Wondering...

I'm around. Really I've been here off and on...just sort of thinking and wondering really what it is I should share here at my blog.
I had a great time the past few days. Last Friday was the "Fallen Heroes Golf Tournament" at Grand Haven Golf Club, where Chip works...and his boss and family have been in town to be apart of this event. This event was a result of lots of hard work, a commitment and passion of Dan Rooney's (the boss/owner of the Club) who has a 'connection' with the families of those affected by death/injuries as a result of their military service- because he flies f-16's and has done two tours in Iraq...with a possible third one coming up later this summer. To see how many people got involved and supported his cause was really an amazing thing. From the President of the PGA, to local and national media coverage, to people feeling called to step up and make pledges to this foundation was really a neat thing. The event raised nearly $40,000 dollars...which goes into funds to given as scholarships to children/family members of those killed/permanently disabled in military service. Such a great cause...and support for this foundation and cause continues to grow. It was an honor and privilege for Chip {and me in a small way} to be a part of such an effort. It really brings it home to be involved firsthand with those who have sacrificed for our sake's, so much in life. Even giving their lives.
We also enjoyed an afternoon at the beach of Lake Michigan...where we just kicked-back and relaxed as a family with friends too...and I didn't even bring a camera...which Chip and the kids were thrilled to learn! =) It was fun for me to see how much progress and growth Wyndham has made in a year's time. Last year she had such an aversion to the texture of the beach sand, and she couldn't walk in it because of it's uneven nature and demand on her for balance and stability. This year, she crawled in the sand, played off the blanket more than on it...and even tried to chase the seagulls, as she watched Ava run and play. I was so happy for her. It helps to justify all the hours and trips to and from therapy- 3 days a week, that she attends...and I often struggle with sending her there. I sometimes just want her to sit back and be a kid like her siblings...just have fun. But seeing her changes and her strength and her great strides totally reaffirmed to me that all her therapy is paying off. Even if it's a demand in my life and not always the thing I want to do; I am seeing that it is worth it in the long run.
I have also been doing lots of thinking and meditating on purpose and meaning and what exactly is the best use of my time and energy...in regards to setting priorities according to what I feel God calling me to do with my life. It's a tough one. One I don't think has a simple cut and dried answer. I think it is something that constantly changes in life too, depending on all sorts of factors...like time/place/abilities/opportunities. I just know that my heart has a growing desire to do more than it seems I am doing most of the time. I feel sometimes that my circumstances 'hold me back' (being a stay-at-home mom of 4 isn't exactly the ideal circumstance to reach out and do much for others as far as volunteering for organizations and such), and yet I realize that my kids ARE important and I AM doing a lot and have a huge opportunity in their lives to help nuture them and guide their growth in life too. It's just an internal, personal struggle to know if I am doing what I am called to do in life right now...or is there more I should be striving to do.
That's been my thoughts and it's a tough call. I don't have easy answers, and I keep seeking opportunities and trying to be quiet and listen to what I feel led to do. But sometimes the 'waiting game' is difficult to play. I'll be honest with you. Some of you may not even have a clue what I am talking about...but it's very real to me. I feel strongly that God gives us blessings and gifts and talents in life- not just for us to have a happy life and to live comfortable...but so that we can share these gifts and blessings with others! That's basically what Jesus did with His life on earth...He lived in order to share His life with others. Still, I know that he was a carpentar and that he had tasks and chores to do and had times in his life where He wasn't performing miracles and going great things...and that was still a part of God's plan for His life on earth.
So it is, that I am trying to strike balance and find the place where I feel I am being used if that is what I can be/do, and still have energy and be to my family and self all that God has for me right here- right now.
I wrote a short response in a post on my design team message board that fits with what I am saying here. It goes back to my 'personal enrichment challenge' that I made to myself back in January this year. Here is a portion of that-
"I have been praying about living as a sacrifice-specifially- this year. Sort of as my personal enrichment challenge instead of a New Year's resoution. God keeps convicting me. And challenging me. And I am feeling like I just don't measure up!Your post makes me step back and see- that yes, God can use us even when we don't know it- in ways we may never know. BUT, I still feel like I need to do more. Give more. I listened to a message about 'being Jesus' to children specifically the other night. And it hit me. I haven't had to 'touch someone dirty' or 'love someone unlovely' or even step outside my comfort zone in a long time. That's sad. Sad that I haven't been living 'hard enough'. Sad that I am 'happy' being comfortable. Sad that I live a sheltered life, when people all over the world are living with pain and hurt. Just wanted to know that this post has 'convicted me' and made me want to step it up and do something more for someone that needs Jesus in their life too.I'd love prayer for me as I seek to follow my heart and God's leading in this way. And cI hallenge others here to do the same. Love someone who needs it. Not because it's easy or because they are lovely. But simply because He loved US all so much."
Truly, I need prayers and would love for some of you to offer your own words to me as to how you strike that balance in life- that of living life in your own little world....and yet finding ways to 'step outside of it' to do more for others. I've mentioned I'm no Mother Theresa. But I do know that I have so much...that others sacrifice so much...and that I should be doing more. As in Schindler's List. You can give and do and be so much to others...and yet in your heart you know you could be doing more.
THAT is what I am wondering {and praying} about right now. Deep thoughts, I suppose...but thoughts that could have lifelong impacts- for me & others.
{If you want to offer some insights outside of the comments here, feel free to email me at nitty.grittyjody@yahoo.com } Thanks!