No better place to be...

...than wrapped in the arms of the one in whom you feel loved and secure. I had to pick and choose from all the pictures I have in which Bella and Chip are sharing hugs, rubbing noses and sharing their love. The ones posted her are a snippet of all the hugs these two have shared in just under 5 years. =)

I think I've shared this story here before, but it's one that I don't mind repeating. After Teagan died and life just held heartache and brokenness for Chip and me, I prayed and cried every single day that God would give us Teagan back, or turn back time and have life happen differently for us on the day of July 29, 2001. There was such a void in our lives without Teagan's laughter and singing and excitement around our house. But I think what I craved most were her tight hugs and her unconditional love. She especially poured it on thick for Chip, but it was evident and felt to all of us who were privileged to have shared time with her in life. Her hugs were tight, her love was innocent and sincere.

Although we never planned on having kids after our tragedy, God had other ideas for us. In fact, we would lose Teagan and have Isabella all within a year's time. When Isabella was born, my heart was still aching with grief from Teagan's death, and with the daily challenges and hurts we were living with and beginning to realize their lasting impacts from day to day. I know I had concerns at how I'd be as a mother at this point in time, and with all the issues and 'scars' Chip and me and Brock and Wyndham had. We weren't exactly the perfect choice to welcome a newborn into our lives...yet it happened. I thank God for the way He chooses to work at times- even when those plans don't make sense to me in the least. Including the death of one little girl and the birth of another.

I would never claim that Teagan could be replaced in our hearts and lives, nor would I ever suggest that Bella or Ava or anyone else is her replacement. But I do know that God heard my cries and although He didn't give us Teagan back, He has filled our hearts with peace and comfort and has given us the gifts of Bella and Ava- and their presence has given us reason for much joy in life.

As you can see from these pictures, Isabella has a lot of love and laughter to share. She has a lot of spunk and energy and somehow got the same ability to give the tightest hugs around the neck- much the same way that Teagan did. It's no surprise to me that she was awarded the character quality of 'loving' at preschool earlier this year. It's no surprise to me that she dotes on Chip the way she does. She is all about wearing her heart on her sleeve, and making sure that she never misses an opportunity to give or get hugs and love.

These pictures and my thoughts this week have cemented in my heart and mind just how much a Daddy's love matters to their kids. And how much it hurts when it's not given or received. When I was in jr. high I kept a small notebook for myself, and just recently I read through its pages. Some of my thoughts made me laugh- to read them now. But one of the things I had written resonated with me; it was a list of "Things to remember should I ever have kids". Among the things on that list was the statement, "Never stop showing your love to them- even if they act like they don't want it in their life".

I am happy that the love and hugs and affection come easily and are obvious in our kids' lives right now. I know that I was fortunate to have love expressed to me all the time when I was a kid. But I am also aware that time can change and hormones and puberty happen and that love sometimes is hard to do- even among those you love most. I know that Chip is making a point to model his love and share his time and attention with all of our kids...and even though they're young, I know it is rubbing off on them and shaping their image and self-worth. I hope that together, we will be an example, not of perfection and ease of parenting, but of people who love and care and seek to be a haven of safety and unconditional love. The world is full of places for kids to find hurt and to not feel as though they are 'good enough' or worth time and affection. I hope that Chip and I can offer something different...I hope our kids grow up to feel that truly, there is no better place to be than surrounded by love and security.

For now, I continue to take notes on how to constantly be a better person and parent. And I hope that, along with Chip, our kids and people around us will know that loving others isn't always easy...but it is always enough- and it always has deep, lasting rewards. For everyone touched by love.