Can't get enough...

I blog quite a bit about contentment here at Nitty.Gritty. It's something I think so many people struggle with in the American culture we live it. It is such a conusumer/image-based society...and while I love America and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world than where I do right now. But, I think there is a growing epidemic of people not realizing how blessed they truly are in their lives. There is growing consumer debt, and just lots of people not as happy as it seems they should be...constantly comparing themselves to others who have more, or get to do more, or just that they wish they had more.
In light of Teagan's death and our ongoing recovery with Wyndham, my thoughts changed dramatically in life as to what true contentment really is, and my definition of success took a 180. I am still learning to be content with what I have, and I know that I have more than enough.
Still, when I looked through some photos today I couldn't help but think there are some things in life I will never get enough of. Like the smiles of Bella and Wyndham...you can just see how much they love and interact together. That sister-bond can rarely be broken...and I hope my girls stay close forever. I hope they always want to be best friends. To my own two sisters, Stephanie and Jaqcue, they know I love them and share the same bond we see in the photo of my girls. I am blessed with having two sisters who are also my best friends in life.
Then there is the whole thing of rubbing noses. We did it with Teagan all the time. She was such an affectionate little girl, that a simple kiss on the cheek was never enough. She loved to hug our necks so tight, and rub noses, and do pinky promises...promising to love us forever. My dad has a special memory of one of the last kisses he got from Teagan. He asked Teagan to come over and 'give Grandpa a kiss' before she ran off to play. She went over to him, and he was expecting a quick peck on the cheek. Instead, she reached both her hands on each side of his face and pulled him gently to hers, and then gave him a little kiss. My dad says it was so sweet and innocent, and yet so unexpected from this wild and crazy little energetic girl. She just had a knack for melting hearts, I guess. I am so thankful that my dad has this fond memory to look back on...that was one of the last kisses he ever got from Teagan.
Okay, about the rubbing noses thing before I start tearing up while writing my own blog. (Ahem. That's me getting my composure back after that last thought.) We love rubbing noses to show our kids how much we love them. It's just fun and especially when the kids are little, they love changing things up a little bit- even when it comes to hugs and kisses. I just had to catch Chip and Ava the other morning- even though they were still a little 'scruffy' from just waking up. Ava actually 'tuned out the camera' for a minute during these shots...she was just loving her daddy and his undivided attention.
It's something I can't ever get enough of...the love between my husband and my kids. I know it is a gift that many people and sadly, many kids never get. Some people live with the void of never getting that love they crave their whole life long. While we're not perfect parents by any stretch of the imagination, our kids do know how much we love them...and we're not about to ever stop telling them that- or showing them. Although it might not always be rubbing noses with them. That would look funny to all the other kids- especially when they're in highschool. =)
I had another really amazing time of just "soaking up the presence of God" today. I've had some questions and emails about how you know when God is speaking to you, or how do you 'feel Him'. For me it has been in developing a personal relationship with God...it hasn't happened overnight, that's for sure. But, I believe that God can 'speak' or reveal Himself through all sorts of means- especially when we read the Bible (that's the best way I have found to hear Him speak to me), but also through nature, through a feeling in your heart (something can feel 'so right' even though life might be otherwise at that time), and oftentimes for me it is through worship and song. During the music portion of our church service, there are many times when I just shut my eyes, and in these moments, through the words and music, it's as though it's just me and God. I have often been blessed and touched (as I was today), because sometimes I can close my eyes, and as I sing and worship God, I get a sort of 'picture of Heaven' in my mind, and it's like I'm worshipping God and Teagan is right there with me. It's really an amazing thing...and maybe it sounds a little 'new-agy' or something, but it's very real to me. I imagine that Heaven isn't really as far away as we think it is...the reality is that we're all just a breath away. It's that feeling- that reality, that picture- that when I draw near to God, He really is THAT close to me. It's another thing in my life that I can never get enough of. The more I grow in my spiritual life, the more I want of Christ. I guess as a kid sometimes I wished I didn't have to go to church so much or wondered why people would read the Bible- it seemed 'boring' to me at times. Now, I know...the more you love and feel God's love, it just multiplies from there. It just happens...but it definitely takes effort. And again, I am not the most spiritual person on earth, and I skip church and my Bible reading from time to time, but it's more and more becoming a 'natural desire of my heart' and I am noticing God in my life more and more as I faithfully do MY part.
One more thing, before I start to sound greedy. =) I got a nap for the first time today since I can't remember when. Wyndham was awake (and in our bed) for half the night, so nobody did much sleeping. When we got home from church and lunch, she was tired, and Chip let me lay down with her. I had hoped to get some sleep, but wasn't counting on it. I just have to say, "did that nap feel good!" I think I could add sleep to my list of things I can't get enough of, but I have a feeling it won't stay on the list for long! Besides, I've heard it said that sometimes too much sleep makes you more tired than not enough sleep, so I wouldn't want that wish anyway, huh?! It did feel good to get caught up on a little bit of the sleep I missed out on- especially with the time change too.
Now I'm wondering...if you were making a list, what kinds of things would you put on it? This could be a fun bunch of comments. =) Mine is love, smiles, (pictures!) and real worship...the kind that makes God feel 'touchable'. I think I'm going to start keeping a list in a journal, and add to it as things come to mind. It will be fun to look back on in a few years. Maybe you want to do it too.