Taking life for granted...

As the annivesary of our tragedy approaches this weekend, it hits especially hard and makes me pause and reflect more than normal on any given day. This year the days are lining are exactly as they did 6 years ago...so the 29th actually falls on a Sunday, and so forth. I think that it makes the memories more profound to me. I remember what I did on that Friday and Saturday and Sunday before my life turned upside-down.
I was loving my busy life as a Mom of three little ones. Wyndham had just 6 months earlier had a near-fatal breathing incident, and I was grateful for each day that I awoke to her and the love and laughter of Brock and Teagan too. I was patient and trying to be the best mom I could be; I realized each day was a gift- never to be taken for granted.
I sit and wonder now, if even Wyndham's trauma was a part of the 'preparation of my heart' that God allowed happen in our lives, so that I could live in light of an even greater tragedy that loomed just ahead. It was enough of a 'scare' and wake-up call to me that life was short...that my kids were a gift...that circumstances are often beyond our control...but that God would be enough to see me through. Through it all.
I have no idea how the events of my life line up in the scheme of God's great plan. But I have learned and still am learning to trust. To surrendar. To simply rest in the knowledge that God is greater than me- that God is above all things- and that to live each day in light of that knowledge brings unexplainable peace and immeasurable joy. No matter how life unfolds for me. I think back to that Friday before our tragedy. I was catching up on laundry after having been home in Minnesota for an extended stay with family. I took pictures of Teagan playing with Wyndham in her exersaucer. At one time, Teagan came up to me in the kitchen and exclaimed, "I can count to 25." I remember putting the dishtowel on the counter and sitting down next to her on the kitchen floor and then I said to her, "Show me...with kisses." She gave me a funny look and then I put my finger on my cheek and turned toward her and said, "Show me, by counting each kiss you give me on my cheek." In my mind I can still see the smile that she flashed at me...like this was the best idea ever...counting kisses.
I sometimes can 'feel' those 25 kisses when my heart pauses to remember. Like it is remembering today. And it is a sweet gift, that I thank God for...for the best idea ever of counting kisses to 25. Sometimes I wished she had announced she could count to 100. =) Or I wish that I would have held her and never let her go...kisses that would have lasted forever. My tears are beginning to fall as I type this out. My heart will hold on to those kisses and memories forever. I know I can't turn back time. I know I can't change the way things were or are. I accept...and I thank God that my heart has learned and still is learning about the things in life that should never be taken for granted. I seek to embrace the good, to rise above the bad, and to never take a moment of the blessings in my life for granted. My tears are reminders that a heart knows...a heart knows what matters- even when it comes to learning to count to 25.