Totally girly.

While the boys are away the girls are playing~ all girl stuff too. Barbies, tea parties, dress-up, lots of laughing and hugging and singing and just being girls. Today 23 Barbies had Eggos for breakfast before any of my girls actually ate breakfast. =)

Since Bella and Ava started sharing a room last week, the two have literally become best friends and practically inseperable- as you can see in the photos here. They go to bed at the same time, they come upstairs holding hands late at night to get drinks or extra hugs and kisses together, they laugh way into the night and wake up almost simultaneously- only to start playing and giggling and doing it all over again the next day. It's been cute to watch and don't worry...Wyndham gets in on the fun too. She just knows her limits and is better about sleeping in and getting the rest she needs. She was very happy to be the fairy godmother when everyone played Cinderella recently and they were all happy to watch "Cinderella III- A Twist in Time" today- like I said. It's been pretty girly around our house with Chip and Brock gone for the long weekend.

We miss them and wish we could be with them. But I have noticed less laundry and fewer dishes to load in the dishwasher the past two days. There's something to be said about having girl-time. To top it off, as we ate ice cream cones just before bedtime the night before last, Bella said hers had something crunchy in it. It happened to be a baby tooth- she lost her first tooth! She was so surprised and freaked out at the same time. It took several minutes of me reassuring her that it was meant to happen- she had mentioned to me it was getting loose earlier in the day- and finally she was calmed down enough to finish her cone. Yesterday morning was just a sweet moment for me as she came running up the stairs waving "a 5-dollars with Abraham Lincoln on it!" from the "real tooth-fairy"! She was so happy and for me it was just another moment in time to treasure and soak up. One that I remember wishing far too much that I could have experienced with Teagan years earlier.

I couldn't help but realize that Teagan isn't missing out on a thing. She's in Heaven and nothing can compare to the beauty and joy that surrounds her. It was this thought that made me love and appreciate even more, just how much I love my girls {and my boys and baby-to-be!} and how much I cherish the simple moments and memories we make in life. Even when they are all-girly!

Sending our love home.

Brock and Chip are headed to Minnesota to be with Chip's family at this time. My doctor "highly discouraged" a 10-hour roadtrip for me at this point in the pregnancy. I'm already showing signs of making progress and with the number of babies I've had, plus the fact that Ava was early just added to her recommendation for me and this baby.
Everything is going well at this point- no major concerns- which is always a good thing. I like "normal and routine", and hopefully I can heed some advice to take it easy as much as possible.
We would all like to be home with our family this weekend, but I know they all understand and if they can feel our love through Chip and Brock, well then that is the important thing.
Thanks for your prayers and wishes for comfort.

Life is fragile...

Late last night and very into the morning (12 midnight to 2 am) I was having mild contractions and couldn't sleep. I actually started to get a little bit worried when I felt them 20 minutes apart. As Chip slept I debated whether or not to wake him. I was just about to do so when I noticed his cell phone ring a couple of times. It's unusual for him to get calls after midnight, so I woke him and handed him the phone and within a few seconds I heard his voice break as he received the unexpected news of the death of his uncle Johnny {who is pictured with Grandpa Willie in the last photo here}. We are heartbroken and saddened along with all of Chip's mom's side of the family and many friends that Johnny has acquired through the years.
Needless to say, neither Chip nor I got much sleep last night. I am feeling better and the contractions have subsided at this point. I have a dr. appt. tomorrow and hopefully we'll find that everything is progressing just as it should.
But it's moments in life such as these that continue to serve as reminders to me of not just the circle of life, but how fragile it really is. There are no guarantees- whether it's babies, children or grown ups. I find that this theme- of making the most of every moment- comes up so often in my heart and mind and I really strive to translate it into my everyday living. I want to live without regrets. I want to live life with passion and intention. I want people to know how much I love them and I want my life to stand for something so that whenever my time comes, I will know I have lived fully.
I found it interesting that just before bed last night I received a couple of emails from my (new) friend, Amber, who took these maternity pictures of me while we were together in Chicago. {Thank you, Amber!} They just seem so touching today as our family grieves the loss of a loved one, yet at the same time we prepare for the arrival of another {and Chip's sister too}. The baby bassinet bedding is being washed as I type and I just hope to pass on the message of loving this moment and loving beyond expectations in life. Too many times we get wrapped up in "little stuff" or in holding onto grudges or not giving of our hearts to others enough. I am guilty of it too...I can get stuck in a place where I am doing out of demands, rather than out of the overflow of my heart. I hope to remind myself over and over that to love is a gift. To serve others is a gift. To breathe in air and look for beauty in this world is a gift. To share and connect with others is a gift- no matter what. I thank God that He showers His love on us so that we can give love and encourage others to do so too.
Life is a wonderful thing. I hope I never forget just HOW amazing it is. And we will remember Johnny for his love of life and others too.

Mine's not as cute...

I couldn't help myself after seeing those knitted mushrooms. So I made a hybrid mushroom with felt/fabric after seeing the cute sewn animals here at Martha Stewart's site. I just hand-cut my little mushroom and made it up as I went along. I had no pattern and no clue what it would look like when it was finished.
The girls thought it was cute when it was done and took turns holding it. I asked Bella if she thought it looked more like a mushroom or a tiny tree. She replied, "It looks like like a little pepperoni pizza!".
Oh well.
It was a meager attempt at being crafty. I still am inspired to learn to knit- someday! =)

In trying times...

I want to thank many of you for emailing me last week and sharing your stories with me- many of you asking for prayer, insight or just taking me up on my offer to be your listening ear. I have read all your emails and am in the process of replying back to you. I have prayed for you personally and have asked God to give me some words of comfort, encouragement or just simply asked for a verse to pass along to you that might be one you can hold onto as you walk {or even stand- as some of you are doing} in the midst of one of life's storms. I am humbled that God can use connections- via blogs, emails and internet- to help each of us further our growth and trust in Him. I have been encouraged many times through the past few years of blogging to see just how God brings about words and people that I need to hear at just the right time. He IS faithful and today I want to share some truths with those of you who need some assurance that God is here- with you- in the very place where you are. Whether you are joyous or hurting or overwhelmed or needing direction or even wondering if He is real- let the following passages assure you of His presence, of His care for your hurt, of His unconditional love for you.
I was given a book of short devotionals/stories from my sister soon after our incident in '01. It has 6 different authors and Scripture verses and poems/lyrics throughout the pages. The one I share with you today is written by Sheila Walsh and it's titled: Jesus is Here. May it bless you or encourage you as it has me.
"Jesus is Here"
It is hard to rest in God when life keeps us scrambling from one demand or crisis to the next. Yet those are the very times when we are most in need of depending utterly on Him.
One of the passages that has helped me most in the last year is when the resurrected Christ appears to his disciples while they are hiding in fear of the Jews. He greets them with, "peace be still!" Their fear is replaced by joy. Nothing outside those four walls had changed. There was still an angry crowd in the streets. They were still living in a terrible time. But because Christ was there, everything had changed.
Here is a truth that will sustain me no matter what life brings: Christ is still here. When He walks in, it doesn't mean everything outside is okay. It means I'm inside, and I'm okay because He is here with me.
Jesus frees us from the enemies [the devil and the powers of sin and evil] who attack us from the outside. But He also frees us from the enemies who attack us from within. I have found John 8:32 to be a very liberating Scripture: "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free". I understand this passage differently than I used to. Now I think it means bringing thw whole truth about me, the good with the bad, before Christ. If I am angry or fearful or in despair, I can bring it safely to the Lord. I can accept the truth about myself [or my circumstances] because I have been forgiven and set free.
When you stand up in front of 18,000 women, what you share has to be true whether you have just been diagnosed with breast cancer or your husband has left you or you didn't get to bring your baby home from the hospital. Sometimes we hear the message from well-meaning Christian brothers and sisters, "If you just have enough faith, everything will work out". This is not helpful. It places dependency on us. My motto is "Life is tough, but God is faithful".
When the disciples were caught in a storm on the Sea of Galilee they cried out to Jesus in terror, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" Christ stood up and quieted the waves. Then He asked them, "Why are you so afraid?" Even though the circumstances are terrifying, Christ is never afraid. He is with us, and He has set us free.

Cute and crafty.

I found these adorable knitted baby rattles and full instructions for making them here. I know I blogged about having to give something up in order to make more time in my schedule...but these little toadstools are just so cute. They make me want to learn to knit.
I can just see these in little blues/olive greens/aqua and brown. I know it probably won't happen. But maybe there's a chance Chip will see this and take up knitting in the next couple of months. =) Hey... a girl can dream, right?!

Belated birthday pictures-

I have been taking so many photos the past week that when I clicked back through some of my folders I realized I never posted Bella's birthday pics. She had a great birthday- with just our family and some Hello Kitty cupcakes- last Friday when she turned 6.
The photo of her opening a present on the phone as a princess was snapped while her grandma and grandpa sang "Happy Birthday" to her. It's one of my kids' favorite traditions each birthday- to get their song and birthday wishes by phone. I think it's one of Chip's favorite traditions too- he just doesn't show his excitement because of his age. =)
As I hit 32 weeks of pregnancy this week I am finding myself definitely 'feeling the third trimester'. My back hurts everytime I have to lift Wyndham in or out of something- like the tub or her carseat. She's tall and weighs about 55 pounds, so I suppose my back would hurt no matter my extra weight or not. I've been a bit more tired and when I sit outside with the kids while they splash in their pools I get hot a lot faster than I did last summer. I'm the kind of person who is normally cold all the time- for me, summer sun and humidity is the way I like it best. But I can't quite take it as much these days- thank goodness for air conditioning and ice cream treats. =)
We are in the process of getting the baby's room set up and that meant Ava got to move her bed into Bella's room this week. They had a few late nights of talking and giggling and a few too many early mornings for my liking. But the last two nights have gone much better and I think they are going to really like being roomates. They each have their own bed and nightlight and bedside table and they seem happy with their own 'space'. Brock is our built-in night watchman and will let us know when he thinks they've been talking or staying up too late. What a great big brother! =)
I'm feeling a bit anxious about how to work a newborn's demands into our already busy schedule. But as Chip said to me the other day, "we've done this before and it always works out". He is so wise and so right. I think it's just a normal part of the pregnancy-thought process for me. I can't help but think that 'something has to go'...I'm just curious to find out what it's going to be this time around. The best part is that whatever 'goes' generally gets replaced with more love and joy. So no matter what we give up, we get something far greater in return.

Sweet memories.

In the midst of all the remembering and reflecting there has been lots of color and new memories being made in our home and with one another over the past couple of days. While it's true we feel Teagan's loss, we also have come to look at these 'memorial days' as opportunities to celebrate her life and the happiness we have found as a result of surviving tragedy.
I struggled so much with the fact that our lives would never be the same again and felt 'ripped off' in some sad sense that no matter what happened in our lives, there would always be such a void- so much pain and always 'tainted' by sorrow. That's what so many of the books on grief and trauma were telling Chip and I in those early weeks of our pain and despair. It was really dragging us both down when I'm not sure what exactly happened, but we both reached a point where we had 'had enough'. We didn't want our "new normal" to be so miserable and I certainly didn't want the memories that we were creating for Brock and Wyndham to be laden with only tears and sorrow.
I guess I am being transparent here and feel blessed to be able to share another side of grief- the one that we have come to embrace. The side that sometimes feels so wrong because it's as if you are leaving your sorrows and loved one behind. It has been a long journey to get to this point- I'm not claiming it happened overnight. But here we are and these pictures I hope, speak volumes in and of themselves. Grief has become a part of our lives- we live with it everyday- but it has not consumed us as a family and in many ways I see how it has 'pushed us' to be even better than before.
Better meaning, more willing to live in the moment. More able to enjoy simple happiness. More inspired to want to grab the time we have and celebrate just being. If I have learned anything through death and trauma it is that I want to be so intentional about how I do live the precious, fleeting moments of our lives.
I love that an afternoon with friends hanging out and {Chip} doing cannonballs in their pool and just soaking up some sun and fun has taken on a whole new meaning for us through the years. I love that I am able to watch my kids play and listen to their laughter and just see their creative minds at work and it fills my heart with gladness. I even tolerate their messes so much more. Sometimes too much, it seems!
I love that even though my kids will wake us too early in the morning I have more patience and find myself just thanking God that they are healthy and happy- and I appreciate another day, another routine morning of getting breakfast and getting them dressed. After staying in pajamas and lounging until noon today {Teagan would have LOVED that!} we finally ate some brunch and then I pulled out some mega rainbow-swirled lollipops for the kids today. I love that we can choose to make new, happy memories on a day that holds our deepest sorrows. One doesn't have to exist without the other and that warms my heart and makes me glad. I know Teagan wouldn't come back here from Heaven even if she had a choice or the chance to do so. I love that so many are still touched by her life and legacy and that even in her death I have never had to full let her go. I have been able to share her with others- and have a gorgeous bouquet of soft-colored roses in my home today- sent from a faraway friend of mine, letting me know she has been touched forever by Teagan.
The number of emails and prayers and caring thoughts from so many of you is nothing short of amazing to me and Chip. It was never our intention to live our lives the way we do. We simply find ourselves appreciating and creating and treasuring sweet memories~ old and new. It is our priviledge to share this side of our hearts and lives with you.

Transparency.

If on that Sunday morning, Cindy (the driver that crashed her car through the Old Depot wall) had instead walked into the restaurant and announced to all of us in the dining room what was truly on her heart and mind, I wonder what would have happened. I can only speculate and then speak for myself, and after thinking long and hard about such a circumstance, I am almost certain that I would not have hardly more than turned my head her way.
She likely would have said something about being depressed and feeling suicidal. She may have talked about her marriage being one of strain and she could have shared that she felt like a failure and overwhelmed by her teenage son. She might have even said she didn't feel love or lovable in anyway- and her hopelessness would easily have been seen on her face.
What makes me sad and ache as we mark 7 years from that fateful day is that I rarely noticed peoples' hurts outside of that of my family and friends. Even then, oftentimes I missed the depth and reality of pain going on around me- sometimes because I chose to shrug it off and "their problem", other times because people around me are good at hiding their true selves.
Having someone's pain and hopelessness touch me in such a profound and life-changing, devastating way has caused me to be more sensative, more aware, more willing to be compassionate- more willing to really listen and desire to help- if only given a chance.
I started keeping a blog to allow my friends and family and check in with what was going on in my life and to see my kids as they grow and to watch our lives unfold in small ways. What I have found, over and over, is that our struggles is most often what impacts people most. My blog is now read by more people I don't know than I do. My email box receives letters each week from people who thank me for sharing the hurts and the Hope we have to get through them- telling me that it is an encouragement...which is crazy because that in turn encourages me.
It's about being transparent.
I firmly believe if Cindy had been more transparent with her pain and desperation that somehow, someway, someone would have answered her cries for help. I am sorry to say it almost certainly wouldn't have been me. I wish over and over I had been given a chance to make things different and that Teagan and Peggy wouldn't have had to die and others I love so deeply wouldn't have been hurt physically, emotionally and mentally. Including me. I wish that her desperate cries would have resulted in some other 'big, news story'...rather than ending in the tragedy that it did.
But people finding Hope and having their hearts changed and their lives given new purpose rarely makes the headlines. That's what I wish was different. I wish we could celebrate in a big way all the things that people do in life to overcome obstacles and struggles and pain to become something they never thought they could be. I wish we could see more people being open with the realities of their lives- things like broken marriages, eating disorders and addictions, financial burdens that seem to have no end, past hurts that haunt and affect the way people relate to others, feelings of failure that only breed anger and resentment and bitterness. The "ugly sides- the dark side"- the stuff we try to hide to make ourselves look 'normal' to others we face each day.
I wish people could unload their hurts and burdens and the truth in their lives- not to be shamed and judged, but instead to find a Door that leads to healing and Hope and freedom in life. I don't have anyway of making such a dream happen. I can't go out and hug everyone in the world or ask them if they need Love. But I do know that I can care. I do know that someone else's pain has made me more sensative and has left me with a longing in my heart to tell others the truth- that there is Joy and happiness and Hope and healing available to them- no matter the hurt they carry in their hearts and lives.
Today I just feel the need to be open to listening and to have that longing in my heart filled- even in the tiniest way. I would love for anyone that has sensed that I 'struck a chord' with you or with someone that you know, to leave me a comment (even just your first name or initials) so that I can pray for you. I will. I would love to be available by email as well {nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com } if you want to share your hurt/pain more specifically with me in order for me to pray in a more concrete way. I know that I can do nothing to change the events of my life from 7 years ago...but as I remember and reflect, I can only see how I wish I had more of that chance. I am grateful that I have been given a second chance in life- to love, to seek, to be changed and to find ways to touch others. I love that as the years have gone by that my pain has softened and that my own heart has been sensatized to the needs and hurts of others. I don't know that that is why our tragedy occured, but I do know that being transparent is the best way to healing. I believe that if I had held onto my own hurt- my anger, my grief, my unforgiveness, that I wouldn't have a story worth sharing with anyone. Instead, laying it all out there and depending on God for healing and strength every moment of everyday, as well as being supported and loved by so many family, friends and strangers, has been the key to the renewal and Hope that Chip and I have found over these sometimes long, tough years.
As I continue to grow and learn and experience life, it just seems to be more and more true. The way to healing comes not in hiding- just as a doctor can't diagnose and treat your symptoms if you don't put them all out on the table- but in being real and in asking for help. I am glad, in a way, that our pain and struggles were so big, so public that we couldn't help hide them. The outpouring of compassion and care from so many has been a reason for us to want to overcome. I don't take credit or want to appear as a superhero- but instead I share our story humbly and truly know that God has made us new. For that I have nothing but praise and thanksgiving. Even as I miss Teagan after 7 long years.

Just the way it is.

As if I could ever forget a smile so pure, a love so deep, a heart so big, a life lived so full of joy and laughter and non-stop energy...it's just not possible. Even 7 years later. Today my heart aches with the longing, the wishing, the wondering, the thought of just one more hug or kiss or pinky promise.
Still, I thank God I had her in my life for almost 4 and a half years. I thank Him for the memories, for the way she still 'feels close' at times, for the constant reminders that she was and always will be a part of our lives. I thank Him for helping us move beyond the pain to see beauty and to love fully again.

But to be honest, even after years of missing and moving forward, a part of of me will always miss her more than words can say. It's just the way it is. I so appreciate many of your thoughts, prayers and emails as we mark another annivesary and remember Teagan's life in a special way this week.

It's hard to believe it's been so long- I remember the events of that day as though it just happened. But I can also look at how far we've come and how many changes have taken place and it's true too- I see so many blessings and have so much to be thankful for. It's a strange combination of wishing things could be so different, yet feeling so grateful that things are exactly as they are.

Like I said...it's just the way it is. I can't put it any other way. I'm glad that even though she's gone, she will always be mine. I thank God He sent Teagan into my life. If even for only awhile.

The new mini-digi cam.

Bella has been using her little camera all day long. She is loving it and I thought I would just share some of the pictures from her last day of being five. She snapped the photo of the sunshine through the window right away this morning and I just think it is a cool shot. She wanted to 'capture the sunbeams' and you know what? She did it!
She's taken several pictures of Spongebob and Patrick and Squidward from off the tv, a few of her favorite toys, lots of the girls- but Brock has not been too cooperative. They will be headed to a Whitecaps baseball game in just a few minutes and he has been 'ordered' to let her take a few pictures of their fun together. (Update: Bella accidentally deleted all her pictures at the game. I guess she was a little over-zealous with the buttons on her camera. Fortunately she wasn't upset. She's just 'learning'.)
Here's a link to picture she took of her baby brother-to-be growing bigger at 30 weeks, 6 days. I have a hunch he will get used to a camera living in this household in just a matter of days after his arrival. Such is life in the Ferlaak household. The lens is just a part of our everyday lives. =)

My thoughts turn...

Back to July 2001. As the weekend approaches and the anniversary is near, I can't help but remmeber. I have been reading through my posts and thoughts from last year at this time. They are filling my eyes with tears and making my heart well up. With both good memories and reminders that year after year, I still feel the sorrow, I still recall in vivid pictures all the details of that time.
I find it interesting that time moves on, but a heart never stops remembering. I invite you to read some of my posts from last year and let them touch you as they may. Tomorrow is Bella's birthday and we are so excited along with her to celebrate this day. She is enjoying today already- her last day of "being 5". I love that God has given us her life to celebrate and to soak up some fun at the same time my heart would rather be filled with reflection and hurt. I am thanking Him over and over for the blessings in our lives that far outnumber the hurts and trials. He has been good and faithful- as only He can be.
I also invite you to join me in prayers for Jaymun and his entire family. I have sat in their hurt and I have prayed for a miracle just as they are praying and having to surrender to at this very moment. My mind has a hard time understanding how such pain can ever be turned into something good in life. But I know from experience that God is a God of healing and He hears our prayers and cries and oftentimes He answers in unexpected ways. Life doesn't make sense when it comes to hurt...the answers may never come.
But there is still Joy and peace and mercy in abundance to all who are willing to seek it and let it come to them in new ways. Even now, as we're marking 7 years since the most unimaginable tragedy touched our lives I sit in wonder as I see how much healing has happened in our lives. I can't believe there is a new life growing inside of me and I constantly thank God that He has everything in control. It's only because of His love and tender mercies that I have found goodness at all. And as I should have expected 7 years ago- even though I never would have believed it could be true- He has filled my heart and life to overflowing. I am humbled by such mercies and can honestly say to Him, "Thank you for the brokenness that has made me much more of who You wanted me to become, all along".

Spending a giftcard = happiness

These pictures are practice pics for us- me and Bella- as she picked out a mini digital camera/web cam at Wal-mart today using an early birthday present giftcard {Thanks Steph, Luke and Aly!!}. She was very thorough and thoughtful as she looked through aisles of toys and dvd's before settling on this item as her final purchase.

It isn't even fully charged, but she could hardly wait to see how it works and more importantly, what kind of pictures it takes. She was very happy to pose by the chalk giraffe she created and I am happy to have a little something to blog about just before I get all the kiddos into jammies and into bed.

I have a feeling if this little camera is all it claims to be on the package, you just may be seeing 'life' here at Nitty.Gritty. through the eyes of my kids- likely more than through me!

Around my house...

My kids are getting lots of laughs and enjoying a silly chicken given to me by my friend, Stacey, at my baby shower. It's an inside joke but it has turned out to be one of the favorite gifts. I just wish you all could hear what it sounds like when you squeeze the belly...let's just say I give them each 1 turn and then we take an hour break from the squacking. That's all I can handle. But it's still funny to me.
Next, do you see my staircase lined with shoes? Ava decided to find as many shoes and she could and "make footprints around the house". I finally asked her to pick them up when Wyndham could no longer get from the living room to the kitchen on her own. Ava called to me about 15 minutes after I asked her to pick upi the shoes and she was glowing as she pointed to the stairs. I guess I need to be more specific and tell her where to put things away next time.
Then there's Bella. She will celebrate a birthday later this week and we're having a hard time deciding what to get her for presents. She does love all things related to art and I have to admit I love that she is so creative. Her little mind is always spinning. Her funny 'line' today was when she and Ava were pretending to call each other on a couple of phones, they were ringing and answering one another. At one point when Ava called Bella, she let it ring several times. Bella finally looked over at Ava and said, "I'm not gonna answer that...it's just a telemarketer". I can't imagine where she ever heard that line! =)
I thought I would share my two favorite 'yellow things' with you too. One is golden watermelon- sweet and juicy! Wyndham's favorite fruit is watermelon and she seemed quite impressed to see that it comes in yellow too. The bag is one of my impulse buys from an afternoon of shopping with my frineds in Chicago. I blame Martha for this bag...but have to say it makes me love her more than I already did. =) {Thanks, Martha!} I think it might even double as a glorified diaper bag fairly soon.
Speaking of diaper bags, I had a doctor appt. today and everything is going well at 30 weeks. The baby is growing right on schedule and my blood pressure is staying right where it should. I am trying to remind myself that we will be having a newborn in our home soon. It's kind of hard to imagine after being out of that stage for more than 4 years now, but I know we will be ready when it happens.
We just need to get our list of baby names narrowed down a bit. Or at least find a matching pair from Chip's list and mine. =) That's about all the excitement I have from my house today. With the exception of the blueberry waffles we had for brunch. Mmmmm. Good stuff indeed!

A few glimpses...

First of all and most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Mom today!! I came out from all my fun and partying and scrapping to give her a shout out on my blog for her birthday. I send all my love to you today and wish you so much happiness and goodness as you celebrate another year. My mom is the biggest Nitty.Gritty. "fan" that there is... and I feel lucky and blessed that she loves me and cares whole-heartedly about every detail of my life. The big, the small, the trials and the joys...she's a treasure to me for sure, and I don't think she knows how wonderful she really is, nor do I think she realizes how much I cherish her support. Today- even though I'm away, I am thinking of you, Mom. Happy Birthday from myself, Chip and all the kiddos. {Who are on their way to come and pick me up as I type this out.} We all love you very much!

I am excited to post some photos that allow some of you to see into my world the past few days. It's been a really great trip- more than I expected, more than I deserve. I have met and made some wonderful, new friends and I have seen some really fun scrap product {my favorites coming straight from the Cosmo Cricket, Jenni Bowlin & Heidi Swapp (not pictured), Sassafrass Lass and Hambly booths} at the Chicago CHA convention. I have enjoyed shopping and laughing and eating good food. I have loved celebrating my friend, Jo-Anne's birthday together for the second straight year here in America {Jo lives in Holland!} and sharing her day with an unexpected baby shower given to me by my Fashionista friends. It is one of the best surprises I have ever received. I still can't believe they put something together for me, including a "Wren Carrot Cake" that was delicious beyond words. So good in fact, that I ate two pieces of it back-to-back, and have no guilt or regrets about doing such a thing.

I really don't know at times like this, what I have done right in my life to deserve to be surrounded by friendship, blessing and happiness. I sat opening baby gifts {and a rubber chicken, thank you very much, Stacey!} with a lump in my throat and a smile on my face and have to humbly say, "thank you" to anyone and everyone who has ever walked with me, cared about me, showered blessings on me, and shared life with me in a way that has made me fully believe that life is a beautiful thing. It's a very beautiful gift indeed.