To think I almost got my "wish".

I am blogging one-handed and it feels amazing. I have the most delicate-smelling, soft, sweet, perfectly formed baby boy in my arm and on my chest. My heart feels as though it could explode. In the best way possible- from overflowing love and wonder. My mind can hardly wrap around the fact that I once made Chip prmise me we would never, ever have kids. It was the one wish- the one desire of my heart as I dreamed of my/our future together back in 1994.
And now here I sit...with a heart so dramatically changed- so transformed- so humbled that I am brought to tears.
I hardly recognize myself. I have thanked God a hundred times in just the past 3 hours that His plan for my future included not only Teagan, Brock, Wyndham, Bella and Ava, but someone so precious I couldn't have picked out a more amazing little one- Baby Crew.
I just want to give praise and glory and honor to God- from whom ALL things flow. I thank Him for the things He has given and blessed our lives with, and I thank Him for knowing what is best for us every single day. The trials and hardships definitely make moments and days like today a million times more incredible and memorable. Sometimes it's hard to accept all that we walk through...but there are mountaintop peaks from which I blog right now, and looking at life from this point just makes it so worth it.
Worth all the pain.
Worth the surrender.
Worth the questions I've asked.
Worth the concerns that I've entertained.
Thanks to so many of you for loving our family though all these things. For praying. For caring.
For just following "our story" and letting us touch your lives in some small way.
God is good.

I feel wonderful at this point and after such a speedy induced labor/delivery I am ready to have three more. It's Chip that needs the convincing now. And I know the hardest part would be choosing all the names!
I promise pictures as soon as I get my laptop. But until then, you can take my word for it that Crew is more than I thought a baby could be. At two hours and 15 minutes old, I stared down at him and the tears flowed freely. He's so perfect, like I said, I just couldn't believe he was mine. I have never deserved such a gift. But I am going to soak up every minute of him. He's just hours old and already I can't imagine my life without him. I am totally and completely smitten. And it's the most wonderful thing. Ever.

He's Here

Jody gave birth to a beautiful baby boy this afternoon at 2:40. We named him Crew Tillman. He was 6 lbs. 14 oz. and was 20 inches long. We will post pictures later today (he has alrealdy had over 1000 taken, you know Jody:). Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts.

Locked and Loaded...

to use a military term. This is Nitty Gritty Hubby here to let you know that Jody is being induced this morning. I will give updates as I get them. It's a great day for me at least to have a baby; although I will be paying close attention to my wife's needs I will be able to keep one eye on the Ryder Cup. Thank goodness for cable tv in hospitals.

My new pink baby. =)

He would heartily deny it, but if you ask me, my husband Chip, is growing more like my dad each year. My dad worked for Service Master for a time and still does his share of carpet cleaning as a caretaker/clergy for a large facility in the Twin Cities, MN. {And if you've followed my blog for any length of time, you know just how highly I think of my dad- so this is actually a "good thing" in my eyes.} =)
I pointed out a pink vaccum on sale at Target in the Sunday ad this week and mentioned to Chip that we also have an additional 10% off for a day- plus some of the money in this purchase goes to a very worthy cause to fight breast cancer. It seemed like an obvious, "let's get it" to me. Chip hesitated however, and made an excuse about not needing another vaccum, but by yesterday morning he had not only purchased it, but was cleaning the main level with it. My new pink baby. =)
It's true we didn't need it- as in life or death- but it was something we've talked about for awhile and after seeing how much dirt/dust this new baby cleaned up, it's seems almost as if it were a necessity! We plan to get years of use out of this item and I hope I like the color pink for just as long.
I had to post this recent (and likely last) family picture of us (as a family of 6) taken a couple of weeks ago by a man in our church- thanks Arland! We don't get too many opportunities to have our photo together, so even though this was after a long, hot afternoon playing in the sun and there are streaks on some faces/shirts, I still love it. I look forward to the next "family picture" I have to post here too. I find myself worn out and tired and having minor contractions almost every night from about 9 pm til 2 am. Then, apparantly I am rested enough that things settle down and I get a few hours of sleep before the next day happens. One of these nights they won't settle down and I won't get the sleep I need. But I think I am ready for that. In fact after last night, I know I am ready for that!
We're looking forward to meeting our new "blue" baby. =)

Mmmm, pumpkin. And prayers.

You all made me very hungry with your favorite fall dessert comments. I especially agree with anyone who said "with whipped cream". I too love anything pumpkin and apple and crisp and cream. What a great time of year for dessert, huh?! Even Starbuck's counts as dessert if you ask me...it's more based on calories and taste, so for sure a Pumkin Spice Latte qualifies in my book.

I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes with you...one that can be modified to suit even the chocolate lovers that stop by here to read each week. It's a easy, delicious, calorie-laden dessert that I found after watching Paula Deen on Food Network one fall afternoon a few years ago.

The dessert is pictured above and you can link to the recipe by clicking here. It's called Pumpkin Gooey Cake, but the recipe has alternate flavors, like Chocolate Peanut Butter or even Banana flavor, for those of you who like things a bit fruitier. I've tried some of the variations, but have to say the pumpkin one is my favorite.
I also thought I'd share a link to some free desktop wallpapers for some of you who are skipping dessert these days. You deserve a little something too! I just changed mine to the picture above and am liking the clean look- yet with an autumn thought.

As for the mini-book giveaway, I will be sending a package to Christi in Orlando who loves pumpkin cake rolls and other pumpkin-flavored desserts. {Just email me your address: nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com } and I will put some scrap goodies in the mail for you. Thanks to everyone who played along. I just may have to do more giveaways and clean out my scrap space as a result. I love that there are so many of you who love scrapping and creating and making things- even if they are small and simple. As far as I know the Social Butterfly Collection sold out over at SIStv, but I do know that there is a lot more fun and exciting stuff that will be available soon, so check over there or keep an eye out here for links/details.

You can also be praying for Jeanette and her family {JJ is the owner and my "boss"/friend at SIS} and her husband is going through treatments for cancer of the tonsils. I keep thinking of them so often and just know that God is bigger than cancer, that God is bigger than our fears, and I know that God hears our prayers and loves to show Himself to us through the dark times in life as much as the times of blessing.

I hope that I can update you all and post about Bob's complete healing and recovery at some point. Just as I continue to pray for Jaymun and his family. Nothing is too big for God!

Want to win a mini book?

I am so excited about all the colors and fun trims/fabrics in the next SIStv Collection called "The Social Butterfly". Don't the colors just make you happy?! I "stole" a layout made by one of my Fashionista friends, {Hi, Lucy!! Check out her awesome pages here!} just to show you a better example of how great this scrap collection truly is. Lucy has got so much talent and I am always smitten by her talent and designs. So fun!
The collection actually goes on sale on Monday, Sept. 15th, and I love being on the SIS Design Team because that meant I got mine early in order to have a chance to play around with it. I made the little mini album you see in the top two photos {the rest you can see by clicking here} and just for fun and to spread some more love, I want to give it to one of you! All you have to do for a chance at winning this blank book {and a few other scrap items that I will throw in the package as well} is leave me a comment on this post between now and Tuesday morning (I will do a random number draw that morning). Since the fall colors are just around the corner for many of us, in your comment, leave me your name, city and then tell me what your favorite fall dessert is. I love the changing season and all the produce and good food that comes from the bounty of this time of year. There's just something special about crisp apples, orange pumpkins and the cooler fall air. So that's it... leave me a note here and good luck!

I have two speeds these days...

Busy or tired. =)

It seems there isn't really room for anything in between those two. I chalk it up to several things, one being the amount of sleep I get {or the lack of sleep I am getting at night} due to late-stage pregnancy. Another is due to the early morning routine of getting kids off to school each day. Yet another is based on the extra "running around" that I have been doing each day- much more than I had done all summer.

I see that the busier I am, the less I blog too. My apologies for that to all of you who check in here so frequently or faithfully each day or two. I figure you can always browse the archives if you start going through Nitty.Gritty. withdrawal symptoms. =) Or you can email me and there's always a chance I'll write you back in a day or two or month or so later. {wink}

I've been surprised at how a schedule can fill up so quickly just by adding school to the mix. Our mornings are a rush for an hour or so and then suddenly it's just Ava and me for a couple of hours before it's time to pick Wyndham up from school or drop her off at therapy. During that quiet time I have found myself either cat-napping while Ava watches a cartoon or does puzzles {her new favorite activity is doing puzzles...she would spend half the day doing the same 4 over and over, so I plan to get her a few more as soon as the baby is born}, otherwise we get dressed and run errands and do stuff I know I won't be doing in a very short time.

Like a lunch date/icecream/window shopping outing with Chip. Ava and I were lucky to be able to squeeze that into our afternoon one day this week. (I snapped that photo of me above just as we were headed out the door...it's starting to be jacket weather around here!) It was such a treat for Chip to take a mid-day break (he worked late that night to make up for his afternoon, so for him it wasn't really "time off" at all...oh well) and it was an extra special treat for Ava to be an only child for a few hours. She soaked up every minute of it. She also helped me eat half of my Oatmeal Cookie Dough icecream too. =)

The other kids are doing well in school and seem to be enjoying their classes and friends. Brock came home with a 100% on his first spelling test, which I promptly hung on the fridge door. I snapped a few pictures of him yesterday too, because it seems like he's always with friends or just keeping himself busy around here too. I love that he still likes to 'hang out' with me and that he is so open and willing to talk about his days and his thoughts on so many different subjects. He is very excited to have a new baby in our family and I just know he is going to be a big help to me- he already has shown that by helping out with things like reading bedtime stories to the girls as I help them get their jammies on each night. He is so patient and tolerant with his sisters that I think I should give him an award for it. At least on certain days he is...and I don't blame him most of the time when the girls do get on his nerves...they have a way of pushing buttons at just the right (or wrong) time. =)

Thus goes our weeks as we continue to countdown to the arrival date of our baby. It's a busy, tiring time in life. One that I know will be just a distant memory all too soon.

As for memories, I hope you all had a chance yesterday to pause and reflect and pray for the families who were changed so dramatically as a result of Sept. 11, 2001, as we marked 7 years as a nation that will always remember that day. I will never forget it and, just as many of you, I have a hard time accepting how 7 years passed so quickly. It seems like it wasn't nearly that long, and yet I understand grief and loss far too well, to know that it also feels like an eternity. Time is an interesting thing... always moving, yet somehow captured in our memories forever.

Another step forward.

Yes, school started last week, but I had to snap a couple of photos this morning and post them for my family. They will surely notice how much Wyndham, in particular, has grown and changed since she first started school. Last week she had one day of school and I was just not on top of things the morning she went, and missed out on pictures that day. Today we were all on top of things, in spite of it being Monday and in spite of the 3 hours of sleep I got last night.
I asked the kids to stop for a quick picture before heading out the door, and I thought of "cropping out" the car seat next to them as it showed up in my viewfinder. But I then decided that it would tell more of the story later on when we look back at these pictures and memories. I think it will be fun to remember this busy, anxious time in our lives and I think it's fun to compare the kids as they head out the door to the thoughts of bringing another little one into our family. {Which by the way, you can see week 37 pictures by clicking here.}
I loved that Wyndham was so happy to wear her backpack and she stepped out of the door and down the front steps- with help but not coaxing- on her own today. She has made lots of improvements with stairs lately and I am always so happy to see her push herself to do things outside of her comfort zone. I think she does that more often than I do, and to see these moments serves to remind me that I need to try harder in my own life to do/try new things. Or at least not fear the next step.
What a perfect lesson for me to review as I wait on another baby any day now. I think change can be so hard at times. Yet it's exactly what we need if we ever want to grow and become something more in life.
I love that even though my kids are the ones just starting the school year, I am the one learning so much. =)

Can I encourage one or more of you?

This is a picture of my kids at our church picnic/service two weeks ago. It was a beautiful, sunny day and a really wonderful time of getting to know others on a more casual basis- with games and food and a message outside and singing- a fun afternoon for all of us.
I have gone to church my whole life, and have to admit that I haven't always enjoyed being in church on Sunday mornings. Not all churches are "created equal" and there is certainly something to be said about that- which I could totally write in length here, but I won't. I'll just say that I believe "church" is about people, not about the building or the denomination, or even who is preaching/teaching from the front during the services. I believe that the word church is a place, but more importantly is what goes on in the lives and with the service and money and time of the people within those walls.
Why am I writing about church? Well, for the past several Sundays I have felt like I should come home and post about how I was moved by the message or the music or how I just sensed God in such a real way. But I haven't done that and so today, when I felt that same tug on my heart, I decided I had felt it enough times to actually follow through with posting. This is that post.
I mainly want to encourage someone out there who reads this who maybe hasn't gone to church for a long time, who maybe has been 'burned or hurt' by the church and feels totally turned off as a result, or for someone who just maybe thinks church doesn't really matter all that much.
I feel blessed to be able to attend a church where the people there really, truly want to be there on Sunday mornings, and many times those people are doing "church-related stuff" throughout the rest of the week too. It's not just about the sermon and singing on Sunday morning, but the people of this church really feel compelled to reach out to others in so many different ways. It's neat to be able to hear a lot of those stories and to be challenged to do more- which is what oftentimes happens in our service. We get opportunities presented to us to get more involved, to share 'life' with others, and there's never a Sunday when we aren't asked, "what's the take-away value [of what you just heard], or how can you apply this to your life?" I love the challenges.
But beyond that, I have to say that, while our church isn't the biggest church out there (most of the time there is about 175-200 people there), God just seems to move and stir my heart every week. I feel so grateful that I have a place where I can worship and 'give back to God' in such a small way, as a response to the way He has been so good to me, week to week. I just love that we can put money in the offering and know that it is going to help change lives. I love singing the songs and know that it doesn't matter if it's an old hymn or new worship song, that God is blessed by it. I love that I have a place to put the stress of my days out of sight and mind for even just an hour and my heart can focus on who God is and how He desires to know me more...and it in turn makes me want to know HIM more. I love that it doesn't matter what I wear or how I look or what my job is or what political party I belong to or where my kids go to school, or any other number of things at church.
It's simply about God and giving glory to Him, and praising Him- no matter if things are going well in life, or if things feel as though they are falling apart.
I write all this to encourage someone out there who has given up on church or who has never given church a chance. I would love for you to pray and ask God to lead you to a place where you can worship Him and 'feel Him' and fall in love with Him more. No matter what building you're in...no matter what name is on the sign out front.
I know God is everywhere, but there just seems to be something so special about sensing Him and His presence when you're in community with others. It helps me to feel affirmed in my faith and what I believe. It helps me feel challenged to do more, to want to be more. It helps me to drown out 'daily life' and trade it for an hour of time that is drenched in Truth and grace and song.
Going to church doesn't make me perfect. It doesn't make my life easier, as a result. In fact some Sunday's it's a major effort to get everyone fed, dressed and there on time! But it does fill my heart with blessing and I love the good things my kids are hearing and learning in their classes. I am humbled at the relationships and friendships that develop and grow each week, and I am especially moved that God makes Himself known in such a tangible way nearly every Sunday.
That's my sermon for whoever needs it today. I will pray for whoever needed to hear this and now feels challenged to find a church and start going there each week. I hope that God will direct you to a place where you can grow in your relationship with Him and fall in love with who He is.

Home.

I am home after a little over 24 hours at the hospital and on bedrest- which ironically doesn't make one feel rested at all! I think I managed to get a total of about 3 hours of sleep. Between the beeps of the monitors I was wearing, and the cords that got in the way of moving around and then the newborn cries comin from the room next to me, it all added up to a long night. I have to say that the comfort-factor of the bed was not near where it should be for an expectant mother, and it may have been just low enough to talk me into a home birth. =) Although Chip is a hard-sell on that idea, so I doubt it will happen.
I'm not complaining though. I had wireless and Panera Tomato-Basil soup {ala Chip too...thanks, sweetie!} and my kids all were very well-cared for in my absence. In fact I'm concerned that they didn't miss me enough!
It feels so good to be home and I am hoping for a little catnap today, just to get a bit of my energy back. I'm on normal activity/diet per my doctor...and so now we just wait and do laundry. =) Thanks for your prayers...I can only imagine how lumpy the bed would have felt had you NOT been sending some of them up for me! As for the baby, everything looks great and tomorrow we hit the 37-week {full-term mark}, so the major concerns are nearly behind us. Or maybe they are just beginning. Perspective is everything.

I have the best husband ever.

Have I mentioned my husband, Chip and how great he is?! I'm blogging from my hospital room- which wouldn't normally get wireless internet, except that Chip went out and got a mobile adapter- just so I can be online while I'm here.
I hate to disappoint some of you- but at this point there's no baby to announce. I am on a day of bedrest and observation, after coming to the hospital with some early morning concerns. I have been here since 6:15 am. and as the day went on, including an ultrasound and some routine tests, the baby's heartrate was staying a bit low. So I was admitted just to be cautious and to make sure if there is something going on that I am in a good place to receive care quickly.
I am finding out quickly that I am not the kind of person who is good at 'doing nothing'. =) This long day has confirmed to me just how much I appreciate my crazy, busy lifestyle and I'm sure it will even get me a renewed passion for doing my laundry when I get home again. I'm saying that truthfully and drug-free too. =)
I just wanted to say thanks to Chip for always going the extra mile to make me happy and comfortable. I was already praising him last night {as he watched the Republican National Convention speeches} for bringing home a few groceries for me and making my life easier so much of the time. We may not have luxuries or vacations or any possessions to brag about and bring us happiness in our life and marriage, but I have to admit...sometimes I still think I'm the luckiest woman in the world. Knowing that we will give more to each other in the way of kindness, forgiveness and love means the world to me, and no amount of money can buy that. I have to say, for as lousy as I feel on bedrest today, parts of me are still so grateful and definitely feeling loved. It's like my hospital room is really "Cloud 9". =)
I love you, Chip.
I love you baby, that's causing me to reflect...
I love you, kiddos at home...and I even love your dirty laundry that's piling up for me too.
xoxo

Expect the Extraordinary.

My morning quiet time couldn't have been more timely and appropriate for me the past couple of days and I just wanted to share a little bit of what I read and soaked up with some of you here at my blog. I always figure that if something speaks loudly to me, maybe it will mean something to someone else too. So if you are out there and this speaks to you on whatever level, I am glad to be able to pass along a little 'food for thought'. Enjoy!
My Bible has devotionals throughout the pages mixed in with reflection questions and related readings. I always find them to be interesting or just good starting points to get my head spinning or thinking in the right direction. Here is what I soaked up from the reading titled, "Expect the Extraordinary" (based on Mark 1:14-20)... when Jesus called some fishermen to be his disciples-
"When the divine intersects with the ordinary, everything changes. An ordinary man who catches fish becomes a disciple who fishes for people. A mother whose daily life consists of changing diapers and folding laundry becomes a shepherdess of young lives. A smart businesswoman becomes a spiritual leader. A teacher becomes a mentor. A friend becomes an intercessor. A student becomes a missionary. A tongue-tied wallflower blossoms into a gifted speaker. When Jesus enters the scene, we can expect the extraordinary.
...
When Jesus calls us to follow him, he is looking for people who are willing to let go of the ordinary and look for the extraordinary. Sometimes that means we are called to leave everything- our 'nets' and our families- and go where he tells us. Other times following him means we keep doing what we've been doing, only with a shift in our perspective: we still change diapers, but we focus on raising godly children. We still do laundry, but as we do we remember that we serve a God of holiness. We still do business, but we remember that it's all kingdom business. We still go fishing, but now we fish for people as well as fish."
I can't help but think that too often, too many of us just don't expect that God can and wants to do amazing things in our lives. We tend to think that He would choose someone more capable, qualified, polished, or 'holy' than ourselves. I am finding that God just wants a willing, open heart and He is waiting and ready to do extraordinary things out of that. He doesn't demand perfection- for which I am eternally grateful to Him...but simply wants us to be able to be changed- to grow- to become who He can make us to be!

Just trying to stay ahead of the game...

I have been preparing for this baby in many ways the past week and more and it seems like there is always just one more thing I want to get done or do before I head to the hospital. Chip can tell you about what a great patient I make. I have gotten better with each pregnancy, but still I am not the kind of person who likes hospitals or extended stays of any kind. If I had my way, I would have the baby, take a shower, eat a meal and make sure the baby is fine {and bathed!} =) and be ready to head home if it was allowed.
But I have learned to be patient and this time around I am so experienced that I know there is a lot to do just to be prepared to come home to a family of 5 kids- who are just getting into the swing of a new school schedule. I am stocked up on food for packing lunches and stocked up on diapers and have just been trying to make the most of this 'easy time' in my life. The reality has hit me full force that these 4 kids I have (ages 4 1/2 to 9) will seem like a breeze compared to adding in the needs and demands of a newborn very soon.
I made extra efforts this week to take them to the park, and we went out as a family to the local Whippi Dip for ice cream just before bath/bedtime the other night. There has been more cleaning and organizing and I have come to believe I will never be on top of all of that! The kids definitely have the upper hand at mess-making around our home.
I let them 'help' me make a mess as we all scrapped and made baby thank-you cards for the shower gifts we received last week. I have tried to make them feel a part of the process and changes that are to come. and I think they are fairly prepared for what is to come.
Not "fully prepared", but at least "fairly prepared". =)
Ava and Bella are pictured here cooling off from the heat of the final days of summer today as they watched a video together. I am so glad at the frinedship they have shared all summer, but at the same time I just know that Ava is going to miss Bella very much. So maybe it is perfect timing for her to have to become a big sister. I know it will all work out and I have to admit, I am actually beginning to feel anxious about all the transitions that will come about.
And I am beginning to wonder if "Labor Day" is going to take on new meaning for our family this September. I doubt it...but at least we're prepared if it does!
Happy last day of August to all of you...and a Happy Labor Day tomorrow too!

Our busy lunch...

In the middle of eating her lunch {grilled ham and cheese sandwich, chips and a rootbeer float}, Isabella announced "my tooth just came out"! She was so excited. Not too long ago she lost her first tooth and it took several minutes of reassuring her to get her calmed down. So we were all celebrating her second lost tooth when I noticed Wyndham had left the table. My kids are always leaving the table before it's time to be done, and so I called her back to finish her lunch.
As she came into the dining room, Bella held up her tooth and told her, "Wyndham, I lost another tooth...see?!" Wyndham looked over at Bella and as she did, I noticed that it looked like her {Wyndham's} top tooth was missing. It's been ready to just about come out for almost a week now, it seems. I asked her to smile for me and she wouldn't, so I went over to her for a closer look. Sure enough...her tooth was gone too!
I let her know I was excited and happy for her and told the other kids that Wyndham had lost a tooth too. Bella thought it was so funny that they would both lose a tooth at the exact same time. After helping Wyndham understand that it was a good thing that her tooth had come out, she started to come around and get excited as well. We looked everywhere for her tooth, thinking she either swallowed it during one of her bites of sandwich, or else it came out in her room while she looked at herself in front of the mirror- which is why she had left the table. No luck with finding the tooth, but we did tape a note to her door for the tooth fairy tonight to read when she stops by tonight. Fairies have a way of just picking up on these things and making the moment special- tooth or not.
I, of course, had to take some pictures of the girls celebrating their moment together and showing off their new grins. I wanted their grandparents especially, to see how happy they were and just how amazing it is that Wyndham continues to achieve milestones right alongside the rest of her siblings.
I love that I was home for this moment and it's just one more tangible way for me to 'see' my kids growing up. A busy lunch indeed.

Five days and no blogging!

One might think that I actually have been busy or doing something exciting after taking such a 'long break' from blog posting. The truth is I am just tired- more than I had been in the past few weeks, I've been scrapping, I've been organizing some stuff around the house, I've been mowing the lawn and also just trying to entertain my kids. They seem to think the last week of summer is the week where they don't have to follow any rules and that there should be lots of noise and chaos around the house in celebration of this final "hurrah".
I am much more ready for school to start after the past 3 days of dealing with my stir-crazy kidlets. I just hope the teachers are ready too!

One more week of fun and games...

We are heading into the final week of summer vacation and I admit, I wish it could last at least another month. There has been a lot of fun and smiles and laughter and sunshine and growing. By all of us! {You can click here for the baby pic at 35 weeks.}
This week we will try to get back to a more 'normal' bedtime and hopefully feel more prepared for the actual school schedule, but still I know it will be a bit of a transition. Brock's hair really isn't that long- he had it cut since that picture, but still, I know he is dreading the 'school haircut' nonetheless.
We did enjoy a family cookout/celebration with a group of friends from church last night who were so generous and thoughtful and wanted to show their support as we prepare for the arrival of Baby Ferlaak. {Thanks Allison and Todd for opening your home to so many people and for the wonderful hospitality we were shown!} That blue tongue that Ava is so proud of was courtesy of a ring pop she got as one of her gifts.
We can definitely feel things beginning to change and shift around here. I know many of you are almost as anxious and excited to share in those changes, and you can be sure we will keep you posted with any news.
As for that scrap layout {you can click on it to see it better}, I am trying to hold onto and soak up a few of the memories we've made together this summer. I hope you and your family and friends have made some memories worth savoring too!

My "other" self-

First of all I think I should write another book titled, "It Takes a Village to Name a Baby". =) Thanks for so many kind, thoughtful opinions and even several emails that many of you have sent to Chip and me as we make the big name decision soon. I truly enjoy the process and want to assure you that we will choose the name we feel suits our family/baby best. Thanks for all the dialogue though, and for some creative options too. Who knows, by the time the baby gets here we may have Archibald or Percival at the top of our list! =)
I have had so much encouragement from some of my online friends and 'real life' friends the past couple of weeks as to how I look at this point into my pregnancy. I am 35 weeks today and feeling really good...probably the best I've felt out of all my pregnancies. I have to admit that even I am surprised at how much I actually have 'enjoyed' this journey- minus the stress and long wait when there was that risk of positive HIV infection. Beyond that though, I expected to be more moody, more overwhelmed and certainly more "round" than I am.
The photos in this post are of me when I was pregnant with Teagan {the first 2} and then when I was pregnant with Ava. I hardly recognize myself and hope that some of you have a hard time recognizing me too. =) I know that sometimes I put too much of myself and my thoughts and life out here online, and this is likely another one of those times. But I just want some of you to know that the happiness and Joy and really the changes you see in me and my family- physical, mental and spiritual- have been part of a long process. It's why I often talk of my life as a journey and I feel so grateful and humble when I do see so much goodness in our lives beyond our tragedy.
I truly believe that God has given Chip and me a second chance in life- He not only spared our lives at the time of our tragedy, but He has given us so many blessings besides. I never want to take them for granted and that is a big reason I share so openly- so publicly, the way I do.
I personally have had ongoing issues in my life with my weight/self-image from about the age of 10. I could dig out photos from my childhood through adulthood that captured this part of me as I grew up. It was probably my biggest challenge as a pre-teen, teen and college student. My grades came fairly easily. My sense of humor was something I relied heavily upon and it seemed to make up for the hurt/hate I felt for myself for a long time.
I guess I write all this because I know that there are people who struggle with personal issues- whether it is body image, self-love, eating disorders that stem from any number of things, or even just comparing themselves and feeling they never measure up. It makes me sad to think back to all the years I cried as I fell asleep and how much I really disliked me- for no real reason other than my weight/shape. I had parents and friends and family who never made me feel unloved because of my looks and yet it somehow was my deepest issue and really shaped a lot of the choices I made along the way.
I am no expert in diets and can't give anybody a magic formula as to what has worked for me to get to where I love and accept me the way I am... it's really a long list of things, and as I said, a process or journey that has evolved over a long time. I just want to give someone hope out there who might feel all hope is gone. If even to inspire one of you to find the Joy I have found and to be changed as I have been changed, well to me it is worth those years of struggle and I am more than happy to be able to say "You can do it". I want even that one person reading this to know that you are worth the pain and challenges and sacrifices you may have to make in your life to get to a place of contentment and acceptence. I'm no stranger to the battles that come at you- the ones that you hear in your mind telling you that you are worthless. Or those lies that you believe by watching 'perfect people' on tv and magazine covers and who start making you believe that you are less than who you are simply because of the way God designed your body.
So, as I've added on pounds with this pregnancy for the past 35 weeks, I knew I was in for some 'mental struggles', besides the obvious looking in the mirror and seeing my body grow and change. I knew it was going to be difficult and so I did a few things that I think have made all the difference this time around. One of the first things I did was thank God for the gift of life that He sent to me by way of a baby. I wanted to be grateful for something so amazing, so undeserved- something that others cry out for and long to have happen in their life. I wanted to look at this pregnancy not as something to dread...but truly as a gift...an unexpected blessing. I also have prayed many times that I would love and accept ALL the changes this has brought and will continue to bring into my life- weight gain, concerns, and even the sleepless nights. I have been so surprised, although I shouldn't be, that God has heard and answered those prayers. I have said it before, but sometimes find that we don't really ask God for the things we need- the really simple things, because maybe we think He is 'too big or too busy' to care. Instead, we move along in life carrying worries or burdens that He would love to lift off of us, but we are not willing to turn them over to Him. I think that is one of the biggest lessons I have learned in my life the past several years...God WANTS us to know love and Joy and contentment, but we have to be willing to give Him all our concerns- no matter how big or small they may be.
When I think of all the hurt I carried because I let myself believe I wasn't 'good enough or thin enough' for so long, I still ache inside because I now know that God loves me with an everlasting love and when I couldn't love myself, I was in effect saying, "God I don't like the way you made me- I don't love what You created me to be". I realized at one point that since God designed me, I COULD love me just the way I was. It was in accepting me and all my imperfections that I began to be able to change and become even more of who God created me to be.
I now choose to do things for my body and for myself because I know that God wants the best for me, and when my thinking lines up with that reality, it is so much easier to actually follow through. I'm talking about eating healthier, and not watching tv or reading fashion magazines or actually going for walks or doing things for other people that make their lives better. I believe that the less I focused on me, the more I was able to change. It seems so backwards- so opposite what you think you need to do, but really, that is when I have seen change happen in me.
When I started telling myself I didn't need a boyfriend to affirm my love and worth back in college, well, that is when I started to get asked out and months later met Chip and fell in love. When I began to just focus on loving life and others around me, that is when others started to love me back in bigger ways.
I was depressed through my whole pregnancy with Teagan, but can honestly say that the moment she was placed in my arms after her birth, my heart literally cared a fraction about me and was totally overwhelmed and consumed with her. Nothing mattered to me at that point, about my weight or looks or even how much sleep I would or wouldn't get...I olnly wanted to be my best and give her the world. I thank God that He allowed me to struggle through 9 months of pregnanacy with her- even as I questioned Him and was angry and depressed. Because in the end He gave me the greatest gift of being able to love more and give more of me than I ever had in my life.
I had no idea I would write this long chapter in my life here today. I actually meant to just post a few photos to 'prove' to a few of my friends that when they tell me I look so good this pregnancy, that it most definitely hasn't been true in any of my previous five. But instead, I have spilled some of the deep parts of my heart and soul. In so doing, I truly hope that someone else will be challenged to want to be more than they are at this moment.
Maybe it's the hormones and the squirming going on in my belly even as I type this that made me want to get this all out right now. Maybe it is the humble disbelief that God really does love us and wants us to bring all our concerns to Him. Maybe it's the reality that there is a life inside me, being entrusted to Chip and me to love and encourage all the potential this baby has to give the world in just a matter of days. Maybe it is any number of things, but in my heart I just want to share the good, the bad, and the reality that we all can choose Joy and seek God and He will help us become exactly who He wants us to be. That is a truth that I never want to forget.

Missing link...thanks, Sara.

You can view the layout from yesterday's post here. Thanks to a comment left by Sara I was able to find the link to the photo mosaic. It was created by Ali Edwards and you can see credits for the tiny pictures by following the link here.
Besides that really helpful comment, I see that others of you still have yet to learn blog comment etiquette. I always appreciate debate and thoughtful insights, but never care for downright rudeness, which for some reason people seem to think they can do since they are posting anonymously. Chip and I are very aware of names and our choices impacting our children as they grow up. Not that I feel the need to defend any names we're considering, because the truth is I have never been one to change an opinion of mine based on someone else's opinion. Nor has Chip. In all our baby-naming through 5 children we have always picked names we like. Teagan's name wasn't one that many people encouraged us to choose; Wyndham's was frowned upon by others. Did we consider peoples' opionions...yes. Did we ulitmately decide for ourselves...yes.
All that to say that I just thought it was in keeping with my 'open book theory' here on my blog to share the list of our current choices. Nothing is set in stone, and certainly we will make our decisions with several things in mind. Even {gasp!} possible nicknames. Now, Chip and I fully understand that ANY name can be picked on or turned into a 'bad nickname'. I, myself, was called "Fatso" through several years of school...how anybody gets that from "Jody" is beyond me. I was also called "Buddy" in highschool because my maiden name was Hackett. Chip will tell you that he has been called among other things: Potato Chip, Chip-shot and Chip-off-the-old-block.
His birth name is John after his dad, but he has been called Chip since about the time he turned one. We have thought of doing John III, but it hasn't been a name we feel compelled to carry on. Chip's sister has a Jonathan and Brock would have likely been the boy of the family to carry on that name. However, the name Jock is a derivitive of John/Jack and our connection with that name is a very positive one. One of Chip's 'favorite bosses' is the Head Golf Pro at Interlachen Country Club in MN and he has always been so kind and supportive to Chip and our family. He is a reputable man in the golf industry and an upstanding family man as well. We feel nothing but respect to him and he has proved that a name is more how you grow into it, than how you allow others to make it shape you. That is just part of the reason the name "Jock" is on our list. If you happen to hate it, that's your personal choice. I believe that no matter what name you choose for a child, you will offend or turn somebody off. That is why Chip and I choose names we like.
The idea of naming a baby after a family member can be good. In fact Chip and I gave Isabella Teagan's name as a middle name- we felt we were being blessed with another girl so soon after Teagan was born and we wanted Bella to have a connection with her sister in Heaven- who died less than a year earlier. We also really liked the name Teagan and so it was another way to just carry a piece of her that we loved so much with us. Bella happens to like it- in case you're wondering.
Beyond that though, the list of names in our family doesn't leave us many choices in the way of baby boys- at least according to the criteria Chip and I have used in the past. The names of the grandpas are: Floyd and John; the grandfathers' names are: Wilmer, Melvin, Arnold, Ezra and Royal. Some of them have been incorporated as middle names with a couple of our nephews, but we feel confident that we aren't offending any of our family by not choosing among this list of names.
Whew!
That was long for me to 'not defend' our baby name choices. =)
I really think that something will just click as soon as this baby arrives. It's always happened in the past. So we're not even worrying about it at this point. We're just having fun throwing out possibilities!

Name that mosaic...

I just love that I get a box of scrap supplies in my mail each month. I feel very lucky to be on such a fun design team and get some really edgy products through Scrap In Style tv. This month the collection of scrap goodies is called "The Urban Prep Collection" and you can actually pre-order it right now, by clicking this link here. The top photo is a peek of the whole set and the other photos here are peeks of a layout I made and will post in my gallery tomorrow. Such fun colors and textures in this stuff...I am loving it all! I scrapped my layout based on a challenge posted at the "Inspired by Amelie" blog. I rarely do challenges, but thought this one was perfect for my subject.
So, I opted to scrap a photo mosaic that has been sitting on my scrap desk for awhile now. I browse so many different blogs for insipration and this photo mosaic happened to be one I printed out, but now I have no idea where I originally saw it online. If you happen to know who or where it came from, I would love for you to hook me up with the creator so that I can credit that person as well as find out who the mini photos all belong to.
Besides that, if you have a Flickr account and create mosaics, feel free to leave me a comment and link so that I can check out your creations and be inspired by you too!
Speaking of names...in my last post I mentioned we have not decided on a baby name yet. We do have several options in mind and if you want to comment on those, by all means, add your two-cents today. Here are some of the choices {in any combination too} that are in consideration:
Greyson
Jock Bennett
Finn (Finnegan/Finley)
Gannon
Crew
Maguire
Dain
Rheece/Reid
Tillman
and I have lots more, but this list is already too long for Chip's liking. His two picks are already listed. =)

Trading spaces.

I found a container with some newborn baby clothes in it as I cleaned out a portion of Ava's closet the other day. I guess they were items I had bought and saved to give as baby gifts to othter friends. They happened to be almost all newborn baby boy items, which made me happy and I feel like after washing a small load of baby clothes that I am more prepared for the changes to come in the next several weeks. It's funny to me how I can go from feeling 'in over my head' to 'totally on top of things' with just a bit of organization. =) There's something that gets me about tiny packs of socks and hats too. I can't resist getting anxious after folding a load of these baby goods.

So the baby room is basically in place- with the exception of a bit of decorating. Ava has been so good about being moved from her room into the room with Bella. I had to post a picture of their new shared space [you can click the image to make it larger], as Grandma Karen sent them matching Hello Kitty bedding and my parents helped to make and put up their bulletin board 'headboards'. I plan to add some photos or name banners or something fun to them soon too. There's always so many things I could be doing/making around here, and there's never a shortage of ideas in my head either. The tricky part is getting the from my head to reality!

Bella and I did manage to make a library sign for her room awhile ago after she asked me for one for about 2 weeks. She flips the sign from 'open' to 'close' at random...and I think basically has fun having some 'power' over the books and who gets to read/check them out at any given time.

So the basket of diapers is ready and waiting. We purchased all our school supplies yesterday and the kids' backpacks are ready to go. I suppose now that I feel so on top of things, this baby will make us wait for his arrival until much closer to the due date. Which may just turn out to be a good thing, since Chip and I are still undecided on a name. =)

Smiles and good-byes...

Last night we hugged and kissed Grandma and Grandpa and the cousins good-bye. The girls spent the afternoon crafting and making things with fabric (you can see the pouch we sewed here) and playing in a fort and just having fun. The boys were busy doing other things. =)

It was a fun week together, and I think there is just something so special about kids spending time with their grandparents. Ava used my Dad as a jungle gym as often as he gave her the chance to do so. There were plenty of hugs given and received, but even as my kids got their jammies on last night there were tears and complaints that "it went too fast" and "I didn't get enough hugs and kisses!".

If you are fortunate to live close to your family, I hope you appreciate and soak in their hugs and kisses the next time you're together. It really is a wonderful thing that is easily taken for granted. My kids are already looking forward to the next time we visit family or they visit us. Hopefully the photos and the memories will be enough for them to enjoy until that next time comes.

Have a great weekend!

Short update and some pics.

Here are some pictures of a bit of our fun and adventures this week. It's gone really quickly and yet hopefully the memories will last a long time in the hearts and minds of the kids. All except their run-in with the wasp nest. That's been the most-talked about event the past few days. Thankfully everyone has healed well from their stings and Ava's eye is back to normal.

I did have another nearly-sleepless night of false labor. I'm still hoping that this baby will settle down for at least another week or two, but the good news is that the baby nursery is much more ready and usable than last pictured here. So while we are feeling more ready, we're still in no hurry.

Lastly, just for my friend, Rachael {pictured above with Wyndham}, have a safe and happy move and even though I mowed part of the lawn yesterday, I promise not to do that anymore during this pregnancy. I promise. =)