Saturday, July 28, 2007

Remembering...

We had Chinese take-out for dinner. She gave Brock her fortune cookie...which said inside, "You will live a long and prosperous life." She wanted "to be four forever".
I made tapioca that day...one of her favorites. We topped it with Reddi-wip. She wanted to 'save the rest for later'.
No one told me it would bring me to tears...days later. When she never returned.
Chip tucked the kids in one final time that night. I pulled out a magazine {which I rarely had time to read by myself} and read a story of one mom's tragedy that claimed the life of her 18-month old beautiful little girl named, Isabella. I was touched, and moved to tears. I couldn't imagine losing a child...but I had come close- just 6 months earlier with my Wyndham.
Less than 24 hours later I would know her pain and then some. As my whole family would be helicoptered and air-lifted downstate to their respective ICU beds.
I was totally unaware. I was totally oblivious that such a reality awaited all of us- at Sunday brunch the next day. I never would have closed my eyes and slept so peacefully that night had I even the slightest incling of what awaited my family.
I would have held Teagan and never let go. I would have smothered Chip and Brock and Wyndham with kisses. I wonder if I had known if I would have taken the opportunity to tell the woman responsible for such devastation that there was Hope available to her in her hopelessness. I wonder if I knew what lie ahead if I would have been moved enough to do something outside myself and my family to make a difference. I really have no answer. I only know that I've been given the chance to share my thoughts and my heart. I thank God for giving me more time...to live, to love, to laugh and to touch others. I love that I can remember. And in so doing, I share a part of Teagan with all who care to hear.
I love you, Teagan Mackenzie. And I always will.

23 comments:

A.S.K.-P. said...

Jody I am soo sorry you & your family had to go through this horrid experience. I could not even imagine the pain & anguish you all went through. I feel soo bad for you. I am glad that you at least have wonderful memories like this.

Sending you a GREAT BIG Hug.

~Amy

Kelly said...

Jody -
You are such an amazing, incredible woman.
And I just wanted to send big hugs and kisses your way to both you and your precious family.
And know that I am thinking of you.

Kelly xxx

Camille said...

Jody~
God Bless you and your family. I think of your little guardian angel often. I am so sorry for your loss, and I can't even begin to imagine how you got through it. You are a special person- strong, inquisitive, thoughful, and thought-provoking.
You are loved.
Thinking of you~ Camille

halfbakedscrapartist said...

Dear Jody:

I am just realizing that you lost Teagan on July 29, which is also my birthday. As I have learned more and more about your story and have read your reflections, I want you to know that it has forever changed that way I view July 29th. Each birthday, I will think of Teagan and her life and your loss, and remember to make the most of each and every little moment God allows us to experience here. I will be praying for you tomorrow and in the coming days....isn't it amazing and so like our great God that Teagan's life--and the way you and Chip have chosen to honor her in the way you live--continues to impact so many?

Blessings,
Nicole

PS--Will you e-mail me with your address? I have a little goodness I want to send your way! nmcdonald@cornerstone.edu.

adrienne said...

sweet sweet Jody. Your post brought me to tears. I wish I could have known Teagan a little more...I wish I could have heard her voice while she said she wanted to save it for later. I know that I can't truly understand your pain and loss because this has never happened to me..but instead I can offer comfort, prayers, and an ear and shoulder to you. Teagan would be so very proud of the strength you have Jody. Maybe one day you can introduce me to her when we leave here and move on to a better place. :) big hugs to you Jody!!!!!

Jenna said...

thinking of you, jody.

with love, jenna in ga

www.jennababe.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

Hi Jody,
I'm a friend of Big Sis's here in TN--I have been reading your blog for a while and just was moved to comment tonight. I wish I had words of comfort, I am so glad that you know the God of all Comfort. Teagan's legacy is great in many ways--not the least of which is the way her mama inspires all of us to live in the moment with our children. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, inspirations, and struggles so honestly.

Alison

stephanie said...

I do not have any words for you, to even try and help it make things better for you to today or tomorrow...just know that there are so many of ua out here that love & pray for you & your family...hugs & prayers to you my friend! I will keep you in my prayers...as I always do...

Angela said...

Jody, you and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers. ((hugs))

tommiea said...

so sorry, many tears were streaming down as I read this. It makes me want to hug mine a little more and a bit closer. Thank you for showing me this.

motherkearney said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you today and everyday, Jody...

Michelle

kerry lynn said...

awww. jody.
i love you!!

jewell said...

Jody,

Thinking of you today. I am so glad I met you.

Anonymous said...

((((((((((((((jody)))))))))))))))))))
rose

Anonymous said...

Dear Jody,
Thinking about and praying for you, Chip and the kids.

Becky

Anonymous said...

Sending you many hugs and prayers today.

Carrie said...

Wow - thanks for sharing that personal glimpse. Hugs and prayers for you, Jody.

Kate said...

Prayers, thoughts and tears from my family to yours this weekend Jody. God Bless you.

Anonymous said...

thinking and praying for you and your family today. may you have peace in this difficult day.

t. from georgia

Bethany said...

Praying for you today. Your memories are beautiful. ~Bethany

Anonymous said...

Jody: My heart aches for you today, knowing the "anniversary". And something else.... I lost my dad very suddenly last Saturday. I am numb, in pain and can't think straight. I am thinking of you today sharing heart pain, but with the hope that time will heal. Take care. Love, (the other) Jody (who saw you a Meier Garden.....)

Gigi said...

sending you some {{{hugs}}}
love you sweetie!!!

gi

Jane (Emnol) said...

Breaks my heart to read what you and your family have been through. Sending you a massive hug - off to give a big hug to my two little ones!

Lots of love, Jane xxx