before Teagan went to be with Jesus. Many people would not be able to recall such a sweet moment b/c of busyness and monotony. You have chosen to live a better way because you have had a glimpse of how things really are...Even though I know you have washed your face countless times since Teagan died, those kisses, just like Chip's, Brock's, Wyndham's and Bella's, leave lasting imprints.
Praying for you!
Ade
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

kellidarr said...

i lub you. and your heart:)

Jan Connair said...

{hugs} . . . I hope you can feel the kisses forever.

My favorite quote:
"We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent, and God is shining through it all the time." --Thomas Merton

I can see God shining through your writings this weekend and through the life that you continue to lead after your loss.

Maija said...

Jodi,

I felt compelled to give you comment #25 for this post - it broke my heart to see just 24 comments. I haven't posted in a while, but I have been following from the edges. I hope you and your family have a wonderful, relaxing vacation that creates memories for years to come.

Not having kids, I can only imagine where you are at - but I admire your strength & courage.

Mindy said...

you are an amazing person.

touching more people than you imagine.

thank you for sharing your story.

you have a talent with words.

God works in mysterious ways.

-mindy riggs